The Taurus I'm dating writes me these emails professing his love to me, and they're damn good. He keeps telling me he wants to marry me, loves me more and more each day, yadda yadda.

The bull can write. He can make a girl swoon with his verbal dexterity, it's true.

My ongoing beef with this bull is that I suspect he may be kidding himself about this. Why do I say this? Well... he yawns a lot of the time when I talk. Loudly. 

As far as women go, a lot of them are marathon talkers and I'm not one of those women. Sometimes I'm into some story and I'll have a burst of chattiness but most of the time I really don't say all that much. So when I DO talk, I think it would be nice to have his full interest.

The other thing is that I really don't think he knows how to think of us as a unit. I can't say that he "never" thinks of me, but most of the time when we're out, his conversations focus on Him and What He Did. Leo Rising, FYI.

We were at a wedding recently. All his cousins were there (males). So he spent most of the time palling around with them. I was sitting there trying to read their lips because the music was too loud for me to hear really. 

He's kind of a moron that way. A normal person would try to include me, like "Oh, you bought X kind of car? Bananas' dad drives that kind of car, too." You know... that kind of thing.

When they did a few slow numbers, he was nowhere to be found. His parents said to me, "Where's (name of Taurus)! Make him dance with you!" He was outside, smoking a stogey with his buddy.

He came back a while later and his dad ran over to us, put both of our hands together and said to him, "Be with your DATE!"

I thought that was cute. It was enough satisfaction for me, that someone noticed I was being ignored. Later he did dance with me, so it wasn't a terrible time.

I don't mean to say that he always ignores me. We were at a different wedding where we had a lot of fun together. But of course, he didn't know as many people there.

I get the distinct feeling, though, that he doesn't have all THAT much interest in me unless the story I'm telling is really outrageous. The yawning really pisses me off. It's loud yawning. I've noticed he can control the volume of his yawns when he's absorbed in a movie.

He saw pictures of me when I was little and was visibly moved by them. Seems very loving to me. Sometimes he does little thoughtful things for me. I just don't understand what is with the seemingly strong disinterest at times.

Is Taurus just a chauvanist at heart? Is that what it is? Maybe this is classic Taurus Libra bullshit?

Maybe he just THINKS he loves me. I really don't know. He's very naive in terms of relationships and I don't think he realizes what he's about to get into. 

Bananas, no offense intended but it just sounds like this is his personality to me. People love you in their own way?

I yawn when people talk to me, it's because I'm tired? Because I am comfortable and tired?

I don't take offense to that. It's good to hear.

Well in reality, a lot of the problems you are describing solve themselves over time. Either you get through to the person or the thing becomes less important to you.

He told me recently that he's been "trying to not drink every day" and when he does drink, trying to drink less.

He said it's "kind of boring." Being sober is boring.

I was like, "Ohh, nooo... that's not very encouraging!"

If he's bored now... oh, boy, he's in for a treat after married life!

Elsa, that is some pretty sage advice.

I have a slightly way-out question for you. I know that you, as do a lot of others on this forum, have some psychic gifts.

Are you able to look at pictures of people and tell whether they're basically good? Even if you've never met the people?

I yawn, a lot. It's not because I'm bored, it's because I have respitory problems. Same with my sister, but she's even worse then I am.

Bananas, maybe but I don't think so. I have seen people who do that (reliably) and don't consider myself one of them. 

There have been some times with some people where I have known on sight - felt a repulsion but but I don't think it's psychic. I usually have some other information, either in advance or viz body language or whatever. I mean, I am a card player and this is something I honed when I was a kid as in life and death so I will size people up very quickly, taking in information in a blink but I really don't see myself as psychic at all. I mean, I may be but as far as I know, it is something else. Something more animal, I'd say.

I yawn a lot too, but I'm aware that it's rude to yawn loudly when someone else is talking, so I cut the volume.

Bananas - I don't know if I should be here in a relationship forum but I've had a few, this one lasting 28 years, but I saw some red flags, from a guy's point of view: The yawning could be just his way of energizing his brain through oxygen but, with the volume thing, I think he's expressing more than that.

The thing with hanging out with the guys while you're with him. Man, I would NEVER do that! If he cares for you, if he loves you, he's going to want your attention all the time. Hey, a few conversations with the guys, that's normal. But leaving you sit there while he spends all his time with them, uh uh. Bad sign.

Then there's the really big thing - drinking. I'm sorry to have to say this but I think you need to get away from him. Drinking has never done anything except destroy relationships. You can fool yourself into becoming an enabler, but then your life is going to one crap storm after another. I agree with Elsa, most things will probably pass away if you continue, but the core issues? I think not.

I know guys like your Taurus but I've never hung out with one. My choice. If my lady is around, I'm all over her...

Bananas - Oh, sorry, one more thing to be addressed, well, two: If he's bored while he's sober, he has an addictive personality. His life will be one addiction after another. I know this by my experience.

Two: I worked for a national security company a few times as a consultant. One of my jobs was to act as "Counselor Troi" to the guy who ran the company. From time to time he would have me sit in on staff meetings and give him my impressions of the people there. He would also have me sit in on hiring interviews, especially management level. I would do the same thing. I can say that he was very impressed with what I did. He was a believer, too. Obviously. (smile) But I've never tried a picture. Hmmm. I don't know, might be worth one..

Do agree with Larry, re: alcoholism. I wrote the "sage advice" before you wrote "drinking".  Sorry. :(

Bananas, I can do pictures, especially if I have a few to compare. I do it professionally as well as for friends. I won't be able to tell you everything about the man, but the core elements will be immediately apparent. Feel free to message me on the boards if you would like to arrange that. I hope everything goes well for you.

also, I do think people fool themselves about all kinds of things. Does he tell you lovely things just via email, or in person?

 the "trying not to drink everyday" thing is more of a red flag to me than yawning or scattered attention, which seem more habit, personality, etc.

Yeah - trying not to drink is definitely a problem.  If you are not addicted to alcohol, you don't have to "try" - sometimes you drink, sometimes you don't.  Not saying he is not a good guy - just saying you should have your eyes open about this.

Thanks everyone, for the input. Larry, I don't need a guy who's on me like white on rice, but a good, dose of attention balanced by some healthy separation is nice. You have Me and then you have We. You know?

Socially... I'll say it again, maybe he's just a moron in that sense. If I'm sitting there with you and your pals, and you're talking to them but I can't hear... INCLUDE ME. 

Air sign thing? Maybe his Leo ascendant really doesn't pick up on this. Must Talk About Me.

I'm hoping his drinking thing is an I'm Just Young and an Idiot thing. 

He's slow to grow up. Really, he is. He's trying very hard to "act like a man" these days. Making a pretty darned good effort. But man... this dude has NO clue about relationships.

Ahh, what do you need to know if you love someone? 

His chart is rough. I'm forgetting all the details but it's like Saturn conjunct moon and venus in Cancer, moon and venus square pluto, mars in pisces in the 8th and some other difficult placements.

I'm just confused. But I will tell you this much. Today I had Omie take a look at some pictures of him and me, and she had positive things to say. I guess she does this for a living but she didn't really explain what other kind of psychic/other work she does. I liked her mini reading though. She picked up on his fear which I thought was interesting because I think he's fearful too. I think she also picked up on his Saturn Moon/Saturn Venus blockage - her description of his feelings jived with that. Very insightful.

So what you saying is... you don't really love him?

Bananas, I think you are with my astro twin! Other than the fact that he's got the Taurus sun.  The yawning part really bothers me though, it must be physiological in nature and not necessarily out of boredom. 

Elsa is right.  It may be just his personality.  

I think he is basically good because he's not trying to put up any act to appear sophisticated and in control like most men do.  He's emotionally vulnerable to you and I think that's a basic honesty that even I would appreciate in anyone.

Try my suggestion:  Put him in one room with preschool children and observe.  Watch him around animals/pets.  Check his relationship with his mother and sisters.  Get a feedback from one of his staff/boss/colleague at work.  

That's one misunderstood guy, in a lot of ways.  If there's love between the two of you then it may not hurt to give him the benefit of the doubt and try to work it out.  Who knows? Goodluck!

"Try my suggestion:  Put him in one room with preschool children and observe.  Watch him around animals/pets.  Check his relationship with his mother and sisters.  Get a feedback from one of his staff/boss/colleague at work." ~persian_cat

Now here's some good advice...if your gut may not be that easy to listen to, that is...which sometimes it's not all that easy to hear.

What strikes me is less how he acts than how it makes you feel. You are asking: Is my man/Taurus is a chauvinist? Could he be talking himself into loving me? Is it possible that he isn't that interested in me? If you feel the need to ask these questions, I fear that you are not getting what you need from him, at least right now (not sure how long you two have been together). Regardless of how he acts, what matters is that you be fulfilled by it, at least a lot of the time. Your feelings are always honest, and they are always going to be there, no matter what you decide intellectually. To me, they are always the best and truest barometer.  

He's great with kids. Loves them. Animals too.

I wrote this whole long thing about our history together and then all of a sudden I didn't feel like sharing it on a public profile. :)

No, overall, he definitely doesn't provide me with what I need emotionally to feel loved and appreciated. 

That's why I've been sharing my baby pictures with him. I even told him, If you're ever mad at me, just think of "Little Bananas."

Men piss me off at the best of times, yawning when you're talking? That's rude because it's not an accident. If people feel a yawn coming on they take a deep breath, press their lips together and look interested until it's polite to be excused not yawn loudly except when their fave films on!

He's your partner, you're lover, you're boyfriend. He's supposed to not just be interested but really fascinated by you and frankly, it should all be blissful, euphoric and effortless.

I'm an astro geek so I'd put it down to the Taurean way, they are legendary for their ability to persuade their lovers, to wrap them around their finger like no other can. Yes, they are affectionate but also quite selfish and prone to jealousy. I think there is a chauvanist streak in the Taurus man too, they're traditionalists after all.

hmm "His chart is rough. I'm forgetting all the details but it's like Saturn conjunct moon and venus in Cancer, moon and venus square pluto, mars in pisces in the 8th and some other difficult placements."

I have saturn in cancer square libra sun/mars (although not my pluto).. and took some of what i learned from elsa in exercising my mars to help out my saturn.. by going to yoga..  and working on my saturn. Basically I couldn't allow my emotional needs to affect spending time with my partner. So I figured out how to take care of my emotional needs first so that when I was with my partner I would be fully present. Also once I know the emotional needs are met (for me with moon in gemini i have to express my feelings), or am confident they will be met by the one I care for at some time in the near future, then I let the rest go. No need to catch up for hours with old pals at a wedding.. I could call them or meet them for drinks or invite them over for pool later (if i were a guy). I am worried that he hasn't tapped into this and instead you are cast in the pluto or bully roll. Not cool or fair. He simply has to figure this out or I'd be worried about the future. And with pluto in capricorn he best figure where his family, you and his future fit together or they may come apart.

What is your saturn in?  

Liz, completely. I keep trying to help open his eyes to the ways that one can direct their energy so that it doesn't have to hurt or stifle others. He recognizes that yoga helps him but really only dabbles in "healthy."

In general, he's a beautiful but unenlightened person. 

My saturn is in Gemini... and that's where his mercury is. 

His saturn is in Cancer, squaring my sun, mars, mercury, pluto.

also, i don't really think i'm the bully here. he's allowed to release all of his emotions while mine get squelched. he doesn't let me have my feelings or express myself. he has these little bursts of tension... episodes that make him snappish to customer service people who displease him... or me, if i happen to be pointing out something "relationshippy" that he doesn't want to discuss.

he tries, but he has an incentive right now to be a good boy and some of you know about this from the private class. but that's about to change. the floor is dropping out.

This is boring. My problem is like, sooo boring.

Haha. 

"it should all be blissful, euphoric and effortless."

I'm going to... DISagree.  That is just straight up delusional. 

" i don't really think i'm the bully here." No i don't think you are.. I meant with pluto in libra in a square and he's only over on his saturn side taking care of his emotional needs then the other who seems to conflict will possibly end up in that roll. Possibly.

Saturn in gemini's need to talk. I get along with them but that's because my emotional needs are similar with my moon in gemini. 

With his moon also in Cancer I don't know if there's much of an out there that you can help him with. Is there ANY signature in his chart of moon/mercury or gemini or 3rd house? If there is you may be able to find a way to get your needs met without him having to become more self-aware. 

"His saturn is in Cancer, squaring my sun, mars, mercury, pluto."

oooo ya that is hard

So his saturn squares you and your saturn doesn't connect with him.

That doesn't bode well for either of you being able to get your saturn need met except by you having to accommodate him through manipulation. :(

Do you have  a mars/venus or a jupiter to sun or moon aspect?

But even then.. with pluto in capricorn our bottom line can trump more joyous or loving aspects. :/

Saturn and Mercury are not good bar buddies, really.  And with his Saturn squaring your Sun, Mars and Mercury....it's like putting a 10-lbs dumbbell inside your birkin bag while you're wearing your best stilletos - totally ruining your style.  Now, that's the astrologer wanna-be talking.

I assume we are all mature individuals in this thread.  Is the sex good? I believe so, because you wouldn't even think of bringing this out in the open if you don't care enough about this relationship.  I always notice that most "squarish" relationships have strong sexual tension that echoes long into the future.  So, what can you live without then? 

Face the fact that no one person can serve all your ideals in a relationship.  Just pick your number one requirement, put it on top and keep yourself constantly reminded by it.  I call it the "lighthouse" during serene or rough waters.

Stick to your guts.  If he falls off it, don't even bother to take a second look to pick him up.  Move on and get going.  BUT, if your instincts defies all reasons and logics, and your body craves for his presence; then within the confines of a mutually-respecting relationship, GO FOR IT.

Astrology is a guide towards one's enlightenment.  It is a decision-making tool.  And just like any tool, you get to use it on appropriate situations as you go along.  So, listen to your instincts and take your time. 

Persian... I don't know what a "birkin bag" is but that was goooood.... all of it!

Yeah, the sex is good. Hell's yeah. :)

The "lighthouse" is a nice image to take out and use whenever I need it, too. Thanks.

The thing that holds me in this relationship, at least for now, is that over the course of 10 years, he actually grew out of certain bad ways of treating me. It was like he became more open to love and friendship, more secure about himself, and just decided to let them go. But I had to go away from him for a few years and then come back, to see that happen. :)

So I'm always thinking, maybe if I stick this out, he can get past this behavior.

A few years ago when we were "just friends" and he was dating a girl, briefly, he'd talk about how she had no sense of humor. "I make a joke, and she'll go, 'That's MEAN! You're mean.' What a drag."

So I said to him, "Well, maybe you really were being mean."

Him: But it's FUN! I like people with an edge.

So really, he equates "nice" with "boring." And yet he knows how to be "nice" to kids. I'm going to keep sending him baby pictures, I am. Maybe I'll put a bag over my head with a pic of my face as a baby on it. 

If any of you regulars want, I'll show you pics of him and I... you can kind of see him in action and understand that he's not some demon... he's just kind of immature, I guess. I have these pics up for a limited time only. I'll only show regulars, though. Sorry. :)

Liz: I would think that a Saturn in Gemini (disciplinarian, father figure) would downplay or pooh-pooh your Gemini moon (emotions). Like this:

Gemini Moon: I'm so upset about a, b, and c. ::crying::

Gemini Saturn: Aw, come on now... you're making a big deal over nothing.

Actually (lightbulb coming on) I know this for a FACT! My MOTHER has a Gemini moon. We have inspired talks (I'm a Libra after all, lots of air) but I never took her emotional reactions seriously. 

I'm getting older now, understanding her more, and realizing what my Saturn has the potential to ruin. So I let her have her reactions and remain more open minded when there's a problem. I realized that she needs someone "in her corner" more than she gets.

But I think for as long as a person remains unaware of their Saturn (not you, I mean non-astrology types like my man), I think they limit their potential to empathize with another person.

Bananas, I do prefer other saturn signs. Just feel that at least saturn in gems will listen to me vent. :P Really enjoyed dating a saturn in virgo and working with a saturn in taurus during my saturn return. Very supportive people to me. Also enjoyed dating pisces.. because they can always just give me a hug. :)

Girl, you betta find that Pisces. I've noticed you mention your longing for another Pisces pretty frequently. I have this image in my mind of you roaming the world, metaphorically, peeking in every doorway and window for that Pisces. Go get him! And make sure he has lots of air in his chart for that chatty moon of yours!

This morning I got a call from the man, reporting a dream he had where some guy was blatantly hitting on me in front of him and he was getting mad.

First of all, who the hell would hit on me but I find that so amusing/comforting. We have mutual jealousy, yeah baby. Scorpio moon and Taurus getting together for some smothering possession. Love it.

Ya I know bananas. I had one so i'm pining. :/ Sorry about that.

I know you did. :) S'okay.

do you think he really loves you?  do you really love him?  one thing to do might be to get baby pictures of HIM and then look at them when he yawns.  :)

I think it was Gandhi that said, "be the change you want to see in the world."