Yesterday, I could not stop crying. The problem is, I was supposed to be out supporting a friend who has just gone through a breakup. She seemed ok, knowing that four of her good friends drove up two hours just to see her concert. 

While I was supposed to be a rock and a strong support for her, I started breaking down and crying. It started the night before when I asked my boyfriend to pick me up from my friend's house (5 mins away by cycling) because my friend's boyfriend told me there was a creepy old man standing in the front porch. I figured the best thing to do (even though I was on my bike) was to ask my boyfriend to come pick me up so we can bike home together.

My boyfriend was annoyed at this request and said, "Well we have to see our friend tomorrow and I want to sleep early." I didn't know what to make it at that time but I was so hurt. When my boyfriend arrived at my friends', we both saw the man who has been standing before the porch. He left just as my boyfriend arrived. My annoyed boyfriend confirmed that I was right about this. But still - that didn't stop how badly I was hurting. Given the way I am, my reactions are VERY VERY delayed. 

I did not feel a intense amount of pain until the trip. I started crying uncontrollably during the trip. I was angry because here was my friend with four people coming to her to give her support whereas I had a hesitant boyfriend who was coming to pick me up for just 5 minutes. I felt like I was unimportant at all. I was sad that nobody will EVER come see me anywhere if I have asked. That I do NOT have this network of support.

Out of nowhere during the trip, I just started crying. I was crying my eyes out. I didn't mean to do this at all but I was just crying until I had a coffee, calmed down for a few hours and as we arrived home, I cried again. It's almost as if that one incident just triggered everything. My boyfriend was sincerely apologetic and held me as I cried myself to sleep last night. I don't think I've ever cried so much in my life :(

Before this all happened, I have made a lot of leaps. I volunteered twice that week, working with a lot of less fortunate and emotionally troubled women. Could I have absorbed their energy? I felt great helping them and would do so again! But those two volunteer opportunities were my first time. I also told a friend how I felt about a group we mutually hung out with and how hanging with them drained my energy and I needed to sever myself from the group. I was worried that she and her husband will hate me - but that wasn't the case at all. I mulled over this for over a year, in fact and it was only on Friday night that I had the courage to be upfront with her.

So there were a lot of brave feats that I had to do - but I don't know why I just cried like crazy last night. I still feel like crying today :( I really felt that my boyfriend and I's mutual friends have very little respect for me now and are probably telling my boyfriend to dump me because I'm an overemotional psycho! :( I really wish I could've controlled these emotions but they came out of nowhere. I really wanted to just be there for my friend!

*sighs* 

Has anyone experienced this before?

I've cried many times in my life, but this past February I wept for the first time in my life. I was quite disturbed by it, but I guess something needed to be released.

((Lunalie))

Awww Tam! Are you feeling better now?

I didn't know what it was that needed to be released. That small upset I had about my boyfriend acted like a floodgate for a whole mess of emotions.

I really think any of my friends respect me now because of this.

I have no idea what I released. It was tremendous though, I almost want to say that it was very old. The good news is whatever we released won't stay in our bodies and make us sick later!

heheh :) I agree with the last statement! Tam, you have a 12th house sun as well, right? I wonder if this has something to do with those huge releases - not knowing what it is yet when the release comes, it is huge and almost too powerful.

12th house freakalious sun, mercury, mars, north node

GAAAH! You have MARS there! No wonder! And the North Node! That letting out would've been VERY powerful.

Well, I'm an Aries so that's almost similar nonetheless!

Pluto unearths emotions from god knows where sometimes...and old wounds are Plutonian, too. Last year my partner at the time teased me about the food I was eating, with our friend watching...I was making the friend a beautiful sandwich and they started teasing me about eating junkfood. I actually burst into tears and ran to my room...our friend was so upset he left without eating the sandwich. I was inconsolable. It was like every wound I had ever received decided to show up to eat that fucking sandwich.

Pluto has been conjunct my ASC for what feels like forever.  

I'm sorry you were disturbed. I can relate to the feelings you describe. They are very real and sometimes scary in their intensity. (((Lunalie)))

Is envy a venus thing? That's an emotion I rarely feel. Maybe that means I'm a self-absorbed twit haha.

ps I'm having the same transit as K. and can relate to the intensity ((everyone))

-kashmiri, Your Sag rising right? Yeah, so Pluto in Sag must have been tough for you.

-Lunalie, instead of crying, I was angry my whole Pluto transit. I was throwing things and yelling. But underneath anger is sadness.

Kash: I remember that you had the Pluto conj. Ascendant. I can TOTALLY understand that sandwich situation! I know friends of mine usually don't get it, but yeah! I TOTALLY get you there! That sounds like something I would've reacted like too!

Jilly: I have an afflicted Venus, yes. Venus square Mars, Venus opp. Uranus. I do have a Trine with Saturn and a sextile with the Moon. So in a way - I get my lovely earthly stabilizer yet at the same time... I've always had girl envy... Well... I've always been envious of many females because I never felt "Woman enough" (I think that's the Mars/Venus square). BAHAHAHAH on the self-absorbed comment :) You're so cute!

Toni: I feel a lot of anger too but it comes out in tears. That's actually normally how I eventually express my anger. I think much of how I feel is anger rather than sadness - though my sadness is rooted in feeling very "alone." Tough feeling :( Yesterday, while I was crying up a storm my initial reaction really is to start throwing and hitting stuff... But I couldn't do it so I cried like a mofo :(

toni-i do, and that's nice you remembered:)

lunalie something else i've been thinking about re: your Pluto square Sun transit. Pluto in Sagittarius was trine your Sun for a long time, too. This could be a good opportunity to compare notes on yourself from that time--and learn something about aspects in the process. I think the trine aspect there is a lot more "flow" and the square indicates more "tension/release" 

I'm doing something similar with Pluto/Venus. These planets were trine about 10 years ago. Now they are close to square--not exact but still applying, subtly. It will build. I am thinking about a lot of things love/sexual related, as well as money etc. I'm sorry things are so painful, I wish they weren't too. But perhaps reminding yourself that with the tension of the square you also get release. it sounds like crying provides that.

Hi Kashmiri:

That's a good idea. When did Pluto enter Sag? I have to compare the early degrees as my sun is in degree 4 in Aries. If that period was during my late teens, then this "change" was an easy change. My late teens were pretty hard since my parents divorced (and I had to try and be a rock for my mother then) but I don't recall things being too painful.

(((everybody)))

Damn, it seems like all us girls are having rough time with emotions!  I swear, I've cried so much over the past nine months it's embarrasing (says my poor afflicted cool Aquarius moon).  But there is relief there, there's catharsis.  I've come to see it's necessary to get all that's dammed up out, before the flood sweeps away the levees.

Tam:  I hear you on the weeping thing.  This past fall I wailed, keened, for the first time ever.  I'm actually relieved that it's calmed down to just weeping every so often.  *tenuous smile*

(((SaDiablo and everyone!)))

I'm so sorry that everyone is struggling so hard. It's difficult for me to say much, or engage in the conversation - but, I'm rooting for all of you, and I'm right here having the same frustrating and heartbreaking pains.

Hugs to all. We can transcend this.

I second Donderin...hugs to all...