Why or why not?

This topic is so poignant to me - I can't even answer it-- makes me tear up (ack)

Yes, i want be by someone side, in life as well as in bed :-P

I don't necessarily want a husband. I want someone that is sufficiently crazy about me he wants to take that step because I mean the world to him and he couldn't imagine his (already stable and happy) life without me.

It's about the partnership, not about having a wedding; and I say it this way because I know plenty of ladies that only want the wedding, it could be any guy standing there next to her.

Nope I don't want a husband. I want to be able to have an honest passionate relationship with a man that is truly complementary. But mariage is a piece of paper, I have nothing against it but to me it doesn't prove a thing. I 've just seen too many people get married for the wrong reasons.

Agree with Luci really. I've always been allergic to the idea of weddings, husbands and wives, but in the last year I've been thinking through what I really want in a relationship, if I ever have one again. And it comes down to life-long committment, and the willingness of both parties to consciously work at what that might involve. So I guess the word husband would define it better than lover or boyfriend or (yuck) partner.

I do think we need to redefine marriage. Or at least give ourselves the freedom to do so in our own lives.

Actually, yes

Why?  Because if I ever find "the right one" for me, I want to offer us both the legal support a marriage provides.  (Maybe I've seen too many ugly stories with domestic partners who can't legally marry?)

And since I'm not sure there is one right one for me, well ... it would be pretty monumental.

Opal: From your response, I'm not sure if my meaning is clear.

I want to be married again some day. But if someone were to propose to me and we were engaged for ten years before getting around to a wedding? That'd be fine.

It's the meaning behind the commitment I want, BUT the deal definitely should be sealed at some point. 

Yes, no, maybe, I don't know.

What this really boils down to:

(a) On the karmic level, I don't think I'll be satisfied without one. Period. *@#%$%$# seventh house sun/Venus.

(b) On the other hand, I'd loathe being referred to as "Mrs. HisProperty," being harassed for kids, being expected to act like A Wife and be more domestic.. I'm a failure at womanhood already but it's not as much of a problem when you are single. I don't think I'd LIKE being A Wife at all. I hate the role, hate being heterosexual so I can't really opt out of Wife Baggage if I partner, hate that I can't have a husband and not be The Wife at the same time. I'd do a lot better at marriage if I got born with the penis.

(c) I don't exactly have a life/chart where this is going to be an option for me anyway short of serious Act Of God Miracle occurring. I got engaged to someone I shouldn't have because (a) dad was dying and this was my last chance to snag a man before that, and (b) if I didn't marry this one I'd never have another chance. And I didn't marry that one :P I had about a year of my life post-fiance where I was 100% content to be single. I really, really miss that mindset. I was devastated when Teh Needy started crawling back. Blech.

I think the entire purpose of my life is to want a husband more than AIR and then learn to deal with not getting what i want my entire life. Seriously. I don't think the devil (if such exists and I sold my soul to it), or God, or anybody in existence, could help me with that problem. It is unsolvable because my personality is unsolvable.

Yes, I do! But only as long as he's in love with me for my individual self, and not because he's obsessing over my natal/and or the composite. 

Secondly, I would be extremely reluctant to go along with a public "coup" (say, à la facebook); the simple but important reason for this being that my former crush (Liar Scorp), maverick here and I have about 45 friends in common who are colleagues (will be colleagues of mine in the foreseeable future). There's no way I can afford a "fight to the death"-type scenario - which it seems is slowly but surely brewing anyway, much to my chagrin. I'm basically appealing for moderation

Oh yes! But next time I am not going to wash the car in my prom dress.

I married someone ridiculously incompatible, but smart enough to know that we should be friends as exes. My next goal is just to find a relationship that is 80% enjoyable 20% annoying (wink-wink!) and see how it goes. 

Ha ha, Scorpion.

I used to be violently anti-marriage.  Didn't want to trap myself that way.

Then I met someone I wanted to be monogamous with and could see spending the rest of my life with.  So I wanted marriage with him, but only for the legal aspects.  *offers a fist-bump to Shannon*  I didn't like the thought of him being injured and unconscious and me not being the person the hospital / cops / whatever would contact.  I didn't like the thought of him dying unexpectedly and not having a leg to stand on regarding the things we'd collected and the life we'd built.

Now, I'm open to the idea but very unsure I'll ever find someone I want around in that capacity again.  It'd be nice.  Hell, it'd be ideal!  But I'm not holding my breath.

if we didn't have quite a few practical reasons to do so, we probably wouldn't have gotten engaged.  but the legal protections and framework it provides for raising children are pretty compelling.  that and what data there is show an overwhelming tendency for children of married parents to have greater wellbeing across the board.

and i trust him to not get weird ideas about me suddenly turning into some idealized fifties housewife (ha!) and we're both pretty good at respecting each other's boundaries (and defending our own when something needs to be addressed.)

so, uhm.  probably not an old fashioned marriage. or maybe an old-old fashioned marriage, in the sense of a deep commitment to an underlying purpose...

Yes, I want the partner I already have.  No, I don't want to actually get married.  I hate paper work.

It doesn't really matter though, we're in Texas, its common law at this point. 

Saturn is transiting my 7th house right now.  Yea.  I have venus conjunct saturn in aries natally, plus Uranus in the 7th.  I've never wanted to get married before - too much independence in my chart.  

Right now, though, with other challenges in life, I can see the draw of having someone you trust in your life permanently.  The legal protections would be key, too.  I'm heterosexual, but hopefully all people can have these protections in their committed relationships soon, as well.  (not trying to be political here, it's just a natural progression.  Oh well.) 

yes...why?   double pisces w/libra rising

why not...i'm damn near impossible to live with....mars in cancer, venus in aries...although elsa's stories of her  libra mars and annalisa's venus in aries... give me a little more hope!! 

I understand jenfullmoon -- about feeling set up. Like, being given a chart to make you want it more than AIR and then the chart also makes you deal with not getting it forever. Sometimes i feel that's my fate but i am fighting against it.

I always wanted to be the wife though-- want those WORDS -- besides the other. With my venus square neptune and saturn and sextile jupiter.... there's a swamp of need and a swamp of fear and it's all BIG--

I also read chiron in my 7th and 8th (so close to the cusp) -- makes sense. Also my NN is in 6th, conjuncting 7th house cusp.

I think my 40's are gonna be interesting -- Uranus will be in my 8th.... Jupiter just entered my 7th.

Someone once told me pluto in the 1st was a lone wolf - so i guess i need someone who is attracted to the lone wolf. And then begin the mutual domestication process.

My post posted twice so i am deleting the second one but also wanted to ask why lindsey thinks she's hard to live with. I also have mars in cancer -- too domineering at home? Maybe you just need someone who want to give up control in that realm :)

Sending some LOVE moonpluto.

(And btw, I'm apparently a "lone wolf", too) Pluto in Leo in the first.

xoxo

Thank you PallasAthena- :)

Yes. For me the idea of husband is as partner. With the question, marriage or no marriage didn't enter my head. I can partner with anyone but my husband will be the one that doesn't just partner.. that also knows how to support and withhold for the mutual benefit of the relationship. And that is something i'm working on on my own end..because to be a wife is to be the balance to that. 

Pluto in cap/saturn in libra square right now. Libra is in my 12th. Any old person can come up behind me slather me with compliments and down i go.. quite happily.. until the compliments get weary, they want to partner with me when i have to go to work.. or bail on me when I need someone to do something inconvenient.... reality bears down and my saturn in cancer needs to eat nurturing foods and cuddle on the couch.  And whoever i've partnered with would rather compliment me instead of feed me.   

moonpluto: heh, yeah, totally. Though in my case I am not trying to fight it because the universe isn't supporting that worth a damn and I'm not inclined to fight uphill.

That said, when Uranus hits my seventh in my forties...I think if I come out of that time period without having broken the long bout of celibacy, even I will be amazed, because that might be the one time the universe supports me meeting people! 

jenfullmoon:Uranus in my 7th: I had an interesting unconventional relationship that changed me and my life forever. Jupiter was also in my 5th then. It totally broke my celibacy btw. The relationship did end and i'm still working thru that--

MP - I KNOW I'm hard to live with.  It's one of the million reasons why if I ever do find "the right one" I would consider marrying him. 

I share your Mars in Cancer, but for me it's more a history of depression, a severe need for some f***ing space, and being way more Oscar than Felix.  I'm working on two of those; the space thing I don't want to change at all.   

Oh Shannon i am more felix than oscar (depending) but i share your history of depression and need for space--

Maybe i'm blind to my own mars in cancer tyranny. Yeah, roomates always would complain that i wasnt there enough for them, not social enough--

I love to be in a room with someone in peaceful silence. That is bliss to me.

I never have. I have the military wife's signature, Venus and Uranus in tight conjunction.  In the 9th house, in my case, and Libra: give me love by all means, but get him out of my hair at regular intervals.

ooh lindsey I feel you! (I have Venus/Mars in 4th)

Never ever ever ever in my life have the words 'I want a husband' escaped my lips. 

I have always felt my calling was to be a foster mum and marry when I was an old lady. And my version of old is 65+

So will I get married? Probably! I don't like it, but I can feel it.

Chrispito, I always have these psychic feelings about you/your chart -- I see you getting married too. And when it happens, I hope to say I told you so!

ah, yeah, uranus in the seventh provoked the end to the longest bout of celibacy in my adult life... and i eventually got around to getting clue about what i wanted (and wouldn't stand)

also forced me to realize that my objection to marriage was an objection to being dehumanized and losing my identity.  given a firm trust that that won't happen to me it's not such a scary idea.

uranus is now about to start sashaying through my eighth... should be an adventure...

hey moonpluto, shannon and chrispito, by now you know i'm on beirut time so i'm a little late here posting....but abt mars cancer...and venus aries (7th) ... i'm a very thorough mix of wanting freedom/space....to be independent....but also to be protected and cared for...  i just don't get turned on by a man who i can dominate....oh, but nor do i want to be totally dominated...

when my father died i found the spanish bull fighter's quote on an index card left on top of papers on his desk 'with you or without you my sorrows never end, with you because you kill me, without you because i die'..... this seems to run in my family...lots of broken marriages on both sides and way back when it wasn't as common

i do have an idea of the right kind of man though - one who likes to fight/spar or debate occasionaly (no violence or physical action)...who doesn't need a lot of time to recover (like an hour or two)....and is then  totally back in the groove loving again...

one who doesn't freak out about tears and mini-blow-ups of emotions  which blow over just about as quickly as they erupt....and in turn...he gets wrapped in  my mermaid tail & i  take him to the depths of ecstacy (and a little more, i can cook a great omelette) ....but truthfully...i think most men prefer a safer bet, i can't say i blame them...

sometimes i feel by my emotional nature i'm like a spice you want once in awhile but not steady diet... i attract men looking for diversion but not constancy...this has hurt me  plenty...he's looking for spice, not the rice....and i want both....

anyway, i like all the mars cancer presence on the board here ...i recall denamaria has that as well...and i love the way she fights for human rights (another side of it!)
 

I'm very encouraged by these Uranus in the 7th stories,ladies.  Hits my descendant in a couple of months.

Omg lindsey you described qualities that i also want--

And also the feeling of being the spice or side dish, not wanted as the meal

Dang.

Love that quote btw. And hello Beirut!

Shannon also has mars in cancer...

Oh wait and Jessica too.... Quite a little water club :)

Opal: without a doubt Uranus makes things happen. I mean, I would be surprised beyond belief if Uranus' transit thru your 7th didnt shake things up and change you--

Come to think of it, before I was with my ex, I had a pattern of a certain type of man... I was experimenting... Wasn't until it was applying to my moon (I think...) that the ex came into the picture. As it enters my 8th, jeez....

I'm 48 next month and never been married.  Had a couple of live in relationships though.  My astro signature is similar to those mentioned above

Sun in Aries

Venus square Saturn

Venus oppose Neptune

Uranus rising, ruling the Dsc.

Freedom issues?  No shit!  ha ha

 Yes, I have always known that I wanted to get married, and I do even more now.  The live in relationships were fine, but I knew from the get-go I would never marry them.  Well....one guy i thought about it, but knew it was wrong.  It was more about playing house and companionship. 

Yes, I'll get married one day......sooner than later.  I want the piece of paper, the commitment, the whole 9.  Don't forget, Saturn is the coruler of Aquarius on the Dsc.  Commitment is important.

so Barb, you're my man's astro-twin.  and you sound like him.  what keeps you with someone you know you don't want to marry?  

I kind of see my man exemplifying the logic of The White Queen (in Alice):  jam yesterday, jam tomorrow, but never jam today. 

i think i could marry the man i'm dating. he is very kind to me and pays very close attention--maybe my ex did, too but he was soooo non-verbal. he remembers what classes i'm taking and stupid shit like that. my ex almost missed my graduation, he just 'forgot'

i remember him once saying "i don't tell you everything because we're close, and you just know". it was a true statement, but often very difficult. he just up and left, when i'd been begging him for months to tell me what was wrong (he was in denial about it, is my guess).

i have no moral/ethical complaint against co-habiting, but i have done it twice now and i will NEVER do it again, unless my partner actually says something about wanting to share a life--all of it-- with me. in the meantime we can live separately and i can try to lose these goddamn chains of mine.

I've already had a husband, so I'm pretty sure that I don't want/need another one.

To look for marriage itself is to look for trouble, I think. If two emotionally mature people want to enter into an agreement of partnership, I'm inclined to believe that they will work harder to uphold their respective ends of their deal. Not being legally hitched gives both an easier out that is not afforded those who get married on paper; so hopefully no one will become too comfortable without it.

In my experience, that document of comfort that one's local family court system issues becomes a license to become complacent and treat their marital partner like prisoner or property -- or both.

If someone were to ask me if I wanted a partner to care about and be protected by; to share myself with in a mutually satisfying arrangement; then I'd say "Hell yeah ! Where do I sign up ?!?!!" But a husband in the sense that I've known the term ? Yeah, I need that like a brain tumor. I know good guys exist, I just doubt that being partnered with one legally ever happens often enough to anyone, for it to look like a possibility for me.

I've been single for eight years with no end in sight, but I'm always happy for anyone who can find a good person and make it work; and the world needs that !

thanks reikiheart, your perspective made me feel better for some reason:)

i have no interest in entering a legally binding relationship until my head is screwed on right. having a boyfriend/lover who loves me and sees me for who i am is all i can ask for at this moment in time. i am just appreciating, being appreciated instead of being criticized to death for being x,y, z

urgh chrispito. When i read your comments about your ex, it makes me want to give him a good talking to!!! (that's my mars in cancer speaking - wanting to protect the wimmen-- whether they like it or not ha)