Hallo everyone, I'm an italian 29 years old woman, and I mean with this introduction excuse my english.(I was born in Italy, Massa 27/09/1980 02.45 am)

Might be the upcoming Saturn retourn but I cannot help looking at my situation, feeling like I need a new look to the world .

 I studyed art and I travelled, but since now I never felt like ground anything.

With my sun Saturn conjunction in libra I tended to deal with my big square conflict  (leo vines in ascendent, taurus moon on the midth heaven, and scorpio mars conjuncted uranus), with a Ghandi like abstinence.

I just tried to quit with everything that was giving me contraddictory feelings, family relationships included. 

My conflict started as teenager, when I quit talking to my Capricorn sister. She got involved in to an extreme political activity wich fed her aggressivity; at home she would be constantly mean and offensive, while i was younger and taking everything personaly.(my sister story might be read trough my mercury pluto conjunction in the third house, and also my tendency to exaggerate feelings ,vines in leo in ascendent trigon with neptune in saggitarius in the fifth house.)

As I was 19 I mooved to Hawaii and after a year I was there, my parents divorced and my father mooved there as well. I got back to Europe after a while and he's still there.

After years of a phone call based relationship with my more and more confused and depressed father, after many liyes about him willing to come back and not doing it, after him treating me more like "the only one" that understands him (his vines, mercury and moon are conjuncted to all my libra planets), I could not take it anymore and I told him I did not wanted such a mind relationship anymore.

My Scorpio mars-uranus always made me jump in to brutal decision, very suddenly (it's in the forth house which made me collect about 15 hausemooving in the last decade).

As for my personal life, I preferred to focus on art in stead of partner, I like scorpio tipe, and I used to be liked as well, but as I grow older I present myself more as a leo which makes the relationship with a scorpio a power struggle.

I slowly turned in to a very cold person wich thinks love is such an high matters that barely regards the real world. Vines is almost overwhelming in my plan, but very hard to make it real.

But of course I'm not writing because I'm willing to hold on to this, but to actually get real and be more grounded.

And I hope saturn will help with that. I'm wondering if pluto in Capricorn will help me learn to accept my sister.

I do feel like I'm slowly setting myself in a pleace where I can comunicate emotion, I used to let toughts overwhelm me, now I'm going back to semplicity.

In front of me I have feeling I left years ago, when I was not able to accept and understand them. Is it my Taurus moon that makes me so slow on going trough feelings? 

If someone has a similar story, or just likes to add something, I would love to hear other experiences reguarding knowing and dealing with the self.