My best friend, the double Pisces, just called me to tell me her on-again, off-again boyfriend, ex-fiance, friend of 20 years killed himself today. (editing out identifying details)

She sounded just "fine" but I am absolutely sure she's not even on the same planet as "fine."  I just don't know yet what I can do for her.  I'm horrified.

Sadly and strangely, I have one other experience like this - my sister's boyfriend killed himself when they were about 20.  It's taken her more than 10 years to get to a place where that wasn't violently painful.  

Anyway, I'm just devastated for my friend.  I wonder what to do.

((jess and friend))

So so sorry.  

I send my Love. <3

Pisces Rising sending some good karma to you Jessica! And your friend's boyfriend.

so sorry to hear this jessica! sending love out to your friend.

you could check the local crisis center to see if there are any survivors of suicide support groups in the area (for friends/family).

here are some resources from a crisis center i've worked with - http://hqcc.lawrence.ks.us/Services/Suicide_Prevention/lost_someone.html

Oh, Jessica I'm so sorry for your double Pisces friend but thankful she has such a good friend in you.

You and she and everyone involved are in my prayers.

Good idea, goddess!

Thank you goddess!!  It makes *me* feel better to have some task to do so I looked up her local support chapter.  Right now I'm trying to get a hold of my sister in Mexico because I'm sure she will know the best way to take care of a survivor.

Ugh, I'm just so sad for her.

Thank you everyone else for the love, too, I'm going to try to consolidate it and channel it towards her.

So sorry!

My dad's brother killed himself the same way.

watch her (your double pisces friend).....as a double pisces myself, she is apt to blame herself...even subconsciously....and destructive paths could follow.  tell her firmly, repeatedly it wasn't her fault and refer to crisis line or counseling...or if she is reluctant, just remind her of above...and months from now when it's most open to crack open....

((((jess and friend))))

I say ditto to Goddess and Lindsey.  

Years ago a co-worker committed suicide.  We had a group counseling session.   There was so much guilt.  So many talked about what signs they'd seen after the fact. I think a lot of it was imagined.  

So, my advice is to be there and remind your friend, it's not her fault.  

I'm so sorry.

(((jessica)))

I'm so sorry. Unfortunately know too many people who have taken their lives and it is terribly sad. When I've been grieving I always remembered and appreciated the people who brought food to me, because forgetting to eat is the first thing I do. And my good friends would sit down to eat with me, too, because they knew me well enough to know that I need prompting. 

Other than that I would recommend calling, and with frequency, or emailing "Hi, just wanted to tell you I love you..."The balance between space/closeness is always a tricky one in grief, I find, but it's a balance worth seeking.

A good friend's family member committed suicide this week, unfortunately:(  

my prayers.

keep touching base.  give safe space to be, and act, and feel any way that grief will take... love.  support.

food is definitely a grand idea.

((jessica+))

I'm so sorry.  My warmest thoughts to you all.  (((jess, Pisces, kash, and kash's friend)))

I'm just wondering, does having the natal or progressed saturn conjunct one's ascendant in both cases increases the suicidal tendencies? Or does Pluto have a hand in there as well?

So sorry for your friend - that is an awful thing for anyone to have to live through.  I am sure you will be of help to her.    And Kash, I am sorry to her your sad news as well.  Sending love to all.

I'm so sorry :(

Re: the food, I find that lasagna works well. You can make a lot of it, it's nourishing, and it keeps well. Maybe even make another, unbaked one for her freezer.

We feed the grieving in my family. I think it's as much the love that goes into making the food as the actual nourishing quality of the food.

Good luck to you. 

Oh Jessica I'm so sorry for your pisces friend. That must be so hard for her. ((hugs to you both))

((Jessica))

the self-blame after losing someone to suicide is near universal, and an important point to watch - glad to see it mentioned.

also, helping with food is a great idea, perhaps errands and anything you can do to help make  her day-to-day functioning easier will most likely make a difference.

{{{{Jessica}}}}

I wish I could help her out in person, but she's long-distance from me.  I'm trying to get her a plane ticket to come visit me, but she's got her medical oral boards coming up and she's traveling to take a prep course and study for that (she's extremely nervous).  My tack has been caling her frequently, so far.  Yesterday she said "he's ME" and I just know from talking to her that she's a ways out from this really hitting home and becoming real.  She's going to miss his funeral due to her travel, but she went to see his parents the other night and felt good that she did that.  God, I'm just so sad for her and for the guy's family.  What a heart-wrenching thing, and right before the holidays, too.  Poor guy had Moon-Saturn conjunct in early Aries, opposite Venus in early Libra...  fits with the profile of a lifetime of severe depression, and he was getting hit with Saturn-Pluto, clearly. Ouch.

Thank you, everyone, for the good thoughts.

I lost someone when I was young that led me to study death, grief, the afterlife, etc. I've read a pile of books that would reach to the moon on the subject, but the best I've found is The Heart of Grief by Thomas Attig. I highly recommend it to anyone who is grieving or trying to help someone who is. I'm going to  be lazy and paste in the review I wrote for it on Amazon:

Being of a metaphysical sort, I've read just about all the reincarnation / life after death / love never dies / hypnotic regression / soul mates for eternity / communicating with the dead / type books. I've been spellbound by all of them and will probably continue to read them as they are published because it's a fascinating subject. Besides helping us to understand the process of dying and what comes after, these books pledge that we will someday be reunited. They all assure us that the deceased are still very much alive and well and with us daily, so there is no need to grieve. But they also often come with the stipulation that we must let go so that our loved ones can move forward, and because we want what is best for those we love, we attempt to suppress our grief, no matter how much it hurts us. While the theory seems reasonable, by trying to ignore our suffering, we compound it. We cannot stop the hurt just because we want to. It's not an electrical switch. It's not a water faucet. And it's just not that easy. Grief is complex, binding us with ropes so twisted we cannot seem to find the end that will untangle us.

Heart of Grief shows us that we do not have to let go, and in fact, encourages us not to. With compassion and a comforting voice, Thomas Attig sets forth practical ways to keep and strengthen the bonds of love with those who have died. I found it to be a very spiritually healing and uplifting book that has made a dent in my grief and a difference in my life. 

* * *

 Another reviewer said in part:

If we can remember and sustain our connection with the departed, they will always remain with us. Among the death-related topics Attig covers are ways to help children deal with loss; ghosts; the solace of traditional religious rites; how to use memories and stories of loved ones in daily life; and finding the presence of loved ones in familiar places. He recommends that we honor the memory of the departed by acting as they would have wished us to, to work for causes they held dear or even just to reminisce about our relationships with them.

* * *

Everyone of us is going to lose someone sooner or later, or we're going to be the ones who are lost.  This book is one of the nicest gifts you can give to the bereaved, and to yourself. Please give it a try, even if you only borrow it from the library. Then you'll know better how to help you friend.

Blessings and condolences.

Lesia, thank you so much!  I think I will send that to her and maybe read it myself too!

It's still so very sad.   She couldn't even look at his obit.  I was so happy she texted this morning and said she was glad I keep checking on her (I worried I was either a pest or that she was really suffering when I didn't hear from her), but I would like to do more.  I think as a mega-Pisces, she is uniquely equipped to grasp the concepts in that book.

You're welcome, Jessica. I know it will help.

Elsa, am I seeing some indication in your posts that you lost a daughter? I'm so sorry. No parent should ever have to bury their child. I hope you will be able to find peace someday.

Lesia, Elsa's daughter is alive, but she is ill and doesn't live at home anymore.  Just answering what I know (I hope not out of turn, Elsa) because Elsa is forever answering these questions (no matter how well-meaning) and I think it gets oppressive.