Talk about highroad this is himalayish. Shell you go girl. Elsa's advice here resonates loud and strong of titanium love. I am a single mom and if you want to know any gorey details to keep you on track I'd be happy to divulge.

shell - sending you good vibes.

A story-type explanation of elsa's technique. Clarissa Pinkola Estes works a lot with veterans, and is married to a soldier. This is from her Women Who Runs With The Wolves book:

There once was a young woman who lived in a fragrant pine forest. Her husband was away fighting in a war for many years. When finally he was released from duty, he trudged home in a most foul mood. He refused to enter the house, for he had become used to sleeping on stones. He kept to himself and stayed in the forest day and night.

His young wife was so excited when she learned her husband was coming home at last. She cooked and shopped and shopped and cooked and made dishes and dishes and bowls and bowls of tasty white soybean curd and three kinds of fish, and three kinds of seaweed, and rice sprinkled with red pepper, and nice cold prawns, big and orange.

Smiling shyly, she carried the food to the woods and knelt beside her war-weary husband and offered to him the beautiful food she had prepared. But he sprang to his feet and kicked the trays over so that the bean curd spilled, the fish jumped into the air, the seaweed and rice spilled into the dirt, and the big orange prawns rolled down the path.

“Leave me alone!” he roared, and turned his back on her. He became so enraged she was frightened of him. And finally, in desperation, she found her way to the cave of the healer who lived outside the village.

“My husband has been badly injured in the war,” the wife said. “He rages continuously and eats nothing. He wishes to stay outside and will not live with me as before. Can you give me a potion that will make him loving and gentle once again?”

The healer assured her, “This I can do for you, but I need a special ingredient. Unfortunately, I am all out of hair from the crescent moon bear. So you must climb the mountain, find the black bear, and bring me back a single hair from the crescent moon at its throat. Then I can give you what you need, and life will be good again.”

Some women would have felt daunted by this task. Some women would have thought the entire effort impossible. But not she, for she was a woman who loved. “Oh! I am so grateful,” she said. “It is so good to know that something can be done.”

So she readied for her journey, and the next morning she went out to the mountain. And she sang out “Arigato zaisho,” which is a way of greeting the mountain and saying, “Thank you for letting me climb upon your body.”

She climbed into the foothills where there were boulders like big loaves of bread. She ascended up to a plateau covered with forest. The trees had long draping boughs and leaves that looked like stars.

“Arigato zaisho,” she sang out. This was a way of thanking the trees for lifting their hair so she could pass underneath. And so she found her way through the forest and began to climb again.

It was harder now. The mountain had thorny flowers that seized the hem of her kimono, and rocks that scraped her tiny hands. Strange dark birds flew out at her in the dusk and frightened her. She knew they were ‘muen-botoke’, spirits of the dead who have no relatives, and she sang out her prayers for them: “I will be your relative. I will lay you to rest.”

Still she climbed, for she was a woman who loved. She climbed till she saw snow on the mountain peak. Soon her feet were wet and cold, and she she climbed higher, for she was a woman who loved. A storm began, and the snow blew straight into her eyes and deep into her ears. Blinded, still she climbed higher. And when the snow stopped, the woman sang out “Arigato zaisho,” to thank the winds for ceasing to blind her.

She took shelter in a shallow cave and could barely pull all of herself into it. Though she had a full pack of food, she did not eat, but covered herself in leaves and slept. In the morning, the air was calm and the little green plants even showed through the snow here and there. “Ah,” she thought, “now, for the crescent moon bear.”

She searched all day and near twilight found thick cords of scat and needed to look no farther, for a gigantic black bear lumbered cross the snowfall, leaving behind deep pad and claw marks. The crescent moon bear roared fiercely and entered its den. She reached into her bundle and placed the food she had brought in a bowl. She set the bowl outside the den and ran back to her shelter to hide. The bear smelled the food and came lurching from its den, roaring so loud it shook loose little stones. The bear circled around the food from a distance, sampled the wind many times, then ate the food up in one gulp. The great bear reared up and disappeared into its den.

The next evening the woman did the same, setting the food in the bowl, but this time, instead of returning to her shelter she retreated only halfway. The bear smelled the food, heaved itself itself out of its den, roared to shake the stars from the skies, circled, tested the air very cautiously, but finally gobbled up the food and crawled back into its den. This continued for many nights until one dark blue night the woman felt brave enough to wait even closer to the bear’s den.

She put the food in the bowl outside the den and stood right by the opening. When the bear smelled the food and lumbered out, it saw not only the usual food but a pair of small human feet as well. The bear turned its head sideways and roared so loud it made the bones in the woman’s body hum.

The woman trembled, but stood her ground. The bear hauled itself onto its back legs, smacked its jaws, and roared so that the woman could see right up into the red-and-brown roof of its mouth. But she did not run away. The bear roared even more and put out its arms as though to seize her, its ten claws hanging like ten long knives over her scalp. The woman shook like a leaf in high wind, but stayed right where she was.

“Oh please, dear bear,” she pleaded, “please, dear bear, I’ve come all this way because I need a cure for my husband.” The bear brought its front paws to earth in a spray of snow and peered into the woman’s frightened face. For a moment, the woman felt she could see entire mountain ranges, valleys, rivers, and villages reflected in the bear’s old, old eyes. A deep peace settled over her, and her trembling ceased.

“Please, dear bear, I’ve been feeding you all these past nights. Could I please have one of the hairs from the crescent moon on your throat?” The bear paused and thought, "This little woman would be easy food." Yet suddenly he was filled with pity for her. “It is true,” said the crescent moon bear, “you’ve been good to me. You may have one hair of my hairs. But take it quickly, then leave here and go back to your own.”

The bear raised its great snout so that the white crescent on its throat showed, and the woman could see the strong pulse of the bear’s heart there. The woman put one hand on the bear’s neck, and with her other took hold of a single glossy white hair. Quickly, she pulled it. The bear reared back and cried out as though wounded. And this pain then settled into annoyed huffs.

“Oh, thank you, crescent moon bear, thank you so much.” The woman bowed and bowed. But the bear growled and lumbered forward a step. It roared at the woman in words she could not understand and yet somehow words she had somehow known all of her life. She turned and fled down the mountain as fast as she could. She ran under the trees with leaves shaped like stars. All the way through she cried “Arigato zaisho,” to thank the trees for lifting their boughs so she could pass. She stumbled over the boulders that looked like big loaves of bread, crying “Arigato zaisho,” to thank the mountain for letting her climb upon its body.

Though her clothes were ragged, her hair askew, her face soiled, she ran down the stone stairs that led to the village, down the dirt road and right through town to its other side, and into the hovel where the healer sat tending the fire.

“Look, look! I have it, I found it, I claimed it, a hair of the crescent moon bear!” cried the young woman.

“Ah good, ” said the healer with a smile. She peered closely at the woman and took the pure white hair and held it out toward the light. She weighed the long hair in one old hand, measured it with one finger, and exclaimed, “Yes! This is an authentic hair from the crescent moon bear.” The suddenly she turned and threw the hair deep into the fire, where it popped and crackled and was consumed in a bright orange flame.

“No!” cried the woman. “What have you done?!”

“Be calm. It is good. All is well,” said the healer. “Remember each step you took to climb the mountain? Remember each step you took to capture the trust of the crescent moon bear? Remember what you saw, what you heard, and what you felt?”

“Yes,” said the woman, “I remember it very well.”

The old healer smiled at her gently and said, “Please now, my daughter, go home with your new understandings and proceed in the same ways with your husband.”

Jilly--Thank you so much for taking the time to copy all of that for me to read, it means the world to me!  I've just been completely dumbfounded and caught off guard by all of this, but as the days go by I feel less emotionally erratic and am able to stand a little more solid.  I think my biggest regret would be if I didn't give it my all.  So thank you for that, Jilly, metaphoric stories have always helped me understand things better (yet another reason why I love the Elsa blog).

Deirdre--It's kinda a weird comparisson, but when he told me how he felt (I would have thought myself to be upset and accusatory) I felt like he was one of my kids (ya, that's weird, lol), I felt unconditional love and compassion for him.  I never knew my heart had the capacity for that other than for my kids.  At that moment I realized what love (romantic love?) should be and I wished I knew I felt that strongly for him before.  Gosh, I swear if we make it out of this, he will be smothered with love and affection for the rest of his life.

:)

That was beautiful Jilly, you are a doll!

(((shell))  It's all been said so well here. I have never in my life felt such love and caring rushing to surround another person ..what good, decent people ..each and every one of you is amazing here,.. it's as though everyone is there, feeling, caring, healing, willing you the strength you need, Shell, torches out, hoping to light the way a little, helping you to untangle the confusion, to find your route back to the safety of your familiar world. It's humbling to read this thread..and I send my love to you and yours and my thanks to everyone involved in this blog. Elsa you make it all possible, thank you.

I also know of a recent great success with EMDR for a friend's son.  Also not at all the same but there was a chapter of about 2yrs when I had to play mother to a secretly scared, grouchy and moody husband through serious heart problems and eventual bypass age 41.. not at all the same, probably zillions simpler, but just in case it's helpful want to say the fire came back to stay, we're strong, the romance is alight...and that  friends helped us so much, too.

lots of love and hugs xxx 

shell, i'm really glad to hear you talking more along the lines of riding this out...didn't want to tell you what to do, but it was hard 'cause it comes through loud and clear that the you love one another.

that is no small thing.

and try to cut yourself as much slack as you can as well. because having your husband show up one day and tell you that he's not sure he loves you anymore is ALSO a loss, okay? you are under high stress as well.

the saturn/pluto thing - saturn can be "work" as much as it can be deprivation - and if you work for saturn, he generally treats you well. and while yes, pluto dies things, pluto also resurrects.

in other words, i suspect you will never have the same relationship you two had before. but i believe very strongly that if you work through this, you could end up with a relationship that is much, much deeper.

sending more love your way as i get all misty eyed and shit. goddamn it.

Lynne E--I known right!!  I'm blown away, because I've gotten the same response here that I've gotten from my family and friends here at home...everyone is so supportive and hopeful.  I know I keep sounding like a broken record, but really, I'm so grateful and blessed!  It's always encouraging to hear stories like that of you and your husband =)

Goddess--That last bit cracked me up!

So, we just got back from vacation visiting his family-my loving in-laws.  It was very nice, my husband and I swam w/ dolphins together, hung out at the beach and such.  At this point, in limbo, all I can do go along for the ride and hope for the best.  The control freak in me, who is used to being on solid ground, is appreciating this lesson on letting go and going with the flow.  I enjoyed myself more in the past ten days than I have in the past couple of years.  I am a tad fearful about the future, but I am also anxious to see who I'll be after these transits.

That's good news, Shell. Thanks for sharing it here. I've been thinking about you and hoping for good stuff...

yay dolphins! your plan of action sounds good from this end. it's clear how much you two love each other and your family, too. i hope you keep us posted. nice to see you home safe and sound!

wow.... I cried.

(((hugs))) to shell.

are you up for talking here, shell? 

yes ma'am!

I read your comment in recent days about wanting for summer to be over and wondered how your little gals were doing. Have you and your hubs much couple time with school out?

They're good!!  They're both ready for school to start.  It's probably a mixture of me boring the hell out of them and their love for school and socializing. 

Thankfully my folks live down the street and love to have "their girls" over a lot.  I think we've had a good amount of alone time going to dinner and such.  He's leaving to Germany on the 18th until Sept 11th.  Not looking forward to that, but luckily me and the kids will all be back in school...and I'll be busy, busy, busy.  I think only having one class this summer is what has allowed my mind to run completely rampant and out of control.  Frankly put, I need to get a life!!  I need a hobby outside of school, kids, hubby. 

How are you Kash?

I hear you on the mind running rampant!!! Pretty much in the same boat. Doing my mantra of 'letting go' but I have Venus/Pluto and dang, I get o-b-s-e-s-s-e-d...

how about taking up painting again?

I actually just bought a book on color theory so I can tackle the basics before I go trying to paint anything again...lol.  I also bought some quality colored pencils and just been drawing a lot lately, also just plain ol' coloring in my kids coloring books.  There's just something about laying down some color that is like therapy, haha!  I've been racking my brian thinking of things to do to keep my mind at ease.  I'm having fun with it =)

Speaking of obsessed, I'm really enjoying your storytelling on your site! 

Holy cow, shell!  I'm alternately sorry you had to go through that and glad that things are starting to look up.  Seriously, you ROCK, woman!  Hardcore.  Only positive vibes, I promise, being sent your way.  ((((shell))))