Bear with me, I don't know where I'm going with this...

I think I'm an alright person.  I have flaws, but I'm human and they're not, imo, overwhelming -- I don't abuse people/animals, have a drug addiction, lie all the time, so on and so forth.  I get cranky a lot and I'm lazy.  That's, like, my two biggest transgressions, and I try my best to not inflict that on other people.  I try to be polite.  I try to be considerate.  I try to not burden people.

But, and here's the rub, I'm undermined.  All. the. time.

Example:
A few weeks ago, the day of the earthquake in DC, the shaking woke me up from a sound sleep.  I wasn't sure if I was really feeling things shake or if it was part of my dream, so I call through the house, "Ma, is the house shaking or am I dreaming?"

"It's really shaking," she replied and we started trying to find out why.

A few hours later, my mom gets a phone call and says, "Yeah, it woke SaD up and she screamed at me, 'WHAT THE FUCK IS SHAKING THIS HOUSE?!?!'"

Right in front of me, mind you.  Like I'm not even there!  So I interrupted, "No, I did not!  Jesus, it's no wonder people think I'm mean to you."  (As I've heard from my father -- due reports he gets from my sister.  *rolls eyes*)

How the hell is one supposed to combat this sort of thing?!
I mean, I try to be the best person I know how.  I don't know what else I can do if other people continuously misrepresent me to third parties -- and they're considered credible where I am not (even though I am an exceedingly honest person and known as such).

Person A reports Person B talking shit about me.  Person B reports Person C talking shit about me.  Person C reports Person A talking shit about me.  And yet none of them are defending me, just telling me about it afterward.

Honestly, I'd prefer no one discuss me, ever, with anyone.  *looks at halo*

What the hell, guys?  What more can I do?

I say..rumors lead to tumors...

and I never say a thing about anyone....except for my self.

If the person gossips let them ruin there Karma

Have no fear...about it.

Do you think it's because you live with your mom? Or would it still be the same if you lived alone? I'm asking to see if there is some kind of dynamic that you might could interrupt.

Personally, I would just cut them ALL out for all causing some kind of drama.

I don't want to deal with it.
 

But my Mars trine Pluto is a bit extreme. :)

I cut a bunch of gossipy shitheads out of my life.

Easier said than done because they weren't close family...

I know they continue to talk shit about me, especially now, with this stepson mess (I was always blamed for his problems--I said enough, I cut them off, but they still do it--no lives, really)...but since I took myself out of the loop, there's nothing I can do about it. So I go on with my life like their trash talk doesn't happen.

egiyablu i have that aspect too...how does it work for you? House and signs?

I'm sorry, SaD. That sounds annoying as Hell!

nothing...you can do nothing...and nor should you...you know what's real, other people are stuck in Neptune and that's their problem, not yours.  Just rise above it.

"Do you think it's because you live with your mom? Or would it still be the same if you lived alone?"

No, honestly, this has been happening my whole life.  I became aware of it at 7, though I'm sure it was happening before then and I just didn't notice.  *smiles*

When I wasn't living with my mom, I was a filthy, demon-worshipping hoarder.  Now I'm just a hateful, demon-worshipping asshole.  ;)

Like I've told other people -- I'm a Cosmic Waste Dump.  Don't want it?  Dump it on me.  Don't like it?  Dump it on me.  Any horrible thing about the human race?  I'm your gal!  I do it, I can take it.

PFFT.  *dismissive hand*

RE: Amputation
I've done it before.  What I've learned from that, though, is that I'm going to deal with this issue no matter who is or is not in my life.  It's my dynamic to own.  And at least I like the people I have around me now.  :)  When they're not pissing me off by talking smack, that is.  ;)

Coming back with a separate comment from a different angle...

Yep I can relate and the conclusion I have come too is we all get a turn at the whipping post!! For example someone bitches to me about x eventually they will be bitching about me to x. I think it is just in someone nature to have something or someone to bitch about. Maybe it is conditioning, habit, hmmmm not sure about this dynamic.

pm'ing instead.

Two Rules to Remember About Gossiping:

1)  If someone gossips to me about something or someone else then you can bet your last dollar that they are gossiping about me to others.

2)  If two people are gossiping and I walk up and hear some of it then you can bet your last dollar that one or both of them will tell others that I said the stuff that they said to each other.

If you hear someone gossiping run the other way and don't look back.

I once asked a question about something related to this that Elsa was kind enough to answer in one of the Coloseeum classes.  Here's an excerpt from that:

"Here is this super social person and then all sudden someone cuts the lights to the party. She becomes persona non grata and you can just imagine the devastation to this type personality.  So what can she do?

My thought would be that she more fully integrate her Plutonian nature which may be projected (it is in Libra) but is actually deep (as deep as could possibly be) in her soul.  I am going to talk about myself here ... [because] ... most of you know me or know of me and if you can identify something in another person it often makes it easier to see how it applies to you.

So anyway, I have Mars and Mercury in the 9th and I am very assertive (brave) in publishing my ideas. This uses this aspect in my chart and if I neglected to do this... well I am sure people would come round here and beat on me on a daily basis.  As it is most are scared to do that.

... The point here is the energy is going to play one way or the other and with something like this in my chart, I have learned that if I don't fight I will be bullied.

So that is in my chart and she's got a Mars, Venus, Pluto conjunction in Libra at the base of her chart and whether she acknowledges this or not, it is there.  My feeling is if she were wielding this more consciously [this] would stop and of course here comes Saturn, right. :)

I do think this defines (Saturn) her social problem and as Saturn (and Pluto) transit her stellium she's is bound to work on this and hopefully work it out. As for a clue how this is done, again I can offer my own experience.

I keep this blog, I have for years.  My energy is frequently, routinely taken for granted. Most everyone thinks they are smarter than I am. They think they have better grammar, better politics, a higher mind, a better heart, they are less of a bitch and so forth but I manage not to get flushed in spite of all my inferiority.

One of the ways I do this is maintaining awareness of just who the energy source is around here and making sure others have awareness to the extent I can affect that.  I keep it conscious because if I less mixed up, others are less mixed up and I suggest this gal do something similar.

How hard this is going to be will be determined by how conscious she is of that fact she IS a shadow figure to others. Judging by her post, this is somewhat repressed as she says she is surprised this happens and she lacks information as to why."

Obviously, I still haven't learned this quite yet.  ;)

ok I see....

Honestly I give myself an F on using the energy before it shows up outside of me. Any successes are accidents.

I'm not reading this as being "gossip". I'm reading it as "bullying". There is a difference.

People talk about each other. That's how we relate and try to understand and learn about people. This entire website is built on that, from my perspective anyway.

The difference is this - are they saying negative things, undermining someone, or asking with a negative slant towards the person? All of that is bad.

vs.

Are they sharing about someone because they need support, because they're happy for that person, because that person is making changes in their life in a good way etc. Happy news, daily life, that sort of thing, is not gossip to me.

SaD, I'm with Mahchi on this for the most part. But what sometimes (ie. bullying) rising above does nothing except make them come at you harder. Since this pattern repeats throughout your life, perhaps (no idea, guessing here) there is a lesson for you to stand up, voice your truth for yourself in an assertive and clear manner, and tell them to stop undermining or misrepresenting you. I've found that calling it out and shutting it down works pretty well. Sometimes it just quiets them down and they start up again. In those situations, I speak up, but then walk away from them and cut them out.

Pointedly saying you have the right to be yourself without their judgments or criticisms or negative projections helps too. It throws the spotlight back on them.

I'm sorry you encounter this so often and especially with loved ones. Been there. It hurts a lot. I sincerely hope it gets better and that you continue to find that strength to use your voice. ((Hug))

"Any successes are accidents."  *snorts*  :D

@miss, That's very interesting.  :)  And true!  I'm with you, though: I have no clue what this dynamic is or why people do it.  Satisfied dog v. unsatisfied dog, maybe?

@Caribou, thanks.  :)

I do speak out about it but it only drives it underground.  Yanno?  Plus, then I'm a bitch for making a fuss, which gets whispered about three times as much.  I'm beginning to think it's not even worth it.

I know part of the problem with my sister and mom is they hear what they want to hear or take what they think they heard and it becomes their concrete reality.  It's very aggravating, especially when what they believe is so damned far from the reality the rest of us live in.  ;)

Hell, SaD, that is the pits. That's toxicity in them. Nothing you say or do will fix this short of you walking away and cutting them out or at least severely restricting their access to you.

((Hug))

Yeah...  unfortunately, I'm much happier when they have a limited place in my life.

(Aqua moon, represent!  *laughs*)

This has happened to me all my life too. My mother and my cousin, and to a lesser extent my sister, were the prime 'untruth-tellers' aobut me in the family, esp my mother. She lied about me from when I was quite small - for some reason she not only always wanted to think badly of me herself, she wanted everyone else to as well.

This went on for a very long time, until I was forced to amputate her in fact. When I got back to England at 40 and went through all my divorce shit, she told all her friends that she'd paid for the lawyers, just as she told them many years before that she'd paid for me to go through univeristy - neither was true, but they all thought I was an ungrateful little bitch. A few called me out on it! I didn't see the point of explaining that she'd never given me a brass farthing... I could name many other examples. My cousin was almost as deluded, determined to think badly of me.

With my sister it was more a case of constantly misinterpreting me, rather than trying to understand where I was coming from - a Neptunian confusion. At least she geunuinely believed the fantasies she had about me! I'm not sure the others did...

I've met with the same constantly among people in my social scene too. I do seem to attract the shadow side - someone once remarked I seemed to act like a lightening conductor, attracting all the shit to and through me, with people acting out and blaming me. Maybe with all my earth, this is just what was happening...

I mostly stay away from people now except for tried and trusted friends

I talk about you behind your back too: I tell everyone how fanfuckingtastic you are.

people like to tell stories. make things out to be more dramatic than they actually are. they thrive on the energy of the excitement, because they are bored out of their faces.

i found out, after about six months of being in this town, that the word of the street was that new arts editor was a lesbian. considering my activities at the time... that was um.... laughable. but wahetever. believe what you want while i live my OWN life.

however, understandable. they had nothing on me so they needed to make shit up. for their own entertainment.

the only time i have ever cared was when some gossip or rumour, false, affected my growing children. those are in fact the three time i went to war. and won. don't mess with my momma-love.

eta: and some people are a magnet for this. so i just think, hey, i'm magnetic.

*lol @satori*  Thass my girl!  *fistbump*  ;D

@oldpoet - I have Cancer Mars in the 3rd, Scorpio Pluto in the 7th

.. The point here is the energy is going to play one way or the other and with something like this in my chart, I have learned that if I don't fight I will be bullied.

I have an Aries Mercury and Sun, and this makes sense to me- I started standing up for myself more, just in the past couple of years. 80% of the time, I've done so gracefully, but I've been more on the defensive since late last year, because things kept coming at me, and had me asking once again, "why me?" funnily enough, I asked about this on another board, almost a year ago: the suppression of something, like Mars (choosing graceful exits, rather than fights or just avoiding certain situations - so I keep encountering the energy).

thanks for sharing the comment.

I wish I knew an answer. But, I really don't. I can't even think about what rumors are swirling around about me in my family right now let alone how to combat it. Literally makes me ill, mad, sad all at the same time.  I know this must be hard and exhausting for you. Mars/Venus/Pluto conj in Libra..interesting. I'm reading what Elsa said and trying to figure out how that would play out.

Sorry about this, SaDiablo.

I tend to confront gossip when I can if it's about me or someone I love. I learned this from my agent who told me it was better to confront it if possible before it grows.  I  find the gossip shuts down when you find the person who started it.

I know many try to ignore gossip but you would be surprised the damage it can cause  in a life!

I'm so sorry to hear this, SaD

I have a problem with my mom where she has a tendency to project meaning and interpret just about anything I do into a negative light.  It's just what she does - she's got be all figured out (after all, she is more qualified to know what I'm about as she is a licensed psychologist, and I am not ;).  It does upset me to no end, but after 43 years I have come to accept that this is simply the way she is. No amount of discussion, refuation, or explanation from my side has had any positive effect, so my take now is simply

Fuck Em.

Truly.  It's bad enough that my mom does this, but anyone who would just take her word for "how things are with me"?...it is not worth my energy to correct them. Of course it hurts!  Badly at times.  But I've found it's basically impossible to combat this kind of thing.  If these people want to believe these things about me, well that says everything I need to know right there. 

(((SaD)))

My mom is overdramatic too. Chances are the rest of your family already knows this, so I'd relax over it if I were you. You should tell your mom though that you don't appreciate it when she paints you this particular way to other people. 

If actual rumours have been spread about me in recent years, I have no idea lol. I do my best to give every person the best of me. And I do consider mysel quite likable. If someone decides to talk crap about me, well... they're obviously not my friend and don't realize how awesome I am :P 

I've read up a lot on Narcissism since this was first posted, and I seem to fit into the classical 'Family Scapegoat' role. I guess you do too SaD - most families seem to have one even if they don't have a Narcissist in the driving seat!

The trouble is, when people get an idea into their head about someone it's almost impossible to change it. I had to leave London due to a very nasty and coordinated campaign of gossip against me, for reasons unconnected to the subjects of the gossip! No matter how much time I spent going round trying to put out fires, just be telling the TRUE story of events, it was impossible - they'd lit the torchpapers already ... and people believe the most dramatic story - that's what suits them, so the fires were constantly burning out of control

The only way to deal with this really is to make your own scene. As you've found, if you are the lightening conductor, the Plutonian Shadow, you will be wherever you go. Being a recluse is very restful, I find! IN my sixties people have AT LAST stopped gossiping about me :)

"When I wasn't living with my mom, I was a filthy, demon-worshipping hoarder.  Now I'm just a hateful, demon-worshipping asshole.  ;)" Ha! At least you have a sense of humor about it.

If this were friends and acquaintances gossiping about you, I'd have some sugggestions. But unfortunately when it comes to family, you're probably SOL and stuck with it for life. There's little chance your mother will change at this point (if my own experiences are any indication).