How do I get rid of someone who's annoying me. We know each other professionally and all of a sudden she thinks I'm her best friend.

Recently her b/f left her and I talked to her one evening, listened etc

But now she thinks we're friends, she thinks she knows me, and it's bugging me! Last Tuesday she sent me 6 emails! And then asked was I mad (since I didn't respond) and I tell her I'm very busy!!

I am very very picky where I put my energy, always, since I often don't have a lot of it.

And so she left me alone for a while until today: another email trying to draw me out, totally a control tactic.
So transparent--

I don't want to give her any IN at all. God, I hate women who try to control me...

Anyone have any advice?

She's a lethal combination of no-boundaries mutable and controlling cardinal UGH

I guess I'm gonna have to be the bad guy instead of the nice girl and tell her....what? That I'm not looking for any new friends at this time? She's clearly looking for relationship now that b/f is gone, but I am not stepping in to take his place.

I'm no-boundaries mutable and controlling cardinal and my advice would be to continue to distance.  just ignore, don't feed her any energy.

i second satori...haha thats the only thing that's ever worked with me when i know i've annoyed people.

I would say, "Please quit mailing me before I die. I am not kidding, you're killing me; you're going to have to call someone else, you need a new friend."

No joke. This is exactly what I would do and say if this happened to me but this is because I am old now and have learned what works fast and best. I mean the person will think you are crazy and attach somewhere else... usually within an hour.

Yes, satori, you nailed it -- don't feed her any energy. That's exactly it.

Yeah, I was going over in my head what I could say if I was gonna confront and it was a "lighter" version than Elsa's --

It was wimpy I guess -- something about not having any time or energy for....anyone! Nothing personal! Something like that--

Last week she ever asked if I was mad at her --
And this is a woman I know from work-related -- we have never been social. Friendly but not social--

the worst part is: I told her about a class I go to.... I was trying to be helpful cuz she was in pain and I thought it might help-- but this was before I learned she was a Single White Female type (ever see that movie) - I'm exaggerating a little but u know what I mean--

Hmm. No one has the right to insert themselves into your space/life. No one-- this is one of the problems of the internet age, email, facebook etc

And I realize, too, that if this is the worst of my problems, then my life is grand. It's a diversion I guess from THE REAL CRAP (lol ?)

Moonpluto...is that a cat on top of your bookshelf...I wish I could get the picture bigger to see...he looks big!

This happened to me earlier this summer....I met my friend's sister one weekend and all of a sudden she is emailing me everyday and talking about coming to visit me at the end of august and I was shocked because we just met and she is my friend's sister....very strange, and I am thinking, have you no other friends?! She kept emailing me and sending me those chain letters that I can't stand and I would not respond....I just started deleting them.  That Mars in Cancer doesnt like to hurt others feelings so I just backed away...slowly...and then after the umpteenth chain letter (and this woman is 54 and still doing that stuff!) I asked her not to send me anymore that I didn't really believe in them and it was wasted on me.  She is, of course, my friend's sister and I knew we might be running into each other again so I had to say something.  

Elsa's way is one I aspire to, and Satori has told you how she would get the message.  Would you still be running into her in work situations.?...maybe you do need to say something like, "I think you are feeling the void of your boyfriend and I cannot fill that spot.  I was trying to help you by listening, but you gotta look to your other friends for friendship time."  Sound too goofy?

"i don't have the time or energy to be here for you, i'm sorry." i don't see her getting the point with the ignoring, this is probably what i'd say in this case. weird scenario!

Yes, my orange tabby. He is kinda big. I try to get him to play-- but not always successful.
Darn, I need to try harder probably

I guess, I will have to craft some kind of response-- no doubt I'll be getting more emails and they will be passive/aggesssive or just aggressive--

Your suggestion wasn't goofy at all, but it does open up a dialogue.

I freelance so I don't see her in an office but she hires me sometimes--

I hate those chain letters/chain jokes....

I helped one of my co-workers set up a gmail account a few days ago.  Next thing I know she wants me to show her how to forward something to several accounts.  I was about to do it when I realized what it was.  She was forwarding one of those damn money luck chain emails.  I told her under no circumstance should she include me in those and that no one likes them!  She thought I was so mean.  I explained that I would be happy to help her light a candle or do some money luck magic but email forwards were right out.  :)  I also explained that I was doing her a huge favor by telling her not to do it. 

 I don't know if she believed me.  I sort of wear my 10th house Virgo Mars(squared mouth I mean Mercury) on my sleave at work.  :p  We like each other though and she isn't going to stalk me.  Sorry you have to deal with a crazy person Moonpluto. 

Poor moonpluto... LOL at satori because as soon as I read "She's a lethal combination of no-boundaries mutable and controlling cardinal UGH" I thought "that's ME too!"

I sure hope ignoring her works.  I'm sure it absolutely will work, it just can be difficult to execute if you feel guilty/obligated to keep speaking to her on a regular basis.  Lots of luck!!!  She definitely seems to be trying to feed off you.   You can do it, just turn off the "nice" mode, and when she asks if you're mad just say "yes" and move away.  She'll get the picture.

I am truly in awe of Elsa's best/fast strategy... I mean, how can you argue with that?  And if you put it all in "I" language, how can they dispute or think you're trying to manipulate?  It's just total truth.

I've just dealt with this. the trick is to disengage as fast as humanely possible or it will go on for years...with my SWF I was timid until she finally engaged in open warfare...sent me an email angry because i did ABC...D, angry to the point where she was sobbing at work because she i never told her my partner broke up with me.

LIKE, HELLO?!?!?!? you're sending me a missile pissed off you didn't know my life partner LEFT ME? how do you think i feel you fucking psycho????? that's basically what i said. i think it worked because she invited everyone we work with to her house for a BBQ and not me. Ha ha ha...i wasn't even offended, I can feed myself ya crazy narcissist! yeah, it's all about them...allllll the time. you let them drain the crap out you and you know what? you can't get mad at them...you have to stand up and do it yourself. trust me, it is better in the end! 

Tell her, 'Get out of my way b*tch!'.

Just kidding moonpluto, that's just my Mars in Aries talking.

But seriously, just say to her in a diplomatic, but assertive way, "I'm glad you like me, but we're not friends and I'm not in a place in my life now where I want to make new ones, no offense".

I have no idea if it works, but say it assertively, but not hurtfully. But that's all I can think of for now.

Thank you for all this feedback everone -- it makes me feel stronger.

Btw, I also am mutable/cardinal type - :)

My nasty stinger Scorpion self would want to say, "I see now why your boyfriend left you!"...but that would just open her wound wider and she'd be back to mine the well of you to figure out what you meant by it.  Maybe you feel like doing her that service?  I wouldn't.

The kindest is to ignore her and hope she gets it.  Assume she's having a rough time of it at the moment and yet...don't take the bait.

...and if that doesn't work - spell it out for her ala Elsa style.  Short and sweet and to the point.  It may be even kinder to both of you to get it out of the way so she can move on.

I just wanted to elaborate - this is all saturn stuff.

One of the benefits of burden and aging is you've got no time for this stuff. This gal was just rejected and she will continue to be rejected until she learns some kind of boundaries. 

In this way I would consider it my job / responsibility to have boundaries which might teach by setting an example and if I refuse to do this, I deserve to be burdened by this person.

But like I said, I am old now so done with this lesson. People like this will waste your time as long as you allow it. They are weak and so are you if you allow it. 

You can see how being under the gun all the time, the way I have been most my life would force a person to learn this and definitely as people get older and more aware they have little time left (perhaps very little) - they really don't want to waste it. 

Is it kind to pretend you like someone when you don't? How much time per day would you like to spend on that?

Dreams, I had that thought too. I would not say it -- but I thought it and I think it's true

I don't want to give her anything. I already did actually-- I gave.

Would be different if we were friends already, some foundation established but she is assuming way way way too much. She doesn't know me and thinks she does.

With this gal, we had a professional meeting and then I stayed a bit extra to chat with her. I didn't realize it was gonna make me her new best friend....
I felt for her -- but I get to choose who I speak to/email/see, etc

And it is true-- I don't have time for it.

I am having weird "friend" stuff going on. These eclipses were affecting my 11th/5th houses. An old friend and I on the phone last night talking briefly about the Gates controversy. I quoted some recent news, about the 911 caller not mentioning race, and was about to say something else -- and she flipped, got emotional, sarcastic,condescending to me. I quickly got off the phone. My venus in leo is like: you gonna talk to me that way? Nope.

So many situations are full of nuance-- but for so many it's all black and white ;)

Update: I set some boundaries and she decided she didn't want me to work for her anymore -- which is fine of course.

Is that Saturn?

Seems she wanted to punish me for not being friendlier.

moonpluto, there's no doubt in my mind you are not a special case for this person...people who behave in this way as they are setting out making friends do this to many people they come across...thing is people who behave like this act as though you (euphemistically) are special. you are supposed to be offended now, LOL.

it sounds like you ran smack into some random person's bad habits and the disengaging (Uranus) would seem more YOU being the Saturn figure in this interaction (setting boundaries)

Thanks Kash - I like your perspective. Has helped me take the situation less personally. No easy feat for cancerian lady :)

well those velcro-people have a way of making it seem personal, ha ha ha

I think this really is related to the saturn/uranus opp going on. In some instances, they are saturn and in other instances I am saturn, etc. It's totally playing out for me -- along 1st/7th and 11th/5th..... self and other(s)

For anyone who is following this thread: I stood up for myself today.

And believe me, mars in cancer is not comfortable with that. It was an email conversation. And at first I wasn't going to. I was going to be my usual self and disappear/avoid but then I thought: wait a minute! If she can do it, why can't I? She has mars in aries by the way. And I was starting to feel sad/bad/regrettful and then BOOM she sends me a nasty email about how I wasn't nice and things I said weren't necessary, etc. It shocked me. Because....I felt I was being decent, clear, honest, not mean at all. Guess I touched a nerve. And I tried to show her, I tried to show her, a little bit, without being self-righteous how her behavior was off-putting.

I didn't mention this in the email, but I'm sure this same behavior is what drove her b/f away-- see? I am nice. I don't go for where it hurts, even though I can. Why do people fail to notice this??

When I stand up for myself, it enrages others. Does anyone else experience this? Why does this gal have the right to accuse/blame/control and ....no one else can utter a word?

Good for you Moonpluto!!!  I can totally understand where you are coming from.  I too have a hard time spelling it out for others, cause I think they should KNOW how to act,lol. NOT. I also have the thing where others get totally offended if I speak my mind or have a differing opinion. I know all this is from the way I was raised. I have a hard time standing up to women and disagreeing with them. Men no problem I will state what I think in a minute and not have a problem confronting them, weird I know.  I have Saturn in Aries opposing my Mars in Libra.

Wow miss I have the same thing. With men: no problem. With women it's difficult

fuck man, who is this??? who puts all their anger onto someone they just met who they are trying to befriend? i guess i am super biased because i know how to make friends: be nice and allow people to be who they are. 

this pisses me off, sorry!!

(ps. i don't always practice what i preach, ha ha) 

Thanks, kashmiri...
I appreciate it

I have learned so much from this episode-

what i meant was i don't always draw boundaries the way i promote. but i do know it to be effective. so sometimes i am successful, usually the 'lighter' the contact the easier the break, hence my feeling that to do it sooner and quicker rather than later...

also i think non-direct combat is very uncomfortable for cancer mars...but it can be done. we can all fight back in a direct manner if called upon to do so, because we all have mars...i think our emotional pain (about having to do it) correlates with how resistant we are to battle. (sorry i have lots to say about standing up to people who cross our boundaries, it's something i have been thinking about for 20 years)

My boyfriend has Mars in Cancer. It's interesting because people push and push and push him and he comes home and complains about it. But I've seen him when people push him, and he's just so damn nice to them (Libra rising)!

My Scorpio Mars tries to tell him to establish some boundaries and be more authoritarian but that's just an opportunity for him to tell me that I'm mean. *shakes head* It's kind of funny, except for when I want him to be straight up with me which should be easier for him with Sag on his 3rd house but rarely manifests.

moonpluto, maybe next time you get into a situation like this you can regard it as defending yourself ... rather than engaging confrontation.

I am so not into battle - I won't want to debate or fight with anyone. Cancer mars leaves the room instead -- it is an indirect anger. Of course individuals may differ depending on chart configuration etc

The saturn/uranus opposition is in my 1st/7th. Can u tell :)

She sounds like a KLING-ON. Those are people who latch on to you and want to share your personal space. You're just gonna have to be frank if you want to keep your sanity. KLING-ON's are like velcros (misspelled). Sometimes you just have to ripe hard to let loose. I bet if her B/F was to come back on the scene, she'd drop you like a hot potatoe.

i think you should ignore her completely. any sort of communication with her, even telling her off might not deter her. she might come back saying shes sorry and what not and here we go again. freeze her out and do not engage her.

I just found this through a search for something else, and I've been on both sides of the coin. 

I'm only responding, because I was glad to see a couple of you say that you handle men easier, when it comes to disagreeing with them, than you do women. I mentioned that in the Spine Redux thread. 

Break wind whenever she's around you and belch in her face, that oughtta take care of it.  :S