I am feeling a little ranty about this:

I have a friend who wants me to help her with an assignment that is due tomorrow. I told her last week that I was really busy right now, but I'd try and make time over the weekend---I told her the best time was Saturday night, but I could try & do it Sunday night.

She was supposed to text me Saturday about whether she was coming over or not. Which she didn't do...(and I know she went out that night from her FB status). Which is fine, normally I don't get that ruffled by that kinda thing---I dunno, I'm fairly easy going & don't really see that as her blowing me off or anything.

What really irritates me is that she's sent me three messages today begging me to come over and help her 'get started at least'...I'm so irritated by this! I'm happy to help, but not at your beck and call. And you haven't even started?

You expect me to come over to your house, on the bus (which takes a while), and do your assigment for you?

I have to finish reading a novel, hand in an assignment of my own, prepare to teach two workshops tomorrow, finish a bunch of stuff at work, get up at six tomorrow and find time to do some laundry and eat at some point...(cause clearly I'm getting cranky/low blood sugar/headache-ness). 

I'M BUSY---probably too busy---so screw you and your complete disregard for my time.

The real frustration though, is knowing that I've enabled this behaviour in people because I've always been too quick to put other people ahead of myself.

Not cause I'm some sort of martyr or pushover...but because I was never actually doing anything with myself that I felt was important enough to come first.

No more.

I have a life and I'm getting my shite together & though I'm still willing and happy to help people. I have too much respect for my own goals,projects, future and life to put them second or treat them like they're disposable to other people's preventable crises.

(unforseen or unpreventable emergencies---I will drop things & be there for a friend)

/end rant

Saturn/Libra-ness???

sorry for the negativity guys

but jeez louise...

(my level of frustration may have something to do with auntie flow too lol)

Stick to your guns :-) I'm totally with you on this - she couldn't even text you on Saturday, and now you're supposed to jump?

I don't think so ... And I am short enough that I would tell her. "I told you I was available over the weekend and you said you'd text me on Saturday. You did not, and I am not free today."

Good luck! And good for you.

I agree with Shannon.

Auntie Flo is visiting me today too.  She's crankier than usual.  :P

yes, good for you!  you were very clear about your boundaries.  it's too bad she chose to miss the opportunity you presented.

Thanks guys!

Sometimes it's hard to break patterns with old friends. Especially if you helped set them!

I had supper and am feeling less cranky! lol

Now, I can do some work with a clearer head!

...even though I'd much rather hang out on ElsaElsa & read the forum threads lol

I can't help but laugh at how many exclamation points I used in that last post.

Clearly, the food improved my mood.

(& that rhymes lol)

I agree with the others - this gal's demands were perfectly unreasonable. If she really needed and appreciated your help, she would not have gone out on Saturday - end of story

It's called 'taking the piss' - lot of it about at the moment......!

Dude! I can totally relate to this post/issue--eclamation points and all! (!!!)

As someone who's walking this path, too--Good job sticking to your clear and reasonable guns. **fistbump**

If I may ask...? When you contacted her to say no, were you able to keep yourself from using the word "sorry"?  If so, how hard was it?

I ask because a few months ago, I added this discipline to my "no" exercises and damn it is a bear!! It's aggravating too, now that I'm on the alert for it, to hear myself and realize how much I want to fall all over myself apologizing. It's like I'm such a doormat about not being a doormat. Just wondering what your experience is with this facet...?

This takes some serious effort to accomplish if especially you are not used to it... very very well done!!! :) Its also good to note about how you have enabled this behaviour in the past... you will have a much easier time curbing it in the future.

Good for you... I've had to learn this lesson too.. as in the past my kindness has been seriously taken advantage of.

hey-hey-hey

thanks for the encouragement!

I stuck to my guns and just said: "you shoulda come on the weekend"

she sent me a message that was apologetic & admitted that it was "her bad"

so, I did offer to help her this afternoon

---but she picked me up, fed me stew & bannock for supper & drove me home

and made it clear that she appreciated the help and my time.

I'm really glad her response was what it was 'cause it shows that she'll respect me & my boundaries---and will own up to doing a crummy thing---plus, it's good to know that setting these 'boundaries' or sticking to my guns doesn't have to turn into a weird fight thing.

@CP

If I may ask...? When you contacted her to say no, were you able to keep yourself from using the word "sorry"?  If so, how hard was it?

Ha-ha! It was very hard not to! I nearly always apologize when I'm trying to tell someone no. It's funny 'cause with some things I'm completely unapologetic about saying what I need to say. I have this weird line---it's pretty hard to cross, but when it is crossed, I can be pretty blunt.

Thing is, I'm not really in control of it at that point---I just get to a point where, as one of my friends puts it "the wolves come out" (& at that point all bets are off)

I want these lines to be healthier and ones that I consciously set for myself, so I am in control. Cause I think either extreme is not being in control of yourself yanno?

It's like I'm such a doormat about not being a doormat.

I love that way of putting it ha-ha!

I really think any doormattish-ness behaviour of mine must have something to do with my Libra 'cause sometimes I think I'm 'doormattish' simply to avoid a scene/or coming across like a b*tch---as though just accomodating others needs/actions (positive or negative) is easier somehow (again not being in control...)

I dunno. I found out that what I thought was my chart was about an hour off---and while a lot of the themes are the same...there are a few things I am still learning about (had a great reading with Elsa which helped!)

I don't think I'm a doormat---I'm not, I can be pretty damn stubborn/willful...I think I'm too easy going sometimes out of some sort of weird laziness. I dunno...maybe it's a result of being afraid of letting the wolves out, cause it usually ain't pretty!

(a fear that wouldn't be necessary if I dealt with things properly & kept all the wolves well cared for--- like little wolf pups warm & happy & cuddly...so they didn't grow up to be lean and hungry and mean --- and get out all ready and willing to attack)

yeah...extended metaphor

& extremely long post...je suis tres sleepy...

~YS

I'm glad that it all worked out and that she realised it wasn't cool of her.

quite honestly, as one having a lot of libra, i realised that in the past being a "yes" person was actually quite selfish, as i was only doing it to keep the peace. Sometimes the best way you can help yourself is to say "No" when it simply doesnt work for you and some times the best way i found to help others is to simply say "no" and give them the chance to take responsibility for themselves, yes as you can tell, like many others on these boards i also have raised 3 teenagers lol!

Good for you, yolandsky! I've always thought that if saying "no" to someone causes tension within the relationship, then there really wasn't a relationship in the first place.  Hey, it's your valuable time and energy.  "No" is a healthy word.