- People holding on to the dead thing (corpse)

- wide variety of corpses out there

- Libra debating what to say, when and why

- The newsletter I am going to start writing - when? next week?

- How is the soldier's boss?

- A friend's baby being born

- Alternatives to war

- miss my husband

Your turn

-- how I've transgressed my own morals, bemused at how it doesn't bother me, and in so doing, how it's freed me from a certain fear.

-- digging my way out of the dirty grave, as the saying goes, that I buried myself in for nine years

-- hoping that the man who's disappeared stays disappeared, because I don't really want to deal with him anymore, nor do I need to. my compassion is vast but it is not infinite, and I have choices.

-- how lucky I am, and how lucky I am to have friends that give good advice to save me from myself

-- cramps, dammit. when is the excedrin going to kick in?! :)

 my apologies for the gloom but er...

-how i stood over the dead thing and predictably got hit by a truck. and will continue to get hit until i suck. it. up.

-whether i am broken irreparably. aka a weed planted in a ditch is at home, it makes no sense to uproot it and plant it in the garden between the posies and carnations.

-my family

 -why i've marked myself with ink when it's hard enough not to be the sore thumb as it is. goddamn pluto-sun transit.

"goddamn pluto-sun transit."

that is a REALLY tough transit. I feel for you.  We need a thread on this - strictly Pluto Sun which is many many times worse then Pluto Moon (my opinion).

(((elfxys)))

-how much I love bulleted points

-modern parenting and how the kids are now in charge (in general, not just mine)

-worrying about getting my house presentable for t-giving (it's seriously beyond normal bad)

-realizing I'm just now starting to get over my former marriage

-feeling like I've reached a moment of sanity and hoping I can stay in it

-thinking about how wonderful my man has been lately how I really need to match his effort

-not so scared of the holidays for maybe the first time EVER

-feeling kind of old and lumpy, but also sort of okay with that: I'm old.  I'm lumpy.  deal.

-musing on 'being one's self', integrity, and the like

• When am I going to get off of my ass and work on the projects I have for a few of my classes? 
• Next semester am I going to go stir crazy with 12 hour days stuck in the same building (between work and classes)?
• Is this Thanksgiving going to be the first time I've had no where to go to?
• How would the energies of a morphic field interact with what we view as normal matter and physics? What is it all made of?
• Am I really going to have time to play Borderlands tonight?
• Why am I even writing this random dren on a message board?
• Can a diet consist solely of sunflower seeds and coca-cola?
• Should I actually try going into grad school or just try to find a job and move my life that way?

• How I love this website and have realized I'm slowing becoming addicted.
• Should I brine my turkey or just roast it? I don't want to end up like the woman on Alton Brown's show.
• My grandmother.  Lots of prayer.
• I must look for a job, even though I am sick to death of trying by now.
• I'm reading Guns, Germs, and Steel, which makes me wonder about the collective astrology of society's evolution.  It's a fascinating (tho old) book.  And just how evil ARE microbes.
• How can my brother's natal chart be so much like mine?  (I just looked it up today in depth.)
• How can I NOT invite my ex to Thanksgiving when he has no where else to go?  Why does he have no where else to go?
• I'm so happy being single again.
• Gratitude for all the good, and the bad, especially if it finally gets my head out of my...

Something glib that cannot match up to anything that has already been said here

- what I can and can't control

- my son and all the red tape and clueless professionals I have to deal with to get him the support he needs

- the renewed escalation of tension in this house and how I can diffuse it before bad things happen again

- the 2 kgs of weight that I have put on by comfort baking and eating

- the overwhelming urge to go and hibernate for the next few months

- the dissolution of something that started 5 years ago and once seemed so full of hope and promise but never really took flight

* Cat Stevens aka Yousuf has been occupying my mind lately.

* The Holidays and gearing up.

* How grateful I am for what I have and what I get to do today.

* How I seem to be the retriever of dead mice at the shop,lol.

* How my little guy did NOT want to go to sleep tonite.

* The trade off of spending time on me with the short amount of time I have here with my children and family and how it passes in the blink of an eye.

* Getting older and not really liking what I see but oh well,lol.

There is much more but that is all for now :P

Tarts.  Thats about it.  I want to use the fancy-ass tart pan I bought on sale six months ago.  Trying to decide if I should make a test tart before Thanksgiving. 

• That I had been holding my destiny in my hands without fully realizing it until now.
• That I always got what I have always wanted without too much effort.  I deserve everything that I've got for good or bad.
• To get something is to actually want it first and wait for it to come while you continue living your life on a daily basis.
• That people are inherently good no matter what happens.
• The force of love is the greatest of all. 
• The perfect love is that which is completely given as a selfless act.

And here I am thinking that I should write love poems.

(Saturn in Libra hangover for the next 12 months)

I see the saturn in virgo self discipline having no more pleace

I wonder how will I run my money making with saturn in libra, since I do not see working as n 1 priority

I'm thinking I have been aggressive and potentially distructive talking with the person I work with.

I think the fact he had no reaction about it is exactly what is going to make this relationship possible. 

I think I might just end up being a happy person

it's 6:53 a.m. and I've been at work for an hour and I really need a break so I check in here for some "emotional rescue" because I'm never gonna get caught up and the holiday is coming and I'll have to work extra over the weekend in order to have Thursday off so I can be hostess to the family dinner which I have hosted for 28 years because my house was neutral territory for my divorced parents but now my Mom is gone and the tradition continues and I'm looking forward to seeing my Dad and stepmom because my stepmom has had a life-threatening illness this past year and this could be the last holiday together and speaking of last holidays together I wonder if my own life-threatening illness will rear it's ugly head again so I am glad I have a job that I can physically do and make a living so here I am with my head up my ass for the past three years working overtime because of the possibility of impending disaster making me unable to work at all and now I have to go because I'm never gonna get caught up.............

Realising that instead of jumping to it and working on my deadline stuff, I have spent way too long thinking, brooding. I'm in a deeper place that's more comfortable than when Saturn was in Virgo, opposing my Pisces Sun and Mercury, tough transits to my Mercury (rules my IC) being the worst always.  So now I keep having all these insights and loving it. Your site really stirs me, thanks Elsa.So appreciate it ..it IS like chocolate..addictive.

thinking of an acquaintance who's  trying to be the "best mother possible" to her kids brings her so much torment..obsesses her constantly..checked and saw both her kids have natal Moon Pluto conjunct..oh sh*t

grateful my kids are flying with their own wings..and that they still wanna chat.that Pluto isn't involved with their Moons...that mine's a trine.

Thinking about yesterday's crushing Saturn/Pluto/Moon and how it brought through emails, awareness of the above Moon/Pluto references ..and how much I felt like I was struggling to say something helpful...decided just to do hugs.

feeling so sorry for all the folk terrified out of their homes by the most shocking floods last night in UK.. just saw the images, how awful and how fortunate we are to be warm and dry and safe.

wishing Elsa lots of brilliant happenings....that'll ease all that Saturn Pluto crush stuff..

thinking about the community, about Satori, that she's acquired a lot of hard earned wisdom, and sounding good..maybe she's glad Saturn's out of Virgo too

And keep thinking about Jilly.. sending her be well, healing thoughts  and about Notatirem who sounds like she's in Empress mode..domestic goddess..

food..now I'm thinking food

love n hugs xxxx

ps "alternatives to war".. the oldest surviving veteran of WW1, recently died.. he was an amazing chap.. and his words were that if all it took to end that war was a couple of signatures on a paper..why not do that in the first place..?

if only..

* should I be worrying about this (it's my birthday)

http://www.elsaelsa.com/archives/2009/10/05/transit-watch-uranus-enters-aries-may-28-2010-outrageous/

* i'm not scared by the saturn square pluto transit, not sure if that means i'm ok and i shouldn't worry or that jupiter/neptune/chiron transiting my midheaven has me clueless.

* i'm afraid that i will tell my therapist off for asking me the same question three times. i almost said "where were you when i said" SO FRUSTRATING! 

* why did i have more money in checking when i was younger, dumber had more bills and made less money? 

• Wondering when my physical well-being is going to be 100% back on track
• When will I attract a new relationship?
• What's for lunch?

I almost lost my coffee when I read Satori's "How much I love bulleted points". Me too, me too.

--how to prepare for the holiday and the coming year, not just astrologically, but with the unique situation my fiance and I share as both of us have a parent near death.

--surprisingly I've been thinking about myself a lot, since no one else is going to tell me when to stop being so nice to everyone.

--boundaries, boundaries everywhere...(saturn returning)

--how long it's going to take to get my bod rockin' for my wedding next year (I hired a personal trainer, I am serious about this business).

--how I'm going to score another cup of coffee now that I lost half of it after Satori's shenanigans.

:)

elfxys I hate the word weed.  Wild daisys, dandelions, thistles, Queen Anns lace, purple foxglove, weeds to some.  Why?  they are survivors, they do not cultivate well, they do not require cultivating, and yet they thrive against the odds, strong, colorful, always reaching for the sun,  and happy just being.   Yes even when the 18th wheeler goes swooshing by and appears to be tossed in every direction, they just stand tall and smile,  growing among the cracks in the foundations of our homes, our roadsides, through drought, through neglect,  they just simple and beautifu.  Nothing moves our souls more than when a young child brings us a hand  picked bouquet of wild flowers for no reasons at all with the biggest just for you smile on the planet.  The beauty of a weed.  In my next life I want to be a weed.

For me my mind is struggling to let go of my fear based cappy moon and allow saturn strength to rule.  I thought my dead thing was my failed marriage and failed business, yes saturn is in my 7th house.  Therefore I did step away from the body.  Pluto transiting my 10th house which houses my cappy moon and low and behold I am back in school to advance my career.   So far so good,  right!  And yet I am afraid of something.  Fear of the unknown, that's natural.  Fear of the natural progression of all that's meant to be.  Come on saturn, kick my a** into gear.  Time to think like a weed and THRIVE.  Trying to conjure up my Sag sun and Scorpio saturn optimism, strength, passion,  one arrow and one stinger aiming for a target  knowing my aim is right on,  but afraid I'll miss my mark.  Gotta get that fear to motive me, not paralyze me.  Once again time to step away from the body, and not let it crush me.  Can't wait till April when saturn hands me my progress report on this very subject. 

Thankful you guys give me the time, space, and knowledge to sort it all out.

• babysitting a corpse - have to let go of what I don't want to but have no choice
• health
• marriage / husband - can't tell if he is in denial or just the positive, chipper guy he is; I think the latter but T. Pluto is making me paranoid.
• husband & sister have the flu right now
• forthcoming legal stuff - never had to do that before & scared but authority figures like me so hopefully will go OK
• upcoming war /crime issues. Maybe renew my red cross first aid certification?
• mysterious water leak in basement laundry room - have to call plumber
• fattest I've ever been ever ever ever, maybe go on a diet for the new year but what kind?
• Read the new Flannery O'Connor bio & it made me feel guilty. When she was even dying of lupus she rested for 23 hours a day to write for an hour a day & even hid notebook under hospital pillow. Need to create more.
• Feel bad for all the oblivious people.

Oh Lindiloo, thank you for that image, it is so perfect for right now.  I am the Empress! :)

Death - (have had two uncles die within the past month, one hubbies, one mine)

Life- my lil one just turned one, watching her grow and develop is just the most amazing thing

weight - getting frustrated with myself for not doing anything about it.

career - just found out I didn't get the job, not sure what to do next except keep plugging - feeling stalled and frustrated

dreams - trying to decide if I should let some old ones die or try to reinvigorate them.

misc - need to come back to reading Elsa's stuff haven't been here much lately. Too much insight to ignore

$$$$ - hoping to get enough christmas cash to get a reading

• my stepdaughter -  wanting to reconnect. i struggle between loving her and honoring my commitment to parent versus not wanting to repeat the excruciatingly painful process that has consistently played out every time i've opened my heart to her for the past several years.
• my ability (i hope) of keeping us above water financially.
• my husband's job hunt - and keeping his spirits up.
• my daughter's delay in moving away and what (if anything) that means.
• keeping my health in check, managing wrist issues, etc.
• keeping my own spirits up and not letting uncertainty and stress congregate in my chest.

• Day off, yay!
• Have to work tomorrow, boo.
• Should I email the guy who told me I was beautiful last weekend?
• Does it mean anything that my best friend and I both got the Empress, the Fool, and the Wheel of Fortune in our tarot readings last weekend? The cool part is that we used different decks.
• I need to call the vet for a followup appointment about my poor cat's ear infection. I have no confidence that I've been medicating him correctly or adequately at home, though he does appear to be feeling better than he did.
• Given what a couple of my friends are willing to say to me about a mutual friend of ours, I wonder what they say to each other about me when I'm not there. But I'm not going to ask, because I probably don't really want to know.
• I really enjoy my job, but I really don't like some of our clientele.

wonder how my party is gonna turn out tonight

smitten over my young math professor... head over heels ( Moon/Mars conj his Sun ... sigh )

my kitten sits on my lap an awful lot. ( Venus in Cancer kittie. Shouldn't be much of a surprise right? ) 

*Happy Birthday, Tam!!!

*how I'm going to get and make work the world's most perfect job that I found advertised today

*why I can't stop twirling my hair

*how important truth is

*parenting... very a la satori's thoughts above

*food shopping for Thanksgiving

*is it the weekend yet?

Becca -- um, YES to the first question!!!

What kind of work is your husband looking for, Goddess?

Happy Birthday , Tam :)

He's a tech with several years experience in phone system work, PBX, and voice over IP, Castle. He also has a background in PC work. But mostly, he's looking for the kind of work that pays. :)

On my mind - even if I try to shake it out:

My dad- died 19 nov 2001 , and the last couple of days...I have been struck with deep grief..out of no where...strange...could not sleep last night , just cried and cried.I can handle him not being here, but the fact that we did not get closure, that he died alone, and the fact that it was an awful year for us and that he died without healing...it just kills me that I never got the chance to say I know he was good , his mistakes where human, and that I still love him.Just wish he knew..I just wanna hear him say I know...I understand that someone loves me....how come some people do not trust that people can love them??

My bestfriend..her fiacee is in jail, he is an ass...just hope she`does not wait forever for him, he does not deserve her

my brother , who does not listen to me when I say he should continue school,

why can he not learn from my mistakes 

how I am crushing so hard, and how I would have felt if she liked me back..

.do I only fall for the unattainable..aaaaa...wanna slap myself!!

 

I want to colour my hair red, but I am scared my hairpiece might 

end up different colour than 

 my real ...hahah ...serious worries 

 

 

 

- my cat - he's pretty miserable with the cone. I had to wash his ass of caked on poop today. Not happy for either of us. Couldn't find him for a while. He found a spot in the closet. poor kitty. Monday it will come off. 

- my laptop - the cat knocked coffee on the keyboard.. and i made it worse adding a bit of water :P so have to take it in tomorrow. May be busted. Felt kind of freed because i've been using the computer so much for networking and it's distracting as well and there is a lead for work but it would require my laptop. If it's busted i'm going to consider it a sign and get out of editing. 

- keep thinking about elsa saying "step away from the corpse". wonder if i've been trying to revive something dying since 911. my career as an editor in tv. thinking about writing and producing instead. 

- dating insights - how having venus in the 12th affects how men find me.. and where they take me on dates if there's compatibility.. so now i can figure out if a man is interested almost instantly by where and how we meet. And if he takes me into a secluded corner ;) Or catches me unawares..

- secret corraspondences .. that i tell my mother about :P 12th house libra square cancer in 9th. 

- my dad sick with the flu - made him soup and gave him OJ

- just how satisfying it is being with family 

- my stomach that is telling me i need more than soup for dinner :P

 Found out today I have cornea ulcers and the surgeon and I had a very distressing talk about the possibility of me being blind. He tried his best but there is no happy way to tell someone they could become blind.

I guess I could add I hope beyond hope that it doesn't happen but I've already had one serious auto-immune related eye disease that causes blindness so...yeah. Upset. Also I am taking a sabbatical, and I guess this thread is the best place to tell you guys. I'll be back! And hopefully will be blogging a bit but the computer is actually not doing my eyes any good.

Sorry, kash. :-(

!!!!!!  ((((kash))))  I'm so sorry, honey! 

aiaiaiai (((Kashmiri))

So sorry to hear that, Is there nothing he can do, maybe replace your corneas alltogether , I have heard that cornea transplants are very succsessful...I even know a girl who was born bling, who got replaced her corneas at 15 and now can see good...what is going to happen, is there any treatment???? Ulcers ? on the lence or inside? Hope it will be ok...that sounds awful!!

thanks you guys. I'm just trying to curb the panic

iathina my mother has one cornea transplant and it was successful, so maybe that would be a possibility in the future. i just don't know. 

Sorry (((kashmiri)))

oh kash!

*hugs*x20