my significant other and I get in fairly frequent flaps over Facebook.  it's always me with the objection.  

I think it's possible to have good boundaries over these things but I hate the assumption that everyone's got 'em.  there don't seem to be any hard and fast rules about what's appropriate and that makes it tough.  

it says POKE, ffs.  ignore the innuendo if you will but it's still there.   

My husband and I have very similar boundaries about internet related things.  I had to remove my mother from my children's (very closely monitored) pages because she posted something slightly inappropriate in the guise of asking for prayers.  *sigh*

John is annoyed by some of the silly stuff like pokes on Facebook so he wouldn't go around poking anyone, but he talks to a few dozen old flames.  If the twin (Gemini sun) who runs the internet stuff had a jealous bone, I'd be crazy by now.  It's the in person side of me that is more likely to get pissed, jealous or insecure and that is rarely directed at or triggered by other people.   And for his part, he encourages me to flirt with people so ignore my answer.  We are at the far end of the curve.  

To represent the other end of the spectrum, if my husband was poking women on facebook, I would come unglued.

Neither of us are on facebook...

...because were not 13 years old! ZING!

LOL @ notatirem.  For me facebook is pretty silly and frivolous but for John it helps him stay in touch with people  on the other side of the world.  Friends and family and professional contacts in the music world. 

Teehee, I couldn't help it.  I know a lot of people use facebook and the like for networking and keeping in touch with people...

but Scorpio Mercury feels it needs to be mocked.  Carry on. 

I have no idea why facebook provoked my most childish of insecurities but it did so I deleted.

Maybe it's my Uranus trying to be rebellious. It's very strange. 

it's where all my blogging and bulletin board friends went.  so really, all my not in real life friends.  his are all in real life people, particularly single people and high school classmates, who for the most part live in town.

chrispito, I find that very reassuring.  I don't think of you as a particularly reactive person. 

@satori - I always giggle at the pokes.  Especially when they come from people who I know are not reading the innuendo like I read it. 

@chrispito I think I have issues with it sometimes, too.  I've actually deleted friends from my facebook ... because I found out things like the friend I hung out with yesterday is moving across the country and neglected to tell me in person.  (Not yesterday, but that's the timeframe of the thing that happened.)  If you actually see me in person or talk to me on the phone regularly, don't let me find out Significant Life Stuff via Facebook.  But that's my issue, so I deal with it on my own side.  Sounds like you did the same.  :-)

@notatirem - you crack me up!

Anyway.  Most of the people I talk to on FB aren't people I know in the real world, but I don't think it would make a difference.  I am on the silly/frivolous side of it, so if I had one SO I can't imagine it would be a bone of contention.  I have boundaries, though, and a lot of things I would happily do in person I rarely, if ever, do on facebook.  Like, oh for example, flirting.  Some things simply do NOT translate to text well.

seriously, some of the people I know with the best boundaries are in open relationships.  that can't be a coincidence.

@satori I would tend to agree.  I am, obviously, biased.    But I think we have to be better at boundaries just by default, else the whole thing goes horribly awry in the ugliest possible ways.

a couple i know was having a hard time in their marraige. one of 'em changed their relationship status to "it's complicated"without realizing everybody gets an update of that. ooops. that was not pretty. they have since become "less complicated," which is a good thing for all concerned. lesson learned.

i also have friends who have gotten very pissed at various FB happenings. status updates, etc, not the pokes specifically (and nobody i know uses them, thank god), but other stuff.

LOL @ Note, as usual. I do use FB for keeping in touch with HS people and a little networking.

i imagine you'd have to have great boundaries to have a successfully open relation, or the darn thing would implode in very short order.

FB - making it easier to annoy others every day. haha!

QFE*:  FB - making it easier to annoy others every day. haha!

***snort*** 

*quoted for emphasis* 

http://failbooking.com/2010/01/14/we-know-what-theyll-be-talking-about-at-the-next-family-get-together/

Jilly, you've provided my husband and I with much entertainment in the last 44 minutes.  Hilarious!

I think good communication and good boundaries are important in any relationship but open relationships blow up fast without either of the two.  

I deleted after my friend died. I called people, you know--on the goddamn telephone--about a dinner we were supposed to have in memory of this friend. No one returned my calls.

I got an email *that night* "oh, sorry! oops! we forgot you weren't on facebook! we arranged it all there!"

like, FUCK YOU. I was just so defeated with it after that. Of course, these were people who didn't return facebook messages when I was on it, because "they never went on." I don't believe anyone who says they "never go on", ha ha. I thought it would be fun, and my expectations were obviously too high, so I bowed out. 

My artist neighbour said he thinks it's basically a promotional tool. For that reason I would consider creating a new profile only for business/art purposes and leave the social stuff to real life. 

I've never had problem one with my internet friends on fb, the irl contingent has a high percentage of, er, problems.

and GAAAh, chrispito, I SO feel for you.  my chest hurt a little when I read that.  I've had similar experiences but not such a serious one as a death. 

thank you Jilly!  I just submitted a screen capture to Failbooking myself.  it was what prompted me to write this in the first place.  I hope they put it up.  that would make me feel much better.

:)

Most of the interaction I get on Facebook is marketing type messages from people wanting to promote their book, magazine, etc.

There are a couple people with the same group of rare diseases that I have, whom I keep in touch with. A few people that I know from 20 years ago etc. 

I never really recovered from Plluto in the 11th, so only a few folks from IRL.

for those of you who are my facebook friends:  I'm deactivating it.  could be anywhere from a few hours to forever.  I don't know yet.  I just didn't want anyone to think I un-friended them.

Thanks for the warning.  I'll miss you on my homepage, homie.  *grins*

:)  when I stop hurting so much it will go back up.

*Applause* (not trying to be funny, I really mean this)  I think that was a very brave thing to do.

thanks.  i have to stop the pain.  it helps a little.

*hugs*  I hope it helps too.  I'm sorry you're hurting. 

I don't give a good god damn, myself. On one hand, the petty side of me enjoys that his friends can see the BS he bulls in private with me. Other than that, I'm a pretty open person, so....

My kids all have facebook pages but having one myself never appealed to me. I think it is because I feel that most of the interactions aren't personal enough...so why waste my time with it.  Obviously it isn't the internet part that I find unappealing because I'm here on elsaelsa virtually every day...but this space is a community.  It feels like more of a connection as opposed to posting inane blurbs and bragging about how many "friends" you have.  Just sayin' its not for me.  (My kids seem to enjoy it).

Get your life back.

http://vimeo.com/8223187

@ Nota~ is this for real?

(I didn't actually click for more info).

So, how are you doing woman?  Having a baby anytime soon? Holding out for the full moon, are you? 

Are you demonstrating any "nesting" behaviors yet?

satori i am really happy for you:) it eliminated a lot of angst for me.

{{{satori}}}

I'm a big fan of "if it hurts, don't do it."  <3