Earlier this week, my sister came over. It's always a little awkward since she has a strong personality, she's quite hormonal at 3 weeks pregnant and it was just me, her and her son Harry in the house. My brother was upstairs in bed, very ill.

Before she left Harry started crying again, he doesn't like leaving 'Grandmas House' (I live with my parents) I asked her as she was getting his coat on 'When will he be visiting again?' she said 'Probably Sunday, won't it?' then quickly added 'You're having him on Saturday you know' I said 'Oh' a little dissapointedly because I knew it would be because she has something planned with her fiancee Dave, the she snapped 'Oh? What is it cos you think we'll be shagging on Saturday night, we shag every night', I said 'Thats too much information' she said 'well thats what you mean isn't it?'.

I ignored it and said 'here, take you're thing, you forgot Harry's gloves' she said 'I don't care' and left.

What I don't understand is why someone would kick you when you're down, like sometimes I feel intimidated and insecure around her despite the fact she's 3 years younger. If I was in her shoes I wouldn't be harsh to someone who has nothing. Of course it was only later that I figured out something to say along the lines of: 'Thats not the point, I don't care what you do 6 night a week but when he's here it's usually for a sexual favour for you in MY time'.

I know that still sounds like a recipe for an argument but we've only had 4 quiet months since Harry was born that she hasn't regularly dropped him off here and Rachel being Rachel it's a sexual reason every single time. What broke my heart growing up was how she'd put guys before the family. She seems to have high levels of testosterone. I could probably deal with that but she was also very sly and smug about it, she would often use sex as a form of power by coming home telling me what she had done or smirking at me as she came through the door.

Nobody could relate to what I said about her but I suppose they never knew the full extent, she even slept with my boyfriend. Some even smiled at the thought of it because people love anything to do with sex. Physcially I felt inadequate as well, if I had larger breasts like she does (although after Harry she claims they've sagged, but Dave still treats her like a princess) I'd be a little closer to an uninhibited relationship. 

So is this normal or not? For those of you who are loved up, I'd be heartwarmed to know that she isn't the only one treated like a princess. I think there are guys out there who would treat me like that too but I have O.C.D so until I get help for that I won't risk rejection.

By the way she has Moon in Aries conjunct Jupiter in 10th, leo rising and Sun in Aquarius 7th house (Sun is directly opposite ascendent). The Aries Moon is elevated, near the midheaven and she's a hairdresser. All the planets are on the Eastern half, the descendent half.

I am not sure what "way" you are asking is "normal to feel".  If you mean is it normal to be annoyed with your sister because basically she sounds like a self-centered, in-sensitive bitch, than yes, it is most definitely "normal" to not enjoy her company very much.  Your nephew is lucky to have you in his life - I say just concentrate on enjoying him when he visits, and don't take anything she says to heart, because any woman who would sleep with her SISTER'S BOYFRIEND, I really don't have the words for that.  You need to concentrate on your own positive attributes, and be kind to yourself.  Of course there are guys out there for you - believe more in yourself, and don't let her terrible negativity suppress you.  Good luck, and you know you can always talk to others here. 

it's hard to follow your question - seems mushed with family history and issues. in particular, sounds like you resent your sister. (i'm not judging that, just saying it jumps out.) what you discuss with your sister is as much within your power as hers. 

the "normal" question seems to be regarding how much sex others are having? i guess? i am in a relationship but not inclined to share the details of my sex life; it's nobody else's business.

i agree with Dorothy that you may want to JUST focus on the boy when you spend time with him and not the reason why he's there. it needs to be about him, and not about what sister is doing during the time. either you're willing to watch him or you're not...it's hardly his fault and seems possible he may be suffering from the situation.

in short, you cannot control your sister. you do control yourself, so that's where i'd focus, in addition to getting whatever support needed to deal with  personal issues.

StarGirl I'm sorry your relationship with your sister is rough. I agree with Dorothy and goddess--just try and keep your nose clean to to speak and enjoy your time with the kidlet. Fow what it's worth, I don't think one is inhibited because of breast size. self love, self love, self love...

I hope you find a way to define 'success' and 'love' and 'happiness' in your own terms. they are subjective concepts, I think. 

I'm starting to realise that my attitude is wrong. I'd always been told as much by the rest of my family, they say I'm jealous but it's not that simple. I wouldn't make the choices she's made and I do love her but you're right, I deeply resent her. The worst of her fuckery is in the past and I need to move on.

She's not a bad person, she told me she'd slept with my boyfriend but she said he'd come onto her which I believe. This was after me and him broke up, it was an impotent anger. She was sexually aggressive in the past but to be fair she's always given me tough love. I used to think no man would ever love me exclusively and not fancy her but a few of the police officers have shown me I can be sexually powerful too. One of them sent me quite a rude/heartening message on a networking site, I think he was trying to boost my self-esteem.

Sounds like a B**** to me.  Getting away with not having to be responsible for actions because of her jupiter in 10th and moon in aries. Which mean neptune is transiting the 7th and she's quite delusional about the effect she's having on others - sounds like she is projecting onto you and bouncing off you and doesn't see it. I'm not excusing it. Did she APOLOGIZE for sleeping with your ex and understood your upset or did she find excuses for it? She decides when she's going to drop off her son rather than consult with you and ask what would work for you.. that's a recipe for huge resentment in my book. What about a little common courtesy? Sounds like she never learned it.. possibly never had to.. but now pluto is in capricorn and boundaries are in vogue.. and respect.. sure saturn has entered libra which could be about being "fair" but with so much piling (if what i think is actually the case here) then i'd think it's about time for "polite" boundary making with her. Ask for an apology for the things she's done.. things that have been building for years.. (it may surprise her) or start with asking for her to consult with you on when to take your nephew. Anyway.. these are some ideas. But stop being fair to someone treating you with disrespect. That's going to pummel you and she's gonna run right over it.

Also it's time to grow some individual self-worth. Sisters rival.. especially aries i would imagine.. my sister gave me a butt complex because her ass was tiny. I'm tall and skinny with a nice round ass. She's petite with a nice petite ass. We grew up and stopped comparing and then tearing down. You might have to do that about her sex nights as well. Stop letting her get to you thinking you have jealousy. You are women and siblings. If you can't support each other by stopping the fuckery then tell her you aren't available. Maybe commit to a real balance (saturn in libra) and being individuals (aries/aquarius) instead of rivals(aries). Define boundaries and stop overreacting to each other. This is something you can help with. Lose being nice for the sake of nice or being "fair" to her - she's always given you tough love?? She's your younger sister.. she doesn't need to parent you. She's supposed to respect you. It's about balancing and boundaries. If she needs a kick in the ass in order to stop treating you bad then it's time to help balance the dynamic.

Geeze I sound like a bitch. I'm Sorry.

Mercury in scorpio and pluto transiting my 3rd. I'll get the hang of this one way or the other.

I don't know your sister and am just reacting to what was written and the astrology ..trying to connect the dots.

I used to think no man would ever love me exclusively and not fancy her  <<- this part is about you. i suspect if you go ahead and do some personal work as you're considering, you'll feel a significant ease in your relationship with your sister as a side effect.

Thanks for your advice on this, Liz you don't sound like a bitch at all and I get your point that the respect needs to be mutual. Since I live with my parents though she does have the right to bring Harry over as and when she chooses as long as she clears it with my parents. It means alot to feel like there are people on my side, I mean, on Sunday my parents went to her and her partners house and came back all wound up saying 'Rachel thinks you must be depressed'.

Goddess thanks for your wisdom also, it's time to take responsibility for myself.

Did you post your chart somewhere? That would be useful, moreso than her astro info.

http://www.astro.com/cgi/showgif.cgi?lang=e&gif=astro_2at_04_nicky_.84058.21669.gif&res=100&va=&cid=lakfilenqiyCZ-u1254931244

It's 7th February 1985 2:44 a.m Bradford West Yorkshire U.K

My sisters is 24th January 1988 at 4:10 p.m

http://www.astro.com/cgi/showgif.cgi?lang=e&gif=astro_2at_03_rachel.84461.29690.gif&res=100&va=&cid=lakfilenqiyCZ-u1254931244

 I said 'Oh' a little dissapointedly because I knew it would be because she has something planned with her fiancee Dave

Why is that disappointing? Is it jealousy?

 ...when he's here it's usually for a sexual favour for you in MY time'.

Does it matter what they do when you're baby-sitting? If she were to ask if they could go to a movie while you watched your nephew, would it make a difference? Also, I'm not clear on wether or not the kid is with grandma and you live there, or if it's your responsiblity specifically.

...never knew the full extent, she even slept with my boyfriend.

That sucks. Hard. I'd consider if I wanted to be doing favors for someone that's betrayed me.  

So, here are my thoughts:

Firstly, you have a right to say no to baby-sitting. Secondly, what they do in their relationship...is it really for you to know or worry over? Thirdly...you have a right not to do favors for someone that treats you like crap. 

So, if it were -me- I'd call off the babysitting.  

I know I shouldn't be bothered and you're right-it is just me seeing it as a game when really it's just my sister living her life. She slept with my boyfriend AGES ago, she and him we're friends first then she hooked us up but they'd often drop me off home and go out together. She was sorry about it, he just couldn't hide how much he liked her and she always kept her options open.  

They kept exchanging knowingly glances after a while but I still didn't think anything of it, then he thought he was irresistable to all girls and would chat them up right in front of me, tell me what to wear and get annoyed at me for not being adventurous enough with sex.

We were both 18 then so it's immature stuff, I never liked him much anyway. She was 15 and as much a knockout then as she is now, guys of all the wrong ages asked after her but many are idiots, even the ones she went out with eventually let her down. Isn't that always the way with love? She spoke to the police recently about her ex hassling her and call me selfish but I thought, 'there goes another 'love''.

Please let me say from the outset that I am far from a pro. So, take it as you will.

Pluto is transiting your natal Neptune, and squaring your natal Mars/Venus conjunction in Aries. Saturn is opposing that same conjunction. So I can see why your focus would be on a romantic betrayal and jealousy about your sister's sexual dalliances.

Perhaps the universe is giving you good instruction about what you do and don't want in a relationship (whether that be friendship or romance). Let Pluto cut away what no longer serves you in your outside relationships with people, and also what no longer serves you within yourself. Instead of being a passive bystander in your sister's relationships, focus on how you can get some lovin' for yourself, with someone who is into YOU, not your sister.

That's pretty cold blooded for a sister to have dealings with her sister's boyfriend.

"Since I live with my parents though she does have the right to bring Harry over as and when she chooses as long as she clears it with my parents."

I understand but it doesn't mean YOU have to look after the kid unless YOU want to.

Sounds like there are deep issues here of her taking advantage and you letting her. And you taking the brunt of her sexual conquests.. in one way or the other. Kind of like playing good cop/bad cop.. and always being placed into the bad cop role. You may need to stop babysitting as a statement to stop being the responsible one in the dynamic. You may not have been so sexual because of an innate modesty and felt lynched for it by your ex who then took up with your sister compounding the feeling of inadequecy. Being less sexual doesn't make one unsexy. There are consequences to her sexual nature.. which means having a son she should make a priority and it sounds like you being/feeling of better moral fibre is actually not serving you in getting out of this tangle. Instead she continues to fuck, you (and your family) are called on to look after the results and you get pegged as "depressed" and "having nothing" - in their mind and in your own. First step IMO - stop babysitting. And use your saturdays for something you want in your life. I'd start with saturn in libra.. becoming attractive and taking care of yourself.

I haven't looked at your chart yet though so there may be more to it than where my mind is going .. I can look at it later to add more ideas.. If it helps.

I find it amusing that the "related post" is "paranormal" :P:P:P

Thank you for taking my comments in the spirit intended, StarGirl. Not everybody can do that and I appreciate it tremendously when people understand the good intentions behind my sometimes aggressive Mars/Mercury mouth.

I do hope you get some support for the OCD and whatever other stuff you could use support with. I don't gather your family is positioned to do this anyway - most families are not. It sounds like you've gotten settled into the role of "the broken one" and could use some help casting that off, not just in their eyes, but especially in your own eyes.

Thankyou all so much for your advice. Fingers crossed I'll be getting a job for the weekends, maybe more, doing relief work. I can't say anymore about it cos it could be life changing but it's something I could see myself doing cos it's charity based working alongside people like me and it's good money. I already work part-time but with the O.C.D (I'm on the waiting list for therapy at the moment) I've held on to the safe options and I need a challenge, like this new job, to build my confidence.

thanks again

Good luck StarGirl! Sounds like the right way to focus your energy. :)

StarGirl,

With all these things that are happening to you, and you feeling all these negative things, I would say it is normal for you to feel this way. I think if I were in your shoes, I would feel the way you do.

It is not normal for your sister to act that way. Most people don't screw their sisters over. Most people don't impose upon their sisters and give them attitudes. 

Just say no. Say no to anything you don't feel right about. It wasn't until I knew how to say no that I started increasing my self confidence and finding out who I truly am. Then, once you find out who you truly are, hold on to that and love yourself for it. Love yourself and be happy for yourself. Once people see you are happy for yourself, and they can see your inherent confidence gleaming through, they will stop stepping on you. Hopefully they'll even admire and respect you. But you have to believe in yourself first. 

For instance, make plans Saturday night with your friends. And if your sister comes by with the same scenario, say, "No, actually, I can't babysit. I'm going out with friends." And don't be sorry, and just be honest, confident, and genuine. Be the big sister, be the role model. Tell her what's up.

Good luck, from the bottom of my heart.

From one aquarian to another...set yourself free from her.