Good stuff by Isabel Fonseca.  Venus-Saturn types may enjoy this.

*****

I met my husband [Martin Amis] on the telephone. I was working at the Times Literary Supplement and trying to persuade him to write for me. His deep voice made an impression- along with that other voice, on the page.

Marriage is a complex joke. Certainly the thing I cherish most in marriage is the laughs - perhaps because I have a tendency towards melancholy. We've been together for 16 years, and I'm sure that the running jokes keep it fresh. My husband shares certain essential qualities with my father, which, in its fatefulness, is quite depressing - as if I had no hand in the choosing. Both are artists - that is, utterly preoccupied with their own stuff. This can be trying at times, but it's also useful, if it echoes your own needs and appetites - for solitude, for work. Parity's the thing. Every artist is most alive when alone - and they don't really take holidays, no knocking off at six. I get that. But I don't recommend it for my daughters. Not that recommendation comes into it. Each of us - if we really want to badly enough - finds the person with whom we can board the ark.

When my novel was first published, I was surprised by descriptions of me as a femme fatale. The gulf between how we feel (in my case a bit overweight, far from home and generally out of my depth) and how others see us is wide and alien - even in the context of a long marriage; in fact, this is one of the subjects of my novel.

Pretty much everything I know about men has been informed by my two wonderful older brothers. I was perhaps unusually close to them, which meant I had all the male intimacy I needed. In fact, I didn't feel the need for serious relationships all through my 20s. Then, aged 29.9 I took myself to see a shrink to work out why all the men I liked were unavailable - somehow provisional. The big love affair of my post-student life was with the late poet Mick Imlah, a wonderful writer with a talent for fun, but who was also remote. I always fell for these distant, intensely self-sufficient men - poets (my mother once asked me: "Can't you just have lunch with them?"), and then married men, and also at least one gay man. So I saw this pattern, and I went to the shrink in Kilburn saying: "I want my life in full." It struck me on the couch that I'd put my life on hold because my brother had AIDS. Of course I did. Bruno's illness, which consumed us all, was very slow, which made it an even more incomprehensible affront. After he died, in 1994, everything seemed easy and obvious. Within a couple of years I published a book, had a baby, set up house. I'd never lived with anyone before.

It wasn't uncomplicated, my getting together with my future husband, but it was very clear.

Much is made of the differences between men and women. But I think both are troubled about ageing and allure - about making their mark. When I write a male character I find that the difference is stylistic rather than essential. Everyone suffers humiliation, we all have our hearts broken, we all become orphans. Everything is stacked in men's favour, but still I wouldn't want to be one. It's more fun to be a woman - a more varied life - and the clothes are better. But then the flip side of "varied" is a life of constant interruption, which, of course, is the enemy of writing. Despite the inequalities that exist, I think educated people can play either way. I don't think it's harder to be a woman; these days I think what's hard is to be young. I'm so relieved that youth is behind me and all the heartache and anguish is reserved for my desk.

GO Isabel!!!

ya having a twinkie complicates things alot....you know what I mean...you have to shift your weight around and self-adjust now and again

"On which side do you dress, Sir?"

"On which side do you dress, Sir?"

on the side on which I can hang my hat, coat, and cane....of course

I refuse to refer to the glorious external evidence of a Y chromosome as a "twinkie."  Sorry, but y'all lost me on that one.  

I do like the piece (of writing, ladies, of writing), though, and I am amused by all our collective Friday shenanigans.  It's clear the mood has lifted, at least in my corner of the world. 

Very interesting Jennifer!  Food for thought - Thanks for posting!

"the piece"

BWHAHAHAHAHA! 

Reminds me of a certain lubricant called "Gun Oil," ahem...

Oh don't start me down that road.  I used to work at an adult toy store.

LOL

"On which side do you dress, Sir?"

on the side on which I can hang my hat, coat, and cane....of course

You can leave your hat on.   

*cue Joe Cocker*

I like the Tom Jones version, too.

I just wanted to say Cocker.

Cocker. 

Since we've already degenerated too far to be recovered . . .

One of our favorite sayings in my Tribe involves the phrase "but you like the cock too much to . . . " fill in the blank.

Me:  I'm frustrated with men today but I like the cock way too much to completely switch teams.

*chuckle*

hahahahaha

And thanks for this Jennifer. I wanted to read Isabel Fonseca a couple of years ago for Sociology class but I couldn't find her work in the library. Now I've joined a bigger library and hopefully they'll have her books.

@Shannon, I love those boots!

Thanks y'all.. Now you have me thinking of a cock. I've been so pure of mind for well over a year!

No i mean it. THANK YOU!!! :P

"I refuse to refer to the glorious external evidence of a Y chromosome as a "twinkie."  Sorry, but y'all lost me on that one."

I'm still laughing over this one!

"I just wanted to say Cocker.

Cocker. "

Then this one came up!

I'm seriously amused by this thread!

haha

Bruce COCKburn

Joe COCKer

oh my, this started off so civilised & then .....

straight down into the gutter  love it

Haha this thread started out so proper....but that was a great passage, thanks for sharing!

Cockburn is less giggle-inducing for me but I do have a story.

My ex hubs and I were both DJs in college, and we'd guest on each others' shows.  He was playing something by Bruce Cockburn and I said "Man, that's an unfortunate last name.  I mean Cockburn sounds like something that needs an antibiotic."

Him: "It's pronounced coburn."

Me:  "Oh.  Well that's some relief then."

bwhahaha!

hahahahahahahahaha, some very funny comments, just the laugh I needed

@jennifer, however on a somber note, I believe that "believing makes it so" thus regards to what this thread is about and its opening statement, I believe we are naturally equal, no matter how it looks, nature takes her course, as we have seen globally for a while now....and saturn has been busy forcing the balance of them libra relationship scales for a while now, once in scorp, im thinking the secret of how it really is will be revealed...

Everybody seems to be obsessed with cock today, but nobody's got the balls to admit they're thinking of nothing else. OK, you started it, so here's a video of a cock with balls. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpZ-A9h2ldk   Playtime!

ahahahaha

*LOL* funny comments.

I really liked this bit "The gulf between how we feel and how others see us is wide and alien".

I really enjoyed it. Can't say I agree with everything but I agree with most of it and some of the stuff I read I didn't really think about until she said it - which is probably why I enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing.

Lol. As another Venus/Saturn, and 12th house Venus on top of that type, I found the article very interesting, as it sounds like something that might happen to me; sans children, marriage, and living together. Sorry, I have Uranus. ; )

Ahem, as for glorious twinkies.....I'd call it something else. And say I'm quite curious about the mechanics and such of a wondrous device that is totally and irrevocably my 'other.' I guess that's part of where the interest comes from. "Ooou, something I don't have! fun!"  My Sun sign is ruled by rather dextrous hands, my Rising sign by her throat. *prim sniff*

*adjusts glasses, and halo*