I was in a relationship with a man for 3 years. After 1 year, we got an apartment together - previously I had not lived on my own or with roommates before. We had a lot of miscommunication and a lack of communication in general. I feel like I was never in love with him, and dont know whether I have ever been, with anyone. He is an amazing guy, we have things in common as far as outlook on life, spirituality, and he knows me well and we have had the best intimate moments. However, for some reason, I just dont feel whatever spark I think Im supposed to feel. I keep thinking it over and over...

 After 3 years, I could not stand it, I broke down, and I said I have to leave. Throughout our relationship, I had urges to live on my own, to go through that "experience" but it seemed that the door wasnt open, or I didnt open it for myself strongly enough. I have noticed I am kind of a pleaser to others, and not to my own self. I did move out, and have been living with roommates, and though its been hard, I am so enjoying it. My ex and I still communicate and feel that our friendship is deepening. 

 He told me he wants to see me more often, and that he still loves me and wants me, but I keep feeling stuck, not being able to determine where my feelings are At ALL. :/

Im 26, Sun Cap, Moon Aquarius, Venus/Mars Aquarius, Merc. Cap, Aries ascendant. I forget the rest. North Node 3rd house cancer. Chart activity dominant in top area, houses 10, 11, 12. 

 My ex is Sun Aries, and I dont know the rest. His bday is 4/17/1978. I also realized, today after reading ALL the posts on Saturn returns (thank you Elsa!!) that he went through his return while we were together because we met when he was 27.

I just cant decide whether I should just break it off completely or still see if I could develop some feelings for him (since I dont know whether it is lack of feelings on my part, lack of chemistry, or me not being open to love - because I have imagined having kids with him, but some other things are just OFF and ODD). 

 Help! :)

Cheers...

I hate to say this because it makes me inexpressibly sad, but if you haven't felt "it" in three years, I don't think you're going to.  If you want to keep him around as a friend, then I think you should be able to do so.  But you need to make it quite clear that he should not expect any further romantic relationship between you two; that may be unacceptable to him, and you may lose his friendship, but even that's better than keeping this guy hanging for years on end while you make up your mind.

Now, I have to qualify this a bit, because it seems (to me) that if you can see yourself having kids and growing old with this guy, there might be more there than you're comfortable with; maybe you're more leary of the "limitations" of this type of relationship than you are confident in the future you imagine?  After you cut this guy loose, I suggest you do some serious introspection, perhaps read some books on commitment and/or commitment-phobia, and see if any of it "sticks."  You may find that, yeah, you're just skittish and you're going to have to work on that no matter who you're with -- so why not work on it with this guy (and hope he still wants to try and make a go of it)?

Not having the whole chart, and being a rank amateur at best, the most I can say is that having your Moon, Mars, and Venus in Aquarius is going to make you, at best, restless about traditional relationships.  You don't want to be boxed in, you want to experience all you can (damn the torpedoes!), and you want to rebel against anything that you feel restricts your options and freedom to be yourself.  One thing to remember, though, is that we're not constricted to socially-mandated bounds in relationships: you're free to engage in whatever construct you and your partner are comfortable with.  And, unless there's some serious boundary issues, you're also not going to lose "yourself" automatically; there are ways to be an individual and a couple.

So, hope some of that helps.  Good luck!

Thank you - this does help. When I was leaving, I was realizing that if I dont feel it now, what makes me think it will change? And earlier, when I had doubts, I would say to myself, well maybe Im not sure, and more time will help me see...

 I know its probably good to clean the lines and not communicate, but it is hard because we're good friends and are comfortable with each other. When there aren't any bad things, it seems like, why leave if nothing bad is going on, no one is getting hurt or abused, or cheated on. Except that, after talking it over with him, he also mentioned that he wasn't all that in love, but that he did and still does love me, and that he wants to continue communicating, and that he accepts me in all the ways that I am. But I almost wish he was more of an asshole so I could like him more...so he wouldnt be so available to me.. And thats not the only thing in which I wish he was different...

 I read a lot of books on self-help, commitments, relationships...generally its all about how relationship won't save you, only you can make yourself happy and give yourself what you really need and want. Dont wait for your partner to do it...and be flexible...I really wish I had some sort of guidance as far as how to help my soul progress in the right direction, to move toward what Im supposed to be doing. 

 And as for our relationship, I feel like when Im with him, its cozy and comfy, and I can tell him everything, but then I want him to leave, and after he's gone, Ill blame myself for telling him everything. *Sigh*

 Since I have so much Aquarius (I can actually give you my whole chart if you wouldnt mind looking at it)...what would be a good match? Is there such a thing? Or should I just test myself to see how I feel being around different people? 

It would help if you would post the full chart. 

What I get from this is you have conflicting feelings and you are repressing some of those feelings.  They are seeping out into your consciousness as a vague sense of dissatisfaction. 

Its sounds to me like this guy doesn't fit your mental ideal mate criteria (he doesn't excite you) but your physical body (i.e. uterus) deems him a suitable father type. He activates your Cancer NN.  You are physically attached to him.  Aquarian types can get attached. They are just good and not acknowledging it.

Oh what to do, what to do?

Dig deep down, pull out all your feelings on this issue, lay them side by side and ask your self:

Why do you deny certain feelings?

and/or

Do you have a misinformed feeling? As in something that is based on an old idea that you have not reevaluated.

Maybe what you really need is an overhaul of your concept of "relationship". 

If I had to guess (which is the surest way to be wrong in astrology) he has Saturn in aspect to one of your personal planets.  Just the feelings of oppression coupled with your "time will tell" attitude says The old man has his hand in this.

How do I post the full chart?

The basic description of your chart does reflect an independent nature, emphasis on house 10, 11 and 12 all show a need to find your place in the world and that you have a social conscience, a keen sense of responsibility and a hankering to unlock potential.

Capricorn is the most ambitious sign, some goats stay tied to a peg in a field, grazing circle around themselves but they understand time and sacrifice better than anyone and are known as 'The Comeback Kids' because their frugal means only seem to enrich them, like Aquarius they have one eye on the future and since you have both signs this combines hopefulness, progressive thinking and a pragmatic, wise head on young shoulders so your decisions are usually the right ones.

Aries rising makes you aware of your priorities in life and lends Mars strength to surmount all obstacles. Perhaps it also makes you see things from your Aries partners point of view, the fact you remain friends with him and are now staying with friends could be suggested in the 11th house and Aquarius placements.