Elsa,
I know I want to ask you because honestly I’m a little scared of myself. Basically, I know I’m emotional and at times I lose it. I do get frustrated and trying to be patient when I can’t even seem to get a woman to commit easily to a coffee date. It really is the cumulative nonsense that I lost it a little with a bi woman I spoke to online.

So very specifically, two things concern me – 1) that I seem to attract a certain kind of woman (women who have been abused) and 2) how I can get so wound up and at some point I explode usually briefly but I tend to push people away that I might wish I didn’t. It scares me when I think I see things clearly and the other person responds in a way I didn’t expect at all. How can I be so intuitive and sensing all kinds of things people don’t and simultaneously push people away because they think I’m too emotional and I didn’t understand them at all.

My details: March 22, 1966, Long Island NY, 12:08pm

Is it my cusp, Aries/Pisces? Maybe combined with my rising sign, Cancer? My personality profile is an INFJ which tends to fit. This last woman thought I was self-centered and unwell. I’m not unwell but she might be right I’m too self-centered. I tend to think more of self-preservation but she could be completely right.

Does it show somewhere in my chart that I do something to attract women who have been abused or hurt in a very deep way? And does it show something about how I push women away because I’m too emotional? I honestly don’t think I’m needy, but I am sensitive. I wish I wasn’t but I am. And what deeply concerns me is when I am direct with something that I feel, it doesn’t change their behavior towards me. I always thought it’s not fair to have someone guess what you’re feeling and expect them to act with that knowledge, so I try to be direct with how I feel and it doesn’t work.

If you or anyone on the board have any suggestions, I really appreciate the advice. I just feel so lost at the moment. I’m not doing the work I want to focus on and I keep looking for women who don’t seem to really care about how I feel.

Thanks everyone. I’m sure this mood will pass but these are some real issues I haven’t solved yet and I’m honestly curious if there is some answers in my chart somewhere.
-Elizabeth.

no offense at all, but maybe you should purchase a consultation from Elsa. Your questions and concerns seem complex and deserve time and care. Not that I'm speaking for Elsa or anything, just a thought--

if you're hoping for input from the group, including an image of your chart is very helpful and makes it more likely you'll get more useful repsonses.

if your question is specifically for elsa - or the desire to solve it is significant enough you're willing to invest in a consultation - i would suggest getting one. i've had a few now, and based on the amount of help i got, it would have been a steal at three times the price.

Goddess, how do you add an image to the board? I don't see where you can upload one.

Click on the tree icon on the bar at the top and stick the photo url there

Mmarianna, but what if you don't have the image loaded onto a webpage? It doesn't seem to have a direct upload from your computer. Is that somewhere else?

Hopefully this will work...

elizard,

I am not an astrologer, so can only see bits and pieces other's charts based on my own chart excavations. Unfortunately, I am not skilled in suggesting how to resolve chart conflicts. So for what its worth...

Is it my cusp Aires/Pisces and Cancer Ascendent:

<> The Aires stellium, Sun (self), Moon (feelings), and Mars (impulse energy) is going to be/emote/act quickly, emotionally, willfully and then it's done...you move on. This conflicts w/how you present to the world--sensitive/homey Cancer. If Cancer is attracting another watery type (Scorpio, Pisces, Cancer), and they get hit with a bottle rocket....

<> Mercury/Saturn in Pisces, important because Saturn rules the partnering house, gets a heavy duty opposition from in the third house of communication which can be insightful/upside-manipulative/downside (Pluto), have flashes of genius/upside--unpredictable/disruptive downside (Uranus).

<>It scares me when I think I see things clearly and the other person responds in a way that I didn't expect at all. With that Pluto/Uranus I would  ask myself if I was trying to the control things too much. 

<>Also the Venus/Neptune connection is in love with love. Yet, Venus in the house that wants to merge (8th) is detached and freedom loving and squares a Neptune that imagines merging into a transcendent love. That is a rough aspect.<> Transiting Neptune on Venus square itself in 2005/2006 must have been brutal. More recently Jupiter inflated the configuration in Fen/Mar 2009 while Uranus was setting off the aforementioned Mercury/Saturn opposed Saturn/Pluto. Ouch.
<>Ditto Goddess' suggestion about a paid consultation w/Elsa. She's got the gift. <>

What's wrong with being emotional, asks the Pisces? >:/

Jana - Wow and thanks. You just scared the heck out of me for a moment - How did you know? My nine year relationship ended in 2005. I left the Bay Area, moved to Vegas (near my folks) for about 5 months living in one of my sister's vacant condos until I moved here - to LA.

Jana, it can bring me to tears right this moment if I just think about how much it hurt - so many things all at once. So there's something in my chart that points to this? That's wild. I loved Katie very much and even though I knew she was not going to be a part of this journey I'm on, the pain is still there when I think of how hard those times were.

Katie was a Scorpio. 'Hitting with a bottle rocket...' - Do you mean I can lose my cool, my temper? I can lose it but it doesn't last. I'm always afraid that I'll scare women off if they get that close and I feel pressure and let it out.

So I'm lame? I'm in love with love? I truly have to fight my nature of wanting to be considerate and loving and then I get too close in the wrong situations. I was commenting over in the 'casual sex' thread hoping I'd see some good ideas how to let my (I guess) Aquarius Venus have fun and not looking for more then what is really there.

I actually don't move on easily. I wish I did.

Luci, I know the positives of my emotional world - it's why I'm a good screenwriter and often motivates me to make this something very positive; however there are many times where I wish I could turn it off - that people honestly who shouldn't matter so much (not to sound like I don't care, but that I shouldn't give that much to some people - who will only play with my feelings and yet I can't seem to stay away if they're nice sometimes).

There are just too many times that I make myself vulnerable - I know that I'm doing it - and I pay a high price for it because I can't seem to break some unhealthy patterns. At least I think that's what it is. Like women who have - it's hard to talk about - have been sexually abused. So many seem to find their way into my life. What is it that I have this pattern?

And the alcoholics. Is it that abuse and addiction is just so common or is it something I do? That's a fundamental question I wish I could answer and that's when Luci it's not fun being emotional. Wouldn't you agree? Are there times when you wish you were a little less so? That you wish you didn't pick up others emotions so much? I'm just guessing that maybe that happens to you too, Pisces girl.

Maybe I'll just always have a battle of fire and water being on the cusp.

So I'm lame? I'm in love with love? I truly have to fight my nature of wanting to be considerate and loving and then I get too close in the wrong situations. I was commenting over in the 'casual sex' thread hoping I'd see some good ideas how to let my (I guess) Aquarius Venus have fun and not looking for more then what is really there.

Do you maybe get too close in the wrong situations because it lets your venus neptune have a grand tragic love affair, while allowing you to reserve a bit of your heart (detached aquarian venus covering its ass - I can't/won't allow myself to fall too far because this person has problem x)?

My brother tends to do this, he has a venus neptune square as well. He wants to save people and finds himself attracted to people who have had real deep and serious problems (alcholism, abuse, mental disorders) and he does help them (he is a virgo), and he gets to have his deep tangly affair that flips him end over end, and then when he can't handle it anymore, or he gets dumped he has the other persons problems as a reason to break it off/console himself that it wasn't his fault the relationship didn't work.  He isn't wrong, and I'm not saying that is what is going on in your situation, I'm just saying your pattern sounds similar to his.

I make myself vulnerable - I know that I'm doing it - and I pay a high price for it because I can't seem to break some unhealthy patterns.

There's nothing wrong with being vulnerable.  This does sound a little bit like "I can't help being a victim" though and I mention that because I fall into that pattern myself. Patterns are comfortable and they become instinctive, but they are learnt and then can be unlearnt. One of the most helpful tips I ever picked up was when I was falling into a pattern just disrupt. Instantly. Do something else. Immediately. If you're walking to the bar but you don't want a drink, but you don't have a reason not to have a drink - ask a friend to grab you a water and go for a cigarette. Go hit on the cute guy by the pool table. Go fix your make up in the bathroom. Do something different. The more you ride in the rut the deeper it gets. If you're making yourself vulnerable and you can't see why not, but you know its the beginning of the pattern, switch channels. Immediately. "You know what I'm hungry! I'm going to go get some fries . .".  You say you know you're doing it so then feel free to recognise the situation, and remove yourself. Find places where you can be vulnerable, with your family maybe? and when you're doing it in an unhealthy way - Disrupt. Switch tracks. 

good ideas how to let my (I guess) Aquarius Venus have fun

I'd say worry about finding balance and some solid ground under your feet and then worry about fun. If your head or heart is a mess you're more likely to attract others who are a mess or worse, people who love drama for drama's sake and are just going to feed (and feed off of) your turmoil. It sucks and its boring but sometimes you just have to be patient with yourself while you heal. A nine year relationship dying and two cities in four years is a HUGE amount of change and you sound discombobulated. And frustrated by it. Which is natural. But somethings there is no cure for but time.

Luci, I know the positives of my emotional world - it's why I'm a good screenwriter and often motivates me to make this something very positive; however there are many times where I wish I could turn it off - that people honestly who shouldn't matter so much (not to sound like I don't care, but that I shouldn't give that much to some people - who will only play with my feelings and yet I can't seem to stay away if they're nice sometimes).

I know that song and dance.  It is frustrating.  And I agree, sometimes it'd be nice to just be able to turn off the feelings for five minutes and think rationally. But that's not who we are, so we have to learn to work with what we got! :D

Elsa shared with me something I completely forgot, the other day: you can choose how to work your energy.  

Foxxy,
Thanks for your response to my question a couple of weeks ago. I just stopped back in again and realized I didn't respond to you.

Funny that I can't believe yet another Capricorn woman has entered my life (What could they be picking up on? more my Pisces then Aries? She's definitely more dominant then I)...but what you said about your brother...

Wow. You definitely got my attention about getting so close and then not quite going all in so I'm not hurt. When you said this, I realize that the young drunk who was/is wildly passionate did give me the easy answer of why no way could I have something serious with her.

I wish I didn't, but I agree with you...I am like this.

So your brother is like this too? Has he found any better why to handle this/our behavior? Disrupt bad patterns sounds like a solid approach...real awareness is the first step toward changing anything so maybe I'll be more conscious this time 'round.

I like this Cappy woman and she has to be the most stable, financially sound woman I've ever come across...yet why does the wildness of the Aquarian drunk have to attract me too? Is it my Aquarian Venus? Our Venus is rather important, isn't it?

I didn't thank you for mentioning something I didn't give myself a break on...just all of it...the end of a very long-term relationship...and all the moves. I am 'settled' now in a condo of my own so I do feel more at peace.

Just thanks so much for your comments. Awareness. Not fear, hopefully not too much insecurities but awareness. Maybe with focused effort we can really make changes to our general 'nature.'

My ex was pisces with saturn in virgo opposing and venus and jupiter in aquarius -although not conjunct - opposing pluto in leo. He had a 15 year relationship with a drug addict. They only lived together for 6 months (the pluto is in his 4th) and then spent 15 years dating. He says he never loved her but she never bored him. She ended up breaking it off, moving away and dying of a drug overdose.

We got together - he's too old for me but the compatibility was very good - and due to circumstances moved in together for 8 months - then i moved out because he (we?) couldn't commit due to the fact that i want to have a family if i can. I'm aware that if i let him he'll keep coming around because to him being "friends" still involves loving me and kissing me when he sees me. As far as I can tell his patterns haven't changed. It's just easier to not be committed. For me the nature of who he is - detaching with venus and jupiter, and merging with the pisces, is great - but I want kids and he doesn't (although he considered it). He also has NN in aries while i'm 5 planets of libra. With aquarius ruling my 4th and aries on my 7th I expect my partner to be independent and my family to be detached - so for me I really liked his combo. The virgo was great for keeping the place clean and planning our dates. Not so great for listening to friends that would tell him it was impossible for us to stay together.

So sometimes it's about finding someone who loves you but then recognizing it and trying to work your energy in order to feed and sustain the relationship. He was always monogamous in a relationship but wild outside of one. He spent his life (from what i can tell from his stories) trying to merge the 2.  I loved him for it and wish we could have figured something out. But now it's too polarized and there's still my biological clock. So for now we are friends at a distance.

I think the biggest gift of this blog is understanding about working your energy. You could merge with a person and then be critical or you can use your powerful virgo to figure out how to make your dreams happen. 

With that pisces man he still loved to escape so smoked some weed and watched sports (aries ruled his 12th). Since I could tell it was in moderation I never bugged him about it. My grandfather was an alcoholic all his life. He lived to 85. He was my grandmother's best friend. They spent 10 years of friction where she tried to get him to stop until she realized she couldn't and so gave up the fight. He died in her arms. 

Keep an eye out for these types that you attract. Find one that isn't so bad and then use virgo to support them but not become a crutch.  That's my take having been with a pisces/virgo/aries type.

I myself have uranus in libra trine my moon in gemini and squaring my saturn in cancer. My 4th house is ruled by aquarius. Right now there's an aquarius man i'm curious about and who has shown interest in me. All of a sudden it occurs to me that instead of being so bothered by my uranus/saturn square and urge to move all the time, the solution might be finding a compatible aquarius and learning how to love them. Lol only downside is he's an actor! :P

As you can probably tell from my handle, my name is Elizabeth…Wow. Why put yourself through something like that? That he spent 15 yrs dating an alcoholic. And ultimately she died of an overdose. What a mess.Is this man really too old for you or is more about you wanting a family and he doesn’t? I guess as a gay woman it’s not something that’s part of my equation. I sometimes wonder if I would adopt if I really felt secure with someone that they would be there for long-term. I never thought about anything regarding my Virgo, but I do have it in Uranus and Neptune. I think or rather hope that now that I see this in front of me, maybe I could find a way to stop it. I don’t want to bring so much pain into my life. I don’t know how not to feel very connected to who I’m with and if it’s someone with the problems (sexual abuse and alcoholism) it’s too much. It just is. I want to help, to fix things and I know I can't really fix anything.<Umm…I would be a bit cautious with the actor…not to say that’s anything like the problems I’m looking to avoid, but it might – might – make it harder for you to pursue your dreams of a family (what most women want is security – including financial). Are you in LA? That’s where I am. Maybe he has a second (day) job that he likes? Its just really a tough road to make a living.Thanks for the suggestions…if only the Aquarian drunk didn’t literally just reappear tonight 20 mins away from me and now she’s single (the first thing she couldn’t wait to tell me). I wish I didn’t have this strong attraction to her. Hopefully I’ll be smarter this time around.