When I was a teenager I couldn't wait to blow the dust of this small town off my shoes.  I came back, reluctantly, for some very good reasons that I chose consciously.  Still I struggled with feeling trapped, feeling distaste, feeling out of sorts about it all.  Yet, I consciously continued to choose living here because it fits me best right now... back and forth, but always hating this town.

Today, the gears finally stopped grinding and slipped into place.  Holy Hannah, I think I'm ready to bloom where I'm planted!  I don't feel distaste for anyone or anything right now.  WOW.  what a great feeling. 

I had plenty of help, lots of truth telling along the way... then one person says the right thing, circumventing my obstinate resistance and it all gels!

Ever had it finally slip into place after years of grizzling?  is there something you're grizzling over you wish you could sort out?

Not that I can think of right at the moment, but I like hearing about your current experience. Although I am really grooving with my job again after a spell of not appreciating it as much. 

so, what was said that gelled things for you?

(if it's not too personal)

I had a deep talk with one friend then another with another friend.  the second friend said something that made the first friend's wisdom slip into place.  I was tag-teamed!  it had to do with valuing myself and Venus, and I wrote about the ideas on the front of the blog.  :)

yeah, the funny thing is that the above-mentioned grizzle-topic was merely a side effect of the larger love-life/life goals issue. life is so motherfucking wry. 

WOOHOO, SATORI!!  *wolf whistles*  You GO, hot mama!

I tell ya, man...  I have been champing at the bit to get to Portland, OR for 15 years now!  O_O  Longer, really, if you consider that I fell in love with the place due a college brochure I received when I was still in elementary school.  :P  I just feel like that's where I need to be; it calls to me.

I have never "fit in" in my hometown and likely never will.  It's like a yoke around my neck, even if I am resigned to it and can see the benefits (when I choose to *grins*).

that's how I felt until today!

Good for you Satori!! <3

well, I doubt I'll be changing my mind about my hometown....

the good points are I'm close to my kids, and I have connections, lots of them.  And I wouldn't have been able to care for my mother (or my father, for that matter) had I not been home to do it.

I've been very curious about Portland.  I know I just love the Seattle area.

thanks, Shannon!  it may even be the trifecta of ephiphanies... I'm waiting to see if the other two stay in gear! 

Brizo, I loved Portland and the Seattle area.  Bellingham is my perennial favorite, though.  the thing is, I will likely live somewhere else in the future, I just don't feel like I'm dyin' cos I can't do it now!  what a relief.

you know, I think that's the missing piece: I don't have to feel bad just because I don't have everything I want right now.  I can just enjoy what I'm doing now for what it is.  I'm enjoying the process, not whinging cos I don't have the end product right now. 

"I don't have to feel bad just because I don't have everything I want right now. I can just enjoy what I'm doing now for what it is. I'm enjoying the process, not whinging cos I don't have the end product right now."

OOOOooooh...  Your epiphany just gave me one!  *runs.with.it!*

::WHOOOOP::!!

Yay Satori!!! This is a nice thing to have happen at a Pisces New Moon!!!

If I can claim a Country as my home town "substitute", then I'll say I think Australia sucks, compared to where I used to live- Greece. But, I'm sort of a ghost because last time I was there, it had changed SOOO much, I hardly recognised it. I was looking forward to "going home" when I went back, but ended up homeless.

There's not home. Here's not home.

I am here for practicle reasons. I'm resigned, I guess. & so I understand where you're coming from & I am happy for you

There will be really good ripple effects from this, you watch!

hey, if I can get over it, after decades of ingrained habit... at least that shows it's possible.  I'd have sworn I never would.  I was very attached to my distaste. 

"I was very attached to my distaste. "

Oh do I ever know this feeling!  After a while I started to feel I was limiting myself in a very unhealthy way.  Still working on resolving it.

Thats wonderful Satori.. what a personal breakthrough.. I'm so glad for you that you have found peace with where you are

You have given me something to think about.

I haven't felt so truly myself in years.  :)  I've missed me.

Congratulations Satori. I'm sure more good things will follow just because you view your environment differently. It's like you've went from hostile to neutral or maybe even friendly? Either way it's truly great! Welcome back to a more pure version of yourself!

I spent my first 18 years in one home. Since I've been an adult I've move around a lot. Different states, regions, etc. Even when I'm staying within a city, I move around within it every few years. Unfortunately, I don't see this changing in the next few years. I really don't like all the packing and unpacking. It totally overwhelms my Virgo Moon (there is WAY TOO MUCH to control!) haha I don't have a "home" either, unless you broaden the perspective out to nationality (american). And that one is by default!

Ok @Satori... I'll take that as there being hope yet! 

Enjoy being your new old self!!

Satori glad to read that you could connect to yourself after long..

Satori, this sounds like a wonderful situation for you.  To bloom where you are is the very best! I'm happy for you.

I spend long hours  wishing I was  somewhere else when I am where I am... This has to do with so much Sag and my love  of wandering to learn. I learn so  much when I travel but  one thing I learn is  how much I like being at home when I come back. I  used  to live on the road and in hotels so being in one place is a welcome break and new for me.

Perfect :D

Yay, that is great! I have experienced this also, so I think I know what you mean. It's like looking through a filter and then you take it off.

Whoop!  I couldn't be happier for you Satori!

"I was very attached to my distaste. "

That was profound! ;-)

I am happy for you, truly.  I want what your having.  I was hoping this would come since my progress cappy moon is back in cappy(home) but I guess the timing still isn't right.

I glad it is happening for you

That's awesome Satori!

My click into place was around job hunting.. what I haven't been doing to land a permanent position. Now I know. And this knowing makes me happy.

I now have 2 doors. One is the process that will allow a chance for permanent, although likely in another city. The other is if I meet a partner first and I stay.. then the less structured life I live here.. IE no full-time work in my field.. yet.. will have meaning. I'll be married raising a child and deciding with the partner what I have to do to be sustainable. Here feels good and I'm close to family but it heavily emphasis my uranus/asc and chiron descendent.. so I rebel.. a lot.. even if i tamper it down.. my initial questioning is apparent.

Astro says I'll be happy in Vancouver and Regina.. and northern BC is where I'll retire. In my meditation/dream work I saw myself with my partner in northern BC.. where I'll be working from home. I think this will be the reality in 15 years.. once pluto enters aqua.

I'll be dating to see what comes first. I am libra with gem moon. Should you ask me which one to choose today.. well neither is happening yet lol. I am spending roughly 9-5 looking for work and am now doing social things after those hours at least a few times a week. Plan on keeping it up.