On another thread, Dorothy was talking about the devotion she and her husband have had for each other since the day they met. I would love to hear more stories like this, from people who persevered through life's struggles.

And relating it to astrology, what are the good and bad aspects you have with your S.O.? How do you make these work for you?

Oops, wrong crowd. ;)

Just kiddin'.

I wasn't going to post, because the headline says "happy in love for 20 years," but then you mentioned persevering through life's struggles, which was a more apt description :-)

We've been married for 13 years. We are not one of those couples that never fights that you hear about. But we both remained committed to not wanting to discard what we had started, and it has paid off over time.

Challenging aspects have to do with Mars Saturn. His Mars squares my Saturn and my Mars squares his Saturn (in Taurus, no less). So lots of stubbornness and hot-headedness ;-)

Nice aspects: My Jupiter trines his Venus/Jupiter/Sun conjunction. My moon trines his Mercury/Neptune and is conjunct his Chiron. His moon trines my moon.

Nothing really revolutionary about it, just learning to respect the other person's needs. That and the occasional homemade "thank you for not divorcing me" card.

I've been married for 20 years now. And I'm absolutely, positively, stupidly in love with this man. So I guess that qualifies. I'm not a whiz at the combined charts, but here is ours -

I realized after a discussion in the Colosseum that I and my hubby have a very Saturn-flavored relationship. We met at work. We got together under the condition it would add big responsibilities for both of us that we both willingly accepted. I project my Saturn, having it in the 7th house and all so I have to have it pointed out somehow, even though it should be obvious.

I think it works in large part because we never ran away from that influence and the call to responsibility.

Our charts have plenty of similarities. We both have Saturn in Pisces opposing a boatload of Virgo, for example. My Saturn in the 7th, his in the 4th. I think his Jupiter in Taurus is good for my Taurus midheaven, and supports me. (Granted I have no idea what I'm talking about, but just thinking based on what I see)

My Venus hits up with his rising nicely, and in fact, we do have outstanding communication. 

We got married in our early twenties, under fire. He was in court over custody of his kids and in a lot of ways, that sense of us against the world helped cement the bond. I'd joked we should send his ex a thank you card. 

We've had minor issues over the years and two or three epic fights, but only a few times over the course of our marriage have I not been certain we were going to make out okay overall. Even those moments, I never doubted what I wanted to happen - only what might.

Don't know what chart aspects are challenging specifically, but I used to feel huge frustration at his total disinterest in leaving the house. (Mars/Venus in Cancer, I guess.) Eventually I got over it by realizing to myself how little it really matter. He is not me, so why should he want the same thing as me? I know how to drive, do I not? That's just an example, but the principle holds: Reserving my battles for the things that actually matter made a world of difference. Understanding that his stuff is not about me and vice versa allowed us to be together without reading in a bunch of crap that wasn't really there.

Oh well, I'll try not to go on forever. Honestly, I feel ridiculously blessed. I am in a relationship that's full of love and respect. The man is my best friend and understands me in a way nobody else does - and loves me anyway. He makes me laugh. He believes in me even when I don't, and helps me over every rough patch. And he does all this while believing that I am a gift to him...

Enjoyed reading yours Goddess, see your Mars in Scorpio opp his Jupiter in Taurus.. my husband and I have same, although his Mars is in Taurus too.. we have been married 33years on October 30th.

We never run out of conversation..he is someone I admire and respect a lot, and I definitely think we are very lucky. People who meet us think we haven't been together long as there is a freshness to our connection with each other. He brings me flowers, does the most incredibly thoughtful things for me, and I love to surprise him, in all sorts of ways, too. 

There is no other for me.. he is IT.  Not sweet and sugary.. feisty every now and then, both us of strong and stubborn, but we both have Mercury in Pisces, so we think alike and can read each other well.  My Moon is with his Sun in Aries..his Ascendant in Cancer on my chart ruler.  Both have chart ruler in Cancer. Both love being close to family and supportive and warm with each other's families too. My family see him as the heart of us all. He radiates an aura of warmth and ease. 

We've been through so much together, he's been my rock through bereavement and supportive of my career, I've been his rock through illness and the greatest champion of his creativity. We're currently having a lot of fun together, and have two grown n flown kids who are more sensible than us these days. Three grandbabies, too. Both of us have Saturn in Libra and we truly meant and uphold those marriage vows. 

Having said that, I just burned dinner..so maybe there'll be trouble ahead..hahah!!

Great thread, Bananas. Thank you for starting it.

Thanks for the tutorial Goddess!   My hubby and I have been together for 20 years, married for 18 years.  I agree with a lot of what you posted.  I feel very blessed and sometimes feel like I'm the only one that's this lucky.  It's not that we haven't had our bad moments but it's just that we happen to manage our lives in a very similar way and we work things out in a way that makes us both happy.  One of my frustrations is that he doesn't like going out either.  He does play hockey and takes the kids out but he doesn't take me out dancing!  But he could care less if I go out dancing without him... at first I didn't like it but now the occasional wedding, bar mitzvah, or whatever other event is enough for me.  Not like he'll get up and dance with me but there's always the girlfriends!  

Anyway, I've always given much credit to my 'lucky'  relationship because my hubby's ASC is on my Venus/Jupiter conjunction.  And his Jupiter is only four degrees from my Sun.  We also have the a Moon / Sun trine and a Sun / Mars trine.  uhmmm, I just noticed the mars/ pluto and mars/uranus square but I can't say that I feel that, we don't really have big or explosive arguments.  I don't know about that Sun / Moon opposition...

http://www.cafeastrology.com/synastry/sun_moon_aspects.html says the following:

The opposition between the Sun and the Moon in synastry is less problematic than the square ... The attraction is strong and mutual, and the ties can be quite binding, as both people involved are drawn to the relationship.

Thanks for the thread Goddess!

My second try to post my chart... I can't figure it out...

Ok, I got it on the third try. 

Bananas, Thanks for this thread

Goddess thanks for the tutorial.  I'll have to work on size next.  I used flickr

Thanks so much girls, for sharing. I hope Dorothy spots this thread and comes over too... I thought her post about her and her hubby was very heartarming and she inspired me to ask this question of you all. I remembered also that Goddess brought this up - I think it was in the Colosseum, though. 

User: how do you deal with the Saturn square mars issue? Do you have a good example of how this plays out and how you get past it? I do have this with the man I'm currently with (his Saturn squares my mars and also my sun!). MY Saturn is conjunct his mercury. So yeah, there's a lot of strife. 

Goddess and Nelly, re: the "not leaving the house" and "not dancing" issues... I have to laugh. Having a man who refuses to dance is apparently a pretty common problem. :) And as far as not leaving the house... I guess it's either one or the other, you have the wanderers and the homebodies and there are pros and cons to each. I was with a homebody for 4 years (he's so at home here, he still WON'T LEAVE even after we broke up) and now I'm experiencing the polar opposite with a new man - the adventurer. 

re: Goddess: "He is not me, so why should he want the same thing as me?"

I have recently come to this conclusion in my own relationships. It's a good way to make a lot of uncessary drama just go away.

Strawberry Fields, you're getting married... what is your secret to staying happy with your partner through the troubles and struggles? 

Lindiloo, your man sounds like a Godsend: My family see him as the heart of us all. He radiates an aura of warmth and ease.

Oh, by the way - I didn't mean for the title of this post to be literal. If you feel you've triumphed over hard times with your partner, survived trying episodes, grown together... I want to hear about it. The number of years doesn't matter to me. :)

Bananas thank you for the thread..here's a thought about your Saturn connections, although only you know whether that chemistry is there that keeps your relationship alight..no chart can really tell you about the X factor of sensory attraction..

Right..His Saturn squares your Sun and also your Mars.. are they natally opposed or conjunct?  Either way, maybe his influence steadies the more impetuous aspects in your nature while maybe you do some "asskicking" that helps him to get a move on with his own plans?

Your Saturn conjunct his Mercury.. so you may cause him to take his thoughts more seriously.. yes that can be a conversation stopper or a bond of endless chatter..lengthy discussions sometimes about mundane matters too.. just be aware of it.. if it's your Saturn, he's going to learn something about the sign and house his mercury falls in..just from being with you.  I think if it's my Saturn on another's Mercury I should make sure I listen to that person..rather than allowing walls to form around ouir communications.

The theme of "from the mouths of babes come pearls of wisdom" springs to mind.. listen and learn from each other perhaps?

 Saturn involved with Mars can sometimes affect sex life.. so it gets scheduled or curtailed or life gets in the way.. or maybe it's just something you work at and perfect : ))

 Lastly Saturn is the planet we look for to see if this is a relationship likely to have foundation and duration..

How have you found it works for you?

re: Bananas' question: Strawberry Fields, you're getting married... what is your secret to staying happy with your partner through the troubles and struggles?

Each one of us being 100% honest (in our words and actions) about who we truly are, what we want, how we feel, etc. Acknowledging our differences, and dealing with them, one way or another. There is no cookie-cutter answer or method. Giving each other space when needed, then coming back and re-assessing from a new place.

A relationship is like swing dancing: you pull tight, you push away, pull together, away, twirl and get dizzy... and sometimes you screw up and lose each other (go flying across the dance floor) and then you laugh... grab a hand, get back in sync and keep going until the music stops!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTg5V2oA_hY

nice one SF!

< 

Oh well will try again - sorry Bananas that I did not see this post.  I met my husband in 1981 - we got married in 1989.  I tried to post the chart but didn't work.  Anyway, I won't pretend to know what "keeps people together".  We have been to hell and back again, a few times, and for whatever the reason staying together was always more important than anything else.  We just do not know how to not be with each other.  Some of the astrology is:  his Jupiter and Venus conjunct my Jupiter - he has Neptune/Moon in his 7th house in the same sign/degrees as my 1st house Moon and Neptune.  We share the same Saturn , Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto signs (but not the same degrees). His sun is the ruler of my 4th house, and my sun is the ruler of his 4th house - all I know is he felt like "home" the first moment I met him.   

Hubby and I have been together for 25 years, married for 22. We have a very karmic relationship and we are balancing out some heavy duty past life stuff. Long story, but lots of responsiblity, financial burdens and hatred from his ex from day one. i've been branded in many ways for throwing it all away for love. But like i told him, "if I had to do it all over again, I'd do it all over you." He agreed. We've had a roller coaster of a ride but we are hopelessly joined at the karmic hip. Composite chart shows Sag sun/scorpio moon and venus in the 7th. I freaked when I saw the composite chart, but really it just reflects the origins of our union.  Just want you all to know that despite all the warnings signs of what I was getting into, I just knew in my heart that this was the love I had been looking for all my life. Sounds schmalzy but true. And it's turned out that way. So far...

But remember that with long term relationships come all sorts of issues that come with the long haul. It's always something. 

that's a lovely story Dorothy.. sounds like soulmates for aeons..awww, and Mimi.. sigh.. you know sometimes you just are meant to be a couple.( all that 7th house stuff in composite says "this is a couple".. brings you hell and high water.. the Sag is rollercoaster and Scorpio Moon.. yes, lots of drama there, but oh when it's good, you just know you are so blessed, that you have something special.. okay I'm off back to work and stop being soppy Pisces!

I am so lucky to have a man that really really loves me. And I mean really. It's been lots of hell and high water but our devotion to each other is absolute and cast in concrete. In a marriage like this it's "live and let live." Everyday is a opportunity to put yesterday to rest and keep marching forward. Most people cut when the going gets tough. That's love.

There have been periods of intense discontent but I've  (we) never waivered. It was a chance for me to become more spiritual and that I did. 

I should have jumped on this thread when it came up.  I've been with my husband for 30 years.  I don't have much to say.  I'm a Cap and pretty private about some things.   

Can anyone mention more about the X factor? Because I have this man who says he loves me and wants to  be with me, and he really pushes me to grow and shred my bs, etc. But I just keep thinking how can it be that he's so great, but theres not this X factor, whatever it is. YET...I still cant tell him to go away or that Im not feeling it...and its been like this for a long time for me. Back and forth...

One quick and apparent synastry aspect to note: sun sextile sun.  I've known at least 15 couples who have this and still very much married to each other.

Yeah... the sextile! I dated a Sadge... only one of them... but the flavor of our relationship was perfect, I felt.

Except for the fact that his Sadge ass cheated on me. :) 

wonderingair  With regards to the X factor... I still remember the intensity of a Mars conjunct Venus on my chart and a Mars sextile Venus on his chart.  That was the X factor!!!

or the SEXtile factor Nelly!!

wonderingair..sounds like he's more of a teacher than a lover..

Hey Bananas, sorry about the delay I just saw your post. Our Mars square Saturn, well for me, my way of dealing is to just not take it that seriously. We're just two old grumpy, frumpy people bitching (even though we're not that old), like these two: