Hi guys,

I was doing some googling earlier today and came upon this site.. it had some useful information.. so, I thought I'd give posting a shot and get some advice to consider. :) 

I was born on the Leo/Virgo cusp (sun sign) and I am currently in a serious relationship with a VERY pisces man. Every once in a while (maybe every few months or so) he will have a bit of a "freak out" and get highly upset and irrational about every aspect of his life, and our relationship usually ends up bearing the brunt of it. In these moments, he criticizes me for not giving him enough "alone time," despite the fact that he never actually asks for it or acts like he wants it until after the fact. I found some information to support that a Pisces man often has a finite amount of energy and needs to go away for a while and be by themselves to recharge their batteries. This is understandable, because every one needs alone time sometimes! However, if this alone time lasts a few days instead of a few hours, how can I make this relationship work if we are living together? If he has a day or two by himself he begins to miss me terribly, and when I see him again he is a completely different person. This is great, and he is very loving, but I just feel like this cannot realistically be the dynamic forever, as getting married and having children is important to me. I am sure there are many wonderful Pisces husbands and fathers. So, how does this work? I was just wondering if anyone had experienced this with someone in the past? We love each other very much and of course I want to give him what he needs, but how is this realistic when two people share a home and a life?

Thanks in advance!

Hi teevee, Welcome.

This isn't specific to Pisces, but I do think that 2 people can share a home space and still have private time alone. It is more complicated, but it can be done. Do you or him have any hobbies that would take you out of the home for a few hours at a time that you could engage in? If not maybe take up one or two before living together or getting married.

The part about this being a few days at a time is something I can relate to. Maybe you should have a talk about communicating needs? From where I stand, if I get married, I would have to have my own private space to retreat to. But I would also have to accept that I wouldn't be able to get the same amount of alone time that I'm used to getting when single or in a relationship but living apart. I see it as a compromise between your own needs and those of people you care about.

If interested, you might also post your charts for viewing. It might be helpful to get more specific advice.

Welcome teevee. I recently read this book:

I would recommend it to anyone struggling with the balance of the two (intmacy and solitude) in domestic life. Very helpful. VERY.

In my experience, not pouncing on someone the minute they walk in the door can help with the feeling of 'space.' Not suggesting you do this, just a random tip that may help.

Some people are so oversaturated when they come home, they like to hibernate and have quiet when they leave the public for the private. In other words, they need room to make the transition.

Thanks, luckyduck!

Yes, we do each have hobbies. Unfortunately, these do not keep us out of the home though. He produces music and I write. Both of which usually keep us working on our laptops at home. Between work, school (we are both college students although a bit older than college aged) and these hobbies/passions we have little time for anything else that would get us out of the home except for the occaisional outing with friends. These outings do happen, and we do often spend a lot of time apart because of the busy nature of both of our lives... however, it never seems to be good enough for him unless it is prolonged (as I mentioned before, a few days at a time).

The private space to retreat to you that you were speaking of is a really good point though. I know if/when we do move in together that will be very important. The personal space thing isn't a huge issue for me. If I am in a serious relationship and comfortable with someone I do not mind them around, and find the times when I am alone in my every day life (work, school, etc) to be enough for me. So, I am trying to see it from another perspective. I guess I just fear that he'll never want to make that compromise, as you say. We do not live together currently, and even the alone time he gets now, which is obviously much more than if we did live together, is not enough. Although, as I said, he doesn't necessarily articulate this to me unless he gets highly upset, often about something small or unrelated to our relationship entirely. Until today I thought this was just an emotional problem he had or something.. He has told me he doesn't think he'll always be that way, but seeing that this is a pisces characteristic that is somewhat beyond his control just got me thinking... is it always going to be that way regardless, and if so, how does that work in the long run.

I would definitely be interested in posting our charts, but I am not entirely sure what they are. Do you have any good resources for charts? If it isn't too much trouble? Thank you!

Sure! Check out astro.com for your charts:

http://boards.elsaelsa.com/topic/a-illustrated-beginners-guide-to-astrocom

and here's a thread for posting:

http://boards.elsaelsa.com/topic/picture-posting-info-and-practice-chart-uploading-thread

How it works in the long run...have faith you will grow together.

I'd say in the short term, don't worry about understanding all of it (his need) on a deep level. Respect that he has this need will serve you well. Plus, you have control of that because that respect will be reflected in your behaviour. In my experience Pisces need room to be themselves. They are very private, as befits their native house (the 12th).

@ teevee - If you go to astro.com you can create a free account where you can create and store astrology charts. If you browse around random threads here you will find "pie charts", or astrology charts which map the location of the planets and signs at a persons time of birth.

Another good resource for learning about the planets and signs is cafeastrology.com. And of course there are lots of people here that will try to help too.

@ Kashmiri - Nice cross posting!

Thank you very much Kashmiri!

This is my chart

And here is my boyfriend's

My email notifications aren't being 100% reliable so I didn't notice you posted earlier, Kashmiri. Thank you for the advice on the book. I will have to try and pick up a copy. You are very wise about the short term/long term things you said. I have always tried to respect this need he has, and see his point of view because I see things differently, but I feel like it is difficult for that to come across because he doesn't let me know after the fact until things are heated. So, I don't feel like I have a lot of control over that, unfortunately. You also made a good point regarding the transition from outside to home. I am not that type of person, but I can tell he is. If I do happen to be there when he gets home from work or something else I don't jump on him or expect anything right away, and usually he comes over to me when he's ready.

Pisces here. You describe me, in a nut shell.

I live with someone who understands that I need time to immerse myself in my own pursuits. Sometimes that means leaving me alone for a week and only checking in occasionally for a hello. Sometimes it means dealing with how clingy and needy I can be.

Granted, my partner is a Gemini and he can keep himself occupied with other stuff and doesn't seem to mind the clingy, either - but my emotions change, sometimes quickly.

I don' t know how to advise save that if you can't handle that, you can't handle that. No shame, it is what it is.

I promise, though, that with Pisces? It's not personal. It's just that we need to live in our own fantasy world and sometimes reality just isn't any fun to be in.

My friend's pisces mate goes to church. Her pisces dad does too. My pisces uncle goes fishing alone.. and basically avoids family functions. We have a large family and it's just too much. One on one he's good.

There is some really interesting synastry going on here. You both have strong Uranus contacts so you BOTH need your space! However you are a clear and logical communicator while your boyfriend is a very subjective, ambiguous communicator.

The guy's Mars, Venus, Sun, AND Mercury aspect his Uranus. Running away is the way he asserts himself - also the way he pampers himself and makes sense of things.

While your Mars and his Venus in Aries offers sympatico, there is a strong Water theme with your Venus in Cancer trine Pluto in Scorpio and his Moon in Scorpio trine his Sun and Mercury in Pisces.

You get along because you act with honesty and integrity (Aries)

But you both are quite needy AND quite aloof which gives the hot-cold-hot-cold action. It's confusing, especially to you, a VIRGO who needs things to be categorized and make logical sense.

However Pisces will trust the person who can stay in the present moment with them, who can go with the flow. Your Venus in Cancer makes a nice home he wants to come back to.

There's a lot going on so I can't really offer advice other than - you're both quite young, you're both figuring out yourselves. Be real with him. Be sensitive. And let things unfold.

I have to add the title of this thread is *very* Virgo-Mercury : "Making things work with a pisces man..."

Virgo wants to make things work. Pisces wants things to fall into place. These attitudes complement and balance each other when you understand, respect, and *trust* each other's viewpoint.

Wow, thank you all very much for your input! It has definitely helped quite a bit and given me a lot to consider. What you all say makes a lot of sense! Many thanks to @dorchid for helping me make some sense of those charts too!

What I have quickly gleaned from your charts....

You have your Pluto conjunct his Moon in Scorpio, which is also loosely conjunct his own Pluto! At times he may feel you are too intense, or maybe over-bearing. He has his own special intensity with this placement and maybe that is part of the reason he seems to need so much alone time.

I've also read (sorry don't remember where) that Pluto conj Moon in Synastry indicates the Moon person is emotionally deprived in someway and the Pluto person is there to help them "open up" a bit. Not sure if it works the same way with his own Pluto lingering nearby.

His Venus in Aries is conjunct your Mars in Aries. This is good and not. Venus is a feminine energy while Mars in a masculine energy. It is complicated because the energies don't match up with the genders expressing them. Aries is very independent too.

Your Venus in Cancer squares his Venus in Aries. Squares indicate tension, disagreements, not seeing eye to eye.

And your North Node tightly conjunct his Sun (and also Mercury) in Pisces is nice. A planet conjuncting a persons North Node can indicate a strong connection, fated encounter.

Hope this helps!

@Luci- it gives me a lot of hope that you and your partner are successful at living together (despite the fact that I am not a Gemini). I can understand and keep myself occupied with other things too, and I don't mind clingy-ness either because if given the opportunity, I'll be super clingy right back. Haha. I liked what you said regarding the fact that I can either take it, or I can't. At first, I did not think it was possible. It has not been easy... but after much thought I feel like I can. I just need a bit of help with it, I think. I am slightly curious though how to do this myself... What are some things your partner does? is it as simple as staying in another room from where you are? I feel like these are entirely stupid questions but I've just never been with a pisces or even had that many friends in the past that were pisces so this is entirely new territory for me! I appreciate all of the insight! Thank you again.

And @dorchid haha! You are so right about my post being very virgo. I didn't even realize that until you pointed it out. Too funny. You are right, these differing view points definitely can complement each other if those things are occuring. It has taken some work, but I honestly feel like if it accomplishes nothing else.. this relationship has caused us both to grow as people and understand different points of view from our own.

Your Moon signs aren't close in degrees enough to be a square. But Moon in Aquarius and Moon in Scorpio are different as can be. The moon is your environment and is one sign of how a person 'recharges'.

Welcome, teeveephonehome. :)

@luckyduck

Wow.. so much good info. It all makes a lot of sense. I do tend to be emotionally overbearing sometimes, especially if.. well, if I'm being quite candid, the past 8 months or so have been extremely rough for me and I've gone through a lot all at once, starting with the death of my father. I guess I just have to trust (and hope!) that once that settles (I'm already seeing progress) that these things will happen less frequently (the arguments that result in the need of prolonged alone time)? Or they will at least be more manageable.

Our venus' squaring is interesting. I was reading a bit about that on cafeastrology as you suggested. We see eye-to-eye most of the time, but when we do fight or disagree it tends to go out the window a bit! :/

@ teevee ((hugs)) Sorry for your loss. That can certainly throw a persons emotions out of whack and create strain.

... What are some things your partner does? is it as simple as staying in another room from where you are? 

Well, no. But I get home from work and I go to play games online or I get absorbed in a book and he just lets me do what I'm going to do. He'll pop in like once or twice and give me a kiss on the head and then pop back out to watch TV or work on his project or whatever (he's always tinkering with something in the basement on his work bench).

He lets me know he's around if I need him, but he's not up in my grill expecting me to pay attention to him. He busys myself and leaves me to my fantasy world.

I also admit that I'll check in with him, too. I'll put my book down and go see what he's up to for five minutes, before popping back into the pages again.

Sometimes, we'll watch movies or arrange for "us" time, but he doesn't put demands on my time. He gets that I need to escape from reality and totally not be in the land of the "real people" after work saps my energy. :P

I'm sorry about the loss of your father, too, teevee:(

Thanks for the kind words @luckyduck and @kashmiri It has been hard, I won't lie. But I have been getting through it. As I said, things are getting better steadily.

@luci 

Thank you so much for the insight... What you describe makes perfect sense, and honestly, I've lived with 2 partners in the past where it's been exactly like that. That is totally "normal" behavior to me. To share a living space but have personal time to do each other's thing. You are two individuals after all. My boyfriend and I (actually, right this very second) are in the same house but I'm working on homework and surfing the web while he's producing music. This is typically what we do most nights and then come together later to go to bed or designate some "us" time. Sounds like my pisces might want something a little more intense than that though.. considering this doesn't make him happy 100% of the time. I think it might be something beyond just being a pisces male, because he's said he knows it doesn't bother me that we're doing things separately, but he worries if I am "okay" too much when I'm around to fully concentrate. So, I don't know, it might just be an issue he has to work through... because what you describe is exactly what I do and exactly what I want when I live with someone. Hmm.