ElsaElsa Boards Topic: Saturn Return and intimate relationship

ElsaElsa Boards Topic: Saturn Return and intimate relationship http://boards.elsaelsa.com/ ElsaElsa Boards Topic: Saturn Return and intimate relationship en Fri, 30 Jul 2010 12:26:10 +0000 Liz on "Saturn Return and intimate relationship" http://boards.elsaelsa.com/topic/saturn-return-and-intimate-relationship#post-52835 Sat, 27 Mar 2010 07:46:18 +0000 Liz 52835@http://boards.elsaelsa.com/ I learned a lot from elsa when I first asked for her opinion back after my saturn return about letting my ex ex go.. in that how I thought and talked about him was not love. I did not love him. I mean I thought I loved him and I did for a bit.. but not true love.. real love where you love them unconditionally which includes letting them go. And getting to this point involves loving yourself enough to enter the relationship (or fix the relationship) as you go along.. it means being there for them when you know it will aid them and the relationship, walking or pulling away when to stay would mean the death of one or both. So my next relationship i did the right work and it was wonderful. But had to leave because i want to have kids and he didn't due to being too old. I still love/care for him..it's the same. His pic on Facebook makes me smile.  Once I'm ready to be friends (and mean it) then I plan/hope on reconnecting. With my ex ex it was my saturn return and i was scared that if i went after what i wanted and stopped putting energy into the relationship it would go.. and it did.. i stopped "caring" about him in a disfunctional way and he looked for my replacement. With my ex the structure has changed.. and although I feel he is hurt by my unexpected choices (at least to him) by moving out of the city and not being able to call him on his bday - to me it doesn't change the core. I'll always love/care for the stubborn/independent SOB! And hope to find another who will do this journey with me. So i think if you are thinking about the other too much then it's out of wack and there isn't enough self-love going on. And i think that if you are thinking about what they are giving you and judging it then you don't love them. If you move in between then it's good.. because it means there is real love going on and a dance of balance which is really what love AND maintaining a relationship over time is all about.   segurelha on "Saturn Return and intimate relationship" http://boards.elsaelsa.com/topic/saturn-return-and-intimate-relationship#post-52829 Sat, 27 Mar 2010 04:58:04 +0000 segurelha 52829@http://boards.elsaelsa.com/ Dear Gloria, I also feel this way. Often! I am in a very worthy relationship,but sometimes I feel that there could be something better. Well I am a Sagittarius, and you know how much searching for greener pastures we are. But I remain faithful. The question is: we must find fullfilling inside. There will be never a relationship that will fullfill us completely (this is my 8th house Saturn return in Libra). Never.  We must find the love within ourseves. And we can share it with the other. Sometimes relationship will eventually break up even if it is 30 years down the road. It's life. We are here to learn and experience love. Not to hold or break relationships. If you break, you may find the same pattern again. If you stay, you will have the deal with the pattern. The issue is within us, not in the next one. In my own case, I remain in my relationship. However, I can feel sometimes lack of sexual fullfillment. What would I do? If I get into another relationship, another set of problems will appear, and you depending on another to solve your own problem. Ask yourself these questions: Do you want more adventure in your life? Why not travelling or going to some more parties? Do you want better sex? Do you want more caring and support? Is your daily life not fullfilling? Can't you feel love towards your current partner? What can you do to increase the feeling of love and self-fullfilling? You can provide yourself all these needs, without needing to find a specific partner. But it is in sharing with another that lies a great fullfilment. wonderingair on "Saturn Return and intimate relationship" http://boards.elsaelsa.com/topic/saturn-return-and-intimate-relationship#post-26937 Tue, 27 Oct 2009 00:10:02 +0000 wonderingair 26937@http://boards.elsaelsa.com/ *Having the hard time letting go because I keep asking whether it would be the right thing - to lose a man who really loves me, and go off in a search (which Im not motvated to do at all) of love with someone else - so daunting...but I also feel like I cannot do less than that. I feel like I need real love, whatever that means.  Like someone mentioned on a post here, when she met her husband, it felt like coming home. wonderingair on "Saturn Return and intimate relationship" http://boards.elsaelsa.com/topic/saturn-return-and-intimate-relationship#post-26936 Tue, 27 Oct 2009 00:07:50 +0000 wonderingair 26936@http://boards.elsaelsa.com/ I am really feeling this post - its hitting all of my buttons. I still keep in touch with my ex, who I left and am very happy with my decision to move out on my own. I think that was a huge pivotal point in my life - because I too am a people pleaser and act nice, when underneath I am really full of feelings that are opposite, kind of nudging, that I dont want to be this way, etc... I have a hard time with him now because he is telling me that he wants a future with me, and he wants all these things I want...but when I ask myself if I want him, I get numb. I really have a hard time saying no to him...I feel like Im playing some game. But I just cant let him go - he understands me so well, and even though Ive treated him not so well on some occasions, he still sticks by to work it out and understand why Im doing this - and I feel it helps me be more aware of my negative patterns, or my shadow. Im having a hard time really, really letting him go. Maybe I should contact Elsa :) satori on "Saturn Return and intimate relationship" http://boards.elsaelsa.com/topic/saturn-return-and-intimate-relationship#post-18308 Thu, 03 Sep 2009 12:53:01 +0000 satori 18308@http://boards.elsaelsa.com/ I like what everyone has to say here and I think that if a person wants a relationship they should work really hard on the one they have... buuuuuuuuuut... in regard to your core question:  on my first saturn return I left my partner because I really wanted to get married and have kids and that was not what he wanted.  I loved him very much and he loved me too but we wanted different things.  it was so very difficult and we both missed each other.  but he went on to be a successful nature photographer and I went on to have two more children.   Gloria on "Saturn Return and intimate relationship" http://boards.elsaelsa.com/topic/saturn-return-and-intimate-relationship#post-18226 Thu, 03 Sep 2009 00:45:05 +0000 Gloria 18226@http://boards.elsaelsa.com/ p.s i can relate to all of you on everything you've mentioned here. i feel so NOT alone. Thank you so much everyone! Gloria on "Saturn Return and intimate relationship" http://boards.elsaelsa.com/topic/saturn-return-and-intimate-relationship#post-18225 Thu, 03 Sep 2009 00:43:42 +0000 Gloria 18225@http://boards.elsaelsa.com/ Hey guys! Thank you soooo much for all your comments!!  I haven't had a chance to read all the comments till now because I pulled a 12 hour day today. I just want to at least say thank you to all for now and I'll come back here to comment tomorrow. It's been a really crazy day at work and on the road. i almost got attacked. But I am okay, so I just have to thank my lucky stars. Maybe it's the full moon? Goodbye for now.  SaDiablo on "Saturn Return and intimate relationship" http://boards.elsaelsa.com/topic/saturn-return-and-intimate-relationship#post-18224 Thu, 03 Sep 2009 00:11:13 +0000 SaDiablo 18224@http://boards.elsaelsa.com/ "find a way to talk about things before it is too late. I wish so much my ex had spoken to me while fixing the problem was still a possibility." Seconded, by someone who's been on the opposite side.  If it's been basically good in those three years, then I see no reason to just chuck it.  At least talk about what you're feeling and see where things stand after that.  Your partner may surprise you.  (((Gloria)))  I hope things work out amicably, either way. PS:  (((kash))) dolce on "Saturn Return and intimate relationship" http://boards.elsaelsa.com/topic/saturn-return-and-intimate-relationship#post-18097 Wed, 02 Sep 2009 13:00:52 +0000 dolce 18097@http://boards.elsaelsa.com/ Speaking as someone who went through something similar, I agree with what everyone here posted.  Asking for what you need is essential.  Also feeling like you deserve it.  I personally was raised to be a people pleaser - polite, accomodating, etc.  So in intimate relationships I often felt like I was always giving.  I don't know how much that is the case for you, but for me it was too much. At one point I just left.  (Objectively I could have stayed and worked it out and so on, but that wasn't the only problem in that relationship.) I think the hardest thing for you, if you were going to break this pattern, would be for your partner to get used to the change in you.  But if you really love him and want to stick with him, talking to him about all of this is a good start, like user said, and he should want to help you so that you get your needs met.  If not, then that's a whole nother story. Anonymous on "Saturn Return and intimate relationship" http://boards.elsaelsa.com/topic/saturn-return-and-intimate-relationship#post-18081 Wed, 02 Sep 2009 11:40:18 +0000 Anonymous 18081@http://boards.elsaelsa.com/ I hate to say it but I did feel at times, starved for love and care in the final year or two of my relationship. The feeling would be fleeting but it would always, always return. The element of mutuality and having a relationship based upon it felt to be entirely out of my grasp. I think you already know that my partner left me. I found some solace from a consultation with Elsa. I was lamenting his lack of care etc. and she helped me see that I was barking up the wrong tree. NOT because I wanted the kind of connection that I wanted, but because I was looking for it with a person who simply couldn't participate in it, in the way I wanted. So in a way, it was about my expectations. I remember saying "well who is going to want me like this, then, because I'll be a liability to anyone." Her response was clarifying: "Someone different"--or something like that. I have been dating someone for the last few weeks and it's hard--it's hard because I'm being treated the way I wished my ex had treated me. So there is the whole issue of being adored in a way I've only dreamed of...to find that it makes me feel uncomfortable. Simply put, I am NOT USED to this kind of ---for lack of a better word, seeing we're only dating---love. I have Moon/Pluto/Venus t-square and am used to being ignored, not adored. It worked well for a time, because I'm incredibly independent...so I chose men who would respect my space, only to have them emotionally distant.  Gloria, I'm so sorry because reading your words of "feeling starved" --I just relate to that so much. My ex was very, very good to me in so many ways. But we just had so many hardships (of a practical variety). For one year (the year he was off work after a catastrophic accident) we bonded like never before, but he drifted away from me, further and further until finally it was done. In a way I know that he set me free, because I never would have left him. And I have the opportunity to grow from this. But the loss that we couldn't make it work is enormous and I feel I will never get over it. Being left is hideous.  Anyway I'm sorry if this isn't helpful to your problem, but your words of feelings starved really hit a nerve. I have Chiron in Taurus, too, square my 8th House Saturn. To sum up: -if the feeling repeats, pay closer attention. -find a way to talk about things before it is too late. I wish so much my ex had spoken to me while fixing the problem was still a possibility.