Hi again everyone!

First of all, thanks for your support and advice on my previous postings. I really appreciated what everyone has to say. Thanks for sharing your previous experiences as well as they are very encouraging!

Now a lot of the advice given to me during this difficult Pluto (and Saturn... and Uranus) transit was to take some time for myself and draw boundaries. I believe I understand the boundaries part (and am working on it though it's hard), but I am wondering more about the "holing up" and taking time for oneself part.

I think when we're alone there are times that we tend to be too self-consumed that we don't see the other points of view out there - at least with me that is what happens. I am an extrovert, so I constantly need "feedback" of some sort so holing up is very difficult for me though necessary (Cancer Moon in 4th, Sun in Aries 12th, Mercury in Pisces). 

So I'm wondering - what do you guys do when you need time for yourselves to figure things out about you - both mentally and emotionally? Do you spend time away from people? Do you do other things to distract you? Do you think about your issue a lot? Do you meditate? 

I'd like to learn more :)

When I am sad my heart literally aches. I have chest pains and I feel like someone is stabbing me. I fill the bath with hot water, just deep enough so that I can lie with my back flat on the bottom of the tub. I create what feels like a womb. I massage different parts of my head and face and neck and place my hands on my heart and cry my eyes out. 

Something else I require for my sanity are walks through the city. Long walks with no destination. I don't take my headphones, I just walk and sometimes read a book while I walk (book nerds understand this). I try to create some sort of flow from my inner self to what's outside--the sun, the wind, people chatting to each other while the pass me. Remembering what it is to be human. Being a human is sometimes unbearable.  

What have you done in the past that worked for you? 

What do you FEEL like doing?  Give yourself some permission. 

One thing on the 'issue' front.  I give my subconscious free ranging orders & permission to solve the sucker while I sleep.  :)  My Aries moon can be lazy.  Let the subconscious do all the heavy lifting, right?  "...oh, and sweetie?  don't sweat in front of me, do it while I sleep and feel free to clear up anything else you see out of place & tidy up after yourself and turn off the light when you leave, m'kay?.  Thanks! That'll be super!!"  Does the trick - I usually wake up with lots of things solved that I didn't even know I was issuing over.  Just like that.

I can and do spend time away if I can.  I've got a spot nearby that I drive too, neat secluded looooong 1 lane bridge over water with a picnic/fishing spot nearby.  I don't fish, but the place is little used.  I go kick rocks around, stare into the depths, etc. 

Sometimes I crochet, paint, cook or read while I let things 'simmer' on my minds' back burner.

Sometimes when I need to be alone, yet with people, I'll go browse a popular museum where there will be lots of people (I'm not tempted too much to spend money, like if I were shopping) and yet I can loose my self and thoughts.

Used to bicycle a lot on public pathways when I was in 'THE work-it-out mood'.  Like Elsa, I also used to go to the adult skate nights - that was roller skating, but you can also go ice-skating.  It's rather solitary, but WITH folks too.

Journal or blog.

I've stayed in bed for 3 or 4 days when times were really hard.  Till I got sick to death of the dirty dishes and my smelly self, and then I'd clean up house in a deep-cleaning and then shower and go out to a club or something to reconnect w/humanoids.  Now mind you this was years ago, but hole-ing up & a BIT of wallowing can still be very useful.  A certain amount of disgust at 'the problem & myself' crying, wailing & beating pillows & wrestling around on stinky sheets can be very much a catalyst for renewed energy at getting out & meeting the world again.

Throw yourself a certified tantrum.  Private might be best?

Dance naked to very fast music.  Bellydance to sensual music.  Sleep on the floor or couch or somewhere different.  Rent a hotel room for de-funk-i-fying yourself and make it a spa experience.  Switch apartments with a girlfriend for a weekend.   Get a new haircut.  Clean out closets & donate the old stuff to a women's shelter or someplace.  Make room for the new in your life.  Clean out from under your bed.  Mani or pedi.  Change your routes to and from everywhere.  Have breakfast for supper and supper for breakfast.  SWITCH IT UP!  Yes, I've mediated, prayed, and cursed at & questioned God. 

Hope something here helps.

Do you spend time away from people?

Spent this past summer alone, myself, about 4 months. Yes, I think this is essential to hear yourself think. To sort things out, rebuild yourself and your confidence. Figure out what you need. Not gonna lie, though, seeing other people/craving a social life is unending and can be maddening...but I would take healing in isolation over a couple nights of fun, or hurting someone else because your problems aren't resolved, no?

Do you do other things to distract you?

It depends - I have a Leo moon so I have to get creative/do some painting or drawing or cooking or whatever to just feel good. like, "look what i've accomplished gee i'm so special" haha, and then I stroke my mane. :) I think DreamsAreality had an excellent post so i'm just going to stop here. 

Do you think about your issue a lot?

Yeah. Write about it until the solution comes clear. And then when it does, I keep repeating over and over what the solution is so I don't forget it, and then I feel better. I have a ton of Earth in my chart so I think that's why I have to "drive it into the ground" haha

Do you meditate? 

I wish I knew how. I'll wait until someone posts about this...I'd  bet it'd be super helpful for you

What I always did was surround myself with family, but cut myself off from everyone else.

I read a lot.  That's been my self-soother since I was very young.  I go into my room, pick out a pile of books, and relax.

Of course, when I was a kid, there was no net.  Now, if I want to hole myself up and bombard myself with information, I do it.  I still see the net as a wonderful information   resource.  I ignore the crasser parts. 

I like to sew and quilt, but I have rising, and one of my biggest problems is envisioning the finished product and getting too impatient with the finer details.

I started a garden this year.  I never thought I'd like gardening, but it's relaxing, and an excellent way to feed my creative itch.

I also like to go on long drives around the country.  I live in an area with lots of farms and U pick produce.  I'll pick fruit and make pies or cakes if I'm in the mood.  Or I try out new recipes.

go out in the middle of nowhere and look at the stars.  or get caught up in seafog.  or turn on some deep music and dance/meditate in an empty room...

re: Kashmiri (#2) - "Remembering what it is to be human. Being a human is sometimes unbearable."

I hear that, Kash.

This weekend, drawn out by my Taurus fiancee, reclusive-hermit-Me went to *two* different beaches (on two separate days)... me who is NOT a sun or beach (or crowd) person. But we managed to find me shade... and I allowed myself to feel and take in the swarm of warm humanity around me... to soak in it and not run away, not freak out, not have an anxiety or panic attack... to just be and take it in. It was good. We are planning on doing this again.

I do anything that will make me feel better at that point in time (pretty much the same things everyone else has listed, getting away, writing, taking a long bath, etc.) Sometimes, I don't realize that I don't need to get away and I just allow myself to indulge in a little self-pity and bounce off my sadness via my partner or a close friend. 

((lunalie)) 

Alicia and Strawberry:

That's amazing how your partners are helping you out with this! My partner has been great, but I think I scared him so much :( That one day I was just crying like hell during our trip, he didn't know what to do. I don't think he's ever seen me fall apart like this. I don't think I deserve him because he's so happy happy.

Plus Pluto is squaring his Venus (in Libra, 6th house) right now :( I'm paranoid - maybe I'm that evil "manipulative" controlling partner :( I'm not trying to... I'm dealing with jealousy issues too and it's just overwhelming to try to be good all at once.

I feel so bad for him for being with a wreck like me. He deserves better :(

Hi Lunalie, when I get down and out, I usually read....I read alot and I also go for long walks...just like Kashmiri says...without headphones....and I walk for a couple of hours just soaking everything in...this helps me quite abit.  i also like to listen to instrumental music...that soothes me a great deal.  I am sorry to hear you sounding so down....the sun will come out tomorrow!!

Hey Lunalie!

First, a big (((((hug))))).

Yes, amazingly, there are those rare and beautiful pearls out there who are able and *willing*  to stand by "wrecks" like us while we go through our rough patches. And mine isn't a "rescuer" or anything of the sort either. 

Just don't sabotage what you have. If you have a good man and he's NOT running away, DON'T anticipate that he will.

My partner gets scared too sometimes and many times doesn't know what to do, but then she rallies. She is light and joy. And she knows I need THAT, so THAT she makes happen for me. That's all she knows to do most days, but you know? That is EXACTLY what I need most days. The dark pieces I can (and have to) work out for myself. But her Light and Happy Happy keep me tethered to the surface.

I was born with moon square pluto and sun opposition pluto. It has taken me a life time to learn how to live with myself and be self contained. Now i really enjoy it. alone. all one.

P.S. -- And SHE's the one who INSISTS she's not letting me go. It's not like I'm holding her prisoner. SHE keeps telling me she WANTS to be with me, trials, tribulations and all.

So let your man decide for himself what he "deserves". You may be just what he needs, wreck and all. Sometimes we who are in transformation (Pluto transit) serve as role models or torch bearers for others who also need to transform.

Buy a composition book or a sketch pad, get your favorite pen, find a park bench, or a coffee shop, or library, or your bed, or wherever and literally draw those boundaries. Sometimes working on yourself requires pen to paper schematics, lists, rough draft rants and doodles.

He deserves the best you that you can give him.  Some days your best you can give is eh, 'not so hot', it's just the best you can give THAT day.  Other days you are giving him so much wonderfulness of you-ness it is 'WAY More Than He Deserves'.  ...and vice versa on his giving you his best.

over time?  I figure it evens out. 

Hi

I made a major shift from being social to being an isolationist starting in June of 95. Maybe I'm overextending my stay as I'm really itching to get a social life again but really you have to want it and I'm not sure I do.  I need lots of time alone (I'm an older Indigo Child,- long story.) Sensitive, somewhat psychic and empathic  (and so untrusting of people lately.)  I could have cranked out a couple of novels in that time span. Anyhow,I have a hubby that arrives at 5:20 pm from Monday to Friday, two dogs and so I'm not totally alone. I think this sort of thing is harder on a single person. I felt really really alone when I was single. But getting back to your mission....

Spending time in nature and walking (you can do a walking meditation), no IPOD, just you and nature is great. So is taking baths and walking on the beach, browsing book stores, museums, anything art or writing, cooking. Taking long drives in the country. Try and keep a small trusting, understanding and intimate circle of friends that you can go to when things get tough. Spending time with pets is a great way of being alone w/out being lonely.  Journal yourself while you're going thru this. You'll come out a different person. Having strong boundaries means lots of things. Saying no, doing what you want and feel like doing, not putting up with people who take and take then disrespect you. When you start really loving yourself and feel ok being with just yourself then things fall into place.  Peace to you