This is a typical thing that happens to a person with mars square neptune; and I'm noticing that mars is pulling right onto my natal pluto/uranus -- opposing T Venus. Been wondering what was up with me the past couple days and here is an example.

I am going to therapy. I like my therapist *alot*; but I am very aware somehow that every time I go to see her I pay her 100 dollars. I am a regular visitor. I have been going twice a week which means that I pay her, directly, by check: 200 dollars a week.

Today I had to cancel. She asked me if I wanted to come Thursday and I said no, I had a doctors appointment. This was all by text. I said, let's pick this up again next Tuesday. She said wait a minute, what about Saturday? I said, oh, right, okay, see you Saturday.

Now.

I have no reason to believe she is pissed off at me for not showing up and giving her 100 dollars. I had no input from her except two reasonable questions. However I can't shake the feeling she is mad she is only getting 100 dollars a week this week instead of 200. I have no basis for this AT ALL but I think it anyway. I feel a sort of...I don't know, a *pull*; a need, sort of, from her; I realize I am Income. I don't know if it's because of the way we've talked about money in therapy or what, but this is a distinct sense that I am...*feeding her less money this week.*.She's upset about it. I think.

This is weirding me out because, please understand this: with mars square neptune you have no idea if you're making it all up or if you're getting some kind of weird psychic impression or what.

But this is how relationships get weird with me. Because I'll actually remember that impression and start acting on it. I'll get annoyed at her when she didn't say a single thing about anything. I'll feel overly responsible for her livelihood or resentful about it or just..you know...whatever strangeness there is.  And so forth.

This just happened to me at work yesterday also. I went back to my office with a Psychic Impression ( or so I think these things are) and *forced myself* to absolutely ignore it like a normal person. Turned out fine, it was a projection, and things are fine today.

But I really need help with this. The problem is....sometimes...a lot of the time...I'm *right* about what I'm picking up. But have no idea what to really do about it. And be unable to articulate it. And sometimes...I'm dead wrong.

Does anybody else have this problem and if you do, what do you do about it?

I can't help because I would have thought the same thing, eva. :)

I'm with Elsa.  I fired my last therapist because she sucked.  I was getting ZERO feedback.  She wanted one last appointment, which I gave her, but I deeply resented it because I felt she just wanted that last bit of $.

I had let her know that I needed more feedback for several months before I finally got rid of her.  Her response was that we needed to spend more time together (which means more $).  F. That.

Oh I have Mars opposing Neptune and I feel like I'm imginig things all the time.All I can say is, she spent one hour of her time with you this week and  she should be payed accordingly.If she's pissed for her 100 dollars shortage, she shouldn't show it in anyway, it gives off the impression like she doesn't want to help you but instead keep you as long as possible to keep the money flowing.

And with 100 dollars per hour...her livelihood is not in danger, I'm sure.

I'd try to ask her up front and while she is responding I'd look for cues in her body language to see wether she's lying or not.

If you were sitting across from me eva, the first thing I'd ask you is if your feelings about doing therapy with this person would change if your impression were correct. I gather they would else this wouldn't be on your mind.

She might like you, find you intriguing, and enjoy spending time with you. Perhaps she's managing her disappointment.

She might be rigid about her plans. Some people like to know what they're doing for the week and get disturbed and out of sorts should they change.

Money is a very rich topic. It means different things to different people. You need to know what it means to her, and you need to know what it means to you. Sounds like a topic for conversation.

I don't have Mars/Neptune but I get impressions like this all the time. That's because imo there usually is more going on that what's on the surface! I blame reading too much Henry James at an impressionable age ;)

$200 each week is a fair sum, if mostly what she's doing is listening... in a recession I wonder how many of those she can find.

eva, who's helped you most to rearrange your psyche in the last six months, the therapist or the Boards? 

I was paying my therapist a $20/week co-pay once a week.  My insurance was paying the rest because she was in my network.  Just because my insurance is paying her doesn't mean I'm not - I pay for my insurance out of every paycheck.

@BP: The therapist was a great help just as a Grounding Person. I poured out the whole story of the past few years to somebody, which is something I should have done years ago and possibly not have ended up so crazy. When I was with the ex I could *tell anyone* or get what was happening to me validated in any way and that's what starts to make your head bend wrong.

 :). But the boards were where I started talking about this and owning what I was saying. Whatever mess y'all imagined I was, it was probably worse. So...in the beginnning you guys were what was keeping me out of the loony bin, basically.

But here's the thing; * I live in a weird world* because I'm always picking stuff up from people I am not sure is real.  A lot of the time I am pretty sure it is, but on top of this being with the ex for so long, who was a serious gaslighter, makes me doubt it or wonder if I am really in the environment I think I am.

Here's another example:

My son's husband ( not the ex I talk about ) keeps writiing me these letters. He told me he wanted to be friends. I told him that would take a really really *really* long time. I thought that would be the end of it, but it wasn't. He's still writing me all this stuff about his life, including a huge set of paragraphs about how everything he did to me in court *never happened*...I mean have thousands of documents saying he's wrong but whatever -- anyway point is, I don't think he wants to " be friends" -- I think he *wants me back*, which is just completely insane.

So in my world, my therapist considers me to be Income and my son's father wants me back. I am disoriented by both of these things to a greater or lesser extent. But: Am I right about this stuff? I have no idea. I mean at some point do you just pick a Reality and stick with it?

Rachael said: If you were sitting across from me eva, the first thing I'd ask you is if your feelings about doing therapy with this person would change if your impression were correct. I gather they would else this wouldn't be on your mind.

I think this is the PERFECT opportunity to get in deep on what you report as being a powerful problem.  She is your therapist and if she's going to get in deep and help you sort through and address your issues I think it would be most effective to tell her exactly how this made you feel.  You're paying her for this service so you absolutely do NOT have to take her feelings about your reaction into consideration in telling her.  Something in the course of your therapy brought up an intense reaction.  If she's good she can help you understand and capitalize on this reaction.

Oh -- Jennifer -- I have a pretty big deductible. I started the end of last year and then it switched over and reset the deductible again. I'm going to end up paying her -- or some other service provider -- 3000 dollars out of pocket.

"He told me he wanted to be friends. I told him that would take a really really *really* long time."

That was an invitation.

eva you need a therapist that you can't manipulate and that you can trust. If this woman doesn't fit the bill in either respect finding out sooner rather than later would be a good idea. This could be an opportunity for sussing this one out.

story of when the veil dropped on Vid's psychologist.

I am disoriented by both of these things to a greater or lesser extent. But: Am I right about this stuff? I have no idea. I mean at some point do you just pick a Reality and stick with it?

Yes I think you do, because finally it doesn't matter what the reality is in these kinds of situations, what does matter is how you feel about what's going down, and how you act in response.

These reactions seem to me a sort of regression: you're fixated on "what does he/she want and how can I please him/her and provide that?"  It's this eager-to-please reaction which got you into the old mess originally - and it may be your default response to people.

I think THIS is what you need to work on for now. You need to train yourself to be more selfish, at least until you've learned how to protect yourself and your 'ego'! Does that make any sense?

"He told me he wanted to be friends. I told him that would take a really really *really* long time."

That was an invitation.

You think so? It wasn't intended to be. It was intended to shut him down because this guy is an Aries with a Leo rising and he is not interested in *anything* that takes longer than a bag of microwave popcorn. I thought I was doing Boundaries with that one. Which I suck at obviously. because even if I manage to get thousands of miles away from these people they somehow get in anyway....

I also think satori is right about this:  You're paying her for this service so you absolutely do NOT have to take her feelings about your reaction into consideration in telling her.

If you're problem is a tendency to 'merge' too easily with others, then face to face therapy might not be as effective for you as. eg, talking to us, where there's no personal interaction to confuse the issues and you can work through to your *own* insights without distractions, as it were

eva, yes. I read it that way both times.  You don't shut the door. You just tell him he has to kiss ass for a long time to get you back.

See, I have also told me that if they cheated on me, that would be it. I specifically explained my lack of interest in lying beneath a man, crying dramatically because he's been with another woman, while we "heal". This was not a movie I was going to be in - period.

What you told your ex is that you would be friends with him again but it would take time and so now he is of course, investing that time which I don't think is surprising.

What you told your ex is that you would be friends with him again but it would take time and so now he is of course, investing that time which I don't think is surprising.

An Aries with Leo Rising likes a challenge...and if he thinks he has a chance with you, he will keep at it.  You gotta draw the boundary for him in clear, succinct terms.  You may have to re-draw it several times over for him.

If you think that this may be a "weird psychic impression" then maybe you should try to address it with the therapist somehow.   Not sure if this is one of the issues you are dealing with in therapy, but if it is then you certainly should.

There are some people who are able to address this type of stuff with a joke (I"m not one of those people!).   You could say you got the impression she was missing her fee when she scheduled you for a Saturday--  .  Or face it head on - and tell the therapist - you know when you offered me other appointment options, I began to feel this way {describe} and then began to be angry because I thought you were missing an hourly fee.  You'll either learn you projected or that the therapist does indeed view you mostly as fee.

However, as it sounds like you really like this therapist and have been getting along nicely with her, I think you would have had some indication prior that she was viewing you this way.  She may have tried to offer you other appointment options because she knows your trying hard to work on your "stuff" and she figured that you might not know she has Saturday hours, or that she will make Saturday hours for certain clients.    It does not sound, at least from what is portrayed here, that this person is purely looking out for an hourly fee.

See, eva, you're a unique rabbit. And you are in this age range now where people are old enough to know they aren't likely to meet someone as interesting.  I mention this in case you don't realize.  So you told the guy there was a chance and most likely it's his *best* chance.

I agree re. the invitation.

The only way to really say no, is no. And don't explain. I've learned this the hard way. You owe none of these people anything.

Lots of great words, here. I think even if your therapist is good, she is placing undue pressure on you and that is bullshit.

I have Mars trine Neptune and can relate to the impressions. I also have Moon square Pluto (kissing cousin to Scorpio Moon) which does create paranoia. All these planets are tied up in some way.

I have wondered if you are at all like me: I will let a situation continue partly because I am curious--I want to know the end of the story. When it starts to get confusing I want out but I'm tripping all over myself. Curiousity really does kill the cat.

Just to add, I do agree about the ex: he'll see what you said as encouragement. If he has an ego he won't take the time frame seriously, he'll just see the chink of light in the door

I got a New Year text message from the Man, after a year of silence. The letter I sent him this time last year, telling him why it was definitively over, was even worse than the one he got 17 years ago when we 'finally' broke up in London. You would not believe anyone would even consider making another approach, after reading that: it was brutal. 

But he has so much ego/Leo (4 planet stellium!), he will never believe he can't get me back, esp after all these years. And I knew if I replied to the message in any way shape or form, he'd be pushing hard at that door, as he's always done before...

*sigh*

Sometimes beating 'em off with a stick ain't all it's cracked up to be.

@Elsa and J:

Well...thing is after the Ex I had a sort of sanitized view of son's dad when he tried to contact me. My biggest sorrow through all those years had less to do with our relationship than the fact that my son was growing up without a father just like I did. So when we started talking again I was...you know, partially dissolved like I get but also in this weird way hopeful that my son would end up with a dad finally.

After a couple weeks of interaction, it occurred to me my son was probably better off, especially after I got the sociopathic paragraphs erasing everything he did to me in court. When I said "friends" I stipulated this would be an offshoot over time of our shared interest in my kid,  and not a single thing else. Of course, the response I got was pretty much ignorant of what I said and more like, " hey, let me tell you all about my current divorce."

One thing I know about this kind of person -- and it took me a long, long, time to figure it out -- is that they are addicted to drama. If I had said, I *never* *ever* want to talk to you again you SOB, there would have been sort of, attachment and engagement with that. So I was trying to carefully disperse in a watery cloud of Not Really Here, except where it concerns our kid. And I refused to let it bother me that everything coming out of his mouth was an absolute Lie, including his real reason for talking to me to begin with.

So maybe Invitation in that way, some residual wish I had someone to help raise my boy...when you're without that you really wish for it. But it got real clear over the past few weeks basically that my kid is just never going to have a real dad -- and neither will I.

@HM: You're right -- which is why I live in a Weird World. It's weird to suddenly get an impression like that. Usually you get them right away and know to stay away. But not me. I get them like....later.

Well, is he contacting your son? Maybe that's who this fuckhead should contact. Sorry--this just makes me really angry. He sounds like a user.

 :). You guys are all so smart. And all for much *much* less than 200 dollars a week...

Kashmiri:

NO!!!!!! He isn't!!! In fact I pay for my son's phone so after the last email I checked his phone log. Nothing.* Not a single call all month.*.

He's more than a user. He's a sociopath. I'm really not kidding,  and ultimately you guys are all 100 percent correct and I should have just done it the normal way and told him to fuck off *forever*.

You still can!:)

"So, are you interested in being a father?"

Does he KNOW you're now in a good job   

@BP -- Yeah he does, but i didn't tell him. My son did. You think that guy wants to hear about *my* job? I got an hour's worth about *his* new job and how they all love him there.:::eyeroll:::

Back to the veil dropping on the therapist, since this is on top of the blog -- after a while it wasn't the 100 buck thing that weirded me out. It was the sense that my therapist "needed" me -- and I don't just mean financially, I also mean emotionally. She's an older woman and works out of her home. She actually is completely delightful ( Gemini of course) but over time there have been these weird vortical moments where, for example, she was disappointed i couldn't show up, or she would come out to the front porch when my car drove up, looking forward to seeing me. So this is no clinician, she's a person and she needs emotional support *from me* in several ways, and that..well, that's kinda...not what I expected.

Ayup - that was the sense that I got from my extherapist (besides the $) - it's not uncommon for *us* to wind up giving THEM consolation/help/make their life interesting.

Ummm, sorry but YOU work for ME. 

eva, I meant maybe he's decided you would make a good retirement plan (for him)

Though with his Leo, I think it's more likely he can't believe he can't charm you back, even if it's only to fuck you up all over again. Leos do need to have the last word, and so does Mars in a sense lol. I think both tend to see life as a bit of a battle in which it's encumbent upon them to get the upper hand, in all respects

It's weird, with therapists. But this is in no way the worst one I ever had. I had one who fell asleep while I was talking to him. I had another one who would spend the whole hour telling me how crazy his other patients were.

I had just about given up on "therapy" in general til I met this woman. Most of my experience was more like...holy crap, this person is crazier than me....

Yeah, usually they are.  That's the danger of seeking a decent therapist.  You gotta sift through the mud to find the gold.  Their paradigm/values need to be carefully weighed against your own with a large grain of salt.  Therapy only gets you so far imho...

nobody who regularly visits this website should pay a therapist! we get plenty of free advice RIGHT HERE!

Bananas, no disrespect, but there are some great psychologists out there!  Astrology is awesome, but I don't consider it a substitute for therapy.  The two work quite harmoniously with one another if given an opportunity, but in a situation where someone is dealing with major depression, bipolar disorder, panic attacks, or something similar I think it nuts to imply one shouldn't see a therapist for such issues....

Newbie here. Never posted before, but thought I might have something to add to the conversation about Mars square Neptune and weird thinking. Not sure if it's useful, but I hope it helps.

My credentials in weird thinking: Aquarius Moon, Libra Neptune square Cap Mars and Scorpio Venus trine Uranus conjunct Jupiter in the 12th.

I can so relate to what Eva says about getting impressions about people and situations. Happens all the time. What I've found over time (currently cruising closer to my second Saturn return) is that there is a nugget of truth in that impression. It is rarely the whole story. Being open with others about those impressions has usually led to more weirdness and situations that made me feel like some sort of freak. Not properly psychic, just tuned in or out enough to complicate things.

I've seen three therapists over the years and don't have anything against them. They just never were of much help. Most of the time I felt like I was trying to educate them about how I perceived the world. Once they understood, they had nothing to say.

What did help was taking my creative impulses seriously, because I believe that's the focus of the Mars/Neptune thing. Doing this was hard for me because I came from a family that thought artists, actors, writers and creative people in general were the losers and dregs of society.

Through writing and art I created a dialogue with myself, with my subconscious and created a safe place where I could explore those impressions without the fallout of dealing with what other people thought. The process helped me learn which impressions were connected to a real situation and which were part of my imagination. The forms of art and story gave me structures through which to express that creativity.

I'm currently on the verge of being able to support myself solely from my creative work. A long and lonely road, but so worthwhile.

Welcome, writerjane. :)

I have not followed all the comments in this thread I am just posting a s a direct reply/thought/feeling about the post.

When you are writing about

"I have no reason to believe she is pissed off at me for not showing up and giving her 100 dollars. I had no input from her except two reasonable questions. However I can't shake the feeling she is mad she is only getting 100 dollars a week this week instead of 200. I have no basis for this AT ALL but I think it anyway. I feel a sort of...I don't know, a *pull*; a need, sort of, from her; I realize I am Income. I don't know if it's because of the way we've talked about money in therapy or what, but this is a distinct sense that I am...*feeding her less money this week.*.She's upset about it. I think."

it sounds like there maybe some projection on your part.  Basically, you think you know what she is thinking, but really you only know what you are thinking - and all the thought you hear are your own - even the belief about the woman/therapist.  The mind plays tricks - makes us think that we know everything that is happening - is infallible - we are infallible.

Youre not alone.  I have a mars/pisces thing going as well as part of a wider opposition.  Its so easy that at any moment in time we have got it correct - later events prove that what we thought was not correct or not that important.

This may seem obvious but why dont you ask the therapist her intentions.