So, I'm engaged (happily) to a wonderful man, whom I've been in a relationship with for 4 years now. We are so excited to start our lives together as a married couple and 4 months into our engagement, yes, we are still happy :)

Strangely enough, the reactions I get to being excited about marriage are very mixed: some are condesending, some call me naive, some say all the fun stuff ends at marriage etc. For me this is mind-baffling... Why is that we encourage graduates to keep their chin up high and to never give up when they hit the job market - but for engaged couples, some will flinch and counter you with tons of arguments for why you shouldn't be all too excited about getting married. Mind you, many of these arguments come from married people.

What would you attribute these type of reactions to? 

Hi Viyan, that is so sad. I would chock it up to ignorance, jealousy or both.

((((((Viyan))))))

Also, they're wrong. They want you to be as miserable as they are. Don't fall for it!

PS, people did this to my husband and I as well, and we're old. We quit dealing with anyone who didn't support out marriage. We're both extremely happy and none of those people are - big surprise!

I think it's because they're probably miserable and they think this is a norm, all married couples are miserable. They accept it as such and consequently they put less effort, if not zero effort, into making their lives less miserable.Plus, there's a trending rise of  cinism towards other people's happiness these days, at least as I've had the chance to see.

ETA: I think you should ignore them and be off your way.If they're willing to stay miserable that's their thing.Telling people that marriage sucks like that's a self fulfilling prophecy, it's not.We carve our destinies.

If nobody else, then I'm very happy for you and wish you and your husband-to-be a happy and lasting marriage.

Viyan, welcome!

What Elsa said in her first post, I completely agree.  People who don't want you to be happy?  Pfffft on them!

Best of luck to you and your fiance!  May you have a long and happy life together.

I think it depends on the person well wishing / or naugh saying your upcoming marriage. Different levels of friendship / family will have different reactions.  

If they are close friends, they may be a jealous or sad that they will be losing the "single" you after marriage. If it is family on either side, there may be the feelings of loss of thier child to another alpha over them or loss of freedom and relation of a  sister / brother.

My take is if you are both happy with the other and love one another, then hard as it may be, don't worry about what others think. Congrats!  

I agree with the jealousy angle...Plus, sadly, it seems that the trend these days is to confuse being jaded and cynical with being smart and worldly...

Pfffth! indeed..!  Love and marriage are such joyful, hopeful expressions of life. I don't even know you two and am excited and happy for your future together!

I'm dancing around the office to celebrate Viyan's engagement...Anybody want to join in?   :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYfJtPj46PY

Oh I love that song, CP! 

congrats!!

Yay we're dancing! I love that song!

Congratulations!! :)

Jealousy.

Marriage ain't perfect, but when people do this, even if they claim they're joking, are bitter.  Stay away from 'em.

Many congrats!

Congratulations (and welcome) Viyan! I'm very happy for you:)

I am engaged too but the response has been the opposite of your experience. Though a couple of people said I didn't seem very excited when I told them. WTF that is about, I have no idea. I am excited, for us both!

Hi Viyan.

Since you said you're a young couple, how old are you, guys? Congrats! I've been engaged and it happened less than a year after we first met. We both are 22 and we used to have all that fucking jealousy vibes. So I flipped the bird on them, because most of them were people who always cheated on their partners and yet they would 'wonder' why their love life is oh, so, so screwed up. Sorry, I'm on my soapbox again.

congrats!!

Shucks, you guys! Thank you so much for that wonderful pick-me-up vibe! We're 25 and 27 and very excited about the whole thing :) We've talked about it for 2 years, and are so excited to see it all materialize. We're looking for a home as well, and will be living together for the first time when we return from our honeymoon. I see the beauty and hope that you all mention as well - just sad that some find it necessary to distort it. But who needs that, when there are strangers out there with good hearts wishing us well. Thank you so much, everyone.

Congrats, Vinyan!!  :D

I do agree that those people pooh-poohing on your engagement sound like the "misery loves company" type.  If this is your first time living with someone, though, I'd at least listen politely -- there may be some nuggets in there, no matter how unpleasant the packaging.  :)

SaDiablo, I understand your point. But really, I would rather take advice from someone who have lived a happy life together, than someone who presents marriage like a pandora box where it's either miss or fail. Would rather listen to couples like my parents who have been happily married for 35+ years :) 

You've been together long enough to know one another well! It's not as if you're rushing into it, or you're only 18.

I agree, it's 'sour grapes', jealousy, and a fear of losing you as a close friend. People do change when they marry - their primary loyalty is now to one another and that involves a certain distance from old friends and family - it scares people, esp if they've been a bit dependent on you

I wish you every happiness and I see no reason at all why you can't make a huge success of your marriage!

I know plenty of people who have    and their own parents often did too - they've seen the work involved, and how a solid marriage works. It's a big help, I think

*lol @Vinyan*  Gotcha.  :)  I'd rather take advice / hear stories from those couples as well!

I don't find 25 to 27 too early to deserve bad vibes. I think its wonderful you two have found yourselves at a good place in your lives and are looking forward to a life together.

If you were 20-23 though I wouldn't be as positive. Same thing if you both didn't have a steady career or credible education. When people rush into marriages at 20-23, the little dude in my brain screams "whyyyyy the rush!?"

It's not about jealously (eck, marriage at 23!?) or thinking they're bound to failure.... it's moreorless a personal distaste for any person who rushes relationships. I just don't like it, I can't help it. The logic of getting married ASAP defies my logic.

They have baggage, that's why. Don't let them take it out on you.

Congratulations to you and your new family!