"Just bring a bread over and say, I brought some bread and this fuckin' tea..."

This is my husband's idea of how I should approach the neighbors...

How do you make friends?

I've never pursued a friendship. They've either developed out of another circumstance, as in school, work or theatre, or someone seeks out me out for whatever reason. The friendships that "develop" takes eons because we're usually similar in not actively pursuing freindships... I mean quite a few years.

Hmmm. Good question.

I have never been the kind of person to 'make' friends. They either happen to me or they don't. When I have, it always turns out awkward or blows up in my face! I guess I'm meant to be chased not the chaser!

Well our dogs are friends and the gal is nice and it would be good to have a neighbor who could watch, Lila when I am not here, and I could watch their dog of course.

Their crazy dog, who turns into a circle shape, like a Cheerio, when you pet her, plus she lifts one leg.

Oh... I almost forgot about the kids. As in when they were small, I ended up becoming good friends with a few other mothers because our kids played together. In fact, one of them is one of the only handful of people I spend time with when I go back to Winnipeg to visit family.

Seems like Lila got the ball rolling, so to speak. Your husband nailed it, then. :)

ETA: Looking at my comments, I see that my friendships begin with a strong "thing in common." Whatever that may be in whichever case.

Lol! I just randomly start talking to people.

I kinda think the idea your husband has is pretty good :) I'd bring over a cake/bread/a little basket of cookies etc and just say "hey welcome to the neighborhood" if they just moved in. Although if they've been there a while just go over and invite her over for some tea and sweets etc :)

Yeah, I used to be the hub of the block when my kids were small. This is because I live in the middle of the block, and was across the street from another mother who was home with her kids all day so this is where everyone came.

That all changed when my daughter got ill...eventually I didn't know anyone and now most the people on my block don't speak English, or care to learn.  They're just not interested in bonding the way this neighborhood was at one time.

This other gal lives behind me.  You have to go around the block to knock on her door. We've come to an agreement about the dogs.  She's nice and easy going and her husband seems similar as once he yelled out the upstairs back window, that it was okay that Lila was in his yard, barking.

Anyway, the dogs are together from 5 am until 8:30 pm everyday, going back and forth through the dog hole in the fence.

My husband make some other anti-social (but funny) suggestions of things I might say.  I told him I would have to tell them that he was "crazy from the war" and he laughed.

It's hard to get to know people these days. You have to get them off the Internet for one thing, huh?

True, true.

"It's hard to get to know people these days. You have to get them off the Internet for one thing, huh?"

Oh, so very true.  :)

I'm like Caroline, I just start talking to people who seem interesting.  Sometimes it backfires, but whatcha gonna do, eh?  *shrugs*  Since your dogs play together, I'd use that for an in:  "Since our dogs are such good pals, I thought I'd come over and introduce myself.  Would you like to come over for lunch/dinner sometime?"

We've had a few conversations. I have her phone number and she has mine. She's invited me to call and vice versa. I am so far out of the social loop these days, it's ridiculous. I'll eventually get back in but I have no idea how. I am glad for my Woman's Club and just not sure why it's so hard to break in anywhere.

Eventually, I will get confirmed at church (another year or two, the way it is looking) and when I do, I will volunteer and I am bound to meet people. Between now and then... I dunno. 

I might be isolated like this until I move.  When I move, I will move to an isolated area where I will be an outsider, so I might just be isolated, period. 

This is okay with me. It's not my preference but in reality, I've spent half my life like this so maybe it is my preference, lol. :)

I make them really easily. I have a strong 11th house and 11th house and 5th house rulers. :)

But, my cancer ASC makes me rather timid, and for this reason (and I am not saying I am proud of being passive), most my friends (soon-to-be friends) come charging after me, rather than the other way around. Seems I have a pattern here: you see, most my close girlfriends tell me (years later) that they just 'knew' they wanted me as their friend. I guess, lucky for me, they've all got super strong personalities!

Could this be aries on the 11th house cusp? I just thought of that!!

@Caroline that is very gemini of you :D

Tell her that you will be putting in a great big garden this year and would be happy to grow a little extra of something to share with them. Ask her what sort of veggies she and her husband like best and then grow some for them. Or If she is at all interested in growing any of her own, tell her she is welcome to a small plot in your garden or that you will rototill a bit of her yard for her. Between gardening, food, and dogs, you will have a lot to talk about and the garden will provide a regular basis for talk all thru the seasons. And It will get her used to coming over into your yard for a reason that won't have her worrying about overstepping your boundaries. She'll feel welcome to come over.

This is how I make friends . . . Sideways.

Yes, I think this will work out somehow. Right now it's winter and it's cold. Our houses back to each other but the yards are deep, especially hers.  They rent and it's sort of a big jumble of trees back there, the kind of trees that grow like weeds, so she has no need to be in the yard, along the back fence of her property. We really have to decide to meet formally, because like I said, to get to her house, I have to go around the block, which I've done twice.  She's super gracious, invited me in and helped me find the dip-shit...I mean, Lila's collar in her yard.  The dogs have a hole in the fence, and really, we should just have a people hole, that way she could (easily) walk over and let Lila in and out if I were gone and vice versa. 

I don't have a problem trusting her because the fact is, she would know we were out of town anyway, just as soon as Lila was silent. I'd just as soon have an alliance like this in the neighborhood. I miss knowing people.

In thinking about this, it occurred to me that besides the Internet, people are just so easily offended these days.  It's come to a point where people are such a pain in the ass, it's not worth dealing with them. I just assume people are going to have some big insane problem, where I used to assume nothing of the sort.  Come over, play cards, wanna beer? May as well stay for dinner, because ya know what? It was always a good time!

I remember those days. Open house. Open-door policy. Oh the kids are all here... They can ALL stay for dinner. Had a "kid table" for all the kids to eat at.

Not sure if it's the world or me that changed. Or both.

"I just assume people are going to have some big insane problem, where I used to assume nothing of the sort."

I can relate. Though probably not quite on the same level as you, Elsa.

On a tangent - or maybe not- my daughter is going to be a dentist and my son is headed into traditional chinese medecine. Sometimes I think, oof, everyone will be after them to get fixed in one way or another.  

Spent the majority of my childhood/adolescence being shy, withdrawn and generally isolated, these days if I tell that to someone they'll start laughing their heads off. I guess our social natures sometimes come and go in waves, but I did notice that there's always an effort involved to be open. Sometimes it's easier on the net, sometimes it's easier in person. Kinda going with the flow of it :)

Awwww :(

I have never been the kind of person to 'make' friends. They either happen to me or they don't. When I have, it always turns out awkward or blows up in my face! I guess I'm meant to be chased not the chaser!

@FieryTaurus- Same here! So I just smile and try to look approachable. It usually works.

I have Venus in the 11th, so it just happens.

Apparently I look approachable and friendly (Jupiter in the 1rst house). If 20 people are standing on the street, the tourist asks me for help 100% of the time.

Taking the dog owner tomatoes or something from your garden might really open the door for you.

I've lived in my housing area for over 3 years.I have not made one friend lol I have talked to quite a few folks and been over to the neighbors house a couple times but that's about it.I would love to have friends but I don't want people in my business.Judging my sleep schedule,judging how I keep my house,judging how I parent.I'm not "normal" and it is off putting to many.I grew up without neighbors,where I could run around nude in my front yard and no one would see or know the wiser.I then moved to an Air Force base at 19.The social dynamic was sheer insane insanity.All sorts of frenimies and other mothers calling CPS on other mothers for some extra dog poop in the back yard.All they did was fight and be prideful of their children." Oh NO,my child can do no wrong!".It was childish.They back stabbed each other left and right.

In order to escape the gossip I had to socialize with these women.Not a lot,just enough so that they wouldn't think I was some sort of recluse ( which I kind of am).I had to monitor every single word that came out of my mouth so that it couldn't be twisted and turned against me.I couldn't give them any ammo,you see.When two of them were fighting I had to remain the neutral party.If they tried to get me to take sides,I refrained.If one tried to start gossip about another,the buck would stop at me because I don't play those games.It was an exhausting amount of effort.

These were all women 10+ years my senior.I was the best friend I could be to them,but they couldn't truly be my friend because I could not trust them.There were a couple ladies I was close to though.I helped deliver ones baby because her husband was an abusive,philandering,awful prick and wouldn't wake up to take her to the hospital,so I did and ended up holding a leg while she pushed ! I used to talk my one super Scorpio girlfriend to sleep because she's always been in a hard way and has a hard life ( and still struggles).She is the only one from my past life there that I still know..I met those two ladies at the 7-11 and we just clicked.They ended up coming to my house at 2 am and I was able to connect to two beautiful souls.

Those are the last two friends I have made,in person,this was around 8 years ago.I have one close friend that I have known over 10 years,she's the best and she's about it as far as my social life goes :) I wouldn't mind more friends of course but a friendship is a lot more to me than a casual acquaintances ( which I have many) it takes a lot time,trust and mutual understanding.That just doesn't seem to happen very often for me.I also don't pursue people either it has to happen through serendipity or they have to come to me.

Sorry got all long winded,lol :)

On solar, how sad.  It just seems society is collapsing.

Yesterday I had someone ask me a favor.  This was a stranger. I said, yes, of course. She burned me. 

How you can ask a stranger a favor and then burn them is beyond me. I mean, I may be naive, but I just think it's crazy. You ask someone to put their faith in you, they extend themselves and WHAM. I can't imagine being that way and I mean, for even one second.

Anyway, it's so disillusioning.   I will invite the neighbor to lunch or something. She's very fast, I think she's fire sign. She's younger too...maybe not even 30. I hope I am not her Saturn return, lol.

Lol. Good luck, Elsa :D I feel optimistic for you.

I remember how i met my best friend Aquarius at school. I simply approaced her and asked if she fancied getting away from that madhouse  I just knew she would agree, can't explain how. And so we went for a long walk and talk.

I also noticed strangers like approaching me on the street to ask for directions, etc.

Though now with Pluto transit i probably look like a ticking bomb cha cha.

Elsa,it is sad and it does seem that way.A couple bad apples don't ruin the bunch though :) Those good apples are absolutley worth the effort,to me.I bet you ladies will have a great time !

I can imagine giving someone a cup of sugar and then having them talk all sorts of crap because I still have my Chrismtas tree up ( I know,simply freakish!)  lol I had to explain to my daughters best friend that everyone has the right to lead their life as they'd like and different isn't always bad,to each their own :) She has been a little confused by the fact we don't have a set dinnertime and I keep my Christmas decorations up among other things lol Oh,the Schwans guy gave me quite the funny look too lol 

aww, @solar wings, you sound as a very genuine and peculiar (in a good way) person

I just took my Christmas tree down.  I liked it and it was small and cute aaaand it's my house.  Don't like it, don't darken the doorstep.

Some of the military wives can really be like that, I had a long term run in with some at my apartment building when I lived off base.  I can only say thank god it wasn't base housing which is even worse from what I hear.

Many of my friends have been the one person at work who saw the insanity, and we bonded in the bullshit free zone. But it's usually only one or two per workplace over the years.

Sounds to me Elsa like you've both made 'first moves' and that's established a willingness, and now someone has to make the move that takes the friendship forward. As the older woman, I agree that should come from you - lunch sounds a great idea, just the two of you (and the dogs). I think you can become allies and make one another's lives easier, via the dogs. You can maybe raise the matter of a gate in the back fence when the weather is better, and you've a more regular connection

It has become much harder to make friends, no question, and I'm sure the internet is partly to blame. On the other hand, quite a few of my friends whom I see from time to time when possible, and with whom I chat daily on FB, are people I've met online (not usually on FB, btw, though a few are)

With neighbors, I'd make them something to take over and introduce myself/my family.  Or you could give them some kind of treat from a local place that you like.  I think it's nice to be welcomed to a neighborhood, so in turn do the same.  If they want to be friends beyond that, I'm around all the time :).
Angie

Good question! I am approachable and a good conversationalist. I like to talk to people and they like to talk to me. If we like what each other have to say we take it from there.

Mercury rules my 7th House; it is in my 5th opposing Uranus in 11th. My friends tend to ask me for information. Yesterday one of my (male) Aqua friends phoned me to ask where you could buy Danish weaving thread (because he knew I'd know someone who knew, if I didn't). A (female) Aqua Moon friend asked me over to discuss Bracha Ettinger's work. I love it. Talk talk talk!

Sag/Gemini on ASC/DES.

I just smile and say HELLO! Apparently I'm really loud and say the funniest things? But I don't know how??? And if I don't actually say words, my face and body language does all of the talking for me!

Also I hug people. Thats how I make friends. I say hello, then walk away then say hello and then hug! 

So, I make an impression. A crazy one, but I make an impression that they want to get to know me. 

hahhahahahahahahahahaa!

Give her a call and ask her if her and her husband would like to come over for dinner. It doesn't seem like there's any tension to begin with, so why not? I think she'd really appreciate that gesture. Then you can ask her if there's anything they avoid eating, ask them if they prefer red or white wine, etc, and go from there.

I think that would be really nice :)