Thinking about being pissed off, I never, ever have the perfect comeback. It must be Mercury Square Saturn.

That is, until last week.

Man in my class:

"Wow, you look like you aren't feeling well."

Me (cheerfully, too!)

"Oh, I look like this all the time." ha ha ha ha ha! Man did he backpedal!

"Oh in that case, you look fantastic."

I swear I've been looking for that comeback for YEARS!

Do you ever have the perfect comeback? Tell us! 

Hey Kash   I like to tell someone who is "being bitchy" because they are "just having a bad day", and think perchance that can take it out on me (hah!), to please go have their crisis somewhere else, as I am not interested in baby-sitting their moods.   

Oh and Yeah for You!! - Great comeback!!  

At my coffee shop, we don't give out the code to the internet unless someone buys something.  I hate it when people come in and think they can just camp out and use the internet without paying for something, but I extra hate having to be the one who tells them that.  It took me a while before I got a good script in my head to use in these situations. 

So the other day 20 or so kids come in with a class (we're two blocks from the university) and of course they don't buy anything.  One of them comes up and says "Uh, yeah, can I get the wireless code?"

I say "Internet access comes free with any purchase."

He says with an arrogant tone of entitlement "Um, I'm with a class."

Out of know where I come up with "I don't give a fuck if you're with the queen of England, you still gotta buy something!."

That's a good one Kash! :)

I don't remember my comebacks, and usually I could NOT in the life of me think of one... I just blurt it out and it cuts deep (or is freakin' hilarious - depends on how you see it). And when people react, I don't even remember what I have said!

Mercury in Pisces 11th house, opp. Jupiter in Virgo conj. Mars square Uranus 5th house. 

Drunk Guy: Hey, baby, you wanna dance?

Me: No, I don't dance.

Drunk Guy: C'mon, you'll like it, I promise (invading my personal space)

Me: No. Thank you. (eye roll)

Drunk Guy: How can you say no when you ain't never tried it?

Me: I've never tried a shit sandwich either, but I know I don't want one.

Gross guy comes out of an establishment...I'm standing out front.

"There's GAY people in there!"

Me:

"Was it all you dreamed of and more?" 

"Was it all you dreamed of and more?" 

I just busted out laughing at that one. Hilarious.

3 years ago I worked as waitress in Berlin in a gay neighborhood

Most of the costumers were gay couple and they where very free on expressing affection to each other

One night a couple of boys come in for the first time and as I approach them they look at me with ostility

As I'm taking their order they come out with a challanging tone with "we are gay you know?"

" I see...you'd like to drink?"

I could not understand why they tought that was something treatening

Significant other: "Go make some tea."

Me: "Why .. have your arms and legs fallen off???"

I put my best, recent one on another post here.  Random slow-ass-motherfucker whom I had to pass earlier cornered me in a gas station to yell about it.  I told him I was sorry that my driving offended his small dick and didn't his mother teach him what the rear-view mirror was for?  Then offered to kick his ass for him.