About the time Pluto moved in on my DC at 0 Cap (a few degrees before, more or less), my marriage (or my illusions around my marriage) totally dissolved.  That's all for the best, but at the same time, I completely lost my ability to read a book.

If I can explain further, I'm a Libra with Libra Mercury conjunct Pluto, with a Gemini Moon, with Venus in 3rd squaring Neptune, which aspects everything, and I was born to escape into books.  My grandmother said I had the family curse.  I read at age 3, and could be found in thrall to the written word at all times of the day and night from then until age 31.  In the summer as a child, I'd build a tent outside and take a stack of books and read all day until the sun went down.  I read everything in the Rockford Public Library. My mom bought crates of books for .25 each from library sales and I read them all, good or bad.  I used to read with a flashlight under the covers until 4 in the morning throughout my life, even as an adult, pregnant in bed with my husband. Addiction or obsession would be minimal descriptions for my relationship to reading.  Since the dissolution of my marriage, I have been physically unable to read a book.  That's coming up on just about three years now.  I accept loss as part of this Pluto transit, but I'm wondering if this loss is something I have to live with for life.  Will I never read again?  

Has anyone else been through such a shocking transformation of personality?  Do you ever go back to "normal"? 

Jessica,

I'm sorry to hear of that...I couldn't imagine how I'd feel without my desire to read.  Is it that you can't focus on what you're reading, or are you caught contemplating other things while you're trying to read?  I'm sure you've probably tried reading?  How long do you go before you feel what you're feeling?  Are you able to describe "how" you feel when you have a book in front of you?  I wish I could try to decipher this with astrology, but being a Scorpio (with Moon in Aries, no less) my emotions always strike first.

Well nutsy, it's definitely emotional.  I feel unfocused, like I think of other things rather than getting lost in the book in front of me. I've started probably 10 books in this 3 years but finished none of them.  I feel like "reading" is the person I was before the terrible transformation, but I don't want to lose reading, you know what I mean?

I've gone through the reading thing. I used to read like a madwoman and then it curbed. Er, stopped. Nowadays, I save books for time off. I try to have at least one week a year to do nothing with no one (this year's special because of my post-breakup treat to myself).

I've read 6 books so far, mostly classic kind of books. I need space to read mentally. I like to read for 5 hours straight and it's simply impossible with every day life, (case in point, I read Crime in Punishment when I was in Thailand, ha ha, not exactly light beach reading).

I am a rambling rambler today, don't mind me:)

PS. YES. You will. Readers never, ever, ever ever EVER stop being that way. I promise.

Yes.  There's got to be a way to flush the other thoughts from your mind, because they're eating you up.  But, at this moment, as I'm tiring for bed, I can't think of many.  I've got eccentric ways of finding my focus, as I've had to build motivations within myself to stay true to my writing.  I NEVER suffer writer's block, but I'm very self-disciplined. 

Do you ever read with music on?  Classical music, maybe?  Or would that bring back memories that might also take your mind from the book and put it elsewhere?

God, I'm trying to reach for possibilities, but my brain is foggy.  I'm going to sleep on it, and ask my brain before I go to sleep tonight to come up with suggestions. If I can get this friggin' brain of mine to wake me up when I want to, then I can get the old geezer in the mental warehouse to do some overtime while I'm sleeping.

I'll come back to this thread in the morning, when I get to work (approximately 5AM), and perhaps I'll have some ideas...

(Jesus, to go along with the "Ghosts" thread, I just heard "Nutsy" from my bathroom doorway)

Ok chrispito, thank you, because it almost feels like a death I need to mourn.   I never thought I'd go so long without devouring a book.  

((((you!)))) seriously i do know the feeling. it's funny, because on the 'poison' thread talking about drugs, that was a reason why i stopped partying so hard--i'd feel so worn out the next day i didn't want to read!

also, some books are fine reading a few pages a night or what have you, and then others just demand more time. i would suggest finding a book or short stories you've never read before--it's possible your style of reading has changed, not your love of reading.

have you ever read roald dahl's short stories for adults? they are DELICIOUS. and not so hard to read in 5 page clumps that you can't remember what the hell he was talking about when you pick it up the next day

srry, didn't mean to imply you needed "easy reading" :)

haha chrispito, no problem.  I love Roald Dahl, and no I haven't read his short stories for adults.  I've always loved short stories, so that could be good.

Speaking purrsonally, I was always more into music than anything. Wasn't so good at reading, although I can read :) I often lose track when I read.... but in college, I found I could read poems, especially short modern ones...

Anyway... I have faith that you will read again. In the meantime: there is always books on tape. Yes, I know, not the same, but...

My roomate can go to bed with a huge book and she loves it. Me? I'd just fall asleep... I need to be sitting up in bright light for that.

Maybe you need to start small? Something trashy perhaps. Erica Jong comes to mind. Don't want to call her trashy but... there's something so juicy about her novels from the 70's... real period pieces...

I know you didn't ask for recommendations... 

I traumatically had to leave my apartment this summer. I hated that apartment/neighborhood but also being forced to move was horrible. That was Saturn on my moon and T uranus opposing. Anyway, my point is that up until that point I was a huge talk radio listener........ and since July.... even though I have a new transistor radio (actually an old walkman), I don't listen like I used to and probably never will again. I've changed..

Hmm. Hopefully that wasn't a depressing story....

 Still, I think you'll read again. Maybe there is something you need to release. Like, your reading/books are being held hostage but they aren't really the thing, you know? A psychological red herring. 

I agree with Chrispy.  It's not that you're not a reader anymore, it's just that what you read needs to change.

I know what you're talking about.  I went through a severe depression last year and I couldn't go a whole page without having 18 intrusive thoughts, or finding myself just sitting there with the book open and my mind a billion miles away.
Though I've gotten back into reading lately, I've had to listen to what my brain's telling me.  Where before I'd suffer through a crap book because it was there, new,  and I wanted to see if it got any better, now I just put it down and move on.  No point in trying to wade through it if I'm not enjoying myself and can't focus.

So that's where I was going / coming from.  Change your material up.  Try a new genre.  Try an anthology from a beloved genre.  Give some light nonfic a go if you need brain food or usually read more dense nonfic.  If nothing else, grab a magazine with some juicy articles.  Think of something you're passionate about and find some material on it, start small and see if you want to go deeper.  And don't neglect graphic novels!  When you can't keep your mind focused, they're excellent balm.  You usually get a great story, told in serial form so no chapter's very long, and lots of pictures to keep your mind busy.  (I am absolutely in love with Neil Gaiman's Sandman and re-read it every couple of years.  Lots of connections and mind food in that one.)

This is a great thread Jess, I have a 3rd house moon aspected by everything and I used to love to read, and I have the same problem as you right now, I have started about 10 different books in the last few years but finished 0. It was about the time that Pluto transited my Moon when my reading habits went in the crapper too.

Now I buy books that I am SOOOO interested in, but never read. It's a weird thing. I have 2 tall overloaded bookcases. It feels tragic to me.

Jessica,

I realized before I went to sleep last night what I started doing to focus on reading several years ago.  When I proofread my stuff or read pages of literature to get inspired before reading/writing, I read it aloud.  I'll read the inspirational ones (from authors I like) aloud, and for some of them I'll try to get into character:  for Charles Dickens I don the best British accent I remember from a "David Copperfield" audio-book I own, or for "Gone With The Wind" I read with a Southern drawl...  I used to have problems focusing mentally when I read silently.  I'd be halfway through a paragraph, with my eyes looking at the words, but my fuckin' head was off in Hawaii thinking of tits and ass.  So, to focus (and keep me from smacking myself around until my head was buzzing) I started reading aloud and it has helped me tremendously in staying focused.

P.S. I came up with this BEFORE I fell asleep last night, but the geezer in the mental warehouse kept me up looking for answers...I finally knocked him out with two Sominex pills.   

Hmmm. Speaking from personal experience, perhaps Pluto is urging you to go out and live your own story for a while? Instead of absorbing others through books, generate your own?

I will never forget standing in a bookshop in London one day many years ago, and two men were  at the stack beside me. One was browsing and chatting about the new books and his friend was standing by. The browser asked the other 'what kind of books do you like?' The other replied 'I don't read books much. Life is too short'.

Well I was shocked. But I realised the man had a point. I've found it so easy in my life to escape into books. But what about MY story? What about becoming the author of my own life?

Gah.

And having Pluto in the 7th means that relations with others are super-emphasized and powered. All that power needs release and won't get it by sitting indoors on your own with a book. Hence the inability to focus.

Hey Jess, I went through the exact same thing but my nemesis was a lot of planets transisting my 3rd.  My mind just revved and revved and I could not concentrate on anything or stay still. It was awful. Now most of the planets have moved into my 4th house and I've calmed down A LOT and have started reading again. I'm devouring books, like one every two days. Mind you, I had to go on antidepressants from a lack of seratonin and once they kicked in I was able to concentrate again so I'm not sure which helped more.

((Jessica))  Books mean everything to me, so I understand the pain of this loss, believe me!  I've had several experiences with loss pile up over the past year that weigh me down.  The only way I clear my mind is by making myself go to the gym and then practice yoga.  Doesn't work for everyone, but it's the only way for me to clear the crap.  I can't go to sleep at night if I don't read, and I can't read if I don't exercise... if anyone asked what would be a bad time for me would be the inability to read!  Spending time with friends clears my mind, too.  **hug**

You guys have made such wonderful suggestions!  I <3 all of you.   It's hugely touching that you guys have thought about this.  I am super glad I am not alone in the experience!  It's like losing a whole part of my personality.

moonpluto, I got hugely more into music again after the breakup, so that was a gain to offset the loss!

alicia - i have the hugest stack of books by my bed too. :(

nutsy - great idea, I read aloud to my son, so I could do more of that.  cool!

opal, I think you've really really really got something there.  Books were definitely an escape. Living without escape is hard. (Here I am on the internet, of course.)

SaD, Togi, belle, all good feedback.  Thank you.

I read magazines cover-to-cover - why can't I read anything with a plot? Sigh.  I've been back into yoga since last December so I hope the concentration returns soon.  Pluto is about to back up onto my Mars/AC again, but for the last time, so I'm ready to see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

what's going on with Uranus in your chart? transit and natal?

I have Uranus in a T-square with Mercury and Saturn and sometimes I can't even read line for line--I will LOOK AROUND THE PAGE! It's so ridiculous. I like Nutsy's reading out loud idea.

I was just looking at a picture of myself from about 4 years ago, and I was like, "Who the fuck is that?  My hair color, style, length, everything is different.  I was a little shocked, I must say.

I do hope you can return to finding peace in books.  That is one thing my entire life, from young childhood, until today, through it all, I still turn to books.   

Amazing how deep the changes we go through can be...... 

I meant to add earlier, sometimes you'll still find your mind trying to wander when you're reading aloud.  You can handle it however you need to to focus.  I usually stop, tell my brain to unfuck itself and get into the rhythm, and read whatever paragraph I'd been on over again.  You keep doing this, and eventually you won't have to remind yourself to get into it. 

But, that's just me, and I'm nuts.     

I do think it will work, though, because I can almost no longer read quietly and maintain my focus, unless it's a place where the only other thing I can do is read...and I'll let you figure that one out. 

wow, you have my sympathy.  I couldn't imagine a life without reading.  Your childhood sounds a lot like mine.  They finally let me into the adult section of the library early because I'd read just about everything in the kids section, won the reading contest every year etc...

When I was going back to college I wouldn't let myself read for pleasure because I figured if I had time to read I had time to read my lessons.  I was afraid too of becoming hooked into a book and neglecting my homework.  After that spell I had a little trouble giving myself "permission" again.

I agree with SaDiablo.  I will no longer suffer through a book.  If the character isn't speaking inside my head after two chapters, I give the book away. Sometimes I just randomly open to some point in the book and read.  The story and the writing style should seduce me.

There are plenty of bestselling self help books that left me *meh*, and more than a few literary classics that just didn't do it for me.  To my way of thinking, it's not my job as the reader to "get" the book, it's their job as the writer to engage my mind. 

I just had a disturbing yet funny mental image of Nutsy orating some Ogden Nash from behind a bathroom door.  *snerk*

Hahaha, SaDiablo--that's the only time I DON'T read aloud!  

Ja, I deduced that.  *grin*  But the mental image made me laugh, so good on ya!

Hahahaha SaD. I, too, visualized nutsy walking around his house reading aloud to himself.

Dorothy, I am also in a wtf moment about my life, although kind of a protracted one because I've had this feeling for about 2 years.  I look a lot different, too.

chrispito, I'm Sun conj Uranus natally, but I used to be able to read. :)  Mercury-Pluto must cancel out some hyperactivity. Uranus is about to cross my MC.   

I've always read aloud to myself, weird. I also like reading while walking and find myself mimicing characters--

Jessica I was doing a crossword this morning and I wondered if you liked doing them. You have to concentrate, so it's good practice. I rarely finish them but even spending 15 minutes is a helper to my concentration. And apparently it helps prevent Alzheimers.

Hi Jessica....this made me feel so sad!! ((hugs))). I used to read like a fiend too. I would go on jags though, find an author I liked and would devour all those and move on to someone else. Anyway, these are great tips here and I know what you mean about feeling that loss. Pluto is almost conj. my Venus in the third right now and my friend has seemed to cut me out of his life just like that. Maybe it's for the better but it sure hurts! So my dear, I hope that these suggestions work for you and don't punish yourself. Be gentle start with the easy stuff and see how it goes. And I agree too, get out and live a little! It's Spring soon and there may be a story out there for you waiting to be written!

Guys, I was just thinking about something, it's not a concentration problem.  I don't pick up books and start reading them and put them down, or skip around on the page.  It's like the whole desire to read books is gone.  I don't even think about it most of the time.  I think about it in terms of "God, I used to love doing that" but it doesn't get me close to picking up a book.  That's what's interesting, because i'm certainly still devouring the written word on the Internet.  It feels like not loving someone anymore.  God, when I write it like that, I sincerely wonder if it will ever come back.  When do you ever fall out of love with someone, and get it back later?  But maybe.  Maybe when Pluto's off my case... that's about 15 years from now, though.

Thanks for hugs, Dawn, and chrispito, crossword puzzles are definitely absorbing.  I tend to do them on airplanes most of all. :)   

I had to look up Ogden Nash.  I'm glad I did.  Now I know this wittism wasn't made up in Pennsylvania.

 Similarly, in Reflections on Ice-Breaking he wrote:

Candy

Is dandy

But liquor

Is quicker.

And I thought that boyfriend was so intelligent. Maybe so, since he knew the quote.  

I also have a hard time reading.  I do prefer on screen where I can make the font bigger.  

Celery, raw 

Develops the jaw, 

But celery, stewed, 

Is more quietly chewed.

I can confidently say from experience that you will definitely regain your bibliophilic status!  I was an avid reader when I was younger and it suddenly disappeared when Pluto began hanging around my 4th house (for the better half of my young adult life).  However! When it did finally move out of it and particularly away from my Sun I did find myself read voraciously again.  Its like coming back to an old friend.  :) 

I would say that perhaps instead of wishing you COULD be reading during this time, use it to find other things that fulfill you in the same way.  For instance, it was during those years that I wasn't reading that I threw myself headfirst into my love affair with music.  During that time I was absolutely obsessed with finding new music, mining information on various music scenes and bands, and listening to music like it would save my life.  When reading came back, that (might I say) obsessive tendency with my new hobby went away... but I'd like to think of it as a balancing out.   Initially I had forgotten my reading "self" and wondered what was wrong with me in that I was spending my time finding music anymore until I realized that I had gained back the reading part of myself that I thought I had lost!  

 Anyway, in short: yes, it will come back...but in the meantime find something else that you love instead of fighting it!  You might find that no single thing or affinity can define you in the way you think because they can wax and wane.  

ahhh I see, I'm sorry!

I can't help myself, I want to keep offering help, tee hee!

I misunderstood, too.

But I've lost the desire to read many, many times before.  People who know I love to read would loan me books that would sit and gather dust for months before I either gave them back as a lost cause or actually got the urge to read them.  I think the longest one was just about four years -- the four most social years of my life, I might add!  *lol*

I don't think this'll be like a love lost, but more like a friend you've lost touch with but can pick back up right where you left off.

Go and read "Catcher In The Rye", that one never gets old!  

I am losing something that is SCARING THE SHIT OUT OF ME.

It is my short term memory.  Mercury opposition Pluto in the 6th transit.  There was this Pisces that once told me, Your memory is more important to you than anyone I ever met. It is, I remember what I wore and I ate years ago, I remember random things about people and the places I've seen.  Help.  I cling to my memory incredibly.  I'm worried it's the medicine Lamictal but my psychiatrist told me that it's a harmless medicine.  I'm scared it's eating my brain matter. 

Like you guys said, books on tape, going to readings, or being read to (I read my friend James Schuyler in Central Park once).  I like Brain Droppings and Napalm and Silly Putty, and Black Adder (doesn't count).  I really love comedy, though and am not used to books on tape I downloaded some of Michel Piccoli reading Baudelaire if you want it.

Dina,

Not sure how much of your short-span memory you might be losing...but maybe if you keep notes or a journal, it will help you to jog some of the things you are forgetting.  Have you tried taking ginkgo biloba?

I know this is unrelated, but for people with possible Alzheimer's Disease in the family (the women on my father's side have it) be careful not to take too much aspirin.  Studies came out a few years ago, stating that too much aspirin seems to enhance the possibilities.  My grandmother was always proud that she took aspirin everyday of her life.  She's in a retirement home, and remembers almost no one.  Before he died, my dad had gone back to visit her and she didn't know him.  He'd said it was one of the saddest and most heart-breaking experiences of his entire life.

Take care of the grey matter...  

RE: Short-term memory loss.

B1 deficiency can also contribute to memory loss, though it's hard to live in the industrialized world and have one.  It's most common in alcoholics in industrialized nations.  Wiki article here.

Very rare, though.  Some B1 supplements might help along with the gingko.