I'm sure everyone is sick of hearing about me and my lame boyfriend, but here we go again.

Last night I slept over. I was drifting off and on the verge of dreaming. It was something about some people from seventh grade. Still half awake.

Suddenly I hear him giggle. So I say, "What are you laughing about?"

And he says, "I wasn't laughing."

And I say, "yeah you were, I was about to fall asleep and you woke me up because you giggled."

Him: No I didn't.

And that's it. My sleep is ruined. I am uncomfortable, disheartened, and even "creeped out" in a way. An uneasy feeling. Why? 

Where's the laughter? Where's the... "I was?? Are you sure??" And the giggling, where is the giggling?

Terrible night's sleep, just because of that ONE incident. I try to dump him and he cries and begs me to take him back. 

What am I so scared of??

PS: Relating this to astrology, it has to be a Scorpio moon thing. 

I don't know but I can reference what I'm scared of when this happens to me.  I'm not afraid of making a mistake-- I think one learns from mistakes.  but I'm afraid of making a ridiculous mistake:  humiliation, being played for a fool.  that makes me cringe.

Thanks Satori! :) Yeah, it's true... no one wants to look stupid.

More and more I'm looking at my grievances and thinking they're pretty fucking lame. But the feelings are still there, regardless of how "Lame" they are and I don't understand where they come from or how to make them go away.

I think I'm petrified of the "discomfort" I often feel around/with him, or should I say the lack of comfort. 

I actually looked up "Saturn conjunct moon" and "Saturn conjunct Venus" (he has both) and was struck by the accuracy of the following:

"You can display a sombre, self-restrained, conservative personality. Your social relationships can lack spontaneity, enthusiasm, and naturalness, inhibited by emotional defensiveness, reserve, and caution. Relaxed communication and self-expression can be difficult."

http://www.astrologyweekly.com/astrological-aspects/saturn-conjunct-moon.php

A conversation that happens "almost in a dream" should be infused with intimacy... affection... laughter. I mean for god's sake we're sleeping in the same space. I guess his cold and fast responses startle me, particularly in a scene like that where one expects warmth and ease.

I actually managed to casually bring this up today and I finally got the laughs and the "who really knows what happened" that I was looking for. 

I just wish that I could feel more at peace with who he is and know that it's okay, no harm is ever meant toward me. I am coming from a relationship that was all about sweetness. This is so very difficult in comparison (and I don't mean to compare, but how can one not??)

PS: I lied in the first post. I said he "begs me to take him back" and I think I was just sleep-posting when I wrote that. What he does is cry and cry and act mortally wounded. He sobs and tells me it's his biggest fear to be left by him.

do you believe him?