Well, this will be a very long story. I'll try to shorten it the best I can.

I am young. Only 18. I fell in love with someone when I was 14 years old. We dated until I was sixteen. My mother found out me and him had intercourse. When she found out, I wasn't allowed to see or speak to him. We were in love, I have no doubt about that. We spent every moment possible together. And when my mother found out, we held on to each other tighter. He begged my mother over and over to let us be together, but she refused, insisting that "It is in his best interest if she doesn't see him again." I assumed it was a physical threat toward him. Knowing this, he spoke to my dad. My dad knew me and him loved each other and he would often sneak behind my mothers back and take me to see him. It got so bad my mother actually brought in an older man to try and get us together. After finding out that me and Logan were still talking and seeing each other through my dad, she took me and this other guy on a vacation across the states and took away any means of communication I had to the man I loved. We were gone for nearly 3 weeks. When I came back, he was convinced that I had cheated on him. Still, he loved me and we stuck together. I could never convince him I hadn't done anything of the sort. But he told me, "Whether you did or not, I love you and forgive you, but I believe in my heart you did." It caused constant confrontation between us because I refused to admit that I had. But, eventually he told me, "If you just admit it, we can get over it and move on." Feeling that it was best for our relationship, I admitted to cheating, even though I hadn't. I was just so ready for the fight to be over. I had limited time sneaking around with him as it were without us using that time to argue. It did seem that we had gotten over the situation for a time. But, we were still unable to see each other often. I was young, and my mother still had custody and control on me. At one point, he would run into town, 5 miles away from his house, just to see if I were there. I literaly mean run. Too young for licenses. He even found out that my mom had taken us grocery shopping and ran there, where my mom shood him away like a dog and grabbed my arm when I tried to approach him. My parents soon became seperated where my mother blamed it on me. I naturaly lived with my dad, and soon I was able to openly be with him again. Eventualy, another rumored started that I had cheated on him with the same guy again. I suppose it was too much for him and he finaly left me. He told my sister that day that one day we would get married, but that we were too young and we both had a lot of living and growing up to do before we were ready. I agreed, knowing that it was true. But, I was still so heart-broken. He immediately started dating other girls, I felt crushed. The one girl I had never liked and worried about the most was the first one to snatch him up. It didn't last long, though. They broke up a few weeks later. I tried so hard to stay single, but I grew so lonely and forgotten while I learned about how well he was moving on. I tried to cope with the first thing I swore I would never do. I began drinking. Foolishly public, too. In front of the local hang out, there was a small party. I bought a few beers from an older man. I don't think he knew I was underage. I got drunk in front of the place, which was a hot spot for cops. I guess he heard about it, and he showed up with one of his friends where they wrestled me into the back of the guys truck and took me home. And the only thing I could say to him was how much I hated him. I told him he was the worst mistake I had ever made. I passed out at home. The next morning, all I could hear about was how he walked home in the rain that night crying. I didn't know what to say. But, I appologized to him the next school day. I felt so bad...I don't even know why I said it. The best thing I can think of is that I didn't want to break down and beg him back. I was still so hurt, I had given him everything. We lost contact. I tried to act like I was alright. I didn't drink again. 7 months later, while I was at a family reunion, my cell phone rang. I looked down in shock when I saw his name on the caller ID. When I answered, it wasn't for me. It was my sisters BF asking for her. The rest of the trip, I had to stay in the tent because I was crying. When I got back from the family reunion, the first thing I did was try to hang out with a friend. It always made me forget about it for a little while. It kept me busy. I stayed with my friend Jenna. I didn't bother wearing shoes for some reason. The next morning, Jenna told me I would have to go home early. It was 7 in the morning. My dad was at work and my mom lived over an hour away. My sister said she was getting a ride from her BF. But, he refused to give me a ride, even though we were at the same place, and headed to the same location. I didn't argue. At this point, I was so tired of fighting with people, or anyone at all. I decided to walk. It took me 5 hours, barefoot, to walk to the bus-barn. That's as far as I made it, before I saw the man I loves red truck pull up. He pulled over and told me to get in. I told him no. I only had about a 30 more minute walk. His brother was with him. His brother jumped out and hugged me, and whispered in my ear, "This is a good time to talk with him." I still shook my head. It still was pretty painful to even be around him. Well, I didn't want to look like I was being dramatic so after being pestered by them for a few minutes, I said fine. His brother sat in the middle. He dropped his brother off at a gym and started to take me home. At least, I thought. He headed towards main street, the opposite direction of my house. He told me he was sorry for making me feel like he was being distant. I shrugged it off like it wasn't a big deal. I didn't want to talk because it felt like my voice would crack. He showed me a picture of his dad and talked to me like we were friends. I tried not to talk too much, but I was happy we were actually for a moment together decently. He stopped at a Sonic Drive thru and order himself some food. He offered me some, but I declined. Eventually, he asked me what was wrong. I didn't answer. He guessed. He asked if it was because of him. I nodded. He took me home and told me he still loved me and that one day, hopefully me and him could work it out and be back together, but that it wouldn't be anytime soon. It ended with that. After that day, we lost complete contact. I was still having issues with it, though. I would often call his brother to come visit me. One day, a guy asked if I wanted to come over to his apartment. It was his roommate. The man I love was out of town with his GF. Me and the guy soon hooked up. He is a good man, takes good care of me, but he has trust issues. Well, a few months later, I found out I was pregnant. Me and the man i love became decent towards each other, and me and his GF even talked occasionaly. 3 days after he found out I was pregnant, he asked that girl to marry him. I don't mean to make their story so short, I just don't know their story that well. 5 months later, it was their wedding day. I was still and am still with the babies father. But, back then, I had just found out that the man i'm with had been sending the girl that I didn't want the guy I loved talking to messages saying he loved her and missed her. I was pregnant, and I stayed with him, knowing he was sending her these messages. We got invited to the wedding. Trying to be cordial and again, non-dramatic, I attended, hoping it would be known that there wasn't hard feelings, even I still did have hard feelings. It was the most miserable day of my life. I was 7 months pregnant, fat, zitty, I couldn't object, and I couldn't even drink the pain away with shampaigne. I decided that day that I would welcome death with open arms if it ever approached me. And now, my question.

The man I am with is so good to me now. He is thankful that I forgave him for cheating. He believes I did it because I felt like I needed to be forgiven for it. He is still a very jealous person. I am not allowed to spend anytime alone at all with any men accept my father, he thinks any guy that speaks to me wants to sleep with me. But, he is such a good father. He wants to marry me and he even took a job in a different state so that he take care of me and his son. Yet, i'm still stuck on the guy that is married. It hurts so bad because i'm trying so hard to fall in love with him, and i'm sure I could if I could just get over the married man. but it's been 3 years and my heart is still broken. He loves his wife, and she loves him, I know it very well, I can tell. But how on earth can I get over him? I don't want him back, I don't even think he's the same person I fell in love with, but I find myself crying in the middle of the night at the thought of him still. I've considered depression as a cause, but I don't think it's accurate. I feel like i'm taking so much away from my child and his father, I want them to be happy so bad, and i'm trying so hard, but it seems like the harder I try, the worse it gets. Please, I am so desperate to get over him.

develop some hobbies....and get involved....maybe thgs which involve some physical activity..maybe dance classes...

change your location so that you can meet new people....keep urself busy...you r young and can learn lot of nice interesting things...give love a break for sometime. 

Put yourself in his wife's shoes and ask yourself how you'd feel if someone else were being itimate with your husband.

Now go back and be brutally honest about it this time. 

That's how you get over a married man. 

PS: I'm not saying it to be harsh or judge. That's seriously how I'd approach it, because it shocks you into a realistic state of "can't happen".