If you'd asked me ten years ago, "Can you handle the truth?" I'd have quickly told you yes...And I would have been sort of mostly right.

But in fact, what I was not particularly good at handling was **Getting to the Truth**...and I'm still not exactly great at it. It's a work in progress and likely will always be a struggle.

Conflict and confrontation. Even the words make my tummy squeeze a little, eh? And yet, I am a hardwired truth-seeker. Ignorance also makes my tummy squeeze a little. So, when getting to the truth of a situation may involve conflict, confrontation *and* be an unpleasant or ugly truth...Tri-fucking-fecta of anxiety--pass the value pack of Tums, please...

I am prone to avoid potential conflict/confrontation--which leaves a void of vital information...So, my mind will spin into overtime "what-iffing" and running through various potential truths. I am also prone to "worst-case-itis". So, when various scenarios had nasty, ugly worst case outcomes, I would go *poof* and disappear myself from the situation. (now THAT I was/am quite good at <g>). Or if I didn't disappear, I would rearrange and restructure the situation so as to sidestep conflict based on this "truth" I'd decided I had figured out in a vacuum. This included setting up residence on the banks of that lovely river, deNile. ;)

Despite the fact that I was often dead on, I was as often dead wrong. This approach leaves much to be desired in the short and long term. So over time, I've been working on clutching up and simply (hah) directly asking and engaging people about potentially contentious issues.

Sometimes--a lot of times--the issue I'd thought was insurmountable and skeery was mostly in my own mind. Sometimes--often--the issue was indeed conflict-ridden and lead to loss or suffering.  But every single time I clutch up and engage? I am then dealing with the truth as it actually exists between the affected parties...and THAT is the kind of truth I am committed and capable of handling in my life.

If you've made it this far, I applaud and thank your perseverence. ;)  Writing and sharing this core struggle in my life helps me make sense of and understand it better. If it sparks questions or reflection of similar issues or situations for you: you handle it differently; you have a different perspective; or this resonates somehow...Please show and tell. I have come a long way, yes--but feel I have much more to learn and grow in this area.

I can totally relate to what you're saying.  You articulated one of my internal struggles too.  But as I've gotten older it's gotten easier to manage.  I think it was something Elsa said to me in a reading about how I had survived this major terrible crap when I was younger and I'd live to tell the tale.  Nothing in the present or the future could ever come close to that so I really had nothing to fear.

Live and learn, right ? I've found that when I'm focused on another's shortcomings, be it their level of honesty, for instance -- I am immediately disconnected from my own truth and telling it. All paths lead back to me, savvy ? You kind of sound like me when I finished my 12-step recovery. It's by no means a 'graduation', but it's surely a step up; so congrats !

Thanks guys.

It does get easier (which, of course, is not the same as 'easy'--lol) with practice.

I am prone to avoid potential conflict/confrontation--which leaves a void of vital information...So, my mind will spin into overtime "what-iffing" and running through various potential truths.

Oh boy, I was prepared to spend years in a state like this than confront the person, mostly because I felt the time to react has passed a long time ago. When confronted by others as to why I would let myself feel such pain than ask a simple question, I masked my lack of courage (because Leo rising CANNOT be a coward!) with some rational, argumented reason my overly Airy self put together (and without preparation!).

I know better now. If anything Saturn's passing over my Sun taught me that it's better to risk appearing a fool than actually being one.

Great post as always CP!

So over time, I've been working on clutching up and simply (hah) directly asking and engaging people about potentially contentious issues.

This, for me, has been what my "journey" in this lifetime has been about.  I've always hated it when someone has told me what they thought I wanted to hear, rather than their truth.  I have always  ended up  much more hurt in the long run, because eventually, we end up at their truth.  So, I've been learning to overcome that part of me that just wants to be accepted, and get along, and rather find the strength to get things clear from the very start.  People might not always like it, but it ends up being far cleaner in the long run. 

By the way, CP, with Pluto transiting my 12th, I end up lurking, far more than posting, but I just want to tell you how much I enjoy "listening" to just about everything that you have to say.

Having the courage to be with what is... that is the truth right there. With wisdom to boot.

CP 

I completely relate, but from a somewhat opposite angle - I am so into digging for the truth and getting a sense of where everyone is that I exhaust people. I'm not shying from a confrontation, but I do take time out to think over what I've learned, realign myself if I'm wrong, and come back to it at a later time.

I've got mars in 7th, so it gets rather contentious, which I don't mind at all, but others do, so I miss information if they don't think I am receptive. I am receptive, but they do not think I am due to behavioral differences. When that happens, I tell people just to be straight with me - I can take it! Hit me with a frying pan if you have to. :)

CP - I admire your candor and willingness to face the truth, no matter what! We're all learning from each other. :)