Got any strategies? And i'm talking about a close friend or family member, roomate, boyfriend, etc. Someone you see a lot and so love but their constant negativity/pessimism starts to feel, well, toxic.

Any thoughts?

And I have so much water that I absorb stuff. I feel I need to not absorb.....

Thanks for any feedback...

And I realize too that I can't change them and they likely can't change. I guess I'm looking for ways to not be so affected by the moods/energy of others. Is it possible?

Hey Moonpluto,

Up until recently I WAS this type of person that you're talking about.  It's hard to talk a negative person out of their mind-frame, because they often believe they are cursed or everything/everyone is against them, and until they can find a way to allow themselves to see otherwise they will pretty much resent being told to 'think positive' or 'cheer up'. 

I am fortunate in having three good friends (all girls, of course) who were instrumental in helping me find a better way of thinking and being, but I had asked them for their advice on this matter.  One girl was a Leo, another an Aries, and the third a Pisces.  The Pisces was the one who inspired me to seek a positive energy/outlook within myself or around myself and mold my attitude around it.  It worked.  It probably helped a lot that I adore this person, and felt I'd let her down with my negative tendencies.

One approach you might take is to let the person know that their negative mindset/ attitude/energy is detrimental to their health (mental and physical) and that they should seek positive avenues to help enlighten themselves and turn their dark thoughts/actions around.

Not sure if that helps some, but after lifting myself from the darkest depths to the brightest heights (within just four months) it's all I can really offer.

-nutsymaclewis, I hear ya.

When your down, your down! Lol.

Don't tell me to smile when I don't feel like it!

-moonpluto, I live with a person like this. After a while you get used to it. You'll be amazed at how adaptive you are.

And believe me.... I have suffered my fair share and no doubt will continue to.... BUT if we are friends i can still....send a message that isn't pure depression. She has no idea i guess that every message she sends says Only One Thing: save me, i'm drowning!

Um, i can't.

I actually did call her today and it helped me, and her.

Didn't try to fix, tried not to fix, tried "some" empathy and "some" hang in there! And i'm fucking running on empty, not kidding. Don't know where i found the strength to make that call, honestly... But it helped.

Thanks for ur feedback!!

And yeah if someone tells me to smile or cheer up it pisses me off too.

The sad fact is that negative people will hold you back and bring you down, drain you dry, like you said, Moonpluto. So if you're best friends with one, or dating one... if you REALLY want to shake their influence... you've got to get away from them. It doesn't have to be an ugly scene... you can make a gradual exit, find other, more positive people and things to fill your life with. This way, when you say "Sorry, I'd love to but I don't have time" it will actually be true - and you'll be better for it.

So I guess what I'm saying is, work on filling your life with positive things and the negative ones will just get squelched out. 

One of two things will happen. Either the negative people will find some other equally dismal folks to hang with, or they'll see how well you're doing and they'll suddenly want to change, too.

You can tell when negative people are really doing the most damage when you find yourself getting into imaginary conversations with them ALL the time. Replaying talks you've already had... thinking "Oh, I should have said X" or "Why did I say Y?" Wondering if you should try X approach next time they bother you with such-and-such problem. 

When it gets to this, you really have to find an escape hatch.

Bananas said it all -- I do exactly the same.  Of course in the beginning I try to listen and offer advice if it's asked for.  But there are just some people who have a negative mind-set and it seems like they don't even want to feel better, you know?  They just need someone to either dump their @#$% on, or suck dry emotionally.  When that becomes clear, I start distancing myself. 

Being around negative people doesn't bother me and I don't know why.  It may irk me in the moment, but there's no lasting damage.  Mostly I just listen and let it wash through me.  The exception is when I have no energy to give, and then I tell it straight-up:  "I can't deal with your attitude right now.  I have too much on my plate."

SuperScorp gets this way.  There'll be days when nothing goes his way and he gets in a funk of "my life is shit."  I half appreciate it, though, because I know when he does this I'm seeing inside his mask.  Doesn't stop me from telling him if he doesn't like the situation to change it already, but still... 

Moonpluto,

Sometimes, it just takes the right person to say the right things.  As I'd mentioned earlier, my adorable blond Pisces friend snapped me out of it with just a few simple words regarding my negativity at the time:  "I have told you this to what seems like deaf ears (not to be harsh it is said with love) but you need to stop putting out bad energy and start attracting good energy."

Because she means so much to me, and letting her down physically hurt me inside, I sat bolt-upright in my chair and strove to try not to disappoint her again.  From that day forth, my focus on positivity has soared.

Not sure if this helps, but it's illustrative of what some seemingly small things might do to improve one's attitude or insight.

In most cases I just cut them off, but I have to work with a couple of very negative people.  I try hard to avoid speaking with them unless I have to.  And when I have to, I just cut the conversation off asap.  

They both have Leo moons - the one who is a Pisces sun is for sure the biggest ego-maniac I have ever met, hands down.  She is totally in love with herself, and I think she sees J-Lo when she looks in the mirror, when in reality she is obese and dresses like a circus clown.  She knows everything, knows better, been there done that, and the bitch is only going to be 25 this year.  Still lives with mommy and daddy, who of course think she is wonderful, and has been dating a guy since high school who she keeps trying to get to marry her, and I guess he has half-a-brain because so far he has resisted.   

The other is Capricorn sun - she also thinks she is a genius, and is delusional about her looks, but she is alot more low-key than the other big-mouth.  Conversations with her can involve more give and take, but in general she can change the mood in a room from light to black so fast no-one knows what the hell happened.

Basically I gravitate as much as possible to my positive co-workers, and enjoy their company.  It helps repel the "dark forces", lol. 

Dorothy, the negative one in my life has Leo south node... i realize the changes will have to come from me. Want to strengthen my meditation practice anyway and that is key to taming the monkey mind....it's this gunky feeling though, thick, dark, heavy.

Dealing with her has truly shown me how my own negativity affects others!!

You have to repel!!  Life is too short!!

I wonder if anyone's posted  a thread about how not to *be* the negative person?

I don't know any negative people. I do know people who swing back and forth though.

Beth, you can start a thread..?

I swing back and forth for sure...that's pretty normal for me.