How do you do it??? Off on, off on?

I just had tea with my ex, (I'm leaving town for a few months soon and it's almost his birthday). And it was excruuuuuutiating. Ho-lee-shit. What a mess. And I don't even want to be with him! 

So I start thinking about people who break up and get back together, break up and get back together?

How in the world do you do it? Breaking up causes me so much fucking pain I can't believe people able to be raked over the coals once more and not give up and DIE. 

Are you a back and forth lover? Where's your Venus?

(my Venus is opposed Pluto, square Moon and busy with a bunch of other stuff)

I did that.  I just couldn't stand the pain so we just kept getting back together.  I've decided not to break up anymore cos there's no point; I just want him back.

and I redate.  the man I started dating two years ago at 41, I dated earlier at 21.  but it wasn't a high drama thing then.  

I don't think it's so much what's in my chart as what's NOT in it.  I have no planets in sadge or gemini and I am not even remotely attracted to the unknown.  

my 8th house venus is in aries square the fifth house moon in capricorn.  it's widely trine the AC in leo. 

Nope, never have, never will, I hope! 

I've got that Pisces Venus conjunct Sun (and Mars is widely) square Neptune, trine Moon... Would this type of thing have to do with the Descendant too? I ask because almost all of my past relationships have been severed completely (no contact with any of them (save one who he and I had sex but no relationship after breaking up), no friendship, etc) and I have Scorpio on that cusp, which makes sense concerning your question... 

When I was aged 20 to 26 I went out with my boyfriend from college and broke up with him and went back out with him over and over.

I think we had trouble figuring out just "what" we were.

Both Libras (like we would be anything else).

It wasn't really agonizing for me but I was much younger of course than I am now. I had time on my side (or so I thought) and high confidence. I wasn't afraid to be alone. That makes all the difference.

I wouldn't do it again. 

I think Libras have trouble defining boundaries. :)

I did  it with Scott for 17 years... no problems at all, LOL.

7th house Uranus.

I did this for a while. Both parties had huge amounts of Libra, (both venus in libra) so maybe this explains things. I'm still close to the guy, but we live in different states now. It's crazy-making.

 Normally I like it when things have a clear ending.

Nope.  I may have Venus in Libra, but it's conjunct Pluto.  I'm grabby and possessive and I like knowing I'm the only woman someone wants.  I also have a Cap dsc and prize stability, connection, and fidelity.
Surprisingly, though, I can do nonmonogamy very well.  Uranus in the 5th and my Aquarian moon helps me with that, and for the most part I don't want monogamy anyway because I don't like attaching to people like I know I can.  It's easier to stay distant: less painful, less messy.

And with all that being said, if the only man I ever wanted monogamy with were to crawl back into my life, I'd probably let him back in even though I know it's likely hopeless and would only hurt me tremendously.  I have very bad boundaries where he's concerned, and an inordinate amount of anger and jealousy, and more love than I know what to do with. 

Since I am the only one who's picked "monogamy is boring" I feel like I want to answer this in more detail.

My relationships fall into one of two categories:

1 - the tribe is a small group of my closest friends.  These are the people I trust with my life, those "2 AM friends".  They are all current/former lovers.  In every single case, the "former" is because of a change in their life, and I'm totally OK with that.  I respect their boundaries, they respect mine, and life is pretty good.  Since most of them aren't near me (geographically), it really becomes "when I visit this friend, we can rekindle our affair for the trip" in most cases.  I truly believe that there's no better lover than someone I'm already close friends with. My newest lover will end up in the tribe, I'm confident, but we're still very new together and exploring the whole thing.  

2 - the boyfriend - if I have a boyfriend it tends to be someone I'm dating who isn't yet in the tribe.  Sometimes it's even a monogamous relationship, but never by design.   (By that I mean, I am pretty clear up front that I won't commit to monogamy, but there have been times where I didn't see any of my friends for say a year or two and so it never raised an issue.)  You can see it would take a certain type of guy to be in for this, but I've had it work out pretty well.  It's the old chestnut hair thing Elsa talks about in one of her videos.  I'm not looking for chestnut hair, but I have some pretty specific things that I know I want.  I do have one or two ex boyfriends who aren't in the tribe, but only one or two.

My Venus is conjunct mars in 2H Cancer, forming a T square with 5H Uranus in Libra, and 8H Jupiter in Capricorn.  I've also got a moon/Neptune conjunct in 7H Sag that I'm sure has something to do with it. 

Pisces venus and sun, conjunct a mars Aries (all 8th house).  I love. I fight. I fight for love - even when I shouldn't.  On and off is not unknown to me, I've done it with a Cancer and a Gemini.

Probably because I have absolutely no boundries when it comes to relationships and I really fucking SHOULD. :/

I find this fascinating, because almost every single person I know has gone back and forth in love. 

Simply put: it's like asking me to kill myself twice. It's impossible. I thought about it too, after my ex and I broke up. He put out a couple of signals that he may have wanted to get back together, or do something and I found it DISTRESSING. Twice last week he called me by my pet name (we work together), and then he asked me to hang out on what would have been our anniversary. (I didn't).

Granted, he called me by my pet name a few months ago and when I pointed it out he said very haughtily "No I did NOT."

There's no way to tell what he was getting at but I nipped that shit in the bud and told him about my new dudefriend. Hence the very unpleasant hanging out last night. 

In my experience, people are oblivious to when they're sending mixed signals and become quite adamant that they're not doing so when you point it out.  But it could be that I used to hang out with a bunch of stubborn, indignant assholes, so take that as you will.  *laughs*

Shannon, I like your "tribe." I had one of those once upon a time, I called it "the stable."  Only I was never seriously involved with any of them.  It was just guy friends who I had dated, deemed unsuitable for the long term, but totally suitable for a bootycall.  My most called upon stable boy was a gemini that I have known for 9 years. 

Anyway, Me and my current pea are in a very serious pod, so I officially disbanded the stable a while back.  Ahhh memories. 

As for getting back together with someone really meaningful... thats just asking for it, no way.

Yeah, it's more like an extended commune or something - I think if I were better at one on one relationships, I might not have the tribe.  But these are my chosen family, for whatever that means, and I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world.

I had an on and off relationship with a guy for 20 years!  We met when we were 16.  There were many years inbetween the 'on' parts, and we finally gave up for good about 10 years ago.  He has always been my booty call guy though, and still would be if he hadn't gone and gotten engaged.  He'll be married in 2 weeks.  Yikes!  He still calls though, and he still wants to maintain a mistress.  I can't be part of that.  I hope he can be faithful to her though.

hey kash, I am a vote for no back and forth.  Actually, it's not a value judgment, it's just the way I operate.  When I am done with someone, we are done like dinner, and there is no going back.  As a matter of fact, I have never even had breakup sex and I am 34 years old.  Over is OVER.  I attribute this to my Sun conjunct Uranus.

So interesting how there is this thread with some people saying when it's over it's over.. and the other thread about not throwing in the towel too soon. How does one know if it is over or not if there is no trying it out again I wonder?

Jessica.. it may be sun/uranus.. but my mother also thinks it's a libra thing. Libra will work hard to make a relationship work but once they stop working on it it's done. I know I'm like this. It may take a while to stop trying every option but once the love is gone I have no interest in balancing that &%*(*^ again! It may be a more specific libra/scorp thing as well since I have venus/pluto and mercury in scorp and she is libra with a bunch of scorp planets. 

As for me I don't go back.. but there are usually talks of possibly going back and thoughts of what to try for the 2nd time. But with venus/pluto I find that there is usually something that dies that stops it from being brought back again. In thinking of my ex recently.. I know it's hard because I didn't stay and kill it lol.. it was left intact and only ended due to a desire for children.. so if I don't meet someone else and get pregnant and hence have a real reason to leave the carcass then it's like it's not really dead yet.

"So interesting how there is this thread with some people saying when it's over it's over.. and the other thread about not throwing in the towel too soon. How does one know if it is over or not if there is no trying it out again I wonder?"

That's just the thing, once you throw in the towel, it should be done and there should be no going back.  Which is why you should try damned hard to fix things if you can and be absolutely sure you want nothing more to do with this person before you take that step.

Or, at least, that's how I think it should be.  :)

With two exceptions, I never heard from any ex-lovers once the thing was finished.  The ties were completely severed.

I was the type that had short (but not so sweet) relationships until I met my now DH.  A lot of them only lasted three or four months, and everything started to fall apart around the two month mark.  I'd think everything was rosy at first (7H Neptune), then their true selves came out.

I was never one to pine, though.  Once everything was finished, I didn't mourn; I'd go looking for someone new.  (7H Jupiter conjunct DSC)  That's because I already did the mourning when the thing was falling apart.

Venus is my DSC ruler.  It's conjunct Pluto and Uranus, sextile Neptune, and inconjunct the ASC.

I believe, that as long as you're both honestly on the same page and the break-up was mutual, then 'staying friends' can work.   I think that's the exception to the rule, though.  I once broke off a long-term relationship where I (against my better judgment) agreed to "meet as friends" and it ended disastrously.  He ended up semi-stalking me, threatened suicide...  When I've been the dumpee, I've never wanted to have one more second of time with my dumper.  Who wants to be with someone who doesn't want you??