I've been investigating how my rigid, learned belief system affects my happiness and functionality.  I've discovered that when something happens I apply my belief to it and have the end product of a reaction.  since it's always the same belief, always the same reaction.  but I don't like how things have been going.  I guess this is what 'they' call changing one's attitude.

this morning I realized I don't approve of myself.  nothing I do is ever good enough to really feel good about myself.  I thought, "wow, I can just decide that what I do is good enough and change the outcome (my feelings of self-worth)!"  

but my immediate reaction was fear!  I realized I've been telling myself I suck because I'm afraid if I think I'm okay I'll REALLY let myself go and completely suck.  

WOW.  I am my own bad parent in my head.

I'm thinking this is related to capricorn moon square aries venus.  not liking myself relating to security fears.  and blah blah blah... parental conditioning etc.   

I can relate, and it is always a shock when these "ah-ha" moments happen. I find that my feelings of self-worth have a lot to do with appearance and body image, yuck.  I conciously know it is bullshit my deep down I stll have the twinges of "wow I look gross",lol.  A lot of times I feel like my body bogs me down and I don't feel comfortable in my skin, I know weird.

All my childhood my mom was a dieting queen, and still is and is always talking negatively about herself or her weight.

My Aquarius Moon is involved in two yods with Cancer Venus and Virgo Pluto and Uranus. Oh and I was raised Catholic and was taught that pride of anytime is a "sin".

gah, Miss, I hear you.  my mom started putting me on crash/crazy diets at 11 (when I got boobs).  I remember my mouth hurting so bad from one diet where you were only allowed to eat pineapple, only pineapple.  bleah.

I think other people are gorgeous in variety of shapes/forms but that attitude doesn't extend to me.  when I'm feeling the 'wow I look gross' I think of someone similar in looks/size and think of how beautiful I think THEY are and let that acceptance flow into ME. 

Satori - I have this 100% and it is capricorn moon for sure.  I am never 'full' - there is this constant feeling of insecurity and if I'm in a relationship I can feel I'm not loved enough but I'm single now and I realised that actually it's me doing it to me!!!

Sometimes I tell myself good things about myself but I find more solace in NOT THINKING ANYMORE.  I find Zen really helpful - just being in the moment and saying that whatever is happening is all life can be in this moment and seeing the beauty in that.

Sorry if that is babbling but I don't know how to put it.  Anyway, I hear you and it resonates bigtime.  It sucks.

I believe that if I don't interact perfectly with people 100% of the time that I will be abandoned. Virgo moon conj. Pluto/Uranus opposite Saturn/Chiron

It goes without saying that I don't interact perfectly 100% of the time, but being aware of it and getting rid of it are two different things. It's just not enough to be aware of it.

I try to tell myself not to judge and criticize myself because there are people that offer that as a free service.

Tam, LOL!

satori,

What lovely symmetry... do you see how far your insight took you? Your realization only occured because you in fact had already "REALLY let yourself go" and in so doing you transcended 'suck' to discover that daring to let oneself suck, completely, is a beauty unto itself. Your revelation proved that letting yourself go takes you beyond suck. Cool.

I have Saturn square Venus, and the exact same thought process...if I approve of or accept myself, what if I actually really, really suck?  Or will end up that way because I'm not going to work for...what?  I don't know.  Perfection?  A basic standard?  From there I start thinking about how everything's relative, so then I want to compare myself to others.  And so on.

Days when I think like this are days when I have to shut off my brain immediately and just start doing something, anything.

I was sitting at a taco bell the other day and these two dumpy looking girls came in.  I was just sitting there eating a burrito and feeling like crap and thinking well at least I don't look like them.  Then they sat down across from each other, held hands and gazed into each others eyes.  I thought how beautiful is that, they're in love and they don't care what they look like. I almost cried.  I took a huge slurp of my blue beverage and realized, this is it, this is the most shallow moment of my life. I am judging people at the taco bell while simultaneously getting sentimental about it. Congrats self, I have washed ashore while making a run for the border. Pathetic. 

Beauty is a silly thing to worry about.  

Wow I relate to that Satori, big time! i catch me doing it too & knocking it off @ same time, like come on, i know these are lies!!! You're not alone on the journey to really believing in yourself (unless i've interpreted it wrong, please correct me)! I love what julianwinter said! Right on!!! Leshelle

(btw~~mine can't be Cap Moon, but do have Saturn most aspected planet (& do struggle w/ depression ) not to mention an intercepted Sun.)

notatirem - i've been on both sides of that - the person thinking "at least it's not me" and the person others seem to think that about. it happened at the same period mostly, 'cause when i wasn't feeling so good about me, i was much more likely to find someone else to negatively compare to.

i'm able to do better now and am more likely to start at compassion more often, not because i've evolved, but because i feel better about myself.

i have also struggled with perfectionism and the feeling of never being "good enough," whatever the hell that actually means. what i found was that this became a huge barrier for me - having to have everything perfect became a quick and easy excuse for never having to risk anything. although this isn't exactly what you're saying, satori, i think it's in the same ballpark.

i do work on the zen, and have found some peace with the notion that i do the best i can, period. some days it works out better than others, but by letting go and being more accepting of myself and my own efforts, i really am able to accomplish so much more, so much better, than doing the harsh taskmaster who is never satisified in my head.

when i'm having one of those moments, i also ask myself how i would advise a friend in the same circumstance. we're always so much more generous with our friends than ourselves, it seems. i aim to be my own friend, too. :)

Notatirem -- bwahahaha! That made me laugh out loud, but it's a touching story as well.<!--Session data-->

Godess, u r a wise woman

I pretty much believe I am crap all the time (Saturn retrograde/stationary, Venus Saturn, Sun Chiron). I can't really have a sane reaction about it because the voice that tells me I'm crap has been around since birth. Seriously, I was like this as a very small child. The voice telling me I'm crap has known me longer and better than all human beings upon the earth have--so how can it be wrong?

*sigh* Yeah, I know "there's medication for that," but the medications scare me worse.

jenfullmoon, are you familiar with the way baby elephants are trained?  when little they are chained to a post they can't uproot.  they try and try and fail.  by the time they have grown to adult size and could uproot just about anything, they no longer try.

our limiting beliefs are just like that. 

we are conditioned to believe our implanted scripts.  we are conditioned to believe that they are inescapable.  one of the hardest things for me to remember is that escaping any belief is so simple that it doesn't seem rational.  you just stop.

it's like the buddhist tenet that enlightenment is right here right now.  it's inside of us, always has been, whenever we choose to embrace it.

the simplicity is daunting.  it seems like it should be harder.  but it's like seeing one of those illusions:  it takes so long to see it, but once you do you don't un-see it. 

I use imagery on this one. Belief is the engine that creates and drives the emotional weather. Shut it down. Flip a switch or grab a sledgehammer.

Objectively, I know it, but I don't feel it at all. It just seems like a fat lie to me to say otherwise.

Yeah, I'm in therapy...probably for the next 20 years to get over that. 

I get ya on that.  I'm not there either but I plan to be.

"you just stop"

yes. i continuously remind myself, the time is now. i used to be a bulimic and suicidal. never, ever thought i'd find self-love. it sounds weird, but i just got so sick and tired of being sick and tired. 

in short, i got sick of being limited. i was raised by a religious fanatic and so i had a very good working  example of what could happen to me if i continued to believe the shit i was feeding myself.

I used to have this problem, but then again, having Moon in Leo helps! Lol!