Another saga in the "My fire side (Moon in Leo, Mars in Aries) can't handle my water side (Sun in Pisces, Venus in Pisces)":

I've spoken a lot about how I'm very hard on myself. I can't HELP but have emotions with my planets. Deeply felt emotions. But I wish I were calm and chill and able to rise above them.

I have to get a handle on my emotions. I'm just not sure how. HELP ME.

Friday at work I had a pretty significant problem. Every morning the department heads go into a "morning meeting", and so I went down stairs to see if they had convened yet. The door to the meeting was wide open and only three people were left at the table, which is generally a pretty good sign the meeting is over.

I knocked on the door frame and came in, excused myself and started talking to the Infection Control nurse (I work at a nursing home) about something she had that I needed.

My boss pretty much snapped at me and told me to leave.

About five minutes before it was time to go home, I got pulled into her office (with the Administrator there) and written up because apparently that morning meeting had not been over. I tried to explain that it was a mistake - apparently I assumed things and that was indeed an error on my part, but it was Human error. I didn't just waltz in like I have no concept of etiquette or rudeness.

Of course they really didn't care and I got written up anyway.

I started crying. Because that's what I do when I get frustrated or upset. I was pretty annoyed they were being unreasonable about it and when I get any combination of mad/frustrated/annoyed, I cry. I can't stop it, I can't help it and it makes me look like such a fucking sensitive douche bag.

I don't whimper. I don't sob. I just can't stop the tears from falling or my chin from quivering. And I'm not a pretty crier, either, so my face gets all red and splotchy.

To make matters worse, she asked me, "Why are you crying?" in a tone of voice that made me feel even worse about it, so that pretty much stopped me from being able to get it under control.

I just get the feeling I made myself look like a total fucking idiot and that upsets and frustrates me even more. (Leo Moon, always about the freakin' ego!)

Meh. Really bad way to kick off the weekend.

How do I quit this? How do I make it so that the tears are at least able to be turned off in situations where they are NOT acceptable?

BTW: There was a silver lining of sorts - I went in to my boss before I walked out the door to apologize for the tears. Because I know this is not how you behave in a work setting. It's not. 

My boss, whom I see as a very rigid, non-fanciful woman,  told me it was all right and then asked what month I was born in.

I nearly lost my breath and just smiled - "March. Yes, I'm a Pisces."  

She's the last person on Earth I would ever think would ask me a question like that, would be into Astrology. But she nodded, told me her daughter was a Pisces, too.

"No worries", she said. "Have a good weekend."  

Oh, damn.  (((luci)))  I know how that feels.  I have a Leo sun (I must be perceived favorably, I'm a Queen!) and an Aquarius moon (who the hell needs feelings?!), but Cancer rising, moon as "basket handle," and Pluto trine my moon.  There are definitely times I just cannot hold what I'm feeling in, and I'm always shamed by it.  Especially if I'm in public.  It's not regal, it's not cool and collected, and what the hell am I doing, anyway?  *smiles*  I eventually just shrug it off, though...  I've learned that if I fight it, I just make myself miserable anyway, so let others think what they will.  They don't matter in the long run -- I do.

No answers, hon, just letting you know you're not alone.  I hope the rest of your weekend is better.

I can relate. My chart is almost all fire and water.

I couldn't help but notice that your fire is really hating on your water in your post.

I think if you manage the fire better, the water won't need to cry. In other words, get the ego under control, and you won't have as much to be upset about.

And I say that with plenty of fire, so I'm not chastising you at all. I hope it doesn't sound that way - I really have no room to criticize in that area

Good luck! I'm glad your boss was understanding.

Hi Luci,

 I sympathize with how you feel when crying in front of someone, especially at the workplace. just curious? do you like your job? and wanna stay? I dont think you can completely control your emotion and tears and there is nothing wrong with it. dont be so hard on yourself. It shows you care immensely. It dosn't sound like a fair situation for your boss to write you up for knocking and entering a room? Is there any more to the story? any misplaced words...? It seemed I read another thread with this same type of question coming up? Do you have to enter where they are? or could you always stay completely away until there is no one around this 'boss.' Mars in Aries is in it's rulership and that can be a very strong type of energy to deal with. I'm bet when you enter a room it is highly evident. which house is it in? I have a Leo moon in the 10th house and venus and mars conjunct in aquarius and opposing my moon. I'm really emotional and passionate. Maybe you should try and work for yourself?

the more i try to control crying, the less likely i am to be able to do it.

it seems really odd that accidentally interrupting a meeting is an official offense worthy of a writeup in your personnel file. i've never heard of anything like that before.

p.s. if it were me, i would start looking for another job. what jilly said in your other work thread, about you being cubed up with your nemesis, coupled with this makes me wonder if they're not setting up a paper trail to let you go. i'm not trying to be negative or anything, but it's smart to be aware.

Yes, it does seem very strange, like an episode from the Twilight Zone.

If your co-workers/supervisor cannot accept your humanity, then perhaps it is time to look for new employment.

During the divorce hell that I have been going through I broke down in my supervisor's office. She held me up while I sobbed and then we sat and talked until I could calm down enough to go home.  I know how you feel, I was embarassed about it. Cause I've alwasy been a "rock".  

Since then our relationship has evolved into a much more compassionate one, and she has shared with me some of her own emotional pains.

Writing this now, I feel very fortunate at least for one thing in my life even though Im really really unhappy with my work/career/place of employment.

Big big hugs to you.

Thats really cool that your boss asked you your sign, its like you got an astrological get out of jail free card.

yeah, i was having the same sense as goddess. I didnt want be negative or anyting but just maybe start looking but be prepared to collected unemployment if they are looking to cut some folks... better to get unemployment while you look than to quit and have nada.

I really not being negative you understand. just some thoughts.