And where is your venus?

ABSOLUTELY NOT. Yeah, right. I don't even like my fiance to be around people she's had sex with.

Venus in Scorpio in the 5th house

HATE it.  I have huge fidelity issues and would prefer not to have to determine what is appropriate and what is not.  I am aware that some people are able to be appropriate but many are not.  how many times have we heard about someone falling on a dick... ooops!  

I have been put in the position of being told that things are entirely above-board while all circumstantial signs point to it being otherwise.  I have a long history of being gaslit by lovers and a father who was a prolific cheater and gaslighter.

aries venus, 8th house, square cap moon.

also in the 8th house:  saturn, chiron, black moon lilith, eris. 

Doesn't bother me. Either I trust him or I don't.

NO!  Venus conjunct Jupiter & MC in Aries/10th.

Unless you have children together what purpose does it serve to be friends with your ex's anyway? My ex is all choked up because I don't want to be friends with him. Frig. You stomped on my heart and broke it into a million pieces and made me uproot everything I loved and start over and you want me to be your FRIEND? Take a hike assface.

I don't like it one damn bit, it makes me want to have a punchfest,lol.  It REALLY burns me, but my hub has a daughter with special needs that stays with her loser mom(his ex), so I have to still have trash and drama in a small part of my life, grrrr.  I have a daughter from a previous as well and those ties have been severed, no contact or child support.

My venus is in cancer in the second square my mars in libra in the 6th, venus is also trine neptune in the 6th in scorp and sextile pluto and uranus in virgo in the 4th.

I'm in a relationship with an Aquarius who spent much of his life travelling around playing music.  He has old sweethearts all over the world and I don't think any of them think ill of him.  He is so incredibly devoted to me and so expressive that I never have a moment's doubt where his loyalty is.  When I went home with him to Ireland and met all of his friends from home who were so happy to see him it spoke volumes to me about his depth and character. 

 Venus in Cancer in the 8th.  And I have Scorpio too so I should be more jealous than I am.  This man frees me like no one ever has and keeps me safe and secure at the same time. 

"He is so incredibly devoted to me and so expressive that I never have a moment's doubt where his loyalty is."

I think THAT is the crux of the matter.   

Absolutely not. I trust him - I love him and know he's loyal. Doesn't mean I want him rubbing elbows with his ex. Sorry.

Venus in Pisces in the 9th (conjuct sun in pisces, conjuct mars in aries).  

Haaaate it!  But I tolerate it when necessary.  And unfortunately, my husband has a child from a previous fling, so tolerate it I must.  I trust HIM completely.  Her?  Not so much.  She does a tad too much whining about her husband around my husband for me to be overly pleased.  Her and I get along fine though, because I know very well that a boy's loyalties are to his mother, and that letting him see my dislike of his mother will only hurt me in the end.

8th house Aries in Venus, of course!

Well i am not friends with exes, so I can see your point, Togi. My boyfriend doesn't have friendships with his ex girlfriends. He sees them socially, and has in the past taught a couple of gals yoga after they broke up(he learned yoga recently, he's not the bed-the-students type of yoga teacher, ha ha). But...yeah. He doesn't. If he did, I don't know what I'd do. No fucking idea. His last girlfriend is best friends with his sister, and he has known her for decades, so I wouldn't touch that with a ten foot pole. He has Venus-Moon conjunct Neptune in Scorpio and amputates people who interfere with his personal relationships and I am more than happy to not pay any mind.

Venus conjunct Mars in Aries trine Neptune/Saturn; opposed Pluto 

In principle I am fine with it (after all, I am friends with my exes and we talk and meet up), but it depends on the man.

If I was with someone I felt was deceiving me, well I wouldn't feel good about that person and I'd be suspicious of anyone they were talking to. But if the man is treating me well and I don't have a bad vibe - then why not? *

*As a caveat if he was friends with someone who was being nasty and disrupting our lives, the no, I would not be happy. But if his exes are normal people and there aren't broken hearts and ripped up dreams littering the place, then as far as I'm concerned we can all be friends and go out for drinks.

Venus in Gemini opposite Neptune and both square Saturn.

Yes Satori.  If there were any room for doubt my Scorpio/8th house stuff would take off with it and heads would roll.  But in this case it is a matter of good people who didn't fit as a couple anymore and who parted amicably.  And ongoing contact is limited. 

I would not be comfortable with a very close friendship between my man and an ex that excluded me in any way.

If a guy told or showed me somehow that I couldn't be friends or friendly with ANY person, they'd be sorry. I'm going to talk to who I'm going to motherfucking talk to. So, in reverse, my guys can be friends with whomever they wish. Not that it's an allowance, but more of an expectation. If I can't trust him, if I'm going to have "issues", then what's the point?

venus in taurus, 8th house, opposite moon/jupiter

I have to be the best ever and number 1. The only way he can have contact is if they are parents together and he doesn't like her, i.e., he complains about her and the things he doesn't like about her are areas in which I excel. Call me an insecure loser, oh well.

Libra Venus in the 2nd.

Funny though, that said, I actually work with my 2nd husband's 1st ex-wife and sister-- yep, this one guy has a sister and two ex-wives working harmoniously together. I actually like her and our kids (hers are older) are siblings to my son. Maybe in another life we were all part of a harem or something :)

Hallelujah Satori!!

In a utopian where everyone was being honest with themselves and each other I say sure why not?!

In my experience though "maintaining friendships" involves a lot of unresolved and truthfully I don't want to be clean up for somthing that is "over". I also offer the same to my partners:

One ex called me and asked to be my friend about three months into my next relationship and I said (exact quote) "I really do appreciate you as a friend but seeing as we have been involved as a lot more to each other, I feel it best to not be in contact. For my new partner but also for you, and I. It's too easy a situation for someone to get hurt and easier to sacrifice the contact."

He loved me deeply and keeping him as a friend while I trolloped through a new relationship WOULD hurt him. Which WOULD hurt me. And wasn't fair. Fresh start!!

In most cases, I find that they're not so much 'friends' as 'possible re-do's'.  I'd have to see them together to decide whether there's something left there, but in most cases, no.  Men (in my experience) are only 'friends' with women they wouldn't mind falling into bed with, and if it's an ex, the temptation is usually just too great.  I haven't met one that didn't have residual feelings still.  But if I saw them both together and could observe them and got no squicky vibes, then I'd be cool with it but alerted to changes in my man's behavior.

Truly, I've never been in this situation.  Of the ex boyfriends that cheated, they kept their cheatees faaaaaar away from me (usually they were ex's, but not ones that masqueraded around as just friends).  Venus in Aries in 5th.

In theory, I am against it. Suprisingly I'm quite tolerant.... VERY surprisingly..

My ex's roommate was a former lover of his, and for a long time I was LIVID! I almost broke up with him, but I thought to myself, "Something is wrong with me" rather than acknowledging that THIS is not ok (and is a dealbreaker). Most people I have spoken to are amazed I have even put up with this!

My boyfriend is still friends with his ex, and in fact, they play on the same team in their recreational sport, and have been for almost a decade. Since I've known my boyfriend for ages before I dated him and I know who his ex is (and am friends with him), I am not so worried (since she wholly denied the existence of her relationship with my boyfriend).

Venus (2nd) in Taurus - conj. Chiron, Trine Saturn, Sextile Moon, Opp. Uranus. Square Mars.

this discussion is seriously therapeutic for me.  I've been having these issues for several months.  it's really validating to have so many others coming out as having similar issues (even if it's just in theory).

the ex of the guy I'm seeing is the housemate of his best friend.  she moved in when they split.  I have issues.

satori - there is always this line: "Kill her or I will. ;-)

yes, I like it.

Satori:

You have NO IDEA how much I understand that! When I was dating my ex and he was living with his former lover, I was in constant turmoil, yet at the same time, I kept beating myself up because I've always learned that "something is wrong with me" or that I shouldn't be jealous if this is truly a relationship worth keeping. I still seriously struggle with jealousy issues, but to a much lesser degree than I did back then! 

What's worse is this: my ex even hung pictures of an unrequited love all over his apartment! Now how messed was that? I should've taken that as a cue to leave - which I should've done that time and not 2.5 years later.

glad you find this therapeutic. Your situation is TOUGH as well though! 

Hmmm... Could she NOT have found another roommate??? Why his best friend??? That's asking for drama -_-

If a man who lived with his ex asked me on a date,  I would laugh my head off.  "You must be looking for a Pisces, dude." :-)

Interesting topic... 

As long as our relationship was solid it wouldn't bother me. I think it says a lot about a a man that is able to remain friends with an ex...

BUT if she was jealous of our relationship and caused problems, he would have to put her in her place immediately. If he didn't? I would walk away in a second.

Good luck finding a relationship with a woman that would tolerate it.

venus in scorpio, 3rd house.

not an issue with my husband, because...well he only had one serious relationship before we hooked up. he refers to her as either "the gorgon" or "evil personified" now. they ain't buddies. they never will be buddies. we had to have some contact off and on through the years because of the kids, but with them grown up now, that's mostly a nonissue. and if she does call for something, i'm the only one who will answer, mostly to make sure one of the kids aren't dead or something.

oddly enough, i have ran into a couple of my exes, totally unexpected. a year or two ago, one ended up at my front door through some bizzare circumstances! the last merc retro, i got myspaced from my first boyfriend ever. weird!

in both cases, i visited a while with them, but have no interest or desire in becoming reconnected in any way, shape or form. i also made a total point of making sure my husband knew exactly what was happening. not that there isn't trust, because there is. but because being upfront and aboveboard has to come first to protect the integrity of my relationship.

i'm not going to tell my man who to talk to, but i do know it would bother me if he seemed tight with any formers. i suspect it would become a problem in fairly short order. i just expect his loyalty to be crystal clear, the same way mine is.

I find that a lot of negative emotions are touted as being unhealthy, something to repress or throw away.  But the way I see it, humans have had these emotions for millions of years, and they therefore serve a purpose.  If alarm bells are going off, there's usually a reason.  Think back, yourselves, to a time when something was reaaaaally getting to you.  Was it nothing?  It's never been a nothing in my world.  I think sometimes our intuitions know a lot better than our conscious minds.

"If a man who lived with his ex asked me on a date,  I would laugh my head off.  "You must be looking for a Pisces, dude." :-)"

LOL... Elsa, that's sooo true! But I'm pretty darn close to a Pisces... go figure -_- Damn that 12th house sun! :P

My answer is simple - no, no, no!  Venus in Leo.

Depends on the relationship. If they're long over and act platonically, fine by me. If she's still trying to get into his pants, that's just tacky. If he's responding to her trying to get in his pants...well, it's doomed anyway.

Venus in my 7th house in aquarius. This is my view; I don't understand the concept of love dying or ending. If I care about you, I will always care about you. This is true of my friends and lovers. The relationships change. Because I am no longer involved in a lover relationship would not be a reason to cut ties.  So I would not be jealous of old lovers and loves of my husband. He chooses to be with me. I am the one that he loves.

Case in point: My husband developed a crush on my youngest sister. (All non-related men developed crushes on my youngest sister; she was that type of woman.) I wasn't threaten. I knew that it was a crush. He was infatuated with an ideal. Plus He loved me. Time went on. The crush faded.  

OTOH, my husband tells me that if our relationship ends, it is OVER.

Venus in gemini in his 10th house.  

venus in libra in the 8th house. (plus sun and pluto in the 8th)

Been having intense internal emotions about this lately, loved reading this thread!

My ex was so untrustworthy and I really saw my darkest jealous side come out with him, but realised (more so now) that it was there for a reason and my instincts were desperately trying to get into contact with me. I can't believe I put up with him for 3 years and thought I was going mad in the process since he was the best deceiver around.

 Being so other-related, 7th house heavy plus lots of Libra, I was always wondering how I could trust him better and felt bad about the way I felt. Oh no! I should have got out of there ages ago.

My poor new (lovely and trustworthy) boyfriend has to put up with a bit of post traumatic shock from me and my enquiries into his friendships with ex's, which I realise now are just friends. There are no secrets, I have met a few of them (he is friends with everyone, kumbaya) and there are no weird feelings.

I still feel jealous sometimes but realise that he needs to be friends with his ex's and he is totally devoted to me and I can sense that in his words, ACTIONS (important) and in my gut.

with my ex it was all secrets, subterfuge and him going to any one of his 'harem' who could provide him with emotional support and hiding them all from each other. i know that he was just hurt and confused and needed love and tried to find it in the only twisted way he could, but this was not right for me.

However much he hurt me, he is going to keep hurting himself if he acts in this way since he will never be able to find a close interpersonal space with someone, since not everyone will be as young and confused as I was when they meet him. I think people can grow though.

How about allowing your girl friends to meet guy friends you have feelings for?

My Scorpio friend with a lot of Libra met my guy friend who is a Capricorn with a Scorpio Moon (Togi :-)) who I have some feelings for.  I didn't explicitly tell her hands off (and she is one of those people who needs to know explicitly and then will back off totally), and she said that she liked him/would have dated him.  At any rate, though she is one of the few who will back off when told that you have feelings, she admitted that she has found guys attractive before purely because their friends like them.  

I know that as a Gemini with various other things, I am a worse example of this than her.  I unconsciously begin to flirt and brighten with an attached man.   And then consciously.  Typically it's better for me not to meet them.  But nonetheless, now that she's admitted this to me, I am more wary about her seeing him again and about introducing her to anyone else that I might have a stake in.  It's just better not to get into that drama, it's not that I don't hold a high opinion of her loyalty and ability to stop vs. my lesser ability. 

it think it's wise to tell your friends you have feelings for the person.

I think you have the answer to your own question but are afraid to face it.  i think you're projecting.  you said up there that your friend wouldn't move in on a guy you said was off-limits. you trust her.  of course if she doesn't know you like him she'd be interested.  it's up to you to let her know.

I mean to say this gently:  you said you would not be so trustworthy.  you flirt with men who are not available.

what you are feeling is projected fear.  you are projecting your feelings about your own untrustworthiness onto your friend.  that's why it's confusing, this feeling, because you know she's not going to do you dirty.

it sounds like you might be ready to change that about yourself.  I think that would be a worthwhile goal and can only improve your friendships. 

I have a question for Chandra if you don't mind.

Lets say the old girlfriend didn't back off....or, maybe she did briefly, but you see all kinds of signs that she is not backing off for long (lets say by way of made up example, that she sends him three sentence post cards to his work; or at least birthday and christmas and holiday cards).

So, you used the words "put her in her place..." (if she didn't back off totally)?

Question: (finally) What would he have to do to put her in her place to your satisfaction?

I'm interested to hear Chandra's answer too.  in fact I'm popping the popcorn.

If it was Elsa P. I'm sure meeting Jesus would be involved.

if it was me they'd be meeting Jesus only Jesus would clearly be a highly irritated Martha Stewart in robes and a fake beard (who turns around and punches me in the face too). 

You're right, satori.  It was a somewhat circular question. 

(((Dina)))

"Put her in her place" does not mean "bury her body"

When i was a kid and my puppy peed on the carpet, my parents used to rub his nose in it to stop him... THAT would satisfy me  or better yet, he could let ME explain to her why her frakkin' jealousy is hazardous to her health. Thankfully, i've never had to do either

My hubby has an ex-wife and a kid with her (who's now 17).  She was all but out of the picture from the very beginning (didn't have to deal with custody issues or child support or all that baloney that usually goes with broken marriages), and never bothered me, so I never gave her a second thought.  Hubs rarely speaks to her.

He's not in contact with any past lovers.  Neither am I.  We're both Venus-Pluto types (conjunction for me, square for him, and he's Scorpio rising), so once people go, they're gone.

Venus in Virgo, 6th house, conjunct Uranus and Pluto, sextile Neptune, inconjunct the ASC.