I am in need of the highest spiritual wisdom that you possess.

I was given information today that a woman that has stalked me, monitored my every move for the past five years, has her cellphone fixed so that when I am within a certain range of her, my cellphone causes her cellphone to ring.

1. I am in no physical danger whatsoever.

2. I am not without power. I have friends and family in law enforcement.

3. She acts this way (I'm not the only one) because she was stalked.

4. I am not afraid of her anymore.

What do I do about this situation?

This is VERY TRICKY SITUATION.

who is she? why tricky?

can I just say before I read this post I saw the title and thought immediately "kick 'im in the nuts"

-is she someone who you love's family member?

-is she mentally ill?

-do you work with her?

-is she a liar?

-did you have suspicions before the information was revealed to you?

I'm sorry if nut-kicking doesn't sound very spiritual. (((tam))) 

sorry about all the questions, btw. this is how i problem solve, I make a list of questions that can be answered in a short period. it's part of my "mind-guarding"~ something I do, then I file the information away in my arsenal.

".....has her cellphone fixed so that when I am within a certain range of her, my cellphone causes her cellphone to ring...."

And how did she manage that? I say ditch your current cell phone and get a new one.  There's absolutely no way that can can make this happen unless she knows your number and/or has put some sort of tracking device on your cell phone. 

"3. She acts this way (I'm not the only one) because she was stalked." -this does not make sense to me. why does that make her a stalker?

insert obligatory plug for the gift of fear.

why are you not afraid "anymore"?

(((tam)))  sorry i cannot add advice now but i am certain with input from

kashmiri, luci, and goddess you are going to get good feedback

and i think this also falls under elsa's specialities....for insight and support

stay safe 

The cell phone thing is real:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPt2i24cA5I

I'd also ditch the phone! 

If you're not afraid of her, then I don't quite understand why you are asking for board members help??

HeCK, tie the old cell phone to a dog's collar or under the seat of one of those messenger bikes! Send her a merry chase (at least for a week or two & then cancel the darn thing) and get yourself a different cell and guard the number carefully.

*shudders*

I hope you get this straightened out as quickly as possible. That video totally creeped me out...

Sorry for the delay, I was asleep.

-is she someone who you love's family member? No

-is she mentally ill? I think she has something akin to paranoid personality disorder, but I'm not a psychologist

-do you work with her? Very close by, maybe a little over a block away

-is she a liar? yes

-did you have suspicions before the information was revealed to you? Yes, but I'm blamed my neighbor. Sorry neighbor! LOL

Good suggestions DreamsAreality .....I thought about switching phones with one of my police friends.

I stayed home today because something has to be done. My only concern is that she had no problem getting my cellphone number the first time. I'm not sure a new one would bring me any peace of mind.

I wonder why you aren't afraid too.  It sounds like a creepy situation for sure.  You're probably right about the cell phone switch being a temporary solution since she was able to get the first number. 

 What do you think her purpose is in stalking you this way?  

Lupa I'm not afraid now because having this new information about the phone gives me power in the situation that I didn't have. When I thought my neighbor was calling and telling her when I left home, well you are under siege everyday.

Now I only have to be afraid if I have the stupid cellphone will me. See I have crawled all under my vehcile three seperate times looking for some kind of tracing device. 

Someone had sent me info about the phone trace thing earlier this summer and I first I was totally freaked out about, then I told myself that I was just being paranoid.

What do you think her purpose is in stalking you this way? I think she stalkes me for power and control.

http://defenseman.wordpress.com/2009/06/21/psychology-of-the-paranoid-stalker-blogger/

I do think you should ask your law enforcement family or other L.E.Officers in the community about this.  BE CAREFUL.  Could you give that phone to one of them (big, hulking scary ones) to carry for a bit or at least put in their patrol car?

I haven't watched the video you posted yet but does that tracking ability work if you have a pay as you go phone like Tracphone?

I don't know about Tracphone. I am certainly doing something about the phone today.

I was hoping someone might have some wise suggestion about dealing with her. I thought maybe out of the whole world someone had been through a similar situation.

Thanks for everyone's input!

Well, I do have a suggestion, now that I know she has no personal relationship with you: a restraining order. Stalking is illegal,so is harassment. I think the sooner you get on this, the better. 

I'm not sure what your Mars is Tam, but my Mars in Aries doesn't tolerate behaviour like this. It is this kind of thing that, in significant bulks of humans, leads to violence. I'm not trying to say you are under threat of violence, but there are progressions in anti-social behaviour...my experience is that when you stop it early, you remain safe and trouble-free for longer. Please, please, please check out the anti-stalker laws in your State. I know you live in a small town, and a restraining order might be difficult, but someone in power needs to sit this person down and outline what could happen to HER should she keep stalking you.

Good luck ((tam))) 

I have Mars in Taurus it's about useless. Token Mars. 

I have just returned from my cellphone company. Apparently this happens ALL THE TIME! The guy that helped me had been through the same experience. He told me to come back and they would give me another number if I felt my new number had been compromised. He also said that they could call the person and if that didn't work that then we could go the route of the restraining order.

I wonder what she will do when she realizes that she's lost control over me? 

Tam, could I suggest this: what are you going to do? What is your plan? Is Saturn in Virgo aspecting your Mars? Maybe this is your chance to use that 'token Mars' ~I'm glad you're taking action! 

I don't know what I'm going to do. Knowing what I do now after going to the phone company. My childhood friend that works in the court system is on vacation. I think I will start with her first, she's a Libra and she will know what is the best choice at this time.

I'm such a wet noodle, I just don't want to be mean. I'm sick of me, I told my co-workers that I wanted a vacation from myself! LOL

please don't worry about being mean to someone that is stalking you...no one needs to be that kind!

you don't want to be mean to a STALKER?! I'm sorry, but I have not a whit of sympathy for stalking. geez, tam. stop worrying about her fucking feelings. pay attention to your own safety. just because you know one of her tracking tricks does not mean you're in the clear now. you're safer than you were before you knew, for sure. but getting cut off from her source of info may influence her to step it up.

i'm glad you don't feel like you're in any physical danger, and you certainly know more about the situation than me, but i am not convinced. of course, i don't know this person or why she targeted you (and/or others). but obviously she is not stable, which means she's also not predictable.

i wasn't joking about getting and reading "The Gift of Fear," which has lots of great tips and you see plugged on this blog regularly. I'd also look up websites on stalking, as I did when my SD's ex was stalking her (and managed to get her new phone number in  minutes by calling the phone company and pretending to be my SD whom had just "lost" her new number). Your phone company may be able to put extra security on your account so that a special question has to be answered in order to get any info. We'v done this before when being harrassed.

i'd also get a consultation with Elsa. Lindsey is right - this is right up her alley. I'd follow up with your police friends, court friends, and anybody else who many have some insight and can help you with options. If someone has been doing this 5 years, I doubt a stern "talking to" from anybody, be it the phone people or a policeman, is gonna cut it.

I admittedly don't understand the situation or dynamics here, but I agree it's tricky. I don't agree, however, that the stalker need to be protected in any way, nor do I think her pathology is relevant beyond how it might impact your saftety. 

Looking at the greater good, however, your action may help save someone else from this as well as you. By addressing it as best you can, you ARE doing a public service.

Good luck, and please let us know what happens if you're okay with that. 'Cause I'm going to be worrying otherwise.

{{{Tam}}}

I have read "the gift of fear". I understand with my brain why people think I should just "pull the trigger" and get the restraining order. I confronted her on following me around in June 2005 and it made things a 1000 times worse.

It's just that the stalking has trickled down from daily in 2005 to once every months now. I thought it was over until last Oct. when she stepped out in front of me on my lunch time walk. I had picked a place to walk where she wouldn't find me. Except I had my cellphone in my pocket.

One of my friends was kidnapped by two brothers. She was raped, beaten, and shot twice in the head and left for dead. She is fine, but if I had been put through that I would not have handled it as well as she has. I would be afraid and paranoid and maybe I would follow someone around that I thought I was seeing too often.

I understand the usefullness of cell phones, but why can't you just turn it off or leave without it?  I've only had one for less than 2 years and I have it off most of the time.  On 24 (so I don't know if this works in the real world), if you don't want your cell phone to be tracked, you have to turn it off AND remove the battery.

Cell phones DO serve a useful purpose.  But I'd gladly give mine up if it resulted in one less opportunity for someone who wants to stalk me.

I'm sorry Tam, but I so agree with goddess!  The cell phone is just the thing you KNOW about!

PLEASE don't assume you're in no physical danger - I have had some experience with stalkers and if there's one thing that's known about stalkers it's that they are most unpredictable when exposed or they lose access to you in some way.   I hope to God she would never do anything (more) to hurt you, but I would get a restraining order immediately.  Sadly, it will do nothing to keep her away, really, but will provide you will al the legal support you need to take action IF it ever becomes necessary.  You have ample evidence to be awarded one in any court.  There is such a thing as getting one too late and being sorry.  

I'm not saying you should necessarily do something specific, as I know that can  escalate the situation. Which is why getting the best info you can is so important, and appears to be what you're trying to do.

As far as why, I'm still standing by my original assertion that it's not especially relevant beyond keeping yourself safe. I understand what you're saying about your friend -But lots of serial killers had horrible, awful, abusive childhoods. I am sorry those things exist and happen and they are wrong and horrific, but it means nothing in the face of protecting myself against these people, whatever the root of their issues.

I hope I'm not being too pushy here, Tam, and will totally shut up if you'd prefer. I am just a lot more concerned about your well-being than anything else in the situation. 

I don't think that anyone is being pushy. I have left a message for my "court friend" and I have emailed another childhood friend that works near my stalker to get her to try to find out what this woman's story is.

Years ago we did a background search on her and she was clean. I don't want to misuse my power.

Thanks for everyone's encouragement to finally bring this to a completion. I know I've let it drag on longer than I should have.

well, i'm glad you're not feeling pushed around. like i have to tell anybody around here i have a big mouth and don't always know when to shut it. sheesh.

it may help to remember that holding people accountable for their behavior is actually compassionate. just like with the addict, you're not doing them any favors by ignoring, excusing or covering up behaviors that do and should have consequences. it could end up being her best chance to get straighten out herself, not to mention the help you're potentially giving her other victims.

good luck.

Tam, might I ask how did you find out? 

This is a tough situation, you have my sympathy. Have been in similar situation (with just phone though, & damn annoying)!!!  Never did figure out who it was. Ever since have had landline with extra privacy feature, no bothersome calls. Anybody can find a cell phone number on the internet.  I used to change mine lots & everytime the same you know what (f*****) called me no matter what. However, with a landline, it's a lot harder to get the number & you can have a service (not sure what called) that doesn't accept any blocked calls or private numbers. You could get a gun (just kidding)...You could pray for the lady, she sounds very ill (aren't there so many in this world)? Pray for protection and at the same time literally protect yourself (make sure you've got great locks & get a security camera (can get @ Walmart for under 50.00) though i have one that's lots more expensive (though prob not much better, lol). For real. Isn't it the way with the law that unless you have hard evidence, they cannot do anything? You could get a restraining order against her & still carry a handgun in case you run into her. I don't condone violence at all but do believe in protecting my life. Also don't believe in hurting innocent people in process. You maybe need to stay one step ahead of her all the time. Then she cannot surprise you so much. Yes, true, be careful what you focus attention on, but by same token, please stay very aware yet live your life to the fullest! Don't allow her to rob anymore of your life if possible! Remember to pray for her & pray for your protection at all times. I will pray for you my friend! Please keep me updated or will worry about you!!!! Balletlover70

I was told in a message Eboni. Before this information, I had to doubt myself and write off things as a coincidence. Now I have the key that explains what I was seeing.

The worst part has been doubting my sanity. I couldn't figure out why she would still show up even when I was in other vehicles and on foot.

Tam I can see what you're saying re: emotional crippled, but:

This woman's mental health is NOT your responsibility. It is HERS. If she was your sister, your inlaw, a co-worker, etc, I would pause. But she is your stalker, through and through.

You do not have to be paranoid anymore, nor do you have to be nice. Safety safety safety! So says my Pluto/mars/moon T-square.  

I'm sorry you're going through this. As a person who has a well-expressed Mars and a personal interest in the safety of women in particular, could I please say:

YOU ARE ALLOWED. You are allowed to protect yourself. Gads, don't make me go find her, LOL 

Yeah!  I'm sorry Tam, it seems like you're being really sensitive and I appreciate that.  But you don't need to find out any more information about her!  That's like fighting stalking with stalking.  Just shut her down.  No more access.<!--Session data-->

Tam everyone kere is offering such good, kind words, and there's not a lot more I can add that'll change anything.. Kash your warmth and strength are palpable..across oceans..Goddess you just wanna stop this bad thing for Tam, so clear, everyone else pitching in seriously cares, that's so clear..

But Tam do you care about you enough ?  Sounds like you are angry as hell inside but trying to be nice and decent but girl I hear you..you are major pissed! 

The message I keep hearing from you is that you're despairing that nothing can be done.. no-one can help, that you are stuck with this for all sorts of reasons, and sometimes the longer we go on allowing something negative to happen because we fear the repercussions of reacting, the more extreme the events are, and this is now preposterous.

Have you ever looked her in the eye and asked why she should make you so important in her life when she must have other demands on her time (stalkers often don't, but they need to be "given their power back to be used wisely please", before they ever move on).

Stalkers chase the unattainable, they put people on false pedestals. Assuming that this women is actually not dangerous..it might be worth stopping the running and run right at her.. not confrontationally, but actually a little invasively..go very close into her personal space with stinky garlic breath..(sorry I am getting carried away) let her see your absolutely ordinary self not the defensive side she can sense her power through.

Some stalkers can be so disappointed by the reality.  Of course not all. Through having a public persona in my own country, from time to time I encountered a few, mostly harmless, and defused, but some that were not so harmless. One wrote to my editor and said I was using spells on him and his mother (I am just an astrologer and don't know any spells!)...(his mother had died some years ago..Norman Bates anyone??)  I asked the editor to write him back with apologies that he'd felt so upset  he had to write and that he'd ensure nothing of the sort would be going on.

Another was like yours, a constant (long distance) caller.. till my husband told him that I wasn't worth his time as he'd thrown me out long since..haha!!! He stopped calling then..and lucky for me I still have a home, and the same husband..shhh

It is horrible though and I am so sorry you're having a hard time, and I do hope you can see that you do have the right and the power to be free of this. 

There's a lot of strength willed your way girl! Ask for help where you need it and don't be alone with the concerns.

But Tam do you care about you enough ?  Sounds like you are angry as hell inside but trying to be nice and decent but girl I hear you..you are major pissed!  True - I've just stood and took the abuse. I think it's me that I'm mad at. I don't know what else to say......

I confronted her in June 2005 and it brought down a reign of terror on me that I just can't convey in words to anyone. I touched on it in my "worst transit story " here on the boards. 

In December 2005 I again made it known that I was aware of what she was doing and that I could have my police family and friends all up in her business. Again a massive escalation.

One of my childhood friends, a Leo and some of God's finest work, is trying to get me some more information on her as of this moment. After that I'll get the Libra to help make the decision as to what to do.

I sincerely appreciate everyone's support! It is getting me to bring this to some kind of finality.

Tam, I am so sorry you have to go through this.  <!--Session data-->

Tam, how is this going?  You okay?

I have talked with both friends. I'm going to visit the Libra as soon as the Leo finds out something. The Leo didn't have any luck yesterday but is trying a new avenue.

I only have my cell phone on at work, so once I leave work I'm free from her. I think at this point it is a control situation more than a dangerous situation.

The nerve of someone to monitor me with my cell phone.