Have you ever met someone where you're 80% sure they're gay and they don't realize it?

I have met a few people like this - generally they have the Sun in the 12th (NO, this does not apply to alllll suns in the 12th) but they just can't see themselves.

So do you know anyone like this?

yes but I'm not sure if it's that they don't realize, or if it's that they are "refusing" to be gay.....if that makes sense

I've seen this, and other similar traits (kinky, poly, whatever.)  In fact I often know things about people before they know them.

(And that's not tricky at all, No Sirree Bob.)

you know, I've never thought about it. I just figured if you were gay you would know it. Interesting. I guess it would be like any other personality trait that has been neptuned tho.

Like the woman I knew who never enjoyed sex with a man, never had an orgasm, bought playBOYS because she said women's bodies were so much more beautiful than men's and on and on and on, yet she was not gay.

I tried to hint to her a few times but she was truly clueless and I bet she still is. Nice person though. Great person to know and run around with.

Yep, in high school. I'm pretty sure I was the last girl to date a certain Libra.  We were friends, he asked me out, and I was kind of thinking maybe I needed to get my radar recalibrated because I had him pegged wrong.  First instinct was right though.

I'm not sure what his chart looks like, other than the Libra Sun. 

I've met a few people like that, genuinely confused, or sometimes just not prepared (eg for religious reasons) to consider the possibility. Being gay and coming out are not always synonymous!

I would assume that folks like this got brainwashed with religious/hate propaganda early on, so they have to cling to denial.

I mean, we all start likey-liking people EARLY. Like age 5. You have to work to ignore that part of yourself, so I don't think most people are utterly oblivious to such.

I don't think that's it, jenfullmoon. It certainly has not been a factor in ANY of the people I've met who are like this.

Hmm, the people that I've known that sounded like this were gay, and it was obvious to see, and they knew it, they just didn't say it bluntly or directly. I don't think the one person I'm really thinking of didn't know. I just think he didn't want me to know oddly enough. And he came from a very traditional Asian family so...coming out to his parents wasn't really an option. I think his parents know, but they don't talk about it.

For myself, my own leanings have been known to me since I was around ten years old. But that's my background, and I don't doubt it's more varied than I could imagine with the billions of people on the planet. I would wonder if in theory the reverse can also be true? I honestly don't know, but I wonder just because I've got too much curiosity sometimes. : )

@jenfullmoon--haha. At five I was trying to psychoanalyze the "children" I got stuck going to primary school with. They had germs, and were so loud/uncivilized! ; )

yeah, either assume they're in the closet...lots of people in professional environments where people choose to keep up a more accepted image for reputation/cultural reasons though

or can't decide if they are just not very sexual or in tune with their bodies...i never understood how someone could not try to give themselves an orgasm or see which people they connect more to physically, in this day and age. As long as they are happy!

Yes, I did growing up...years later they came out of the closet, so to speak, but I don't think they were ever in it.  They just didn't know until they knew. 

Yes.  One example is a guy I worked with (in a restaurant).  He was married and had 2 children, but I had no doubt he was gay.  Fast forward about 4 years- His father died and less than a month later, he divorced his wife and 'came out'.  Doesn't take a psychic to figure that one out.

CArRiE, that sounds like my cousin.  He was married with children, really into interior decorating and the color pink.  He had a rather effeminate way of speaking.  We all thought he was gay...years later he finally came out.  No one was surprised.

I don't think it's other people that repress them, they repress themselves. Maybe they're not mentally ready to accept it? I think deep down inside they know.

i think my one pisces friend might have some lesbian tendencies. we've often joked that she has a girl-crush on one of our old roommates. she kind of looks and behaves like a dude, and has had some hormonal issues to deal with. however, she is happily married with kids, and does seem content with that whole situation. so, who really knows.

"so, who really knows."

Yeah, that;s what I conclude too, though I am sure there is wiring inside different than my own.

Yes! This girl from college... her husband. He just seems so gay and so many of his friends are gay guys. 

My ex was mistaken for being gay by his own friends, his bosses (plural), his coworkers - from teenage years onward.  For so many reasons, I've wondered if he's gay and just refuses to accept it.  He insists he's not.  He is definitely a misogynist and lousy where it counts.  If he ever gets a boyfriend, I will NOT be surprised.  

My friend's husband acts almost exactly like my ex, only he's a hairdresser and has effeminate mannerisms and speech.  Everyone always says he MUST be gay, but he says he is not.  

They are both the gayest straight men I've ever met. 

"the gayest straight men I've ever met"

=D 

I had a friend in highschool who was so clearly gay to me...he dated a couple of girls but it was clearly just not his thing.  I never really wondered if he knew it at the time as it just didn't seem any of my concern?  I dunno - we were young, not slutting around or having sex, so I think that was a lot of the reason why it was a non-issue...it never came up in conversation but I always just assumed he was gay "inside" at least.

then after many years I moved back to my home town and we started hanging out again...I went to his house where he lived with his "friend"...so clearly his man!  Still what is there to discuss?  By the end of the night my friend was completely freaked out, a bit drunk, and he told me, with so much anxiety "Lisa I'm gay!  D is my boyfriend!" and I was baffled that he didn't know that I knew..."uhhhh, YEAH!?!? And?!?!?"  They were together for a really really long time - 10 or 12 years?

But last I heard he was married to a woman.  Not sure if she's his beard or what  :/

I think people do know when they're gay.   But for myriad reasons they can repress or be in complete denial about it. 

There is a man at work, that almost EVERYONE thinks is gay, but is married, and everyone comments, "but his wife is Beautiful!".   I think he is totally gay.  I just think he has not come out yet, due to societal pressures.  He has the mannerisms and everything.  I wonder what their home life is like....

I could be wrong though...

I once dated a guy who later turned out to be gay.  No clue at the time (very short-lived relationship for other reasons).

There are some gay guys that are so macho that most people think they're straight and there's some lesbians that are feminine just like a straight girl that you think they're straight.

Sexuality is not a choice, but lifestyle is.

If someone doesn't want to "be" something, or label themselves, or join a group or indulge in certain feelings, they don't have to just because it would make everyone else feel better.

Also... Some people are late bloomers. Like really late. Maybe they just havn't woken up yet.

My brothers first wife. Not only did she realize that she was gay, but she realized she hated men.

I think it's hilarious when extremely religious or extremely homophobic people think that being gay or bisexual is a choice!

It boggles my mind!

Snowflakes and Human Sexuality, each person is a little different. I am neither religious nor homophobic and I have seen that it can be a choice for some people. I knew a man that thought he might be Gay and tried that out for a few years and then went back to having a female partner. In the case of my brothers first wife, she probably suppressed it for years, her family was caught off guard, nobody really knew, maybe somebody knew, but a lot of the key people in her life had no idea.   

neptunetrinemoon, the man that you talked about was probably bisexual and born that way. He can't marry both a woman and a man so he had to pick. He was probably bisexual and liked both men and women.

Oh, and just to make things clear, I have no problem with religious people. I just have a problem with religious people who are extremely homophobic.

FireryTaurus, what about people who are extremely homophobic but not religious? Problem?

FieryTaurus- comment #28 is common knowledge, I think. The point that I was trying to make is that some people can be confused about their sexuality for years and years. 

Elsa, I have a good number of gay friends (3?). So no, homophobes are going to have a hard time being friends with me. Yes, BIG problem with me. People who are homophobic, but aren't religious.

neptunetrinemoon, there are a lot of people who are GENUINELY confused with their sexuality and aren't 'on the downlow' or in the closet so yeah, I agree with you that there are people who just need some time to figure out themselves.

Fiery, I was just wondering why you tied homophobia to religion and wondering if you untied it as well.

Later, after I posted that, it occurred to me that "homophobic" may have taken on a different meaning then when I first heard it 30 years ago which would explain your remark.  This is my bet at this point and I will probably research it because it's an area of interest to me. :)

Why do repressed homosexuals seem to bother people more than repressed heterosexuals? Does anyone else notice this?

Good question Nota. I notice it, and I have no idea why. But I wonder about it sometimes....; )

According this: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=homophobic

Well, the definition of homophobia has changed.

This is also new:

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/homophobic

And this is new as well:

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/homophobia

That does it. I am removing this work from my vocabulary because frankly, I don't know what it means (anymore). It makes it super hard to communicate. :)

well, my brother has been in a long term monogamous relationship for about 20 years with the same man. They built a house together and live on one of those monster country lots outside of the city.  Their lives revolve around the house and his partner's family.  But see my brother never "came out" to anyone.  He never dated women, well except maybe 1 many many years ago.  He never seemed particularly interested in women so I started to suspect in high school.  By university I was pretty sure, because he never brought home a girl or a guy (now back in the 80's bringing home a guy would've been a bit unusual). 

My brother is not by any stretch flaming.  He is a computer nerd who most would not suspect being gay.  It's hard for me to know what others think when they first meet him.

And I do agree that people can be confused by the sexuality for many years....if I can spend 15 years confused about whether I wanted a live-in relationship, I'm sure others can be confused about whether or not they are gay.

What was the old definition?

Homophobia is simply the hate or fear of homosexuals. I guess the fear part is where the 'phobia' part of homophobia comes in to play. It's as simple as that. I think people change a definition to fit their agenda and/or biases so I guess if a person is to find the truth in things they must remember to be careful in who or what they believe.