So, it's come up on the boards and the theme seems to be relevant in my everyday life. let's talk about it.

Frankly, it's easier for me to stomach seeing a woman with a man who is a few years older than her. I'm gauging that at 10 years, maybe? I dated a guy once who was 12 years older than me and we got along well. Didn't get too many odd reactions. Wasn't uncomfortable.

A woman my age has asked my son out. That's a nearly 20 year age difference and it creeped me out. Obviously. I had a long talk with him about it in discouragement. He agreed. But, he is a guy. You know? Sometimes the brain is overruled.

Then, my best friend tells me she has a young man a year older than my son who is hitting on her. I joke with her about it, but my stomach is turning.

It's just not as easy for me to see an older woman with a younger man. I think women should be smarter than that for one thing. LOL. I mean, it's hard enough to find a "mature" man in your OWN age group. But sometimes women allow their minds to be overruled as well.

What are your thoughts about this stuff?

Yeah, it seems weird.

It's not for me but I have absolutely seen people be very happy in relationships with a huge age difference (20 years) so take this case by case.   There is such a thing as an odd pairing that is meant to be for sure.

Does it often work with the male being younger? I don't know why I have such a hard time with that. Maybe it's because of my kids. IDK.

It creeps me out whether it be older man-younger woman or older woman-younger man.

I once dated a guy six months younger than me and even that was a bit much :P

I know, Ox is 11 months younger than me and he took flack for marrying an older woman. Which we laughed about but, honestly, I'd rather not think about it because it's one of my least favorite facts about our relationship.

Matter of fact, I know of a couple who are 27 years apart. They're both uncomfortable but it's clear to me they're meant.  They make each other happy! They feel good together, they go to church together - he cares for her, she cares for him. They make each others lives. 

Even my hard ass husband agrees with me on this - around this couple. He says sometimes God does strange things and from my perspective, this is undeniable.

Er... I have a 7th house Uranus which may explain my acceptance of this but seriously, I have known couples where there is no question at all but that they belong together.

Hey, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be!

There is a big age difference between my Dad and StepMother and they are happy. She is 4 years older than me. I didn't like it at first. But, they've been together for 15 years now or more..so..they are doing something right.

But, had my mom married someone that much younger, I probably would have freaked. I guess I'm prejudiced in that regard. If it works, then it works. Yet, I cannot bring myself to recommend it to my friend or my son.

It's not about age it's about chemistry and maturity. My friends are dating much older and much younger. In this day and age it doesn't matter. What matters if the relationship works.

Everyone has different wants, needs and likings. Some people hate mixed race couples and thinks this is gross. Its the same with age.

I dated younger.. and for me it's the maturation point of 29 that matters. If the men have crossed it then it has a chance. I've dated older (25 yrs) and it was ok.. but a lot of people weren't ok with it.. including him if we got looks at the grocery store. What kept us from being the one were practical reasons and he was a practical guy. BUT I also know they weren't "the one" - there were points where it stopped working which is normal for a lot of people.

I know of one older woman/younger man that totally worked out. A friend's parents. I think the mom was 10 years older. Met and married when he was in his early 20s and she was in her early 30s. They had a brief falling out due a family issue but eventually reunited.. and right now are travelling together - she's now 77 and he's now 67.

Pairings of any type with large age gaps make me uncomfortable. At the same time, I understand that life experiences and other factors can affect a person's maturity. My sister - who is 11 years younger than I am - is very mature for her age, and finds it hard to relate to anyone around her age. She mostly dates older guys, and her current is closer to my age. It makes us both a little uncomfortable (I'm half a mother figure to her), but we also both know she really doesn't have much of a choice in her dating pool.

As for me, it's awkward being in my early 30's and divorced. Guys my age are married, or have issues, or are are looking for women my sister's age. *rolls eyes* As uncomfortable as it makes me, I think I might have to start shooting for guys in their 40's. One of my own personal issues is that I have a hard time thinking of older people as sexual. I've even joked that I'm not going think of myself having sex when I'm older! Saturn square Venus, I know it's an issue I need to address.

@ Liz, yeah, the part about 29 makes sense. My son is 20 and the other manchild in question is 21. My reaction would be less if they were above 29, I think

This has happened a lot in my family.  My brother has consistenly dated and married women who were 10+ years older than he is.  One of my ex co workers was married for 20+ years to guy a guy much younger than her - they have three children. That was a few years ago- they are still married.  One guy I used to talk to had an employee in her 30s dating a guy who was 23. I met a guy at the vet who was married for 10 years to a woman 15 years older than he was.  Then there is Dr. Betty Dodson, who met a 20 year old when she ws 70 something.  They were together for a long time.  Broke up and now are kind of back together again.  My mother has been pursued by men who are 10-20 years younger than she is.

Stuff happens. Its not me - not my business. Whatever makes two consenting adults happy.

I've dated an age range of about 15 years in both directions.  Honestly, I was a bit uncomfortable when my engineer boy was 19 and I was 33, but we got around it.  (He's one of my Tribe, I'm sure I have mentioned.)  I dated a guy a couple years younger than my Pop, and he (the man, AND my Pop) was uncomfortable about it, but I wasn't.

As to the appeal of a 40ish woman and a much younger man - I don't really have to explain that whole sexual peak thing, do I?  No, I didn't think so.  Also some women are really self sufficient, and aren't always looking for a partner in the sense of let's build a life together and settle down and make babies.  It just depends on the situation.

Josi, I believe that for you, a lot of it comes from you having a son that's 20.  I really do.  And I think that's perfectly natural and expected even.  Truly, I hope you aren't too hard on yourself about this.  I admire you broaching the topic and asking the uncomfortable questions.

I find it interesting that men under 29 I now think of as kids. I'm 37 and wanting to settle down. They don't reach the libido.

Although when I was 26 I started dating the ex ex who was 18 at the time. I was happy when he crossed to 19 because then it didn't seem so creepy. We came to blows as I hit my saturn return and he didn't.. actually he hit his uranus squar uranus and we didn't survive it. I'm curious to know him now as he's finishing up his saturn return.. but not really.

I now think it hot to sleep with men my age or up.. up to about 9 years older. That's the gap for my mom and dad. Juuuust enough maturity without being held back by it.

Back when I was "on the meat market" (aka: dating sites) , I was always suspicious of 20-somethings responding to my ads. Obviously to me , if you can't respect the guidelines the person set.... then it means you're after "something else".

These days , I gotta agree with the "maturity level" Sunny and others have spoke about. Women just seem to be more mature at a younger age than men their same age. ((Hmmm.... might explain why they get Grey hairs earlier))

Me?  I'm kinda torn about dating someone 15yrs or more younger. On one hand , I crave good looks (my Scorpio energies).... but on the other hand , I demand maturity (my Virgo energies).  Perhaps I'll find my lucky lady someday.... and I'm certain she will have a higher IQ than me (which isn't so bad after all).

I get grossed out if one person could have been the parent of the other person. But deep down I really just want someone who is within a year of my age. One of my exes was 8 years old and that was weird. I also personally broke him of dating young'uns again :P

I'm 57.  On monday I had lunch with my youngest girlfriend (27) and dinner with my oldest girlfriend (64).  Until her death 6 years ago my oldest girlfriend was in her mid 80's....So to me age is not a big deal.  I like you..you like me...it's cool.

My last serious relationship was with a man 13 years younger and we were together almost 5 years.  My reasons for ending the relationship had nothing to do with our ages.  But I also could see that it would take a stronger love for us to still be together when I'm 63 and he is just turning 50.  The man I'm seeing now is one year younger and so far we get along great.

All that said...I have a 26 year old son and if he brought a 46 year old woman home for dinner I would be very concerned and would have to ask her about her "intentions"

In my case, I am a very old soul stuffed into a young body, and I've dated a man that was 17 yrs older than me (26 to his 43), and it was perfect. It probably sounds odd, but I considered a man who was 42 once, and he made me feel so old, and world weary. I wanted to pat him on the head, and say, "aww, that's so cute, my young friend." I don't think he would have understood. ;)

But it's been my experience that straight men under the age of 43 many times either make me feel backwards for having no interest in their quarter life crisis's needs for a regular wife, two kids, and a picket fence. Or I feel old, and realize they are too 'young' for me in many ways.

I have an IQ around 140, and apparently that combined my striking looks make me way to strong of a challenge for men around my age to rise to, um, intelligently, and with a sense of honor.

I wouldn't rule a man out that was nearer to my own age, but so far? it's just not happening. They're like puppies that can't settle down, and I need a calm, steady male presence, not an immature snob. Men under the age of 43 usually don't have the kind of calm confident masculine presence to be with me. Or the ability to put their partners needs before their own (ego) like I do. I'm mutable, I need some steadiness to help my fixed rising sign feel secure enough to come out and play.

It's been a slightly saddening realization and truth to consider that I'm too 'old', smart, Uranian, and pretty for most men to handle all at once. Le sigh....sadness.

Men that are much older, and calm make me feel young, and I think all my Saturn loves that feeling greatly. I need a wider age gap than most in order to feel like my truly spazzy Gemini self, and play, and crack double meaning innocent eyed jokes I know are purely evil, and tease him, and pounce with little warning. Okay--I'll give him some warning. A small kitty growl, and my eyes going blacker than usual. ; )

As for older women and younger men, I don't see anything wrong with it so long as they both go into it with eyes wide open. After thirty, I feel like a man can date whoever he wants, so long as it's legal. *shrug*

Venus/Saturn.

Moon/Saturn.

SN/MC/Juno in Capricorn.

I agree with what Sunny said in post #11.  I would think that if they were both past their saturn return, I could see it working (either way).  But have seen both work even before.  To each his own :)
Angie

Well I have dated older but mostly younger men. It has ranged from 4-9 years younger than me. My husband is 8 years younger than me. We started dating when I was 36 and he was 28. We have been together for 8 years now.

Age is meaningless to me now. the first man I had a pash on was a glamorous friend of my parents! I started having relationships with older men in my mid twenties - it was the sixties and men my own age seemed incredibly immature and irresponsible to this triple Cap. Older men had been through WWII and they were REALLY different - there was a huge gulf.

In one of the most fulfilling affairs I ever had, with the Italian, there was a gap of 19yrs and 3 months. I held my own, just about ;)  The Artist was a few years older than that - I was in truth quite intimidated by him which is prob why I never fell in love with him.

A six year age gap seems like nothing to me. The Man, whom I was seeing on and off for 13 yers, is ten years younger than me (9yrs 6 months in fact). I was always aware of it - and how he 'used' it lol - but he's more than a match for me: he's very sophisticated and almost all his close friends are much older than him. Most of those are rich and famous, and very successful. So age doesn't always signify much.

I used to get hit on by much younger men - even in their twenties - all through my forties and fifties and even into my sixties. I think ten years younger is about as far as I'd go now, though; but not from any principle: I just can't see myself relating enough to anyone that much younger, to share my bed.

As for older... I'm 66 and the Man is now the joint-oldest man I've had sex with - in 2010 he was 54. The Artist was 54 when we last got together too iirc, and the Italian was c52 - I was around 31/32 then

I know a lot of marriages with big age gaps which have worked, inc one of a Scorp woman (old school friend) with a man 20yrs younger. That does gross me out, but only because he's such a creep!

ETA  Like Daisy, I have women friends from all age groups too - but many more much older (men friends too, though almost all of them are dead now)

regarding the saturn return:  I met my ex during my saturn return and he was 7 years younger, and there was nooooo problem there at all.  It's the longest and best overall relationship I've ever had and I do know it will be hard to find a fit like that again.

Now that I think of it, my other live in relationship was with a guy who must have been having his saturn return when we met, and *I* was 8 years younger.  Interesting...

Anyway, I don't see any issues at all with big age differences on a case by case basis - I'm with elsa on this one completely.  If you make each other happy you make each other happy.  This is a rare and beautiful thing so age is nothing to split hairs about.

the only time I am troubled is when a person ONLY has interest in people far outside their age group.  ick.

My personal barometer runs about 10 years on either side of my age.  I do find it creepy to think of dating someone young enough to be my son or old enough to be my dad, but honestly, I've met 20 somethings who made me think I could get past that pretty easily, as they were just special, interesting and "full" people in their own right.  I also recently met a man who could (technically) be old enough to be my dad, and I was surprised to find him really and truly rather hot! So one never knows.

age, schmage.

My ex was almost 18 years older. My fiance is 9 years older. My first boyfriend was 5 years older. I always fell for guys my age and they were never interested. EVER.

I never wanted to be with an older man; it just happened. No men my age expressed interest in me, until I was 30 or so and by then I was in a committed relationship.

All I know is that in my 20s (before my 2nd long term relationship) all I heard was how intense I was, how serious I was. How intense I was. Wash, rinse, repeat. Luckily I finally found men who liked being with an intense woman (being so themselves), and they happened to be older.

Personally I think a 20 year difference isn't so bad at like 30 or 40. But I would have some issues dating a 40 year old now. It would freak me out too!

I would date probably 12 years max older. I like older men, so I don't mind a larger age gap. Maybe 2 years younger (if they were really mature)? I have a lot of life experiences most people my age don't have so it's hard to find men my age very attractive or on the same level.

I think that it can work out between age gaps, but I think it REALLY depends on what both of them want. If they are compatible in what they want from a relationship I think it can work out.

Main reason my 9 year difference relationship didn't work out is he wanted to get married and I felt I was too young. Other than that, it was great - so I think it really depends on being on the same page.

Yeah, I think the age you begin the relationship counts. When I began dating my partner, I was 32. So him being 41 wasn't a big deal to me.

Even thinking of dating someone in their early- to mid-twenties squicks me right the fuck out, and I'm only 33.  That being said, though, I had no problems dating the guy who was 12 years older than me.  :P

I'm also of the camp that Saturn Returns seems to make a difference.  Before my Saturn return, younger peeps didn't bother me (as long as they were legal), but dating up (post SR-age) did -- even though I had plenty of guys in their late 30's / early 40's range asking me out.  Now that I'm comfortably past my SR, I don't want to date anyone under (realistically) 30.  They seem... somehow unfinished... to me.

People who don't get the same sense kind of scare me, to be quite honest.  I always wonder if there's something broken in them.  That's why large age gaps usually freak me out at first, until I get to know the people involved.

I dated a guy 3 years younger than me and it was no big deal.  I would go no more than 15 years older or younger though.

I agree with sunny - it's about chemistry and maturity.

I was 41 and dated a guy who was 12 years younger than me.  We dated off and on for 2 years.  It didn't work out in the long run but I think it worked for as long as it did because I look younger and he looks older.  We just looked like a couple!

I'm also 10 years older than my daughters' father (my ex bf). We were never suited but yea, I look younger so it gets me into trouble alot!

I also dated a guy who was 18 years older and another one 15 years older. Lived with a guy who was 9 years older than me.  None of these relationships worked out - largely because of the men feeling uncomfortable with how "young" I was compared to them.  All of them were looking for shared experience.  Sorry, I never was at Woodstock, I never wore flowers in my hair, and on and on - this bothered them!

I'm glad my current guy is my age.  It honestly is the first relationship where we are the same age.

sunnysadge "It's not about age it's about chemistry and maturity" I agree.

The love of my life was 13-1/2 years younger than me. The chemistry was off the charts, but more importantly he was an "old soul" and had a lot of life experience for someone his age. He was also advanced in his career. There was no "generation gap" and it didn't bother either of us. We also looked the same age so people were usually surprised to find out how young he was.

He has Cap Moon and Cap Rising (3 degrees from my own) and surrounded himself with older people. All his male friends were my age, his business partner was my age, etc. Other people in their '20s just weren't on his level in life and didn't interest him. Interestingly, his sister was with a man 14 years older, and his brother was with a guy 14 years older. Go figure.

age differences in a relationship are all about saturn.  at least they have been for me. 

i've had a torrid and lustfully wonderful affair with a man who was having his second saturn return as i was having my first..  but yes, there was an awkwardness to it.  he couldn't tell him friends, because they had kids i went to high school with..  i couldn't tell myu family because he was my parents age.  when it was just the two of us, it was perfect.  when we were in public i could feel people watching..  or maybe i was just very self conscious about it. 

but he taught be things that i needed to learn, and i taught him things as well...

currently i'm dating a guy who's saturn is perfectly opposite my own.  and once again, i am learning.  where with the last guy i learned how intimiate a relationship could be, with this guy i'm learning about the separateness of being a couple.. living as two rather than a single unit. 

of course, it all involves saturn, so it's not an easy lesson..  but one i know i am learning for a reason. 

truth be told i've dated guys of all ages.. and i've always been more comfortable with older men.  i tend to be embarrassed by the imaturity of younger guys (again, saturn and my cap rising).  but for a long and lasting relationship..  one that i think i could keep the rest of my life.... i don't know.  i think i will have to finish learning my lessons and then find him.. by that point, he'll be my age!!  lol