My husband and I were watching some stray program on TV last night about men and their mishaps with children. For example, one of the men profiled got a woman pregnant. She told the guy the baby died but actually she left him in a convent in Italy (they were American).  He then went through all kinds of problems to get his son back... which he able to do, I am happy to say.

That story has nothing to do with my question. It just provoked my train of thought that has me wondering if anyone knows of a woman who married and started a family in her 30's...and who wound up staying with the man.

To define "staying", let's say 10 or more years have passed and the family is still together.

Know anyone like this?

My mother:)

My best friend's oldest sister, too.

my mother..

Well a good friend of mine had her daughter when she was just shy of 40.  She's now 45, almost 46 and she's with the same man.  they met when she was about 37 or 38.  So it hasn't been 10 years yet - about 8.  I think this relationship will last a lifetime for both.  It has been the first long long term relationship and this is his second.  They are very happy with each other and their life together.

Well that is good to hear. What I see, typically, is the man is dumped within a few years. I really don't think the odds are so good here - depending on what you want. I realize it may upset some people to read this but I think it's good to have your eyes open and if you do take this path (man or woman), realize that odds are not in your favor so you will have to overcome that. Knowing this / saying it out loud can strengthen your resolve. I bet it is 20% or less that stay together (in the US at this time).  You can extrapolate from here. I am not meaning to start a fight, I want to help people.<br data-mce-bogus="1">

I think if I were ever to have a child with Leoman, we would make it. Mostly due to both of our love natures. We're both very very loyal. Plus the communication is there. He is absolutely wonderful with the babies and children in our lives. LEO! He once had a girlfriend desperate for a baby and she even asked him if he would knock her up and it was okay if they broke up--she would raise the kid. He was like--you are out of your fucking mind. LOL

Elsa this is so interesting. Just talking to my Dad about this 2 weeks ago. How men of his generation (Pluto in Cancer) would just stay. I thanked him. He's a Libra with Moon/Mars in Taurus and the adjustment to family life was inordinately difficult for both him and my mother.

I really think my friend's relationship is working out because she knew exactly what she was looking for - a family/commitment oriented guy. She had been through alot before she met him.  He is from a strongly family oriented Portugeuse background and was looking to settle down.  He is the one who cries at weddings :)  He just loves her to bits and she finally has the capacity to accept that kind of love.  They are a very good match.

In our day and age I'd say that people have more of a chance of making it when they get married, start a family in their thirties then if they had done this in their twenties.  More life experience, more stability...

Ad Astra, that definitely makes sense but I sure don't see it in practice or in life around me. I wonder if there is any group who fares well on this front. I mean, maybe it's universal at this point.

I actually only hear good things. I know my brother-in-law's parents married in their 30s and were together just shy of 40 years when they passed away. I know I'm ready to stick it out more than before.

This hits a nerve because I'm in my thirties.

If someone does not marry at least ONCE before they're 30--would it be better that they stay that way from their thirties on? Not trying to be controversial, just asking a hard question.

My parents. My dad was 35 and my mom was 31 when they married. Marriage is not great, but they are still together.

I know a number of couples who got a "late start" and are doing great. The ones in their 20s seemed to fare worse from the people I know, which is the opposite of what's said here, I guess. But I don't know what others are seeing.

I'm curious about this part:
"What I see, typically, is the man is dumped within a few years. I really don't think the odds are so good here - depending on what you want. "

The "depending on what you want" especially - do you mean the man or the woman or both? And what types of things do people want who break it off after a few years?

My good friends Denise and Ben still going strong with two kids and over 15 years. 

My two best friends - the sisters i never had, both were married in their 30's and now -15+ years later and each with 2 children, they are going strong.  I pray it stays that way, it would break my heart if something happened.

I plan on doing this...lol. I plan on having two kids and staing with the guy....I saw a lot of this in my practice.

I agree that being older should give your marriage a better chance...I mean no marriages in an age group seems to be lasting these days. so it seems like any couple in any age group with the right thing that it takes to be married; whatever that is.....has an equal shot at making it.

Realistic attitude about what it takes to raise children seems to be a must

"The "depending on what you want" especially - do you mean the man or the woman or both?'

I am not sure what I meant. I usually see things from the women's perspective since this is who I work with. Some of them want the baby a lot more than they want the man.  When I wrote that, I meant to not be projecting my ideal onto other people who have different preferences.:)

But I do think it's a question for men to ask and answer as well.

"If someone does not marry at least ONCE before they're 30--would it be better that they stay that way from their thirties on? Not trying to be controversial, just asking a hard question."

I don't think anything like that...

Ohhh I see... and I can understand that. If a woman is focused on becoming a mother and views the man as a sperm donor rather than a life partner, that makes sense. I don't personally know anyone like that but I hear about it often enough that it must be happening at least somewhat frequently.

oh....the sperm donor is my plan b...not at that place yet

Thinking, thinking......umm.......thinking some more.......

No, I don't know anyone like that. I know married couples that got married in their 30's, some in their late 30's and they are still married, but none of these couples had children. I would like to be a success in the first half of the equation--that could be fun with the right guy. But it's not a must. : )

It's definitely food for thought though, and something to analyze all around.

Some people get married in their early 20's, have children in their 30's.... I don't know if that works though.  Seems like a way to play it "safe"... but relationships change when you have children.  The kids are fun at some point, but they *are* alot of work!!!  Somebody is bound to be left out.  Some people are just baby fever, baby fever... they just want a *baby*, and keep having them.  Just wonder how that works.  They do grow up,  ya know. 

Me?  I married for the second time 7wks before my 29th birthday and we had our first child (first for both of us) 6wks before my 30th birthday.  It was totally in the middle of my saturn return.  We are still together after 10+yrs.  Is that what you're refering too?  Does that count, as I was not technically 30 when we married?  Or are you more looking for the woman to be more into her 30's?   
Angie

Angie, to clarify, yes I initially was thinking about people beyond their Saturn return, but we're talking about everything now so you're right in there. :)

I met my husband when I was 36 and he was 28. We got married two years later we are still together 8 years and one child later. It was a first marriage for both of us and we both have a daughter from previous relationships.

I'm in, ok, then.  But I didn't go into it wanting kids.  I was more just looking for a life partner, someone to share life with.  Once we were married for a few months, I was like, ok, we could give kids a try.  At that point, for the first time in my life, kids seemed like an idea that I'd like ;).  Can't imagine my life without them, now (20/20 ya' know?! LOL!).  Things have switched up though and I think at this point I'm more in it for the kids :(.  Working to change that,
Angie

My Dad's Wife. They would have both  been 34 when they met. They got my Little Brother and got married at 38. That was 22 years ago. 

My Aunt. She must have been around 40 meeting her husband, and 42 having my cousin (first and only child). My cousin is 16 now.

I barely made it in my 20's - I had just turned 29 when I had my first date with Husband. Yes, I went there looking for someone I could see myself having family too one day. But definitely not immediately - I was just coming out from a major life change, I needed a companion, more than anything.

I think this situation would occur if the woman is deliberately settling so she can get a baby. Which, yeah, that's some people. Obviously my mom could settle for 35 years(!), but I guess some people do wake up, smell the coffee, and realize that they can't handle settling for life after all even for children. On the other hand, if the woman actually gets lucky and finds someone to love as well, then I don't think they'd split.

I do think this post kind of sounds like "If you don't catch a man in your 20's, you're doomed," though. But it's reminding me of what my relatives say, so I'll admit I'm bringing my own issues to the table there.

3 or 4 girlfriends of mine.  I don't expect any divorces from them.  Not at the 10 year mark but 7-9 year mark. And yes, then fertility treatments become part of the game.  But they all have one or two kids and are very happy with the hubby.

All of them are highly educated women who were VERY busy going to school and building a career, marriage came late for them.  All in their early 30's when they married.  Me, I'm the late late late to the game one.  But there will be a dead body before we divorce ;)  And the likelihood of children is low at my age.

I know one my other girlfriends was with her guy for 10 years before they married, another 8 years.  Both had said they wouldn't marry until they were done with their upper level schooling.  Then it took another few years for marriage at 30.  I'm not counting them in the above numbers.

I'd say that whether marriage lasts or not is highly dependent upon HOW you view marriage and WHAT you want from the relationship and that is as varied as the number of people on this planet ;)

Only just read this thread (or some of it rather).

I know several couples like this - people in my circle tend to be quite career oriented, and to marry late. There are also quite a few second marriages included, esp for the man. In all cases they seem to have survived as a family; I think people are usually clearer about what they want when they marry and have kids a bit later

Maybe they have also learned that the grass is not always greener over the hill!

This is an interesting post...!

hmm, Well I became divorced at 29 after being with my former for 10 years. I thought and was somewhat convinced we were going to have children together, unfortunately, we never got to experience that. But I was reading a quote from singer Christina Milian and she said " I never imagined I would have a child and become married (she's now single again) at 30, it just goes to show we never know what the future holds" It kinda reminded me of this post. I'm 31, I hope to find a new love and have kids at lease before I turn 40!

*fingers crossed*

A family later in life is not for me. I don't want to be raising a high schooler when I'm in my 50s/60s. It's just not for me.

Unless divine providence is involved, my door is closed for kids in my 30s.

One couple I know (I work with them, when I have work!) married in their 30s and had three kids by the time they were early 40s. Then they set up a business with two friends (the one I do stuff for) and they do a lot of freelance work too - she's an editor/proofreader, he's a graphic designer.  They are permanently exhausted, esp as both have had 'parent problems' in the last year. Her Mum got Alzheimers, and my friend was always having to drop everything and rush over there...which of course clashed with the kids' needs

I think that's the big problem with having kids late in life, if both parents are older - their OWN parents are just reaching that age when they might need a lot of time and support, not to mention 'nursing home fees' etc etc. The other is that it's even tougher doing without sleep in your late 30s/early40s, than in your 20s!

one of my friends had a baby with his long-term girlfriend - they were in their mid to late 30s. she basically gave him an ultimatum. two years later they're not doing well. i don't know if they'll stay together. they never made it official. it seems like the woman had baby-fever and he felt obliged.

pretty much everyone i know from my peer group either got married around 28-30 or later, or isn't even married yet at 35+. i think it's pretty normal these days with all the extra time spent in school. it's funny because the original post is exactly the opposite of what my prior would be - that early marriages are more likely doomed.  but i guess it just depends on what 'normal' is around where you live.

I got married for the second time when I was 31, had my three kids, then divorced the guy quickly after he walked out after 15.5 years of marriage.  He told me that I would miss him and beg him back.  *snort*

That marriage sucked loudly at year four and only got worse every year.  I do not consider this marriage to be a success.  I stayed with him so I could concentrate on raising my children.  He was only 25 when we married, and he is an incredibly immature 43-year-old this year.  He was one person who should have never gotten married - and he was the one pushing for it. 

Hmmm maybe motivation prior to getting the guy is the problem?

If baby clock is ticking so loud it sends everyone blind, then that's obviously going to cause problems when little un gets to school and mum is then at a loss as to her identity.

The way I see it, I am very much in love with Mr Aries. We are not perfect - but we work very well together. We look after each other and both want to have a family.

Surely as long as the plan remains to be a shared plan, there is a willingness to make things work no matter what?

I have a baby clock ticking, sure I do. But I like to think I have my eyes open enough to see a long future with Mr Aries.

I know many off the top of my head, my next door neighbor, upstairs neighbors and more, all got started well into their 30s and are sticking it out. 

Recent studies show that at least statistically, people who get their start later tend to have lower divorce rates. 

http://pewresearch.org/pubs/1380/marriage-and-divorce-by-state

It really depends on the individual, but I think that people who have had more time to think about marriage and love and kids and all that may have a more realistic view of what marriage is.