Ten years ago today, the man who was to become my ex-husband, moved out of our marital home; at my behest. I was trying to close a long-festering wound (heh, good luck there w/Chiron in my 7th!) by breaking free of a suffocating marriage, where there was nothing in it for me but tenuous financial security. There was no emotional loyalty or any affection between us, and I wasn't about to cheat on him. I was on my pink cloud of bliss for the first year, but the rest of the years that followed have been a trip through the bowels of Hell, starting with me filing for divorce. Within that time, I've dated sporadically, with not even a casual boyfriend to speak of, just a string of first dates. I wonder how long I'll be hanging out in the void ? Which leads me to why I'd mark the occasion with a mention here, or anything else for that matter -- I'm (and my Libra moon is) totally tripping that I have been single for a whole decade now. It never occurred to me when we split up, that he may be 'it'... as in, 'as good as it gets'. *shrugs* Life's full of surprises, I reckon.

(((le soleil)))

IIRC your ex was a dick, yes?  Being single may be "as good as it gets," but it's definitely not the worst it can be, either (from one Libra stel to another *grins*).

le_soleil... i hear you. different specific circumstances, different ways of dealing, different choices... i tried again after 13 years. um. not to great effect. whatever.

you are doing awesome. i know it may not feel that way sometimes. you are tired, over-burdened... working hard at home, at school... it WILL come together.

*insert some clinking sound here*

i celebrate you. and your ten years.

(i mean it. i feel mushy tonight. but i am not saying anything i don't mean full-heartedly.)

I'm not sure congratulations are in order, but I congratulate you anyways!

Ahhh @le soleil! He obviously wasn't it!!

It's tough & it's a pain in the ass to be single, but you are one Hell of a lot better off on your own than stuck back there, being miserable =)

For the past 6 months or so, I've been wandering around wondering the same thing... "What?! Is this IT????", but I've reached the conclusion that even if it IS, I'm still happier than I would have been, had I sacrficed/ over compromised myself & what I feel & believe.

(((le soleil)))

Thanks, all. You're right, I am better off alone than with the wrong one, but it took me 17 years to 'nut up' and walk away. I also know that the only sort that I could possibly end up with long-term, would be someone who was Neptuned-out on some sort of addiction; just so they could tune out the noise and drama that became my world for about eight years after we split up. I couldn't 'do crazy' with the father of my kids, then I wasn't doing it anywhere else, either. One thing is certain, I have become resolute about my choices and where they've led. That is something steady that I can focus on, while my world rights itself after the seismic shifts and all the aftershocks that followed. 

Throughout, I have remained steady and loyal to my kids. These are the people who will deal with me in my old age, and bury me someday; so having their respect has been my singular priority. I can live with myself and how I've dealt with everything, even though it's mostly been stuff that's way bigger than me, that I had no way to prepare for.

(((le soleil)))  not that you need a hug really.. It's a good thing to have time just with you to take care of you andto  have the perspective of your own needs.  You also learn how to do everything yourself or learn that you were doing everything anyway!  I divorced an alchoholic and had an couple of not mr. rights.  After 16 years, of not dating I've surrendered myself to not being a good match.  I attribute that to not minding.  I keep thinking that when the time is right mr. prince charming will arrive to save me from myself.  Call it a dream...

(((Pixie))) I hear ya, babe. I may be an 'odd sock' for the rest of my days too, but I've made an uneasy peace with it. But since you are 'your own boss' in that regard, no one can dictate how much fun you have with it !

le soleil, I"m sure it doesn't feel like much but you have achieved a great deal when it comes to knowing yourself and being at peace with yourself. We can't love anyone unless we love outselves and you have begun to love yourself and it sounds like you are almost proud of yourself for survival! I bleive you could open your eyes and find love at any turn and can hope for that along with you stuggling for survival. Iam so very sorry it has been so hard for you and wish for you a better year with less stress andmore answers and problems solved! I also wish for you love and eveything that comes with it!  I hope  you feel better about  this soon and see all you have accomplished and what you can now do in the future with those skills!

xoxo

Aww, Annalisa, thanks. You made me cry. I really do appreciate your support, you're the best. Lots of love to you. xo

((((le_soleil))))

(((((le_soleil)))))

My official single-versary is...I think it is on the 12th or something. I got a right-before-Valentines-dump. But since today is the 10-year anniversary of meeting my last ex, close enough. I have this Chiron placement too.

I haven't been on one date since he dumped me 8 years ago. Guys have liked me, but boy, was it not mutual. I haven't really liked anyone else either. At one point I actually tried to "manufacture" a crush on someone who seemed more suitable-- he never noticed and it turned out he was taken anyway, and it didn't really work to "manufacture" feelings because I had no psychic buzz abput it.

"Within that time, I've dated sporadically, with not even a casual boyfriend to speak of, just a string of first dates. I wonder how long I'll be hanging out in the void ? Which leads me to why I'd mark the occasion with a mention here, or anything else for that matter -- I'm (and my Libra moon is) totally tripping that I have been single for a whole decade now. It never occurred to me when we split up, that he may be 'it'... as in, 'as good as it gets'. *shrugs*"

I hear that. I knew that if I didn't marry this ex he was my last chance, and sure enough, he was. In his case "as good as it gets" made single look good, and it still does. At least this way I have money and he hasn't spent me into oblivion while he lazes around at home playing video games and whining at me to have a baby. So single is still better than that.

But yeah, I do feel like a giant loser that nobody has ever remotely come along to spark my interest again. I know/know of people who have gone 15 years without meeting someone and I am sure I'll beat their records handily.

But...well, at least this way nobody's complaining about me or dragging me down or asking me to do what I can't do for the sake of love. I knew when I was five years old I was meant to be single forever and that has played out.

*shrug* What can you do. Other than settle for whatever asks you out, but I can't stomach that. So I go with my nature.

Dang, jfm; you sound really depressed ! I'm sorry about that. Your post was kind of out of left field, and you seem very sad.

I for one, do not consider myself a 'loser'. I made some choices that had unintended consequences; as I do not control everything. I hope I haven't come across as whining or complaining, that was not my intention. I'm just marveling at the time that has passed, the static nature of my condition, and the crazy turns my life has taken over the last decade. I'm wide-eyed at this stuff that I never guessed would come to be; but grateful to be holding my own. I'd like to be with the right one, but I'm living my life, if it happens it happens. I'm good.

Yeah, I know. I am "thoroughly fed up but can't really do much about it" mode right now. A lot more things than just relationships are not in my power to fix when I thought they were fixable, and I am super cranky. Sorry about that.

(((le soleil)))

*big hugs*

I can agree with many in saying that I think you have come a long way, and are evolving at great speeds.

For me, considering the prospects/species walking around near me, being single is as good (and kind of great all by itself) as it can get for me right now. But being single is just who I am. I have had one boyfriend for three months of my almost thirty year life.

And while I wouldn't change much in terms of timing and stuff. Going without any love, or touch does take a huge toll on me physically and emotionally. I just try to focus on what I want, and rememeber that this year could be really awesome for me with Jupiter entering my 1st house, then conjunct my Sun/Moon/Mercury. *purr* Sounds like a good time to me--hopefully. ; )

If I had a single-versary, tenatively, it would be four years ago this July. Independence Day loosely. Which seemed fitting for two 7th house Uranian's to get together. ;)

(((((le_soleil))))) & (((((jenfullmoon))))) 

Hang in there, everyone.  Just keep your eyes open and your hopes intact.  You never know.  I'll be 20 years this coming October. 

You're great. An inspiration, really. 

((((le_soleil))))

shoutout to chiron in the 7th house!

i am going on my second year as a single girl. i cannot go without sex for very long so that has stirred up some trouble but i'm managing to keep my head above water. i commend all the single ladies for staying out of soul-sucking relationships.

(((le soleil)))

(((jenfullmoon)))

I know exactly how you feel.

I felt like that during my long 13 year celibacy, covering my 50s and then a few. I fell for two men during that time - one of whom came after me, but was married. The other was going through a very nasty divorce then moved to the other side of the country.... so nothing doing there!

I thought that was it for me too, but the drought did finally break - if only with the previous Mr Wrong! Now I've gone over a year, again, and see no sign of that changing - I ignored his latest message. I have had other offers, but nobody tempted me enough. Never say never, though - things can happen when you least expect it

My second ex walked out June of 2010.  My divorce was final one year this January.  I'm in the honeymoon stage of my divorce.  Just so glad he's freaking gone!  I do want to get married again, though.  I guess it's that Venus on the ASC that I always ignored until now.  I don't feel healthy enough to date yet. 

My girlfriend has been divorced 11 years.  She's gone through nine internet boyfriends.  This last one was pushing for more, and she realized that she doesn't want to be tied down in a relationship.  She's a Pisces and she thinks she's lonely until they start intruding upon her personal time.  She doesn't like to compromise. 

My other girlfriend is going through a divorce she doesn't want (but really needs).  She wants to hang on, but knows there is nothing to hang on to.  I'm helping her through it as much as I can. 

You are not alone.  We're all going through our shit.  I truly do believe, though, that those of us who desire a loving relationship will attract that to us.  Love is what life is all about, after all.  Keep putting the thoughts out, and write out your list of qualities for your True Love.  I believe you will find the right person for you. 

Thanks for responding, ya'll. There are some strong women on these boards, that's all I can say; I'm in good company. : )

(((le soleil)))

@le soleil: Leo is the sign that rules the heart. When a Leo woman truly loves someone, she gives her heart completely. And when that spectacular love isn't honored or appreciated or properly returned by the other person, she goes into "affection withdrawal" in terms of the heart. In other words, she hardens her heart, to protect herself against further hurt and pain. Do you feel that you have any personal input into how your life turns out? If you do, then perhaps, because you have done your "ten years", you marking this particular anniversary is a sign that it is time to lower your defenses, dissolve your walls, and let someone in, and thereby change your personal destiny. You are a strong woman, and you have built your own strong identity, and you have 'done your time'. (This is just a theory, and I may be totally wrong, but I thought I would offer it anyway in the hope of being of some assistance :-)

Thanks so much for your insight as always, Wizron, it's much appreciated. I am finally starting to feel like I'm holding the reins, and my team of horses have calmed down enough to take their cues from me; instead of reacting to outside stressors. While I was married, and even after the split, healing (Reiki, homeopathy, etc.) was the only work that I did on even a semi-steady basis. I've had too many other responsibilities to handle, to be able to make it gainful, full-time employment, so I've been training up for something else for over a year now; which is empowering. Getting long-term therapy has helped me greatly, as well. My goal is to have someone in my life again, but remain totally financially independent. So hopefully I'm on track toward the changes that you suggested are afoot for me. I accept !

Le Soleil, I'd be tripping too, since we have the same Sun/Moon combo!

I was all about "the hunt" when I was young, but not now.

I learned a lot about myself when I finally got a long-term partner - that's Jupiter in the 7th for you - and I value my alone time.  I should have when I was younger, but that's in the past and besides the point.

If I ever found myself on my own, finding someone else would be on the bottom of my list of priorities.  If I found a great person, great!  If not...I refuse to settle for whatever's out there just to satisfy that Libra stellium.  My Leo and my Virgo Venus would never settle for fool's gold.

@Lis -- With age and experience comes higher standards, right ? At least, I think that's what we should aspire to ! Somethin's gotta take the sting out of getting all the grey hair and saggy bits !!

This can't be it. There must be more! Have you checked your transits for the upcoming years yet. Any Venus in the 5th house?