I used to think that victimhood chose you.  If something terrible happened to you, then you automatically became a victim.

My family lost everything in a business when I was young and we had to sell everything.  I was a victim.

Bad things happened to my family growing up.  They were victims, and so was I. I felt sorry for myself, and everything I had to go through.

I was attacked and got some brain trauma.  Headaches and nausea for several years. I never cared about my looks, but my brain meant everything to me. Victim.

The thing is, somewhere along the way - I realized that victimhood doesn't choose you.  You make a choice to become a victim.  It's not a disease, like cancer or depression.  It's a state of mind.  You can literally cure yourself of being a victim overnight.  Well you have to change your entire pattern of thinking - but it's a lot easier to do that then it is to cure yourself of cancer.

I thought I knew what it meant to rise above victimhood.  But then I met Elsa, and she showed me there was a whole new level.  I've never heard her complain about anything in life (at least, the big things).   Her life has been hard, but she is not a victim.

This realization caused me to reframe my entire life.  The things that I like most about myself?  They were forged in the crucible of my life.  I was not helpless before adversity.  I chose to let those experiences shape me.  Those experiences made me who I am today.

Who I would be today without that adversity?  I would be weaker than I am now, for sure.  I would be less powerful and less empathetic.  I would be less of a man, and less happy with my life and my identity.

Even today when I struggle with adversity, it's easy to slip. Why is this happening to me???  What did I do to deserve this??  I have to slap myself.  I am not a victim. I am not a victim.  I am not a victim.

I aspire to crave adversity, to desire it, to look forward to it even.  And in the crucible of that struggle, I will become stronger than I ever imagined possible. 

Are you a victim?  What happened... and how did the experience shape you?

Growing up I suffered severe trauma, at the hands of the people who love me. There was violence in my family, and not just physical abuse - verbal, mental abuse, you name it. My parents were both sick in different ways and the dynamic in the house was indescribable. Going to school was no better, because I would leave that house as an open wound so many times. I had to learn to shut myself down and just get through it. Throughout my teen years I isolated myself and didn't talk to anyone. I merely concentrated on getting myself through each day.

I think that it made me stronger. And empathetic too. I did also have to learn to unclamp though. Shutting myself down was a survival technique for those times and it served its purpose, but after awhile it was no longer a survival mechanism. It was an 'outdated' habit and a hindrance, and caused new problems.

I'm still here. There was a time when I never thought I'd make it even half as far as I have. So, I don't think of myself as a victim, but as a survivor.

Shit happens. Shit happens to me, shit happens to you, shit happens to everyone. My shit is no worse (to me) than someone else's shit is (to them).

I am not a victim. I am damned lucky to be where I am and working with what I got, because there's ALWAYS some poor motherfucker that has it ten times worse than I do.

Sorry those things happened to you HQ - same exact things happened to me, except my brain probs aren't from being attacked.

When things are too easy I feel uncomfortable. I like challenges and something difficult to test myself but lately it's been ridiculous haha and I have been frustrated at times.

No I don't feel like a victim.

You're right, hq. I've been through a seemingly intractable series of really difficult things; but I'm definitely not a victim. One can allow it to shape their character, or they can collapse into a puddle. I can also imagine the strongest of souls feeling like a victim for at least a short while, if something that happened to them was devastating enough; but victimhood is definitely a choice.

Good on you, for finding your way through. Victory feels good, yes ?

Please don't feel sorry for me!  I am a lucky person...

Well said, HQ. I do feel a little sorry for myself on a bad day, but I don't feel like a victim.

I was given this life, and live it I intend on doing. 

ha ha we double posted!

just to clarify: my comment about feeling sorry for myself has nothing to do with your comment posted above mine:) 

Profoundly, powerfully written, HQ.  Thanks for sharing this with us.

I used to be a victim.  Now I am a survivor. 

A happy one who stands on her own two feet and in her own power.

I don't feel sorry for you :) I have compassion for you.

There's a a difference. :)

Am I a victim?  Never for long, bay-bee!  ;)

I've been thrown into some circumstances that stole my thunder for a while, but I always bounce back (eventually).  Hopefully, it won't be long before I realize that before I succumb to "woe is me" thinking.  *grins*

ETA:
I've never seen victimhood as anything but a choice.  Watching my drunken mother rage and bawl over shit that happened to her as a child enforced that rather clearly: you can let circumstances dictate your every move and emotion or you can pick yourself up, deal with it, and move on.  Work towards, work through, work past, but work it, maaan.

It's not what happens...it's what you do with what happens that ultimately matters.

Not that I'm immune or averse to a good old fashioned pity-party now and again. But I like 'em to be short-lived and not too sloppy. Wallowing is bad form.

"But then I met Elsa, and she showed me there was a whole new level.  I've never heard her complain about anything in life (at least, the big things).   Her life has been hard, but she is not a victim."

She has showed me a new level too, Elsa is the most inspirational person I have ever met, she is a shining example of how not only can adversity be risen above, but how those life experiences can be shaped into something that helps other people, and makes theirs lives better. She is most definitely not a victim.

You are right hq, it is a choice, very well said.

"I'm a victim of coicumstance!"  Curly Howard from the Three Stooges.  (I say this myself quite a bit, when the shit hits) 

Thank you for sharing that HQ.  Gives one much to ponder on.  So many people here have expressed how they have risen above very bad circumstances - myself included.

I can wallow sometimes too, but I just get up the next day and keep going.  I have had many heartbreaking, heart-wrenching things to deal with regarding my daughter, and at times just feel defeated.  But then whatever "it" is kicks in, and onward and upward we go.

Such an inspiring post as well as inspiring comments!  You all ROCK!  With my chart, I could never choose to be a victim, even if I wanted to.  I'm a hero (Aries) and a warrior (Scorpio) maaan...

Yes, thanks HQ!  Your post is an example of why I feel so privileged to be a part of this community.  I can't begin to tell you what a difference finding Elsa and friends has made in my life.

Like most of the folks here, I have my own history of traumas.....some were strictly my own; some I shared with family.  Everyone deals with despair in their own way.  But, am I a victim????  No fucking way.

I grew up in a family of "victims" and can't stand the whole head trip. I have had people take a big nasty shit in my oatmeal and it may have slowed me down for a minute, but it never stopped me from moving forward... Other members of my family have not, will not and possibly cannot get over the trauma of our dysfunction and are still wallowing in their "victim-hood" and I am almost to the point of cutting off all contact with my own mother because of it... I have already severed ties to all the other family members... They can't leave the past behind... The victim mind set has ruined all semblance of a family in my situation, so I don't look kindly on it. Bad experiences with "victims" make for a bad taste in my mouth.

HQ you have some cojones!!!  I am not a victim because I refuse to give in and put myself in such a dark and negative place.  Experience has taught me everyone gets their ration of shit however some get bigger doses.  Thankfully, my ration, so far, has been a small dose.   

Lastly, I have watched my mother over the years deal with a bigger ration of shit...sick parents, divorce, death of a child & stepchild, current husband has prostate cancer, etc and she still maintains her dignity and upbeat spirit.  Everyone loves her and I think one reason is they admire her inner strength.  I imagine they also like the fact that she is funny as shit and a very warm and loving person.   

Sorry I have been slow to comment on this. It's because it stirred me. Here's my response, "I'm Not A What?"

@luci with regards to shit happens, my son's response to this statement is, nope its caused by arseholes