http://boards.elsaelsa.com/ ElsaElsa Boards Topic: Saturn in Libra: Divorced Parents Sabotaging Each Other With Their Kids en Mon, 15 Mar 2010 13:28:11 +0000 http://boards.elsaelsa.com/topic/saturn-in-libra-divorced-parents-sabotaging-each-other-with-their-kids#post-28222 Wed, 04 Nov 2009 16:50:59 +0000 Jessica 28222@http://boards.elsaelsa.com/ <p>Awesome LisLioness (and goddess and everyone), stepmothers have a special place in my heart because I have a great one. I always kind of pictured myself as one, but no takers yet.</p> <p>I wanted to say that I have more than heard stories - I think 100% of the time, the actions of the alienating parent backfire.&nbsp; Kids always grow up and always resent the parent(s) that did wrong.&nbsp; I'm not totally alienated from my mother but I do resent her attempt to block my relationship with my dad, and friends my age feel the same, everything on a scale up to no longer having a relationship with the alienating parent.&nbsp; I think that's related to Elsa talking about paying for your actions (about a Saturn cycle later).&nbsp; However, there is no payback for the child, they lose out on those relationships with a parent no matter what. :( </p> <p>&nbsp;</p> http://boards.elsaelsa.com/topic/saturn-in-libra-divorced-parents-sabotaging-each-other-with-their-kids#post-28202 Wed, 04 Nov 2009 14:43:01 +0000 LisLioness 28202@http://boards.elsaelsa.com/ <p>I'm a stepmother.&nbsp; I've read so many horror stories on stepmothering boards over the years.&nbsp; It's unthinkable what people will do to get revenge on their ex for leaving them or calling bullshit on the games they're playing.</p> <p>It's nothing but a big control issue.&nbsp; Divorce spins your life totally out of control.&nbsp;&nbsp;Since control freaks are the most affected by it, they continue playing games to get back the control they feel they lost.&nbsp; They don't think it's wrong to drag kids into it, because that's one of the ultimate forms of control.&nbsp; If you have a kid with someone, you're never going to fully amputate them from your life.&nbsp; Control freaks know this and play it up to the max.</p> <p>Makes me kind of glad that the mother in our situation, who is an Aries, was so immersed in her own messed-up life that she never bothered us.&nbsp; The flip, and bad, side was that she was never there for her kid (my stepson, who I have a great relationship with, and who's now 18) when he was growing up.</p> <p>Maybe, though, with Saturn going through Libra, these people are going to be forced to take responsibility for their actions and will have to work hard to fix the damage they did.&nbsp; I've seen stories where the actions of the alienating parent completely backfired when the kids saw through what they were doing. </p> http://boards.elsaelsa.com/topic/saturn-in-libra-divorced-parents-sabotaging-each-other-with-their-kids#post-27951 Tue, 03 Nov 2009 05:57:53 +0000 PixieDust 27951@http://boards.elsaelsa.com/ <p>Parents who use their kids like that should burn in hell, if there is such a place, or meet horrible terrible misfortune on earth. I think actually the &quot;here on earth&quot; is preferable, because at least we get the satisfaction of justice being served and an example for others to learn from. </p> <p>I used to think I was a nice pacific Scorpio who could wait for divine/cosmic justice to be meted out. I think I'm getting old and can't wait. I want it HERE and NOW. </p> <p>(where's the little devil emoticon when you need it??)&nbsp; <img src="/my-plugins/tinymce/jscripts/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/images/icon_razz.gif" /></p> http://boards.elsaelsa.com/topic/saturn-in-libra-divorced-parents-sabotaging-each-other-with-their-kids#post-27940 Tue, 03 Nov 2009 05:12:55 +0000 wyrdling 27940@http://boards.elsaelsa.com/ <p>i hate watching adults use children as pawns in their ego games. though, iguess, divorced or together, those games would go on regardless.&nbsp; but it's easier to manipulate a child when you have them all to yourself, i guess....</p> <p>the degree of pain here is palpable... and teling... but i'm not sure what it's telling.&nbsp; except that it's really really easy for parents to project things onto children.&nbsp; and they tend to stick in terribly damaging ways....</p> http://boards.elsaelsa.com/topic/saturn-in-libra-divorced-parents-sabotaging-each-other-with-their-kids#post-27916 Tue, 03 Nov 2009 00:02:24 +0000 Liz 27916@http://boards.elsaelsa.com/ <p>I have a fairly idealistic view of men having very good role models in my father, brother and uncles.. but my sister's ex is a horror story. They are going through a divorce having owned a home together and having a 7 year old son. The son is exposed to violence and so much crap that he can't sleep through the night. His brother and him watched &quot;the unborn&quot; and his brother insists he's been possessed. It sickened me to watch how adamant he was that the stories he was telling me were true. As his aunt I hope I helped by telling him he wasn't going to convince me - rather than trying to tell him he was wrong or his brother or father were wrong - but rather to help him sort through what was real and what was stories and what was maybe true and what was energy. Try to keep some maybe in there. He's a taurus with saturn in gemini. I can relate to his love of stories. My mother used to tell me these things were true and it kind of messed me up. Wish she had helped me sort through what was true for ME. Moon in gemini and north node in sag.</p> <p>His dad is a sag with saturn in pisces, pluto in virgo, venus and mars in capricorn and capricorn ruling his 12th. I believe he has an ideal of parenting based on being in control passed on from his father rather than understanding that his responsibility is to retreat and have faith. The world works for him when he channels everything into his art. He's a gifted painter. Right now he's an abusive control freak. He played nice with my sister to get a gun licence - for rifles at his dad's home - and is back to being the demon from hell when dealing with her. Until now she's been committed to sharing custody but he's not chilling out so is considering going for sole. It's sad. Wish he could see that all he has to do is shut-the-fuck-up and keep his 7 year old from being over-exposed to violence. Is it so hard?? And it all started because he thought the solution to their financial tightness was to pressure her into giving up her career ambitions and take a job at walmart. She now has a job with the government where they are trying to figure out a promotion for her, a boyfriend.. and enough money for sole support.</p> <p>Really sad to hear the stories on here. ((Jessica, Goddess)).&nbsp;</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> http://boards.elsaelsa.com/topic/saturn-in-libra-divorced-parents-sabotaging-each-other-with-their-kids#post-27889 Mon, 02 Nov 2009 21:41:15 +0000 Jessica 27889@http://boards.elsaelsa.com/ <p>Dorothy, there's that, too, ugh.</p> <p>I guess an important question would be.... why do men and women hate each other so much?&nbsp; Like, it's the end of the world to just not be together anymore? </p> http://boards.elsaelsa.com/topic/saturn-in-libra-divorced-parents-sabotaging-each-other-with-their-kids#post-27880 Mon, 02 Nov 2009 20:40:50 +0000 Dorothy 27880@http://boards.elsaelsa.com/ <p>I know divorces can be really ugly, and I have seen some pretty bad ones, but people staying together who hate each other's gutts, well that is awful as well.&nbsp; My husband's brother FINALLY got&nbsp;a divorce - he had one of the most fucked-up marriages I have ever been witness to in my life.&nbsp; And they have a son, and they fucked him up pretty good with all of the venom they constantly spewed back and forth to each other.&nbsp; I doubt this kid will ever have a normal adult relationship - he never saw one, that is for damn sure. </p> http://boards.elsaelsa.com/topic/saturn-in-libra-divorced-parents-sabotaging-each-other-with-their-kids#post-27868 Mon, 02 Nov 2009 19:00:42 +0000 user 27868@http://boards.elsaelsa.com/ <p>Goddess, that is horrible. Really unfair, to say the least. :-(</p> <p>I know a divorcing couple that are sabotaging each other on Facebook right now. And their kids are on Facebook and can read all of this. I couldn't friend them because the whole issue made me ill.</p> http://boards.elsaelsa.com/topic/saturn-in-libra-divorced-parents-sabotaging-each-other-with-their-kids#post-27844 Mon, 02 Nov 2009 16:19:12 +0000 Jessica 27844@http://boards.elsaelsa.com/ <p>goddess, I am so sorry.&nbsp; I'm so sad it's had such a direct impact on the kids' ability to be happy/functional as adults. <img src="/my-plugins/tinymce/jscripts/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/images/icon_sad.gif" /></p> <p>Thank you, thank you, opal and kachina.&nbsp; My son is just tiny but it has actually made me glad lately when my son gets on the phone with his dad, and talks excitedly to him about everything that's going on, and is open about what we do together, because then I know he feels comfortable and isn't feeling responsible for &quot;shielding&quot; me from his relationship with his dad.&nbsp; Because he knows I'm 100% for it. &nbsp; </p> <p>It stings a little when he refuses to talk to me when I call his dad's house, but I can get over that part.&nbsp; I just feel sad because I think he's protecting his dad - he knows how upset his dad gets over everything, and I'm sad to think a little 3-yr-old feels guilty for caring about both parents. </p> http://boards.elsaelsa.com/topic/saturn-in-libra-divorced-parents-sabotaging-each-other-with-their-kids#post-27832 Mon, 02 Nov 2009 14:58:29 +0000 goddess 27832@http://boards.elsaelsa.com/ <p>i wish this wasn't as familiar a topic as it is to me.</p> <p>my husband had custody of his two small children from his first marriage when we got hooked up. she'd gotten a quickie divorce so she could move in with her boss. didn't want to be bothered with motherhood. that is, until i was in the picture. </p> <p>in the five years we had custody, did backflips to walk that line between honest and never badmouthing the ex or interfering in the kids' relationship with her during the periods she was interested in it.i felt like it was the right thing to do but it bit us in the ass in some ways, 'cause bio-mom was on the other side working it the whole time.</p> <p>she took them for an overnight visit and didn't bring them back one time and this landed us in the last round, where eventually, her efforts and the new husband's much deeper pockets won out and we lost custody amidst lots of lies and rehearsing the kids to claim i abused them (in exchange for a promised trip to Disneyland). it was pretty much horrific and devastating to all of us - especially my daughter who was 4 at the time and lost her siblings in one fell swoop.&nbsp; the kids were moved out of state and the ex did everything within her power to sever our connections and sabotage any promise of us having a relationship with those kids, past, present or future. we found out later they were told they were unloved and unwanted by us and she'd hid the fact we'd tried to remain in contact. </p> <p>The kids are all grown up now, and pretty well screwed up from what I can tell. Relationship troubles, history of substance abuse and personality disorders, at least in the aftermath I know about. We've attempted relationships at various points with varying (and painful) results.&nbsp; I question whether or not we'll ever be able to have a healthy connection to them.</p>