I saw this question posted elsewhere on the internet and started thinking about what the astrology sign of the people that responded were. I'll throw it out there for you to fill in the blanks!

Does marriage change a relationship?

If so, how?

If not, why don't you think so?

And don't forget: what's yer sign!? 

My Answer:

To me, a marriage is a risk. You can only get out of a marriage by divorce, which is time and effort.

For someone to not wish to marry me, it says they don't want to put their stock in me or our relationship. They want the oppertunity to get away hassle free if things get hard in the future, instead of working with each other to make it last.

And as everyone is well aware of by now, I'm a Pisces, of course!  

Oops. Double post.

It definitely does.  Even if you divorce, there's a lot of shit to go through, which isn't there if there's no marriage tie.

Marriage is putting down roots and establishing a home and possibly a family.  And don't forget Saturn's exaltation in Libra/7th house.  Marriage is hard work.  It's nothing like the carnival of the 5th house.

I was afraid of marriage and/or LT relationships for the longest time, because of junk from my past, but once I worked through it, I found my DH shortly afterwards.  We've been together nearly 14 years, married for nearly 12.  We've had some rough spells, but got through them.

Venus rules my 7th house, and Jupiter is in the 7th house.  I'm a Leo Sun, 4th or 5th house, depending on the house system used.

Just for the sake of my own interest:

Can't you put down roots and establish a family without a marriage? I mean, I know plenty of people that have been in 15+ year long relationships and certainly felt married without the actual -married- part. 

Yes, you can. I know one couple who are the parents of 3 children, own a house, are very much a family and aren't married. I actually know a lot of people who are very committed and unmarried. (My social circle isn't very conventional). I think if you want to get married, that's great. Do what you gotta do...what makes you and your partner happy. 

I used to say I'd get married when everyone (meaning homosexuals) could be married...now they can (in Canada) but I still don't want to! 

My co-worker got married last summer at 21, and she was soooooooooo over the moon. "My husband this" and "my husband that"

Whatever floats your boat, baby! 

I have two sets of answers for this.

From the ages of 16-23 I was in a long term relationship with someone who wanted to get married.  I didn't want to AT ALL. Now, at that point in time I thought we'd be together for a lot longer time (out of comfort? probably) but I thought that marriage was just another way to conform with society, that it was a bs patriarchal establishment used to suppress women, etc etc etc.  ...those are the excuses I used, anyway.

Me and my husband were together for 2 1/2 years when we got married.  When I decided that I wanted to marry him, well, it didn't matter to me if marriage was a historically supressive institution.  I loved this man with all my heart and I wanted to share that with the world.  My husband is religious, I'm not, really, but the marriage ritual was so deep and connecting.... 

 Our divorce will be final whenever we turn in one more set of papers.  I'm not in a hurry and apparently neither is he.  I don't know if I am over the relationship loss and it's been a year since we broke up.  It took me like a month to get over the 7 yr relationship ending.  I really do feel marriage is special and it just creates this bond that you can't understand unless you've ever been married.  I know that I, for sure, didn't realize the intensity of it before.

 Now, my parents have been together for 30 years (in a happy and healthy relationship, too!) and they are not married.  They all married in all but legal status so I don't think it''d make a difference if they ever did.

Monica that's interesting about your parents. It seems like marriage in the US is a state vs. federal thing? In Canada it is federal. If you live with your partner for more than 6 months you are common-law, and therefore married in the eyes of the state (I use the word state for Government, if that isn't clear). 

I wish marriage is that easy a subject.

Sigh.

(No planets in the 5th and 7th houses)

I did want to get married and finally at 38 I did it at the court house.  For me I wanted the next level of commitment and the security of a marriage.  I know it seems strange but that is just me. Our relationship seems to keep getting better, which is weird I thought the best it would be in the beginning stages.  I have to admit the first year sucked,lol. We are both independent and used to being on our own and after we got married I think we had to figure out our place in the relationship.  I realized that there is give and take in a relationship and it doesn't mean that I am weak because I compromise for the sake of the relationship entity.

I am a Gemini Sun 12th house, but my Venus is in Cancer in the 2nd. :)

When i got married, for the next weeks I had this vision that my husband and i were Egyptian statues at the entry of a pyramid. I loved this experience of these visions.

Relationships change over time. I do not believe you have to marry to put down roots. I did not want to get married. I didn't see the need for it. But my Husband did, compromise is important and I love him so I figured if it ever doesn't work I would never do it again. Our relationship grew, but it never changed. We married pretty young and have had a lot of struggles. but we both want the partnership. We believe in each other.

Venus rules my 7th house, Venus rx is in the 7th house in Gemini, Venus opposes Neptune., squares jupiter and trines pluto. 

I have sun and mercury in Cancer in the 8th, Moon in Aries the 4th house conjunct my 5th house cusp. 

Luci:  Yes, you can put down roots without traditional marriage.  I didn't want to do that.  That's just a reflection of me, not a critique of how anyone else chooses to live their life.

A big chunk of my chart revolves around the 5th and 7th houses.  My issues revolve around conventionality vs. freedom vs. closeness.  Weird, huh?  Even with all that going on, I knew I'd never be happy if I wasn't married.  It completes me.  Some people don't need to go through it to feel complete.  Again, all personal preferences.

It seems likely that you can, indeed, put down roots and establish a family without a marriage contract, since everything is just a state of mind.  (But I've never done it that way, so I can't say so from personal experience.)  

I like marriage, though.  I like the contract, the declaration, the fearlessness of saying "Yes, I will wrap my life around, through, and under yours, and add this extra layer of legal webbing - bring it on."

 Also, it isn't a bad idea to make it not so easy to walk away!  Because almost every relationship is going to hit a really rough spot, and somebody is going to at least think about ending it, and it can be helpful to just have a little extra impetus to stay, and work that much harder.  Because no matter how tough/unhappy you are in that moment, there may well be a day you are really glad you stayed.  (but you gotta get there first!)

My experience about walking away from a marriage is that it's just as easy even with that piece of paper. People walk away just as quickly as if that binding contract wasn't there. So many people stray, I know MANY people who have been married more than once. Few people realize the responsibility of another human being. Regardless the relationship our choices hurt or help. 

My mother inlaw had been married to my father inlaw for 30years, she totally lost her shit. In less than a year she got divorced, moved in with her boyfriend she had been seeing and walked away from all of it. This all happened last year.  Mind you before she went through her midlife crisis or whatever it is she had, she was completely content in that marriage. It doesn't mean she was happy but it could of gone either way. There are no guarantee's.Shit my own mother has been married twice, my brother who just turned 25 is on his 2nd marriage. 

I think it depends what marriage means to you.  I am on my third marriage and it is the first one that hasn't changed immediately after the wedding.  I think my first husband had unrealistic expectations of what it meant for me to be his wife (1950's housewife material I am not) and my second husband chafed under his own expectations of himself.  My current husband and I have felt married since about the 2nd date and we have defined those roles for ourselves.  Being married has felt exactly the same as shacking up. 

One important distinction though is that being married means we are one another's next of kin.  Medical decisions are deferred to a spouse as well as access in the event of an emergency.

Nonmarried person speaking, but I think the difference between personally committing/having a family without marriage and marriage is that the social expectations of marriage REALLY come into play once it becomes legal. You have been assigned the role of "wife" (or husband) and people expect you to play that role to the hilt. Even if you and your man don't buy into the gendered stereotypes or taking his name, everyone will expect that you will, and you spend your life fighting uphill on any area of that that you do not take on.

Er...well, that's a major reason why I don't think I'll get married. Actually, I want to be married, I just don't want to have to be "the wife." Dammit.

Lee: It's not just as easy to walk away from a marriage without paper.

I know, because I've been there. My ex-husband went to work one day and didn't come home. 

If we had not been married, that could have been the end of it. The result was  near year while the courts did its thing. Being served, speaking to meet over terms of separation and legalities, really THINKING about what you were doing and what was going on.  

It's not just that easy to walk away from a marriage.  

What about making marriage licenses like the 3 step driving licenses here in Canada?

The first step is to take it to year 3 where then you upgrade to take it to year 10 where then you get the final one that takes you all the way!

seriously it's an idea

:P 

I feel like I'm the opposite of a lot of people who have posted so far - I could very easily be in a long term, commited relationship that didn't require living in the same space (in fact, would prefer so), but I don't think I would be very comfortable without an actual marriage contract - ideal situation would be being legally married but one of us travels a lot/has a separate primary address.

I think contracts/bureaucracy are very underrated. There's a lot of beauty and romanticism in those to me.

YES..it does..Why? Beacuse the seventh house is so different from the fifth...its not "romantic" anymore..The seventh house..when you get married;.) Its about work between the couples..the fifth is also relationships..but mutch "lighter"/external...so to speak:-)

 I know that...have been married twice myself...and had experienses from clients:-)

Luci, I understand what you are saying. I apologize as I know every situation is different. Every state is different as well.

I was speaking of what I've seen. 

Yes, I believe marriage changes a relationship.

For the better or the worse, depending on how they got on before the marriage, and what happens during the marriage.

Financial crisis occur. This obviously puts stress on individuals. Accidents. Things that some people don't take in account when they say, "I do". If this person is the right person for you, your relationship will change obviously. But, any happenstance should bring you closer..Except unfaithfulness and things of that sort...

You have to remember when you're married that you share more space with this person. They are in your bubble. Not always constantly; but enough where you really know them.

Sometimes, I think that's why many couples that move in together before marriage, if/when they do marry, they divorce and quickly. It's been done in several studies.

Every relationship situation is different, though.

Likely due to the trouble my parents had and things I am aware of about myself, I don't want to marry. I do, however, like being in a long term relationship. Up to now, it doesn't make sense to me why I feel that way.

I was also told once in a particular astrology forum that a person with my Venus and Pluto placement shouldn't really marry because relationships will always be painfully difficult. I tend to think they are right, but I'm hoping that perhaps that was just a bad reading.