Greetings first post here don't wanna overcomplicate things so whenever I meet new people I get super anxious to the point where can't say anything or don't know what to say out of fear of saying something stupid or offending them or whatever, I've never been good at interacting....ever, which is why I'm single to this day it's lonely down here. Does anything have this problem? I feel like I'm chocking myself, maybe I should just start asking silly questions.

Welcome, BreathofFire. :)

Welcome to the boards, breathoffire!

Public speaking triggers this kind of response in me - fear of tripping over my own tongue.   I've gotten much better over the years - I find that the more I withdraw from these kinds of social situations, the worse it gets.   Best thing that helped me was not taking myself so seriously and realizing that *everybody* struggles with varying degrees of social anxiety at some point in life.  Cheers - you're in good company here!

BoF - Me too! Got Virgo planets anywhere?

BreathofFire, everyone has this problem to some degree. Everyone wants to be liked and the prospect of not being liked (being rejected) is scary. It helps me to remember that who ever they are... they go through it too. :)

That is excellent advice blessedwhitney.

I know there's been a couple of people who post here who suffer from social anxiety, but I can't recall any names or if they're still here (I think so?).

I notice I feel more shy/anxious in social situations when I feel vulnerable to attack, but I'm pretty gregarious by nature most of the time.  :)

Up until I was 30, I had an overwhelming fear of speaking to people I didn't know. The solution to this:  I became a bartender.  It's not a problem anymore. Actually, when I am around the musicians whose music I follow, sometimes it still raises it's ugly head.

BoF - I have this problem and I've come out the other side. You can too. First remember that you can't please everyone all of the time. Hang with people who are naturally warm and friendly to you, to boost your confidence. Do you have close friends in real life? Sometimes we go through ugly duckling phases and it only takes one person who accepts us as we are, to keep going...

Welcome, BoF!

I totally relate. I am generally anxious and it crosses over to social. I used to blurt out stupid stuff or do stupid things because I was so anxious. It felt more comfortable online.

But the more you spend time with people you are already comfortable with (and trust) who go out and meet people and more happy social/outside experiences you get, the calmer you get. It kind of broke a lot of the anxious-driven illusions I had.

Also, when I'm randomly in a really good mood, I don't feel anxious at all. I feel more social and expansive and wanna talk to everybody because I'm just so happy I can't contain it, lol.

@Luckyduck

Yes I have virgo in jupiter, and it does make sense to me relating to work and socialization. Sounding perfect, exact, clear, and conisce, making sure I'm understood is very important otherwise I kill myself for making a mistake, I'm the type that would say one thing and regret it right after I say it, it's such a dilema.

Mira Mesa? Wow BoF - you're close...welcome! :)

I have Jupiter Virgo squaring my Sun. I'm working on the need for perfection. ;-)

@BoF - I have my Moon-Pluto in Virgo. Expressing myself publicly creates lots of anxiety! I want to be clear and concise too, but it rarely works out that way.

@ ruth - Bartending would be a great way to overcome such an obstacle! I wish I could just randomly talk to people. It has gotten better as I have gotten older though. I guess I don't care as much what people think of me now as I did when I was much younger.

@Dorchid

You can only be outside of it?

I do have close friends, I woudn't mind a few more, then again things always change.

@Teresina 

Your still point?

Probably~

Hi, BoF, welcome to the boards.

I'm not sure how severe your situation is, but if you have serious social anxiety, there is professional help available for that.

In the past I've dealt with social anxiety by having a drink or two or three, but I'm not sure that is the type of advice I should be giving.

@Jennifer 

What a cawinky dink and were both sheep. I have metal(mental) element though and it really is that virgo element that keeps probing and analyzing to no end and my scorpio sun in first house coupled with libra venus in 12th just intensfies even more sigh..

@Luckyduck

Sames I tell you it's that notorius virgo sharpness  

I have a 1st house Sun in Sadge. What's it like to have a 12th house Venus Libra?

We sheep tend to get nervous in social situations. I know I do...especially professional ones where I have to be social. But we're also very creative and artistic. I'm working on that. :)

@Jennifer 

Supposely sheeps always tend to gravite towards forms of creative energy, about anything that is not convential.

12th house Libra venus seems to interacte with others on a more personal/intimate level. I'm not sure, from personal experiance I've never been a guy who fits into cliques not becuase I want too but because I'm weird and moody, it's not a good thing I feel too much pressure to be one of "them" kinda feeling. 12th house libra to me seems like communication on a one on one level and I do that. I don't try to though, it just has been that way.

Are you extroverted? Even with first house scorp there is a heightend self perception but not in a communtive way.

Hi BoF, I can relate after having to recover my ability to speak to strangers and relearn how to communicate in public. Start with just accepting your need to be exact, and think clearly before you articulate. You may not have a casual, warm style at first, but no one is perfect - the really good public speakers have been working on it for years, decades, or more. You can keep trying and refining how you prefer to speak and communicate as you go. Write scripts, practice in front of a mirror, with a friend, whatever you need to help you get through the day. It gets easier as you go through it.

As for having the metal element, do you know if it's geng or xin? If it's geng, find someone with a lot of fire and they will give you enough feedback for you to mold yourself. It may be painful, but you tend to need to work through it. And make sure your need to seem intimidating is toned down until you need to use it.

If you have a xin stem instead, imagine yourself as the person you are working to become, and clean up your language, add some glitter and verve and it should loosen up your anxieties a bit. Doesn't matter if you worry you might sound stupid as long as it's attractive and stylish. Just try it until you relax more on the prospect of speaking to people.

@starkttn

I do all of that, lyric writing is something I get invested emotionally quite easily. Geng would be yang and xin is yin? I think have geng my personality seems to change depending on who I'm with? Maybe it feels that way kinda like I'm always looking for someone to talk a needinees of some kind. Ironically my closet friends are all fire signs.

You do all of that? Okay. Good luck to ya and keep it up, then.

Geng is yang metal and xin is yin metal, yes, but it's not relevant to whether your personality changes depending on who you are with - that's a yin or water aspect or how your chart interacts or just your personality. Since you mentioned you have metal, were you given a clear chart? It's not ironic because it's what you need, and if you have strong geng they are the only ones who can handle you.

Do you mean fire signs in western astrology? I'm refering specifically to chinese, since you mentioned metal element...I'm specifically referring to bing and ding fire to shape you. I'm not going into this on Elsa's blog, but I'm clarifying that I was not talking about Aries/Leo/Sag.

Have a couple drinks, it'd probably ease your nervous tension a little.

If you say something stupid, you have nothing to lose if you weren't planning on talking to them to begin with. Might as well

Ahh...I know what you mean.Though my social anxiety is not that bad, at least not anymore.I have a neat little Mercury Saturn square to give me trouble every once in a while.

Oh, and welcome! :)

I suffered tremendously from this as a teenager, in fact up til I was in my early twenties. I did fid a couple of drinks a tremendous help and still prefer to conduct my social interactions with drink in hand! I'm now not really shy though - and with people I'm comfortable with, I'm very out-going.I do seek out very talkative people though - and lots of my close friends and lovers have been Leos - very self-confident so I never have to 'carry the conversation'

It helps to remember that there are other people at least as shy as you are. Concentrate on putting OTHER people at their ease, and you will find yourself taking charge of the situation and that in turn will help you no end. If I see people looking awkard and tongue-tied in a social scene now, I'll always ask them simple questions and try to include them: it helps my own residual shyness a lot

@BoF - I can be extroverted, but it depends.  I can warm up to people right away or I can come off as a diabolical ice queen-bitch.  I have Mercury-Uranus so my mind is very quick, but can be erratic.  Sometimes I come up with interesting insights.  I also have Sun conjunct Neptune, so I don't always see myself clearly all the time.