When I was  younger I  used to feel much pain when people withheld emotion or were out of touch to punish me. Now  I look upon it as a much needed break and time to reevaluate the relationship. As a Pisces I  used to be crushed by those that withhold when they are angry but  learning to free myself of  this has been quite wonderful.  I started to wonder how many suffer when this happened because  it bothers my young son quite a bit  when one of his young relathionships goes into this pattern. I never have used  this technique with people who seem to need contact but I  know it can be quite painful as it used  to hurt me when I was  younger.

Do you experience pain when someone you are close to withholds emotion or communication and attention when they are angry with you?  If so, how do  you cope with this?  Do you use the technique of withholding to get your point accross in your relationship?  What sorts do  you feel use this in astrology?

I like Annalisa used to hate when people did this to me and I would wonder what I did wrong................Now I don't give a rats arse.

The minute a person turn on me.....I am gone, ghost, out of there.

Life is to short to serve ten to twenty...........So be carefull how you handle bad people.

Scorpio – 8th House – Pluto Types And Withholding Energy

I've written about this pretty extensively but can't find the posts at the moment. I definitely back off / back away from people. It's not to punish though. It's to protect myself. It's Scorpio / 8th house, self-protective move, and from my perspective, it's a lot better than unleashing on a person.  

In fact, in some cases I back away not only to protect myself but to protect the relationship in general so this looks very different from the other side of the conflict.

Yes, I suppose  unleashing on the person would be much worse, this is true. I did not consider  this because I don't often unleash on a person these days.  My thoughts are that if  one is going to unleash on a person the silence would be better, yes.

i feel the same as you, Annalisa. i used to be very upset by the cold shoulder, but grew used to it because it was/is my father's favorite way to deal with his angry and hurt feelings. he's a scorpio.

my son does this on occasion. another scorp stellium.

sometimes, even my husband does this. he is a capricorn.

i guess my experience has been that there has always been resolution at the end of the cold war. so, i trust that it is temporary and that makes it easier to take it as time off and time to reflect. 

All I know is everyone is innocent except the Scorpio/ Plutonian which is er...erroneous.  AI wind up the the Big Bad Wolf in any and all circumstances and it's such bullshit.

http://www.elsaelsa.com/astrology/2009/11/25/my-8th-house-wants-to-know-what-is-it-like-to-be-innocent/

Oh the Scorpio is punishing, withholding, manipulating, blah blah. If someone like me pulls out, there is typically a reason - a very good reason, but people won't consider such a thing because to do so will expose them to their own shadow...something to be avoided at all costs, apparently.

This is obviously a sore spot with me, but I also know I speak for many.

@Elsa "Scorpio / 8th house, self-protective move, and from my perspective, it's a lot better than unleashing on a person"

yes i agree it can be better than unleashing. although personally, i prefer a good fight (aries moon/venus) and then it's over. all out in the open and then the smoke clears.

but what if you get raked over the coals and THEN the silent treatment? that's a double whammy and doesn't seem fair. i've been through this, too, and it's really not fun.

also, i wonder if maybe there is witholding before any feelings are expressed? that would make me very confused because i might not know what i did that was so upsetting, and i'd never get to address it or apologize for it. that would be very frustrating for me, maybe even moreso than the above scenario.

emi, being raked over the coals and then having withholding is very abusive and yes, I agree it can be far too wrong to anyone to deal with.

I also  think some need to harness their temper and they need to take a step back.

I'm sorry to hear  your father was so harsh and it seems like double damage to hurt a person once and then turn the screws.  I  have experienced this cruelty and deplore it.  I  had a man I was involved with who used  this method and I fell for  it over  and over again! I was very self hating by the time I was finished with him and it took much therapy to deal with his damage to me.

I can understand Elsa's point that one might need some space, yes.  Taking your space is certainly what one should do if they are about to unleash in my opinion.

I don't like when energy is withheld from me because I rarely withhold, unless the circumstances of the situation are very, very grave. Otherwise, I'd rather talk about it.

Like you Annalisa, with all my watery placements, I used to really get my feeling hurt when other withheld from me.  I've since learned about my own boundaries and how to use that time & space for the good of both of us.  I still may not like it, but can definitely see a benefit to that time/space.

Elsa, everything you said resonates with me on this.  I usually end up the big bad wolf as well (and with a 12th house sun, I believed I was just that).  I'm only now finally seeing that, I AM, in fact, a good person with a good heart in the right place.  As well as how not to be manipulated or projected upon by this.

I do back away and keep to myself rather than unleash on others.  Which has not always been the case, as I can see that when I was younger I did unleash at times of high stress.  However, if poked beyond reason, I am learning how to responsibly handle my own power,
Angie

My husband accuses me of withholding sometimes, but I think he's misconstruing what I'm doing.

Sometimes I simply don't have an answer in the moment, at which point I clam up rather than say something I may not necessarily mean.

It definitely hurts me if someone I love withholds emotion. 

I think it's easy to focus on what the other person is doing to you. What about what you are doing to them?  How might you be involved or at fault? I don't think these situations are so black and white. I can see how people need them to be though.

Yeah, you're right, Elsa.

Elsa, thanks for articulating that. I'm always blamed for pulling away and I always wonder why the other person doesn't take it as a learning experience of some kind.

I take it as painful AND a learning experience when someone pulls away.

It's taken me a long time to learn how to not blame myself for everything.  With my sun lost in the deep and my merc/mars in my first (trying to figure out 'what did I do now?').   To reverse that and learn to realize what the other is doing to me has been the hardest thing to see.  It has most definitely been my experience that energy exchange like this is not black & white.  But it's also my opinion that relationships are the best learning tool in my life :)
Angie

Hey, all I know is if I use something my husband says, against him in a fight, he is liable to clam up and if I can't figure out how I am party to this, then I guess I'm just going to suffer his terrible abuse and torture of me. ::rolls eyes::

1. Yes I find it difficult to deal with, dont know if its all my pisces or my cancer moon or but, sometimes its also useful as         2. it helps to work out what you've *really* done to contribute to the other's anger, withdrawal, hurt etc.

Seems to me we do have to take responsibility for what we've said & done, without falling into traps of self-hatred & blame...

but there are some deeds & words that are irrevocable. Would be nice to have realised that many many years ago.   

With my Virgo ex, witholding became the marital status quo, and it cut me to the bone. I would choose the most non-threatening, non-volatile times to try and talk it over and get to the bottom of it; to no avail. If you're not getting feedback about what you're doing wrong, or right for that matter, it's impossible to learn where you stand -- and make one very prone to surmise that you don't belong there. My marriage was relationship purgatory because of this dynamic, and it morphed into hell when I decided to move on. While I very much agree with Elsa that people need to own their side of the equation, it's very helpful to know what you own. If you can't even get there, I feel that all is lost.

e.t.a. -- I have Cancer/Venus trine Chiron/Pisces in the 7th.

I notice water types do this. Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces.

I'd prefer to be cold-shouldered if someone's angry with me, honestly.  If they need to ignore me to work out whatever's in them at that time, then go for it.  :)  I do the same, though I'll usually announce it before I disappear:  "I can't talk to you right now.  Give me space!"

It hurts me more when I don't get attention / emotion when I feel things are going well.  I do have Leo, after all!  ;)

ETA:
When I do it, it's not malicious.  It seriously is to give me enough space to figure out why I'm worked up over something.  I've always assumed it works the same for others (which very well could be a faulty assumption) so I've never taken offense.  However, my spidey-senses are attuned to the undertow!  If there's still a general feeling of good will, everything's ya kosi; if I get the punishment vibe, it is SO over...  *dimples*

If I do this it's because I'm trying to lasso my Mars-Asc/Jupiter/Uranus.

I grew up in a very hostile household. My mother had Depression, and it was very bad for me especially when she was angry. She was a Libra w/ an Aries moon. Sometimes she was sweet, and other times she was a very angry person who only cared about herself. She would take her anger out on me, not speak to me for days.

 When I was around 15, I began to have the same behavior because I learned it from her. So I was rebellious, got into a lot of fights, and was on my way downhill...but my grandmother took notice and she helped me and my mother. She gave me the attention I never received and basically changed my life!

I grew up with someone withholding their energy and time from me. For every minute of every day of every year of my life, that's what I dealt with. I can't even begin to describe the kind of pain I experienced.

I could repeat the pattern, I could lash out and seek 'revenge' by sabotaging my present and future relationships, but I'm much too sensitive to cause the people around me the same kind of pain. I have love to give and I want to give it.

The past was determined for me already, but the path of the present and to the future, well that's up to me to forge.

(But yes, after a conflict I can give someone the cold shoulder, but like SaD pointed out, this is not from malice or a desire to hurt - this is because I need the space and time to breathe (uranus) in order to not freak out and lash out at the person again (mars)).

I don't find it so painful when someone withholds emotion and attention from me unless it is prolonged. I figure they need their space or whatever. If it goes on for months I assume it's an amputation, and yes, that can hurt.

If it is prolonged: I don't do very well emotionally if I'm confused about how someone feels about me. Especially if they used to love me and their feeligngs change. Confusion of this kind activates a dark corner of my brain and my self-esteem takes a hit.

Well.... all I can say is since being on this board , I've learned allot. Yes , this Scorp stellium still prefers not to be alone when I'm pissed / hurt. Why do people insist on staying around a Scorp , especially when the stinger is poised to strike?? Please.... let me calm down , access my higher-mind , and more importantly..... gain back my self-control!!