An infantile man wants to marry me. He says he loves me - "I am just what he needs."

Why, then, does he find so much fault with everything I do and say?

Why, every month before my period, do I want to punch him in the face repeatedly?

I'm not kidding, I literally fantasize about breaking this man's nose with my fist. And it's not every man. I never wanted to punch my old BF in the face. 

I'm on this merry go round with him... things are superb, fantastic, then they blow donkey balls. Round and round we go.

If a man reacts with too much hostility toward the LITTLE things you say... how's he going to take it when you deliver the Ultimate Diss? "Sorry, I don't want to marry you."

Thoughts?? Experiences? Advice?

No one wants to hurt anybody, but if you don't want to be with him, you don't have to worry  about  what a fuss he will make. He can fuss and fuss, and you will go on to look for someone you actually like so So much more.  I know it blows to be the bad guy, but your feelings are real, and they are trying to tell you something. Just don't expect him to be nice to you about his hurt.

I hate breaking up with people, but your life is your own. Don't waste it on someone whose face you want to break. (even if they have other nice qualities)

This smells like a family fight to me so I'm stayin' out of it. ;-)

Well, that's it. I was thinking about little things he said to me and I felt my blood pressure rocket up. You can feel it you know. You get angry and all of a sudden your head is buzzing and your nose throbs.

So I just called him up and he was driving around in his truck from one job to the next and I sputtered some crap at him. I totally used the blood pressure as my out.

He actually seemed happy to comply, with his last words being "I can't win with you."

Oh yeah, well the feeling's mutual.

He's going to pretend I'm fucking crazy but deep down in his psyche, I know that he wanted me to do this. His body language and his tone reveal all.

Guess it's time to buy a vibrator. :(

It would be interesting to look at the synastry. Seems like there was some bad mojo going on...

Also, this is the third time I've broken up with him, so I pretty much can't go back on it now. Otherwise I'll lose all credibility.

Bananas, it seems he's being passive aggressive. I know a lot of people like this. They like to say little things to make you mad. It's your choice to stay or get a way from him though.

And after you get mad then they say "but I didn't do or say anything." 

"Also, this is the third time I've broken up with him, so I pretty much can't go back on it now. Otherwise I'll lose all credibility."

I had a moment of "have I been sleep-posting under a different name??"

fantasies of punching him in the face... ahhhh the bliss. 

Passive aggressive for sure! 

So do you wanna know what did it? The straw that broke the camel's back?

"Bananas, Idon'twannatalkaboutthisrightnow." (delivered lightning quick, in a sharp tone like all the rest of his passive aggressive control tactics).

That's it. There have been many others and on this particular day/night there were many leading up to the big freakout. But that one, with the use of my name, flipped the Crazy Switch. 

Why? Because at that moment, I needed simple, comforting reassurance. SIMPLE. A smile and a "no, don't worry." That's ALL I needed. Instead I get Conversation Hitler telling me what I should say and when I should say it?? 

DAMN!! 

You can't use my name when you have something nice to say? Only when you're pissed off for no good reason? 

Well, fa-huuuck you. DE-NIED.

I hope he finds another girl fast. I hope she fits the vision of his perfect woman... beautiful, hourglass figure, blonde, soft voice, passive demeanor, never farts, the whole nine yards.

And then I hope she morphs into a She-Devil and nags at him morning, noon and night and I hope she wants a big, fat rock on her finger and I hope she's a credit card maxer outer and I hope she hates sex and never gives blowjobs. Nyah nyah.

This smells bad, sorry. Not you. I mean the situation..I can only offer an anecdote of my own:

my ex used to tell me I was the most hard to understand person, ever. I was convoluted, I talked in circles, I was like, FOGGY, mannnnn.

Then, A HA! I noticed his Mars/Mercury in Sagittarius was exactly conjunct my Neptune. No wonder I was so "hard to understand"

Currently dating a guy...I say something, then second guess myself "Er, did that make sense?" 

"Yep." JUST LIKE THAT. The dude understands the words that come out of my mouth. It is a revelation. If you really want to punch him in the face, you are with the wrong guy. Full stop.

Credibility is a huge thing!   Especially with oneself :)

Fuck me, I'm going to miss the sex. It was truly sublime. I have never had sex like that with another living human, and I've had some pretty good sex but DAMN.

Why does sex have to be so good with someone who's so unhealthy for your self esteem?

I have the same issue.  I see it as an expression of my moon square venus and daddy/abandonment issues.  if what I want isn't good for me, and what is good for me I don't want, I need to reshape one or the other side of that equation to make it work for me.

you can force a kink into extinction by not indulging in it.  hurts so good only lasts so long as you keep picking the scab.  eventually if you stop picking the scab it heals.  it's really hard to not pick the scab long enough for it to heal.  after it heals it's hard not to miss the scab.  but eventually you forget about it.

sometimes the only way to "win" is to get away.  a person's got to know when actual engagement will win the battle and when the only realistic tactical option is to bugger off into the night.  you lose the battle but win the war.

Well, I ended up back with the douche in the first place because I spent 4 years with a different guy - a sweet one, but he doesn't seem to want it. Sex is VITAL to me...

The guy I just broke it off with is from the past... my old "lover" if you will. He denied me a real relationship 8 years ago. He withheld, withheld, withheld, for what reason I don't know... he was just a disturbed motherfucker, I guess. Back then I was wild and crazy and I chased him! Along the lines of Elsa's sociopath from the post a couple days ago, the one who draws women in that magnetic way.

So this year I break it off with my no-sex-wanting sweet man with the low energy, and in walks Dirty Old Bastard from the past... and we actually DO have a relationship this time, and the sex goes from Great to Incredible. 

And now what, I get dick? Or no dick, I should say. Satori, you use the work "kink," I assume you mean as in "kinky," a fetish or habitual indulgence or something?? 

Straight up, mind blowing sex. Like a... a beautiful dance. I mean seriously, it was Problem Solving, Soul Healing sex. Ha ha. I guess it didn't solve everything though, did it.

PS: Satori, will you write a book, please? Your writing is utter poetry. I mean, you're effortlessly metaphorical... the word imagery just rolls off you.

by kink I just mean something that feels "good" but on some deeper level is unsatisfying.  I don't know what the answer is but for myself I'm trying the new idea that there are more options than the ones I've felt limited to.

oh thank you, B, that really felt good and I needed it!  I'm in the process of trying not to check the scab to see if it's gone away yet.  ;)

Here... because I like to flog the dead horse endlessly... how about a little Sinead? This was one of those breakup songs we'd play in college... he hee.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9W39ZLG7b4&feature=related

oh yeah, satori has some WONDERFUL word imagery going. incredibly, instantly understandable and simultaneously poetic.

thank you!  mmmmmmm, thanks for reminding me that loving validation from someone you respect feels so much better than what I've been chasing!

I know how you feel from similar experience. The question to ask yourself is if your needs are being met and how long you're willing to put up with what's going on around you.

Forget about what HE'S doing (although I'm sure it pisses you off and you certainly DO need to rant - just bear with me for a moment), and consider the place he holds in your life.

If the answer to the above is anything short of, "I love him and on a whole our relationship is healthy", you need to reevaluate.

Oh Satori.. your words are beautiful and makes me want to know you. :)

((Bananas))

Oh! I don't know if I was clear. I DUMPED him today. It happened moments before I typed Post Number 4 on this thread.

Thanks everyone for your kind words and experiences. I really, really appreciate the support. 

good for you! there are men you'll want to have sex with AND not punch in the face, i promise!