It's possible to wake up one day to realize your parents who may be 20 or 30 or even 40 years older than you must have actually discovered the things you have, run into the problems you have run into, etc. perhaps before you were born.

Have you had a day like this in your life?

This happened when I had kids. Hahaha!

I wish I could interview my parents and other extended family. Man oh man are there some things l'd like to know.

Not exactly

My parents abandoned us and then when we grew up, they want to support them.

This is an ongoing process for me. 

Yikes....this is all I have thought about in the past day or so.  My Mom was difficult, tough, mean-spirited at times.  I realize I was unable to sort out good from bad and took the safer "bad" so I would not be as hurt. Now I see the many things she tried to do. My "child" just graduated college and is home for financial reasons. I am trying to use what I have gleaned from my recent thoughts to make our communication better. Wish me luck : )

My parents had a son pass away when he was three years old - he was a "blue baby".  As a matter of fact, that's the only reason I am here - after he died, my mother wanted another baby almost immediately.

I never met my brother, and I never "got it" until I had my son, and it just hit me, oh my God, their child DIED.  How did they survive that?  

Warrolls, not sure if I've welcomed you to the boards but if not - welcome! :)

You know, I never thought my parents were dumb. Sure I get exasperated and wonder why they do some things they do, but I know they know more than me- I just get irritated when they try to convey that knowledge!

And people say all teenagers think they know everything? Well I certainly "knew" some things that weren't true back then, but I certainly didn't think I knew everything.

My mom raised all 7 of us pretty much on her own, and there was never a day when I thought she was dumb - more like I wished she had been able to convey the lessons she taught with more love, I might've paid more attentiont then!  But yes I've had many of those moments that make you wince when you finally realize what they were trying to say.

Not only was she not dumb, she was unexpectedly 'hip' at times.  My youngest sister was teasing her once about how old-fashioned and sort of prudish she was, and my mom said, "Oh don't make me go all Betty White on you!"

And this was 3-4 years before Betty had her big revival - my mom was a huge fan of the Golden Girls since back in the day.  She cracked us up.

Peppermint, that reminds me of my friend, Ben;s mother. It took her DECADES to accept that he was gay even though he came out of the closet as a pre-teen. It was very irritating and then one day he got in supreme trouble (in his 30;s) and his mother showed  up (they are both Scorpios) and she handled the situation with a level of aplomb that left him to marvel.  He always loved her but he thought of her differently after that. She showed herself to be a powerhouse beyond his wildest imagination and she did it with as much effort as it took her to breathe.

I wish I had a mom like Ben's...

Elsa your story reminds me of that weird gap we sometimes have with our parents:  we think we know them, we've got everything about them figured out, and we find out we don't, especially in a time of crisis like your friend Ben had.  Glad she was there for him!

And when I think about how much my own grown sons understand/know me, I have to say they probably think they do, but they really don't.  They're familiar with the Mom that I was when they were growing up, but there's so much of your Self that there's either no time or no opportunity to show them when you're a busy mom, wife, bread winner, housekeeper, etc., that there's a gap in their knowledge base when it comes to you.  Huh.  I'm going to ask my sons what they think they know about me and see what happens.  They might shock me with what they know!

I also wanted to respond to your comment about interviewing your family:  I tried to do that with my mom's remaining siblings (all in their 60s and 70s now), and everything was going along swell with our family oral history until I started asking stuff that was too personal for them, stuff like "Did you ever have a mentor or did you ever mentor someone?" or "Based on what you've learned in your life, what kind of advice would you give to young people today?"  They just clammed right up.  But ask them what was the first car they ever bought and they could snap out "a black 1954 Chevy for $50," just like that.  I did hear a lot of stories about our family that I'd never heard before, though and that was great. 

This is a really interesting thread, and DEEP.  Something I've thought about but never really articulated before.  Huh. Thanks for posting it!

((((hugs)))) mariana and RE&W, I wish you both could have had moms like Ben's too.  And @ Dorothy, wow that must have been tough on everyone, I don't know how folks get through something like either.  And Dixie, I had the same sort of epiphany when I had my first child, "Oh so THAT'S why she was always so WORRIED!"

Not too long before she passed away my mom described, in minute detail, a gorgeous wool suit she'd bought when she was young and single that made her feel like the Queen of England, she said.  It was a breathtaking look into a tiny part of what made her a woman, and not a Mom.  I don't think I'll ever forget what she said then or how she looked - she glowed as she remembered that suit! 

my horror was when it hit me that my parents were not as SMART as I (or they) thought.  :)

Thanks everybody ¡
Yes, i hope , one day, my mother hits the love.
I wish love for everyone ¡

I was horrified to realize that my mother's dates go about as weird and creepy as mine did, and she is a weirdo magnet (though only with dates), and she has no effing idea how to break it off with someone...

Very creepy, considering that I didn't know HOW she dated until she was in her 50's and I did not grow up seeing that. 

It was horrifying to realize that my mom pretty much knows everything that goes on in my life(at least the important stuff). Theres just no hiding it. She just KNOWS, shes a cancer and it creeps me out. But sometimes, its a good thing, like today I was really effing nervous because I was about to get some dental work done, and I was thinking, "I've never had to do this alone, everyone thinks my appointment is tomorrow because at the last minute the dentist said he would do it today" and yes, she called me right before the procedure and  I felt sooo much better.

My mom has  financial wealth and is a miserable, unhappy person,  and according to her I'm the stupid one!!!  My mom has book smarts, but no street smarts,  no common sense.  My dad on the other hand well he is super street smart,  average intelligence and could be smart if would stop trying to be such a *lady's man*  I'm afraid I have to agree with Satori on this one.   I am no rocket scientist, but I do get tired of them telling me what a fuck up I am.  My life is nothing like the life my parents lived but I worked hard to avoid their life,  and the funny part is my life is more like my grandparents lives, and they passed away before I  was old enough to have conversations like this with them.    

it was more disconcerting to realize how much like my mother i am.. and realizing it's not a bad thing.

necessarily.

and to start to understand what those arguments really were about.  made me have a whole lot more sympathy.  it helps that i finally figured out it really did come from love.

I'm sure everyone's seen the (joke) graph of "age of child to parental intelligence," right?  Good times, good times...

I remember once, before my mom started drinking heavily, giving her the highest compliment I could think of at the time: "You're the smartest person I know, 'cause you know how to get everyone to think you're dumb."  I think I was three or four at the time.  *grins*

I always knew my dad was smart, street-savvy and book-wise, but it took a long time for me to let go of my mom enough to appreciate her as a person.  And, yeah, I thought she was a bleedin' idiot for a long, long time -- I think most of that was because I only saw her through the bottom of a bottle, though.

She spent occasionally large spaces time without a guy and not in a relationship (Odessa had slim pickins for men), got support from her friends and hung out with them so she didn't feel it as much and was VERY late getting married by Odessa, Ukraine standards at 35 and girls got married at 21 then.  She told me something after I did some things with a guy, to control myself even when I get a shiver when touched and wait till the right time.  They don't appreciate it and drop you like a hot potato, or in my mom's words, "get kicked like a puppy."  She has been telling me the stories of her circle of friends forever (the fun times and the not fun), but these things I get now.