Anyone with this placement having trouble with the moon in Cancer? *sighs* Most of the time I feel like I am at the mercy of my emotions. It does not help that I'm so paranoid about things all the time - thinking that things are happening when they're not. Ugh!

It must be my Pluto squaring my Moon and Saturn square Neptune.

Thoughts anyone? How do you deal when you feel this way? 

Paranoia is my middle name - although I'm Moon in Scorpio. It's like I'm a skipping record, stuck on a scratch.

What gets me out of it:

1. resolution of the perceived conflict or issue

2. a distraction that puts things into perspective. "Oh yeah. No one gives a shit about this except for me. It's all in my head."

Interestingly, paranoia is a self centered affliction. Did you know that schizophrenics who also suffer delusions of grandeur, experience paranoia? It's like I said in point 2: they think people actually give a shit - that the world is revolving around them, that people would actually take the time to plot against them.

Not saying this about you - just bringing it up as an amusing point of interest.

I have Moon in Cancer. Yep rollercoaster emos.

The thing is, it's not a problem for me, per se. 

It's a problem for others.  And I totally understand that. That's why it becomes a problem for me. Because I have to live with other people. I don't exist in a void. So, regulating the expression of my emotions is probably my single most difficult (and ongoing) task, daily, minute by minute. It's an enormous and constant struggle.

bananas: I constantly have to remind myself that a lot of this is all in my head.. Seriously. But it's confusing because most of the time, I have a very sharp sense of "danger" as well - and I have not gotten to the point where I can discern the two. It's frustrating.

Strawberry Fields: YES! It's really a problem for the people in my life, it seems! Out of nowhere I get angry/cry/emotional because.. well... I just feel it! Most of the time I express anger in bursts (Mars/Uranus square) and it isn't always easy for my loved ones. So yes... Regulating these expressions are a PAAAIN!

Lunalie, you just described my Moon in Cancer mom!

She can't help her emotions alot of the time.

Moon in Aqua, but Cancer rising, so the moon's my chart ruler (and "basket handle" to boot).

I agree that it's not so much my emotions being a problem for me, it's them being a problem for others.  But here's where Aquarius helps: I don't give a shit.  *laughs*  I have Moon-Pluto trine, and I learned in my late teens that when I bottle up or tone down my emotions so they're palatable to others, it's not good for me.  It turns inward and I get depressed and start having migraines and weird phantom pains and eventually I become a withdrawn, miserable shell of a human.  So, uhm, no.  Screw you, I'ma express what I feel and if you can't deal with it, get out -- I'm not making myself literally sick just so you can be comfortable. 

Since I've never been paranoid, I can't really say anything about that.  It seems on the surface to be a Moon-Pluto thing.  I do agree that if you feel conspicuous, it's usually a good idea to tell yourself that most people are too wrapped up in their own dramas and concerns to truly notice whatever it is you're worried about.  I know that's helped me out when I felt on the spot before.  (Of course, I have Sun-Saturn trine Neptune, I can make anything real to me. )  A semi-related story:
My mom ordered shaping underwear for the both of us and they were delivered today, so of course we dived into the box and tried them on.  She went first, and since I was on the phone at the time, she got a good, long look before I got free.  "I don't know," she said, "it seems like my pooch (lower abs, y'all) is bigger."  "What the fuck are you talking about??"  I said, "Your ass looks fabulous and you can't even seeeeee your pooch!"  So she was happy after that.  But when I tried on mine, same thing: I noticed one flaw instead of seeing the awesomeness of my ass and how it showcased my hourglass.
The lesson?  People are hardly ever pointing to what you think they are.  While you're imaging the spinach in your teeth, they're looking at your nice lips.  Capice?

Thanks SaDiablo :)

Oh and shapewear... that's the "beauty" of shapewear. Regardless how much we hope and wish we look better with that little secret underneath, to us, our flaws will ALWAYS be highlighted. Believe me I'm a shapewear fiend as I have a protruding stomach (which I've successfully trimmed down to a healthier hip/waist ratio). And really, all these "flaws" are all in our heads! I think it's because we focus so much on it, we forget to see what looks good on us!

My partner told me I have this tendency to shit on myself... Well... 12th house sun has a tendency to do that. Elsa told me about this too - the whole "self-sacrificing" deal... I tend to bottle emotions up until it blows over out of nowhere - which is something I have yet to learn. I guess I have to control my natural 12th house urges and find a way to let these feelings blow out as soon as I feel it - somehow.

I have always secretly envied Aquarian types for their detachedness. Seriously, it's enviable how you can work with the "I don't care" attitude. I need to learn that more :)

Again, thanks for the insight, SD! :)

hi Lunalie

I don't have Moon in Cancer, but it's opposite sign Capricorn. I'm consider myself extremely emotional and can relate to what you're saying. However I don't always have the outbursts you're speaking of anymore...when I was younger I did but sometime around 25 there was a shift.

The shift came from accepting the reality that other people were not me--they wouldn't always understand my feelings no matter how good I was at explaining them. But I also got better at expressing what was bothering me, and getting clear about it not being personal. 

So instead of:

"it pisses me off so much when you give me shit for not returning your calls!"

it became:

"I'm disappointed in myself that I can't stay on top of returning people's calls and knowing it upsets you, upsets me."

I've learned that people were reacting negatively to my expressions of emotions not because I had them and they were "too intense" as I previously assumed. People were reacting negatively to my expressions of emotions because what I was saying was in fact NOT a true expression of how I was feeling. And people pick up on that shit.

"I'm sorry you're so overwhelmed that you can't return my phone calls, but don't flip out on me because I love you and actually care about how you're doing..."

I don't know how this may apply to your situation, but I would take a long hard look at your language--how you express yourself in words, and how it correlates to how you express yourself physically. 

Also Cancer, being Moon ruled, this shit is just going to come and go. I'd accept that your feelings (Moon) are a roller-coaster. But if you look at how fast the ruler moves (every 2.5 days) your moods move that fast, too. But there is a certain level of predictability. Maybe a Moon journal would help. Figure out where the Moon is every day and write about those feelings. I know you can find widgets for a blog that have the Moon and where it is, day by day. That could be one way of keeping track.

Last: every time the Moon it hits Cancer, once a month or so, it forms a Grand Cardinal Cross with Moon, Pluto, and Venus.Mars conjunction. I turn into crying machine that wants to hurt herself out of windows out of frustration. And then...it passes. You're not alone (((lunalie))) 

(((Kashmiri)))

Thanks so much for the insight. People in my life have been easily upset by my "delivery." I have Mars square Uranus so I say things without thinking about it. I have a hard time catching myself in the act, though recently I have been better. Changing the language to "I" as opposed to the accusatory "you" definitely helped me.

With regards to the emotional rollercoaster I'm going through: Most people who have seen me very emotional think I'm on the verge of self-destruction. They almost freak out because they haven't seen anyone emote so intensely before (Thanks to my moon/Pluto square). And with the 12th house sun, I guess I give the impression that I'm very self-destructive - which is partially true but I think because of all the supportive earth in my chart, I'm actually quite steadfast and hardworking. I have issues, but am constantly working at them - despite still trying to figure things out at this time.

I guess the combined Saturn Return, Uranus transit (to my 12th house and Saturn... and soon, my sun), and this oh so painful Pluto transit has really been forcing a lot of emotions out of me. It's quite scary. 

I have a lot of Scorpio and I truly believe that emotions are all hormones and have absolutely nothing to do with rational thought processes.  It actually can exacerbate emotions to try to think about them or put them into words.  I like to get into the physicality of it and just let them wash over my body, have a visceral experience and be done with it.

Notatirem: With regards to getting to the physicality of emotions... how do you deal with this? A lot of Scorpios in my life are very physically active folks and tend to be involve in some sort of activity that involves speed (my partner, a Scorpio sun and mercury is a cyclist and paddles a boat with a team). 

for the emotional rollar coasters of life (i have sun/merc/mars in cancer but moon in virgo) -- best for me is meditation practice. Watching the emotions/storms as they arise... there are many meditative techniques from various traditions but the ones that are grounding are the best for people who deal with this regularly...

self acceptance is key. You are who you are. Now what are you going to do to handle it all better. and it's on-going. I don't believe in insta-cures, personally. At least when dealing with the emotional life because there is always something!

I agree with Notatirem. I typed a post last night that said I think mine are due to exhausted adrenal glands resulting in underproduction of cortisol, overcompensation of adrenaline and excess epinephrine. But I was always like this so I think it's always hormonal in one way or another (for me), and yeah, the sooner you "get it out of your system" the better off you are.

I agree with the hormonal angle too, esp. with Cancer. And washing over...Cancer seems to retain too much when doing things that exacerbate, like notatirem suggested

I will have to quote my Aunt (she was a Leo but had Mercury/Venus in Cancer):

"When the world gets you down, go home and pour yourself a bath and a nice cup of tea."

I usually just lie down in my super comfy bed and cry. Sleep, and wake up feeling much more manageable emotionally.

Here's a link to moon widgets,if you're interested:

http://www.widgetbox.com/widget/67526 

Hmmm ladies, you got a good point.

Kashmiri... I have not done that in a while. Lie in bed and just cry.. Or just seek the comfort of the sheets, have a hot bath or what not. I've been dealing with things the Virgo way it seems: clean clean clean... But I think it's because of my Saturn Return. But yeah... to me, if I work on my home, I definitely feel a lot better. I felt a heck of a lot better when I finally did a good deep clean in my apartment last weekend! 

Hey Kash, the link doesn't work, it seems :( I'll try doing a search. Will this work on a Mac?

One of my friends recently had a double sun/moon cancer baby.  She had a c-section and I was trying to convince her to make it another day when the moon would be in leo. Ha ha. This last moon in cancer that baby was a wreck.

I can barely sit still if something's bothering me. I have to "sweat it out." And I think literally, that's what happens... you "sweat out" excess hormones.

clean yer bed and get in it! ahhhh..fresh sheets. my virgo cousin irons hers.

sorry about the link...I can't figure it out, but I googled widgets-moon 

Kashmiri: Yeah there's a HUGE selection of widgets. Which specifically should I look at?

And I'll be working on the laundry tomorrow! I plan to stay away from bed right now as I have not slept (no matter how long I stay in bed). My circadian rhythms are pretty much screwed so I'm looking to fix it. I just made an appt. with the doctor though so she can give me suggestions on how to fix this! 

"self acceptance is key. You are who you are."

That's my angle on it, too.  There's plenty of things I do to express/cope with/manage my emotions, but the underlying theme is "this is how I'm built, so I have to learn to live with it relatively peacefully."  I've got a strong moon in my chart (I think?), so this has been and probably will continue to be a life-long process.

I just wrote a whole thing about how I would react to the "Why haven't you called me?" thing kash posited, but it just keeps going and going, so I'm shuttin' up. 

Around last year I found out too that the moon was my most powerful influence in my chart - overshadowed by Mars, even (which I think only comes third, next to Venus). It was good being aware of this, but I'm still on some kind of journey on how to deal with it. I remember trying to make myself over many times but failing miserably! I haven't come to fully accept my emotional nature yet, I guess. Working on it...

Something just occurred to me while reading through all this.  Everyone seems to think there's something wrong with having powerful emotions. Well, there's not.  If that is how you are designed, that is how you are designed.  And I would imagine with the Moon in Cancer, there's an awful lot of water involved.  Yes, we live in a society that denies feeling, real emotion and vaunts reason, but if you are a watery person then insist on your right to be oceanic!  Otherwise how will anything change?  People will only learn to accept diversity if we accept ourselves as we are, not as we think we should be.  I spend half my life defending my tutor at college when the rest of the class is criticising him for being moody and 'difficult'.  Well he's a double Cancer for Chrissakes! Of course he's moody (and also diabetic which increases it).  That's how he gets.  But he just as often is funny and helpful and kind (Cancer Moon).  They want to study art with an artist and then complain about how he is - well his effing artistic talent that they are learning from is also due in large part to his Cancer Moon.  I'm a Cap and I tell you, I get so much from the Cancer frequency - it's pure magic, a kind of magic that I haven't been blessed with natally.  So celebrate your Cancer Moons, the world needs your lunacy!!!

opal, I wish I could give you a hug for what you said because I agreed with everything you said!

Cancer Moons are caring creatures. The world is cold enough, we need more emotions!

I also think Cancer Moons are more instinctively smarter than the rest of the population. Society denies their 6th sense, while Cancer moons embrace it!

Aww opal and Toni you guys are awesome!

Society isn't very kind to the emotional. The thing is, I scare the hell out of my loved ones because of my overpowering emotions. I really hate it. I don't know if people can accept this of me so I'll constantly feel like a freak of nature :(

Right now is one of those days where I'm feeling down too. Yesterday I was upset about something and I am always so self-conscious about trying not to drain anyone's energy. Well because I'm going through so much (mainly internal battles with myself - THANKS PLUTO!), I am afraid I have that effect on people. I was talking to my partner and he pretty much felt a bit tired after talking to me about my current situation (wanting to move forward with self-employment, worried that I'm "competing" with our best friend, etc). I haven't been quite "myself" because I'm worried I'm offending people and being some kind of emotional vampire (which I don't intend to... God, I hope I'm not!)

It's jsut that recently the predominating feeling is "negativity." I'm climbing uphill in a goal I want and I'm battling my tendency for self-sacrifice so I stop being so resentful. It's tough, you know?

And I almost feel now that I should isolate myself from everyone because all I do is bring my loved ones down. *sighs* I don't know. I know they say they love me... I know my partner says he loves me... but don't partners want someone who is always happy and upbeat and stronger? I'm just not strong at all at this point :( I am so used to being strong for other people but when I'm in crisis, I blow up :( 

So when I'm really supposed to see my partner tonight.. It just makes me NOT want to see him because I'm "draining" him... He doesn't deserve this. I'm a horrible girlfriend :( 

Lunalie, not everyone wants the same thing in a person.  it's one thing to do things differently because you WANT to do them differently, but if you do it to please others you only attract people who want something you are not.  if you let your freak flag fly the ones who like you for yourself can find you! you, organically, are somebody's miracle, just like you are.  and probably a really close fit for lots of others.  don't bother making yourself into every-woman, yourself is enough.

Well said, satori!

Lunalie, I really liked what you said here: I'm battling my tendency for self-sacrifice so I stop being so resentful.

I think that is key for Cancer, and maybe Pisces too (I also have Cancer and Pisces). If you have a tendency for self-sacrifice, it could be that when you dare to take up a Lunalie-sized chunk of space in the world, it feels as though you are being overbearing, because you're used to squashing yourself in a box that doesn't fit.

In other words, when your loved ones tell you they love you, they might actually mean it, and it is only your perception that you have three heads, because you are doing something that's foreign to you.

I'm curious about the resentment part... is it working? Are you, in fact, less resentful? Because that is a wonderful thing. Personally, I would prefer a little bit of emotional volatility over resentfulness. Resentful, passive-aggressive Cancer energy is the worst manifestation of that sign, IMHO. I guess what I'm saying here is that even if you pick up a tiny flaw in the emotional department, if it is offsetting a much larger problem in the resentment department, then it is really a net gain. Noone's perfect...

satori: Thanks for the feedback. I'm basically doing something I've never done before - making decisions SOLELY on myself and my life. That is a Saturn Return lesson after all. If I were to go back to my old patterns, I would've gone ahead and be "employed" rather than knowing that deep down, what I want is to be independent.

With regards to my personal life - I'm used to "morph" into a person that pleases. In my previous relationships, I morphed into what *I* would think is their ideal partner. With my family, I was trying to be good and did what they said - though not always true, otherwise, I would not be in Canada by now (I got here on my own accord).

I guess you can say I'm not used to "pleasing myself." I was all about people pleasing in the past, and now I'm almost subconsciously doing things for me, moreso than everyone else. I guess there's this fear of abandonment somehow.

user:

I've always believed that I have to work hard for something in order to gain something. I still am in this frame of mind that I'm "undeserving." Basically, when someone wants something I have... I feel bad for them and would freely give it to them even though I earned and worked hard for it. I'm so struck with guilt all the time and it plagues me!

Regarding self-sacrifice and resentments... it DOES work, although as I mentioned before, I am still often wrought with guilt because I'm not used to it. It certainly makes me feel a lot better to be assertive and to stand my ground but at the same time, this is something I'm not used to. A part of me still wants to go back to my old ways, but I believe I'm much too far in with the "new way" that I could not go back anymore. I guess that's what a Pluto transit does to you. 

i heart this community

I totally relate, Lunalie. One time, I had to assert myself with someone who was quickly railroading me. I was successful, and then felt bad about it, LOL! How dare I win, right?

I actually forced myself to beat my chest like a monkey (in private, of course) just to admit to myself that yes, sometimes there are power plays in the world, and that's just how it is. I don't think I'll ever be 100% comfortable with it, but it is important to have the ability to act outside of type when you have to.

Good luck - you sound like you're doing great, FWIW!

me too strawberry fields!

Lunalie! I'm throwing out my two cents on the plight of the Cancer moon. 

I think you have a fire sun sign, no? I am really beginning to see the importance of understanding how the elements of the key players in our chart work together. Fire and water make a whole lotta steam (paranoia?)...

You already know I'm Pisces with Cancer Moon, so I'm a whole lotta water and emotion...I'm an ocean of hormones! But I work with it, I can "adapt" as water signs do to the situation. I would fathom a guess that it is much more difficult for your Fire sun sign to adapt to the emotions your Cancer moon can spew.

My mother had a Cancer moon but did not like emotions. She constantly used to make disparaging comments about my sensative, emotional Pisces-ness.

"If I were half as emotional as you were, we'd be in trouble."

"If you're going to cry, go to your room - you're being ridiculous."

She was MOODY, yes, but it was more "bad mood/good mood" than a sensative, emotional thing.

Luci, my dad was similar.  He has Cancer moon conjunct Pluto.  He repeated the same speech over and over about controlling my emotions.  How life would be so much easier if I could be the boss of how I felt.  Giving into to uncontrolled displays was ultimately damaging.  That was his own hard learned life lesson and he wanted to spare his kid from some of the pain he suffered.  

His moon/pluto is opp his Capricorn Mercury which is where he gets the "make your intellect the boss." attitude.

user: YES!!! Recently a friend of mine retorted with an accusatory to my frustration over drivers here in the city (I live downtown). This was on facebook, so he wrote a long angry response (he made the issue about HIM when I had not even mentioned him at all). While certain people came to my defense PUBLICLY, I decided to email him on my own and wrote my response. And even AFTER the fact, I felt bad because I stood my ground yet at the same time I felt that it HAD TO be done.. Yikes!

But yeah... it's tough when you have a lot of 12th house/pisces/cancer/water influence floating around in your chart and you just don't do boundaries... but you have to!

alicia: I find that the FIRE wants to just bulldoze anyone that gets in the way (hahah!). I can be very assertive when necessary, and I am also the type who never runs away from a(n intellectual) challenge. it's tough when the people you care about and respect have different opinions from you about your decisions and it affects you. And also, if your being down... your being in the hellhole for a little while isn't exactly making them happy. But it's weird when something subconscious... or something bigger than you is already driving you... I can already tell I am a different person though a part of me (yes, of course the past-loving Cancer) still looks back and fears that she will lose all that she's love because she is no longer the same person.

luci and notatirem: Have you both watched the recent Star Trek movie? it reminded me of what Spock's dad who mentioned that emotions run very deep for Vulcans... even compared to humans, which is why they must control it and use logic. I've always thought that was quite a strong statement - though I didn't quite "get it." Perhaps when one knows and accepts oneself, one can control the raging emotions deep down. But geez, that's so tough!

"I can already tell I am a different person though a part of me (yes, of course the past-loving Cancer) still looks back and fears that she will lose all that she's love because she is no longer the same person."

I know what you mean. 

"Everyone seems to think there's something wrong with having powerful emotions. Well, there's not."  Right the fuck ON!  Reminds me to post this on the "unreasonable" thread.

OK, I will now apply some Vulcan logic to the Cancer Moon issue, captain

The Moon in Cancer is at home, is it not?  It naturally belongs there.  Therefore it is operating correctly.  The manner in which the human feels what it feels is therefore correct.  It would therefore appear, that it is the humans adding up of the process which is causing the problem. 

Vulcan solution - do not think about or judge what you are feeling, just feel it and let it flow through.  Thinking about it traps it inside the human, where it gets distorted and causes angst, anger and irritation which will spread to all humans in the immediate environment.

Mantra for Cancer Moon - it is ok to feel this, it is valid, this is how it is.

Here endeth the lesson

What I'm wondering now, Lunalie, is what IS wrong with sequestering yourself from time to time? And I don't mean the Aries version...of being at home but still talking on the phone/emailing/thinking up things to do...I have a close friend with 12th House Aries Sun and her version of punching out the time card and mine are very different.

Your post reminds me of times I would get super upset, almost always about social interactions...someone was hurting my feelings inadvertently or what have you. I would stay out of the house, I would go out and do those social things anyway, and end up aggrieved and despondent I was unable to control myself. 

Then the guilt. The guilt! that would set in that everyone around me had to be so hurt by me being a basket case, oh the guilt...and it finally sunk in: I was trapped in a vicious cycle, because I actually liked my emotions, as crazy as they were. And you know what? You CAN stay home, for days and days in fact and not answer your phone, and not email, and not hang out with your boyfriend, and just say "Sorry folks, Lunalie has left the building and will be back when she's more social!"

People will worry...and fret...and ask you questions...and you can just say "I need time alone to calm down."

I firmly believe that 12th House Sun is inherently private and needs to create a sacred space that is all their own. Tell your lover you have a sacred space that's just for you, if you feel the urge...but have it anyway. And stop telling yourself you hate your emotions! To me hat's like telling yourself that you hate yourself. 

That's exactly what I was trying to write the other day, kash, and I just could not make it work!  *laughs*  Thanks!

Yes!  Sequester!  There's nothing wrong with needing downtime, whatever that means to you.
Downtime to me means sitting at home with a minimum of noise and distraction, maybe cooking a big meal just for the fuck of it, or reading through a favorite book for the 80th billion time, or quietly getting sloshed (or some combo of the above).  And when people want to know where I've been, I say I've been "in the cave."  My truest friends understand the cave, and know that as long as they're not wanting a performing monkey, they're perfectly welcome to come share the cave.