I've been having a time of it. Pretty much since mid-July (?) and then it all kind of came to a head in the last 72 hours. I was feeling so much stress and overwhelm that this evening my body started releasing endorphins. (At least that's what I call it) You know how that is? When you experience so much anxiety/fear/panic/whatever....that your body literally can't take anymore and it begins to relax BECAUSE it can't keep it up, can't keep up that level of horrifiedness.

Well, this evening I think I found light at end of tunnel. I don't know how or why, but after 48-72 hours of hell, I now have a small light. I guess I caught a few small lights today. I even thought I wasn't gonna post here for a few months cuz I couldn't bear to read anything. My mind was too full and scattered.

So... I'm writing this now if anyone wants to share anything similar, experience or wisdom. Share a terribly challenging time, when you were so outside your comfort zone that you wanted to die. But you made it through.
How did you make it through?

Share the astrology if you want. Or not.

I am being affected by all the outer planets currently... And I think I was called upon to be Saturn and to master something very quickly.

if is Saturn, you can benefit by putting your feet on the ground. Literally, ground yourself moonpluto. Think of a goat holding in one place, side of a mountain. Don't move until you have your bearings...

I keep trying to respond to the image of the goat but find that I can't. Just gonna let it sink in

Yay to moonpluto! Feels great seeing the light at the end of the tunnel eh? :)

I'm doing better myself - I finally found a new career :D

Can't say anything feels great at the moment, lunalie ;)

But I was happy to read abt your career progress. I know you've been going thru a lot since you got laid off. Seems like you'll really enjoy those psych classes

My struggles are all over the boards so I won't torment you with more!

When I'm stressed out I listen to nature sounds. AOL radio, Eclectic, Nature sounds.

Walking on my lunch break is a big help too.

((moonpluto))

Thanks Tam :) I feel that hug

The last time I had any major trauma was a long Long LONG time ago (before SPF was a major topic) but I made it out by my usual (water sign) means, lots of time alone at the beach (inlander here so it was actually at a lake) soaking up rays, kicking sand, reading trashy novels, listening to the surf, watching the birds fly over, watching lovers walking & families splashing nearby, and journaling like the dickens.  I'm not a traditional therapy taker because I believe most of our answers can be found inside ourselves if we prod around long enough.

I hope the light is getting brighter for you.  {{{{moonpluto}}}} 

How's it going over there?

 ~DreamsAReality

P.S.  A 'Max' moment... {I miss Max!!}  (can I type without parantheses? [doubtful])

P.P.S.  A list of things I wanted to accomplish in life was part of my journaling at the time.

this reminds me of the time in college I got horribly depressed and suicidal the week before finals.  I holed up in my little apartment and wouldn't answer the phone or open the door.  I sat in there contemplating suicide.  the food ran out and I still sat there.  it was pretty bleak.  it went on for a few weeks.

then one day someone called me up and invited me to a big party in another city (I just decided to answer the phone on a whim)... and I went.  partied for a week.  then I got help, got into therapy, went on.

I think sometimes you just gotta roll with it, the misery, till the right moment comes along and you get out.  it's like double dutch... just stand there till you KNOW it's time to jump in. 

That double dutch anaology is great Satori!  I feel ya on that.  I've been extremely patient in my misery, this is the first time I've had to be.  And exactly like you said, I have faith that the right moments will come!

I think you're on the right path by allowing yourself the stress and anxiety until your body says enough, without turning to any self-destructive behaviors.  Just feel it, with your feet on the ground.  It made me think of being drunk.....room spinning....what do you do?  You lie down and put a foot on the ground. 

Maybe when you're feeling stressed try really hard to visualize those things...the goat...double dutching....foot on the ground. 

Satori..

I was reading a book by Dean Koontz ("Tick Tock") and came accross this sentence:

"Tommy sensed a satori, a sudden profound insight, looming like a tidal wave....."

Did your mother name you that, or is that just your elsa blog name?  Either way, it's beautiful!!

heh heh, thanks.  I used to be DoctorEvil but had a moment of insight that it didn't fit me any longer, thus satori.  my mother named me Lara.

really connect with the putting feet on the ground advice from Elsa..as one who has no earth..that is goooood advice! I have been dealing with some heavy ole Saturn stuff that's just felt like it's neverending, although I do know how many blessings I have, but when the going gets tough, the duvet over the head doesn't work, just intensifies it all, but getting out in the garden, finally I worked out, is the best for me..yep..earth yourself! Mind you, Satori your therapy sounds fun!!

Thank you -- I hadn't seen these responses from a week ago, and now today.... I'm going to reread this thread - helpful.

Visualize the goat...

I am late on this but here goes.

Light at the end of the tunnel moment:  after my second or third therapy session some years ago, my therapist stumbled across something that I'd been hiding for 25 years, and she did it with no help from me.

I wouldn't have volunteered it, see?  But when you have textbook signs of something and you go to a therapist who is good, she's gonna see x and ask about it.

For about ... oh gosh, maybe a month - I was angry.  No.  I was LIVID.  I was OUTRAGED!  And I felt like I was walking around without my skin, it was so raw and painful and I was sure it was utterly unbearable.  I was bad before I started therapy (that would be why I went), but holy mother of all things decent and holy did it get worse!

me:  I can't take any more of this, I need help

Universe:  um, yeah you can, here let me show you .... *DUMP* 

me:  FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

So I walked around all wounded and unraveled and bleeding for a few weeks, and I kept going to my weekly therapy appointment where I got madder and madder as I found about things like PTSD and all this.  And then ... one day it clicked in that I owned this too.  And if I owned it, I could fix it, and I was gonna fix it in such a way that no motherfucker was gonna fuck with me again.  (I did say I was angry, yes?)

Sometimes you just have to keep going in spite of feeling like you can't.  And sometimes things will start to make sense that you never could have seen if you hadn't kept going. 

Hope things have gotten better in the past couple weeks.

Thanks Shannon... It's a weird feeling to read this post again. A lot has changed since I wrote it... so much....

Hey Shannon, that was a beautifully told story.  You GO!

moonpluto, I am glad things are so much different now!

I see the light! Especially now that Pluto is finally gonna go direct.

moonpluto, glad to hear it!!

Dear MoonPluto, I am hoping that you can feel the sunshine as you get closer to that end of the tunnel.

Hugs!

Feeling pretty tense and cranky actually. Anxious about the future... I am safe, not homeless, my pets are all safe... but the future feels like this huge question mark... can't see the way forward...

One thing I have learned, is the future is always a giant question mark. Tarot, Crystal gazing, Astro transits and progressions, all of the different means of tapping into the future only show probables you know? At least that is my belief.

I am good at telling myself, I need to do this and that for security or to have this outcome etc., but in a way it is just a big assed lie. I have learned through experience.. what will be will be.

Although feeling like I don't have control over my future is so unsettling it terrifies me, I realize I don't have control. All I can control is me and I do a pretty piss poor job of that. I don't like feeling terrified so I am beginning to stop drinking at that watering hole. I am stopping that because I know I am missing or overlooking the good things that are surrounding me in the present.

For me, I have come to understand that savoring the present joys and laughter in the moment, will have me much more open to view the good stuff that will unfold in my future. For too long I have been self induced numbed, distrusting and always anticipating the shitstorm. It is a way of coping that I have held onto because it seemed to do the job in the past. All of this is definitely a work in progress and not a normal state yet.

I really realize I need to treat myself better, because I deserve it. What happens in the future will happen, but I am going to be strong and able to deal with it, just like I did in the past. Then, I felt crushed and separated from all the good things in life and very alone, now I am not so separated from myself. I have more faith in my ability and intelligence to deal with what the future brings.

It is hard to put into words what I am wanting to convey to you MP, other than to say I care, and many others do as well. I have faith in you

thank you Daem...

i actually felt some strength today. why? because the good friend i'm staying with is in crisis! And she has told me many times that i am helping her. This makes me feel good and gets me out of my own crisis role..... I am like a mother that is reminding her to eat, etc... because she literally was not eating.... She had a lovely way of putting it in an email... I'll have to find it. Also went to meditation class, where i have not been in forever.... and i could detatch from my thoughts and emotions and watch them.... I recommend shamatha meditation for anyone dealing with crisis and intensity during these tough transits.....

I go to the LIghtworker.com and Lightworker.org sites and they have channelled readings about all the energetic stuff going on right now with the planets, people, government, earth, UFO, changing paradigms of the planet, etc.

Steve Rother (lightworker.com) channels for The Group, and they say things are shifting so fast that our perceived "plans" are going to be on shifting sands as well to all the stuff that's hitting the fan big time. It's important to stay very flexible and go with the flow, ride the wave of uncertainty due to this momentous time in the history of the Earth. 

This is quite complex but in a nutshell I urge all to stick with the basics in your life. Stay grounded, take good care of your body, focus on what makes you happy and excited, turn off the TV (esp. the NEWS,) and try try not to worry. As crazy as it all seems, everything is happening as it should and for a reason.  Live everyday and I mean take it one day at a time.  Things are moving so fast it is virtually impossible to plan ahead as by the time you get there life is so different.  Nothing to fear but fear itself.  Mastering the Law of Attraction would probably be a good starting point for all of us.  

Also, YOUTUBE: check out Abraham-Hicks videos which are very comforting and uplifting and steeped in the Law of Attraction.

High Five to all,

Breathe Deeply 

Oh that feelings resonates deeply with me. I've had awful bursts of acne this past year because of stress from school. God I can't wait to graduate!!